Category Archives: Church Life

Between Childless and Child-free

10 Saturday May 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

IMG_3660In the past number of years I have felt a range of feelings one may feel being childless on Mother’s Day.  Granted, I am truly grateful for my own mom, my grandmas and those who have been mom-like to me.  I cheer with those who have chosen to be moms and have enjoyed holding your babies as they have seen their first few months.

And I’ve faced the childlessness that I never expected to experience.  I have moved from a place of sadness that comes with childlessness to a new type of limbo – – navigating the place of being childless and child-free.

Now that I’ve crossed the threshold into my forties, I realize how giving birth to a child and caring for an infant would impact my life.  Because of my own body changes, I don’t know if I could conceive, if I could carry a child to term, if I could live with one to two hours of sleep per night.

Many of of my friends’ experiences have opened my eyes.  Twenty years ago, I would not have seen miscarriage after miscarriage.  Years of grief post-stillborn.  Weeks in the hospital or in bed hoping to carry the baby to term.  One to two hours of sleep per night.  Health changes post-baby.

Before the age of 40, I never had the right significant other with whom to raise a child.  I never had enough income to live semi-comfortably raising a baby on my own.

I still do not.

I never thought I would be here: in a limbo state of childless/child-free post 40.  I remember freaking out in my twenties when thinking I would never have children.  If my 20 year old self could see myself today, she would be devastated.

And yet, at post-40, I’m not.

There’s a part of me that’s happily content in this childless/child-free limbo.  I sleep and eat as I want.  I follow my calling by God to mother to a congregation.  I experience the small moments in life without the distraction of others to take care of.

But I’m still just a little sad and not able to 100% embrace a permanent child-free state.

I’m sad I will never baptize my baby or feel the kicks inside of my womb.  I’m sad that I will never attend a parent-teacher conference or place a dollar under the pillow when my child’s tooth falls out or see the faces of my children on Christmas morning.  I’m sad that I am not part of the “mommies club” and that I sit on the outskirts of what is acceptable in our society.

I live in the childless/child-free limbo.  I can not see myself having a child at this point but there’s still a part of me that mourns never having a child.  I do not have the money or energy or stamina to pursue birthing a child or having an infant at this point.  With this post I publicly embrace that I live between two points: the childless woman who once wanted a child and a woman who is content with being child-free.  And I know that others still live in this rarely talked about limbo.  We are both blessed and grieved to this place where life has brought us.  We are still articulating where we are, and we don’t want others to name this place for us.

Please do not call me heartless because I may not want to have a child.  Please do not tell me that I may change my mind.  Please do not tell me that I do not know true love because I do not have a child.  Please do not tell me that there are plenty of ways to still become a mother.  Please do not assume I do not love children just because I have none, or that I don’t understand children.  Please do not think I sit and cry all of the time because life turned out a bit differently than expected.

And please do not tell me how I should feel on Mother’s Day.

Unfortunately, Mother’s Day is always on a Sunday.  Some pastors understand that Mother’s Day is sensitive to some women – they know that women experiencing a number of experiences related to motherhood need to be remembered in prayer.  And then there are other church leaders who think that those of us who still hold sadness in our unique reproductive losses should get over it.  Find a new way to celebrate.  Suppress our feelings for this one service just to go home to cry uncontrollably.

They don’t get it.  They don’t understand that Mother’s Day is not happy for everyone, and they expect us to feel a certain way.  It takes unchecked privilege to make such a bold statement – a privilege which excludes many of my childless friends… and even those of us who are working through our childless/child-free limbo.

I am trying to find a new way to celebrate.  But I’m not there yet.  Do not force me to be happy for someone else because the twenty-something piece of my soul still grieves.  But do not think that I live in a constant state of  grief either because I have a wonderful life with wonderful loved ones and friends.

So on Mother’s Day, even though I’m content with my life, I still have twinges of mourning.  And in those twinges, I sit in solidarity as I remember my friends who are painfully childless because of infertility.  I sit in solidarity with those who have lost children and experienced miscarriages.  And I ask that my other clergy friends remember those hurting on Mother’s Day as well.

Being a woman is more than a mother.  It’s being the person God calls us to be bringing love into the world.  I have moments of mothering, and I thank Mother God that I can fill that space from time to time.

May those of us in childless/child-free limbo, those of us who are mothers and those of us who cry because we aren’t find a way to validate each other.  Amen.

Proper Pastoral Care and Limiting Laws: the UCC and North Carolina

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

IMG_2866Let me introduce myself…

I am a straight ally who left one denomination for the United Church of Christ (UCC) because of the marriage equality issue. Back in 2005, before I entered the ministry, I felt that I would be a stronger pastor and better reflect God’s light on the world by publicly supporting gay marriage and LGBT ordination. If I had to continue to bite my tongue every time someone asked me what I thought of gay marriage, I could not be an authentic person of faith. In leaving one denomination, I discovered that the United Church of Christ was a denomination who widely opened their arms to people of all sexual orientations and gender expressions and those of us who supported our friends.

In writing this post, I acknowledge that some of you reading this will not agree with my position on gay marriage. In fact, you may be a member of a United Church of Christ and still believe that a marriage is between one man and one woman. (Yes – we have many in our denomination who still believe in this view of marriage. The UCC is filled with people with a variety of perspectives. Being in covenant with one another, we worship God together even if we disagree.)

And then you read that the UCC has filed a lawsuit against the state of North Carolina. What does this mean? Here’s what it could mean to a pastor: with the state’s current law on marriage, a member of the clergy could face jail time if they were to perform a wedding ceremony without filing a certificate for marriage. The clergy member would have to hold back their belief on marriage and religion based on what the state is dictating. Technically, a law like this could open doors which would limit other rituals or care that a pastor deems spiritually necessary.

Think of it this way…

What if there was a law that said that I as your pastor could only do hospital visits Monday through Friday? What if I couldn’t visit you in the hospital as you lay dying on a Saturday? What if you couldn’t have the peace of a pastoral presence in your final few hours because the law told me otherwise?

What if there were laws restricting churches to baptizing people over the age of 12? No child is allowed to be baptized for any reason – including children who may be in hospice care.

What if there was a law that said only men could be ordained? If a church were to hold an ordination ceremony for a woman, those involved would go to prison for two to three months.

What if an elderly man and woman wanted to have a marriage ceremony before God and their families but did not want a legal ceremony in order to protect their estates?

What if your beloved pet dies, and you yearn for closure. However, there was a law in your state that only allowed for humans to have funerals. Any funeral-like ritual that would be held for a pet would be considered illegal, and I could be arrested for giving you the best care possible.

I do not want to be told that I can’t or that I must perform a certain ritual that would bring peace to your lives.

By filing this lawsuit, the United Church of Christ is still not indicating that all members agree or must agree with marriage equality. We will never be a denomination that forces our members or churches to agree on an issue. Instead, I defer to this statement by the Indiana-Kentucky Conference of the United Church of Christ:

For us, as one of the founding religious traditions of this nation, the principle of free exercise of religion is a paramount value. Because we are not a hierarchical church, the freedom of every clergyperson to conduct the rites and sacraments of the Church according to the dictates of conscience is essential to our identity and our faith practice.

The church is protecting our autonomy as individuals and churches within the covenant of our denomination. Through this lawsuit, they are advocating on behalf of your religious freedom. And they are advocating for my religious freedom too. They care about your relationship to God, and they do not want your pastor to have government-forced limitations in the way they give pastoral care. Donald Clark Jr., general counsel of the UCC expressed “We didn’t bring this lawsuit to make others conform to our beliefs, but to vindicate the right of all faiths to freely exercise their religious practices.”

I’m not sure about all of you, but I deeply want to practice my faith based on my relationship with God.

This lawsuit will never force you to believe in marriage equality. It will not force a pastor to perform a same-sex wedding. It won’t force you to love your neighbor who happens to be gay – no matter how much Jesus loves them. You do not have to go to the wedding or even wish them congratulations. The only thing a ruling in favor of this lawsuit will do is continue to protect all of our freedoms so that we may practice our faith as we see fit.

Granted, rituals that hurt another person or oneself (physically, emotionally, spiritually) should continue to be restricted. But a ceremony that includes two people freely making a covenant with one another and presided by an officiant who freely believes in the ritual hurts no one. It is not taking the rights away from anyone else. It’s bringing peace and love into the hearts of the couple and those who are actively part of their lives. I truly believe it spreads more love into our communities.

With this lawsuit, the United Church of Christ still does not talk on behalf of the churches. Instead, the denomination talks to the churches, offering another way of looking faith and expanding the way Christ moves in our world.

Good Friday is Not Good

18 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

El Greco [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

To me, Good Friday is not good.

A man that loved everyone he met is executed by the government.  According to writings, thorns are pushed into his head, he is beaten, spat upon and forced to parade through a city carrying a heavy piece of wood.  Nails were pierced into his hands and feet, and he struggled to breathe as he slowly died upon a cross.

I’m sorry… there is no good news in the expectation that one person must die so that everyone is alive and happy.

To me, Good Friday is deeply painful.

I can’t believe in a God that would expect his or her own son to receive such pain.  I can’t believe in a God that goes against the God of Psalm 139 – following us into the very depths of the earth and underworld for no other reason that God loves us.  Believing that God expected Jesus to die for humanity and then deserting Jesus in those painful last few minutes is not the God I know and love.

I can’t believe that God would force us to believe this horrific story in order for us to have some perfect afterlife or perfect relationship with the Divine.

Back in seminary, we read the short story “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”.  The story describes paradise, the most perfect place on earth.  Yet in order for the people of Omelas to have such perfection, one person, a child, is required to suffer.  In our story, that is Jesus.

So, on this “Good” Friday, I still embrace my salvation through Christ – through his life.  When Jesus touched the unclean and stood up for the marginalized, Jesus saved humanity.  Jesus went so far to defend “the least of these” that he was executed for doing so.

Because it was through his life, not his death, that I find salvation.

And I thank Jesus the Christ for loving so extravagantly that he was willing to get arrested and find his demise on a cross.  But I refuse to claim joy because of the suffering he went through.  And I refuse to embrace a Divine Mother or Father that would require for this to happen.

Like John 3:16 states, I believe that God sent Jesus to this world to save this world.  I just don’t believe that it was through his death.  Instead, it was through his life and ministry.  Each day I find salvation through the radically loving acts of Jesus.

The cross has meaning – the significance that a person would go to the ends of the earth in order to show love.  But the cross is not joyous to me.

The cross is an electric chair, a firing squad.  It’s lethal injection.  Instead of executing someone who hurt the world, the Roman government made this huge error by executing a loving person.

But the Roman government didn’t win.  Hate didn’t win.  But that’s a story for another day…

The views associated with this post and this website are mine alone.

Mary, Gloria and Our Voices

25 Tuesday Mar 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

Jungfrau der Verkündigung

I was having lunch with a priest colleague of mine today, who reminded me of the significance of today.  “It’s the annunciation,” said the priest. The church calendar remembers the day Mary accepted God’s call.

As Protestants, Mary doesn’t usually receive her due in our arena of Christianity.  She shows up in Advent and Christmas, when the lectionary text includes the wedding at Cana and as Jesus suffers in his final hours.

However, this is a woman who was sure to influence her son.  So very little is said about this woman, but what mother doesn’t make an impression on her children?  I would like to believe that the ministry of Jesus and his strong convictions not only came directly from God but also came from Mary and Joseph.

So the annunciation is the day empowering the life and works of Mary.  It was the day Mary made her choice.  When she was called to birth a savior, she chose yes.  She risked the well-being of her life to carry a baby outside the confines of marriage.  Through her power of choice, she accepted the call to birth a person and, in many ways, a movement.

I also find it ironic that March 25 is not only the Annunciation in the church but the birthday of the mother of modern feminism: Gloria Steinem.

Gloria has spent decades remembering the voices of women, empowering women to make choices for their own lives – including reproductive choices.  Through her time working tirelessly for the cause of women’s equality, she delivered women from the oppressive systems of the past and opened doors to the impossible.  Through her call to leadership, she was the midwife in the rebirth of a movement.

Out of any day of the year, I look at March 25 as the Day of Women’s Empowerment.  From Mary to Gloria to all of us, we are given choices – more than ever before.  This is a day to celebrate our power – a power gifted to us by our Mother God.

So as we wait for the Supreme Court to decide whether corporations can control the choices of women and as we watch more and more states come up with laws that try to control our bodies (including the imprisonment of women who give birth to stillborn babies), let us hope that God sends us new prophets to deliver us from controlling powers that be.

Using the Bible to Strengthen Women on International Women’s Day

08 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Beloved Disciple” in the Gospel of John, Mary Magdalene; by El Greco ca. 1580

Many in our society and world use the Bible to tear down women, ensure women have certain roles and use women’s bodies as they please.

They refer to the story of Adam and Eve when noting that women were responsible for the downfall of humans.

They use Eve’s missteps as a way of saying that women should be in pain during her pregnancy or any reproductive issue.

They overlook the part of the story when Lot offers his daughters as sexual goods, and they believe that women’s bodies are not our own.

They look at the story of Jacob and his two wives, or Abraham with his wife and concubine, and they think it’s okay for women to fight over men and for women to make each other jealous.

They take the story of Jephthah’s daughter as a story of obedience instead of a story of child abuse.

They look at David’s sin as having an affair with Bathsheba instead of ogling her and using his power to seduce her. 

They use Proverbs 31 as a way to keep a woman as a subservient type of wife and mother.

They take Hosea’s account of God using “whore” for a woman as permission to call women whatever names they want.

They say that since only men were Jesus’ disciples, only men can be true leaders in faith.

They use 1 Timothy 2 to keep women quiet in faith, giving all power in churches to men.

I don’t know about all of you, but I’m tired of this.  I’m exhausted from having to hear that women deserve pain because of a stories written thousands of years ago.  I’m tired of hearing women called slut, whore and other horrifying words in an attempt to control or demean them.  I’m disgusted at television shows where women fight over a man or continuously bicker with each other.  I do not want to feel less than human or a woman because I don’t have children or I’m not married, and I don’t want to be told that I’m sinful because I’m a female leader in faith.

Instead, let’s join together to use Scripture to strengthen women and stand for their rights.

Let’s remember that Paul recognized Phoebe and Lydia as women leaders in the church every time Christians use 1 Timothy to quiet women.

Let’s take the story of Mary Magdalene rushing out of the garden after the resurrection as a woman being the first one called to share the good news.

Let’s take the story of Proverbs 31 woman as an empowered women who is full of wisdom, takes care of her family and stands for justice in her community.

Let’s take the story of Vashti not as a disobedient wife but as a women who stood up to the patriarchy and her body being used by powerful men.

Let’s take the story of the Syrophoenician woman as one who stood up to Jesus to make sure her family had their needs met.

Let’s take the stories of the woman with the hemorrhage and Judah’s daughter-in-law Tamar as ones where women stand up for their reproductive health and rights.

Let’s take the story of Zelophehad’s daughters as one who stand for their financial rights.

Christianity does not have to be a religion that reduces women but can be one that strengthens the lives of women all over the world.  Let’s remember the verses and narratives that empower us as we bring liberating words of hope to women, finding ways to strengthen their body, mind, soul and voice.

Dropping Everything

27 Monday Jan 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

This sermon was delivered at St. Paul United Church of Christ, Old Blue Rock Road, Cincinnati on Sunday, January 26, 2014 based on the Matthew 4:18-22 text.

Have you ever just left everything in your life behind, picked up, and started a new life where you believed God was calling you?

In 2007, I did just that.  I resigned from my job in a non-profit to move 1000 miles back up north to complete my Master of Divinity so that I could eventually become an ordained pastor.

Yes, I doubted myself.   Why did 9298846092_9c7edd2af1_bI give up a somewhat decent paying job to enter a full-time degree program?  Will I find that this really isn’t my call?  What happens if I don’t do well as I hadn’t been in a degree program since graduating college 12 years earlier?  Will I make friends in my new location?  But I knew that God said go, and so I went.  It was crazy, or, as they say in 21st century slang “cray-cray.”  Admittedly, I had months to prepare, pack and say goodbye.

And while it was much less risky, in 2011 I moved here to an entirely new area God was calling me.  When you know little about an area and you move by yourself, there’s adventure.  (Let’s face it: there’s always adventure when God calls us.)  When God says move, sometimes there’s nothing else to do but leave what you know behind and move forward.

So as we really think about this text today, we might immediately think that they were also a bit “cray-cray.”  When Jesus walked by Simon Peter and Andrew, then James and John, and stated “follow me, and I will make you fish for people,” they dropped everything without a word.

They just dropped EVERYTHING – the fishing nets and their tasks.  Their homes and ways of life.  Their relationships – James and John just left their father in the boat without even arranging for others to take their place.  The text says “immediately.”  So it wasn’t after hours of deliberation.  It wasn’t after talking with their family or friends.  It wasn’t agonizing whether or not they should do it.  The call of God through Christ was so strong that dropping everything was their only option.  The nets didn’t get mended.  The fish didn’t get caught, but God’s call was answered.

And they didn’t set their affairs in order before accepting God’s call.  For me, at the very least, I would find ways to pack a very large load of things including clothes for every type of weather condition, made sure I had a snack, gum, a couple of bottles of water, maybe a Diet Coke, my cell phone, its charger, my music and enough money on the way. Oh, and probably something to read.  Or three books.  And my iPad.  I would make sure my family knew where to contact me.  And while I’ve left my life in one area to follow the call by God, I still had time to prepare for my experience.  They didn’t have that preparation time.  They just left everything in that very moment and walked with Jesus.

Making sure everything is in place is the way it’s supposed to happen in our world, right?  We’re supposed to have everything figured out before moving on from our secure lives.  But that’s not necessarily the way God works, which makes life extremely scary.

Sometimes, the people we love will drop their rational lives to follow their seemingly absurd dreams.  And in our “logical” thinking we dismiss viewing the situation as God sees it.  In our logical world, following our gut is very much not considered mature.  What we forget is that maybe they are just following the call of God in their hearts.

We think maturity comes with creating six month, one year and five year plans or having arrangements to fall back on.  In that case, Jesus wouldn’t be mature.  He traveled with nothing and spoke things that would make those in power very angry.  In fact, he also encouraged others to give up their planned, thought-out lives just to follow him and the Spirit of God.  His disciples gave up their “normal” lives in order to pursue a higher vocation.  They lived on the generosity of others.  Some may consider the lives of Jesus and his followers irresponsible, but they were being responsible to the only one that mattered: God.

Maybe it’s time for us to stop judging how others our living.  Maybe it’s time for us to just focus on where God is calling us today.

Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter what your age or ability is.  Jesus didn’t stand around overanalyzing them on their ages, abilities, life or relationship structures.  Instead, on behalf of God, Jesus just called.  Likewise, God’s going to be calling all of us until our dying day – and then our calling may still continue on the other side of heaven.  No matter what our gifts, God will continue to use them, transcending each of our lives past imperfections and mistakes.  It might be a simple call, one that doesn’t require us to change our lives drastically, but maybe change our way of thinking a bit.  And some will be called to make a huge change in our lives – sometimes at 30 or 40 and sometimes at 70 or 80.  Yet when God calls, God is completely present as God asks us to make changes in our live or head in a new direction.  God never leaves us in the midst of anything, let alone our callings.  As I’ve heard along the way “God never calls the equipped, God equips the called.”  Even if you don’t feel like you have all of the answers to where God is calling you or all of the skills, it may be wise and interesting to go, to drive on this unknown road to see where this God nudging.

Right now, I have a friend who is called by God to make a major change in her life.  So in closing, here’s something I wrote not only for them, but hopefully a note that will inspire you to follow God’s crazy call in your life, even if that means dropping everything.

Dear friend,

Through what you tell me, God has been nudging you, calling you to drop everything and make your way to a new location to answer this call.

Soon, you’ll be heading to a new location.  This call may seem like it’s the last minute, but for some reason, you are moving completely across the country to fulfill your dream.  You are brave.  Not all of us can drop everything to see where the voice of God is calling us.  Most of us cling to the familiar in order to keep comfortable, to stay in safe areas.  Sometimes, that’s not a bad thing unless God’s call is truly pursing you.

It’s scary to do this.  Everything you’ve known in your recent location is left behind.  Don’t look back.  Savor those moments and relationships of the past and keep driving.  You’ll see things along the way that will interest you, distract you and inspire you.  Fill your tank with the things that interest you and take mental pictures of the things that inspire you.  And may God erase the images of anything that distracts you from your mind.

Embrace that this is what God wanted you to do.  Accept that nothing is guaranteed in life.  Let your past be something you learn from but not something that will hold you back.  Let your journey be one of picking yourself up after mistakes, turning to God in your fears and loving each and every minute.

Being made in the image of God, you deserve to be called.  You deserve this fresh new start.  Your past does not dictate where God is calling you.  Stop fishing like Peter and Andrew.  Drop your nets like James and John.  Say a brief goodbye and look west towards your future.  For God is with you each step your foot takes, each mile your car drive and each moment that you breathe.

Blessings to all who discern God’s call in their lives.

The Good News Is Missing

02 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Recently, I’ve been thinking once again about Christianity and grace.

When I attended a church years ago, one or two of the members CONTINUOUSLY criticized the pastor. Each and every time I was in their presence, some comment would be made.

Years ago I’ve seen how a member of the clergy wouldn’t bother to be in dialogue with others because they had all of the right answers and everyone else who disagreed was “wrong.”

Hail church… full of hate…

I see Christians noting in online forums that people who are out of work or disabled should be denied assistance.

I see Christians who refuse to have conversations with others who think differently.

I see Christians who constantly make little judging comments about pastors, their fellow congregants and others they know.

We judge those who get pregnant before they’re married, who are single parents or have abortions. We judge those who are atheists or some other religious minority because they don’t have the “truth.”

I’m not just speaking about the Westboro Baptists or other fundamentalist Christians. We liberal and Mainline Protestants can be just as critical and grace-less as those on the right.

Why do we think our churches and Christianity will grow if we’ve left out grace from the equation?

Christianity was founded on the principles of grace. Some believed Jesus died for their salvation. Other Christians believe that Jesus lived as God’s unconditional love incarnate. Jesus touched the unclean, defended the poor and hung out with outcasts. No matter what your view of salvation, abundant grace is a part of our story as Christians. Except, we’ve forgotten that.

Dear Christians: we lack grace. We ALL lack grace.

Christianity has completely and totally lost it’s core principle. Judgment of non-Christians and other Christians has pushed aside any unconditional love.

Instead of standing up for the unprivileged, Christians defend the words of a duck guy who denigrates gay people and laughs off racism. And the rest of us Christians who didn’t defend the guy get upset when he gets a second chance to return to a television show. (Granted, he didn’t apologize for his insensitive remarks. Maybe I would warm up to the idea of a second chance if he had been slightly more sensitive and grace-filled. But like ALL of you, I judge too.)

I laugh when I hear Christians who say it’s more important to make sure they judge people because it’s “loving” rather than showing them grace through their roughest moments.

And no one really knows the crud that we all go through in life. No one knows how our embedded theology and life experiences influence our choices. We forget that someone else’s shoes fit so very differently. But we’re not willing to try them on. We’re not willing to consider how they feel on someone else’s feet. We just don’t care – because Jesus died for “me.” Jesus cares about “me” and that’s all that matters, right?

It’s attitudes like this that make people turn their backs on God, Jesus and the church. How many people will Christianity lose this year because grace, mercy and unconditional love wasn’t extended to our neighbors? We are engaging in anti-evangelism as we suck the world dry of the good news of grace, mercy and unconditional love.

Friends: it’s time we embrace grace, love and second chances. Very rarely does a mistake cause us to have such a deep riff between ourselves and others or ourselves and God. Yet we want to find every opportunity to make sure grace is never, ever a part of Christianity. Maybe we believe we’re the only ones who deserve grace. Maybe we think people will get used to having it easy.

And by the way – whether you are a Christian or not, you will mess up. We’re all going to make mistakes. We’re all going to live in ways that will make someone else greatly dislike us. So deal with it. Life, health issues, time restraints often push us off of our paths and cause us to make mistakes. That is life. As Christians, it’s our job to try and find ways to relocate people back on the paved road instead of making them struggle in the weeds and ditches off the path.

So next time you’re about to judge, ask these questions: “Why did they act this way? Is there anything I can do to help? If not, how can I better understand them?”

That’s sharing the good news.

A Broken System: Additional Thoughts on Consumerism

28 Thursday Nov 2013

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

After writing my last post, I felt the need to clarify: it was not to shame customers but a frustration with the consumerism that corporations have created.

I don’t think having cheap items is necessarily the corporations’ way of being generous to its customers. Rather, it’s their efforts to try to get people into their buildings and purchase other items.

Writing about this is absolutely not to shame those who shop on the day after Thanksgiving (or even the day of Thanksgiving). This may be the only way they can afford gifts for their children or to have what others in society have. People who can’t afford what others have finally are able to find a piece of dignity and grace that everyone has.

But it’s almost like corporations create opportunities to pit one customer against another. It becomes like The Hunger Games: “may the odds be ever in your favor.” Do the corporations care that their customers are being tackled or workers have to skip Thanksgiving dinner? Or is it entertainment for them?

What I’m trying to say is there is a broken system. Corporations are working to get people in the door and create profits at any cost. They do not all care about personal safety or disappointments. They care more about bottom lines rather than customers and employees.

So make sure consumers aren’t facing shame. If we can afford to, let’s not go to stores on the actual day of Thanksgiving. And then let’s write to corporations to tell them that their employees and consumers need to be treated with more dignity.

Youth Participation and Grace-Filled Churches

11 Monday Nov 2013

Posted by in Church Life, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

eccLast week, I came across this 2010 article on how youth ministry is killing the church.  While I still don’t believe youth ministry is a detriment, integrating youth participation into the already-crafted church life is even more imperative.

As a pastor of a small-ish church, I’ve been trying to integrate more youth participation into various parts of our church life.  Excitement is beginning to bubble from our young people contributing their time and talents in our congregation.  For a young person who never read in Sunday worship, they voiced to me how excited and grateful they were to be a part of the service.  Recently, I’ve seen the value of youth taking on different roles in our fundraisers.  They’ve been a hospitable presence to new young people.  One has taken a leadership role as he engaged the younger youth during children’s time.  Just yesterday, I consulted with two of our high school youth to see what they thought of a program I plan on starting in December.

Granted, I understand there’s always concern when we begin something new or have newer people participate:

What if they make mistakes?
How will our church appear?
They won’t do it like we’ve always done it…
This distracts me from worship…

If we want youth and young adults to get excited about our churches and attend our events, it’s necessary for us to assist them in finding their place in our church community.  We are called to help them find God’s calling for their lives.

Besides school, where else would they find a supportive place to try new things and to seek their gifts?  When I was in Junior League, I was told that one of their goals was to help prepare us for the fundraising/philanthropic work we would do in our communities.  After reflecting upon this, I realized it’s essential for church to be a place of preparation for young people (as well as middle-aged congregants and older adults).

Church needs to be that grace-filled safe place where all people, including young people, can search for their gifts and God’s call.

What if church is that place where we can break out our clarinets and trumpets and play on a Sunday morning?  What if church is the place where someone can try a new fellowship activity or fundraiser?  How would they grow?  How would we adults grow as being part of this process?

Undoubtedly, they will make mistakes.  Guess what – so do I.  So do all of you.  Mistakes in worship and other parts of church life are nothing new.  They may fail.  The quality of their work will sometimes be insufficient.  But instead of focusing on these as mistakes or imperfections, let us look at them like opportunities.  Active in our churches are young people excited to be a part of our community.  This is a blessing in our shrinking Mainline Protestant churches!  Their involvement in the various parts of congregational life proves that our churches aren’t dying.

If we feel that they are distracting or making a too many mistakes, there is one great remedy to making them near-perfect: adult participation.  One or two adults can’t fulfill all of the youth development in a church.  We need all levels of participation – from those who mentor confirmands to those who accompany young people on fellowship activities.  As a pastor, I love to be as involved as possible in the spiritual development in our youth.  But having the support and energy of the majority of church members gives our youth more hope, encouragement and motivation to stay involved in churches and become the people God has called them to be.