Tag Archives: Christianity

That Body of Christ Thing from a Mama Bear in the Pulpit

26 Saturday Jan 2019

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All views are solely mine and not necessarily the perspective of any group in which I am associated.

Many times as a younger person, I was hurt by Christianity.

Most of those times it’s been from people of the Evangelical perspective.  When I was in college, I was told by a Christian counselor that I needed to dump a boyfriend because he wasn’t a Christian.  In my 30’s, I was told that I wasn’t going to be allowed in heaven because I different views on salvation.  I was told that I was in that same decade, I also had to stand up to a pastor because he dismissed me after I told them that his pro-marriage views belittled me.  I had to stand up to him because he wouldn’t sell a property to people of another major religion because they didn’t hold the “truth.”  And he told me that he couldn’t support me to go into the ministry if I believed that people who are LGBT should be allowed to be married or ordained.

I’ve seen how some Christians have told a City Manager who is transgender that Jesus would want her fired.  I’ve seen how people with these perspectives have shamed women who have been raped or had abortions.

(Before we go any further, I’d like to say this: many who consider themselves Evangelical are absolutely NOT like this.  A few have tarnished the reputation of the many.  If you consider yourself Evangelical but do not identify with the above, I acknowledge and appreciate your perspective.  Likewise, there are many fellow Mainline Protestants that can be equally judgmental.)

Pieces of my soul have been itching to recover from my spiritual injuries.  And they’ve left not just scars but scar tissues that flares when triggered by words and sentences.

And yet, I’ve refused to let them kick me out of the Body of Christ.  Instead, I’ve felt responsible to continue to be a part of the Body of Christ and create spaces that welcome and include people.

I’ve been working for years to make sure to care for my wounds that continue to reopen and keep the wounds covered so as not to infect my ministry.  Yet there are some piece of my experience that I never want another young person (or anyone) to experience, and I will reflect deeply to make sure to separate my wounds from the reality of the situation.  But I will also reflect deeply to ensure those who I minister to are emotionally and spiritually safe.

There’s never been a unified Christianity.  Ever.  It’s a myth.  Right after the time of Jesus, the early Jesus movement folks were arguing about the necessity of following the purity issues and circumcision.  Even today, Catholics, Mainline Protestants, and Evangelical Protestants range from liberal to conservative.  Assuming that a person has certain beliefs and values solely based on their religion or their place of worship is damaging to them, us, and the church.  It’s truly important to speak to each individual before making assumptions about their theology.

I suppose we all “other” some Christians who believe differently than we do.  Who gives us the right to establish a purity test for the faith?  Yet as leaders in the faith, we should be in relationship with people who think differently and learn something from our relationship with them them even when we are called to create programs that fall in line with our ethics and values.  I don’t expect a person on a different side of the Body to be pro-choice.  However, I will not support programs or perspectives which condemns those with my view and those that try to inject shame into our faith community or spiritual lives.

Saying that you must believe (Fill in the Blank) in order to be a Christian is blasphemy.  There are Christians who are pro-life, some who are anti-choice, and some who are pro-choice.  There are Christians who believe in the sacrificial death of Jesus and others who believe that it was Jesus’ life that brought salvation to the world.

  • You can believe in excluding refugees in our country and still call yourself a Christian, but I will not support a Christianity with that perspective.
  • You can believe in complimentarianism (different roles for women and men) and still call yourself a Christian, but I will not support a Christianity with that perspective.
  • You can believe that a marriage is only between a man and woman and be a Christian, but I will not support a Christianity with that perspective.
  • You can think some people need to change before calling themselves a Christian and still call yourselves a Christian, but I will not support a Christianity that deems anyone not made in the image of God as they are today.

My challenge is this: When I am faced with allowing these competing perspectives into the places where I lead and into our programs, I take on a Mama Bear approach.  Because these perspectives often exclude and shame people in the name of Christ, I want to protect others from having to go through what I have endured.  I want them to experience Christianity in a more-loving and open way than I have experienced it.

So from this Mama Bear in the Pulpit to you – I’m doing my best to balance unity in the Body of Christ and ensuring that the spaces for which I’m responsible are filled with theology and ethics that stand for love.  I’m trying my best to expose people to other Christian perspectives in dialogue but distance ourselves from those who say what Christianity MUST be.  As an ordained person, I have a responsibility to reach out to people across the Body, and I have a responsibility to create faith formation that represents a loving, accepting, and inclusive Christ.  I have a responsibility to ensure that vulnerable people experience safety for their bodies, minds, and souls as much as possible.  All of this is a tough balance.  I’ll keep doing the best I can in my service to God, neighbor, and Church.

Faithful Badassery

29 Saturday Oct 2016

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faithful-badasseryAccording to Google, the word “badass” is defined as “a tough, uncompromising, or intimidating person” and “a formidably impressive person.”

I have avoided using the word as it hints at some vulgarity.  When you are a leader in the community and church, you look to separate yourself from bad words as to keep a clean image in the eyes of others.

And yet, that’s not exactly what Jesus did…

From experience I can tell you that being a good girl goes only so far.  While being a good girl most of the time is fine, only being a good girl results in people walking all over you and God’s call going mostly unanswered.

Being a good girl keeps a person in two dimension mode, forgetting that adventures are beyond her comfort zone, and that God is sometimes drawing us to those new places.

As time goes on in life and we experience how the world really works.  Life and its brokenness begin to bang up our good girl souls.  The good girl begins to be replaced with something a bit more edgy.  Unfortunately, this loss of innocence happens with all of us.  What we are called to realize is that our scars and screams actually work to God’s and our benefit. You know when the remnants of the good girl need to shine and when the good girl needs to have a seat while the faithful badass takes her place.

The faithful badass is powered by the Holy Spirit.  Just like the lyrics to Pink’s song “Raise Your Glass” we must “raise our glass when we are wrong in all the right ways.”  We stand with the faithful badasses in every age as they walked with God.  We see the faithful badass in the Bible when Vashti says no to Ahasuerus, when Esther stands up for the Jewish people, and when Ruth decides to stay with her mother-in-law in her deepest grief.  We see this faithful badassery when Hagar does everything she can to survive with her son Ishmael, when Tamar fools Judah into giving her offspring, when the daughters of Zelophehad fight for their inheritance, and when Jephthah’s daughter negotiates time to fully live before her slaughter.  And we see many faithful badasses in the women who have lived since the life of Jesus – from Thecla who refused to get married and, instead, evangelized the good news to Joan of Arc who managed to lead in ways young women were not allowed to lead during her time.

Faithful badassery comes from our savior Jesus the Christ when he healed on the Sabbath, ate with the undesirables and turned the tables over when people were unjustly marketing goods in the Temple.

This faithful badassery has been woven throughout all spaces and times.  When I see caregivers spending each pellet of energy ensuring their loved ones are well, I see this faithful badassery.  When I see people of color or women marching because they do not feel that others believe their lives or bodies matter, I see faithful badassery.  When I see men and women speaking out against fraud or sexual assault, risking their own reputation in the use of their voices, I see faithful badassery.

All faithful badassery comes directly from the Holy Spirit.  Without this Spirit of God, we could not exit our comfort zones, risk the death of our bodies or souls, or radically care for one another.

As a leader in the Christian faith, I believe we should claim faithful badassery as part of who we are because it absolutely was a part of who Jesus was and who the Christ is that resides with us today.  It was a part of the lives of God’s children throughout history and it will be a part of the faithful until the end of time.

So when we place our feet on the ground each morning, will we ask ourselves “How will I be a faithful badass today?”

We Have a Sex Problem, Christianity

29 Friday May 2015

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Christianity has a sex problem.

When it comes to physically intimate acts, by reputation Christians are known to disallow any acts between anyone except a married heterosexual couple.  Those who are single, co-habitating, and any LGBT person must remain completely and totally chaste.  Many intimate acts, including kissing (in some religious sects), are absolutely wrong in premarital relationships.

So when we hear stories of a fundamentalist Christian teen who molests multiple minor girls, we notice mixed reactions.  Some believe it’s like all other sexual sins – no more or less sinful.  Others name the acts of molestation as a more heinous crime.

The problem comes down to whether we see sex outside of marriage as breaking a legal code or something that has the potential of being a healthy act.  More conserving Christians will note that all sexual acts outside of heterosexual marriage are sinful.  They may even imply that ALL sexual acts not in the confines of marriage are equally sinful.  And they may even mention that everyone is an equal opportunity sinner.

Like many other progressive Christians, I personally don’t think that all sexual acts outside of marriage are considered sinful. Yes, this is absolutely contradictory to what the loudest people in Christianity believe.  But after placing Scripture in conversation with reason, tradition, experience together, I see that sometimes, there are no definite answers to whether someone should engage in sex outside of marriage.  Instead, there are many questions that arise: Is the situation healthy and safe?  Do both people respect one another?  Is anyone being hurt by this encounter?

For a moment, let’s put aside our differences. For those who still may believe that intimacy should not be outside of marriage, we must come together to considered one factor: some sexual acts are more devastating and painful, thus making them more sinful.  And the reason is the lack of consent.

Two consenting people having sex may just be two consenting people having sex. It’s a potentially healthy expression of the way two people like/respect/admire/love one another.  Not everyone will feel it is right to engage in premarital sex before marriage.  People who wait shouldn’t be called names and shamed – just like people who engage in sex before marriage should not be shamed.  Individual choice should be respected – as long as people are being healthy and safe.  We must respect that some people will engage in sex outside of marriage and others will not, and we must be as loving as possible to someone no matter which they choose.

But here’s when we get into a problem.  There is a HUGE difference in how we see God in relation to our sex lives.  Some will see God’s presence and blessing in an intimate consensual relationship prior to marriage.  Others will see God’s condemnation.  Some will pray to God to bless their sexual union.  Others believe God wants nothing to do with our sex lives – especially outside of marriage.

No matter which side of the conversation we fall, most of us can probably agree that sometimes there’s sin involved in sex – especially when one person is using the other, levying their power over their partner, or manipulating another person into sexual acts.  When we hear stories of rape, sexual assault, molestation, drugging a person to have sex, taking advantage of a drunk or drugged person, and touching someone inappropriately, we are listening to non-consensual sexual encounters.  Because these acts damage the relationship between God, neighbor and self, sexual abuse is, undoubtedly, sin.  Additionally some sexual encounters within an unhealthy marriage are sinful as well, notably when one spouse requires the other to become intimate.

I’m extremely tired of hearing “all sin is equal sin.”  No, that’s not the case.  When two people are expressing love or respect to one another, that is not damaging to God and neighbor like when one person is levying power over another person.  These two acts are not even in the same ball park.  I may sound like I’m judging, but when you hear the pain that comes from many women’s experience with sexual abuse, it’s time to change the system.

Just because Deuteronomy 22:38-39 says that a man can rape a woman (as long as he marries her) does not mean he should treat the woman like an object.  Additionally, just because Lot offered his daughters to be raped while they still lived in Sodom doesn’t mean we can look the other way when women’s bodies are used as commodities.  Likewise, it wasn’t right when they had non-consensual sex with their father to get pregnant.  And it wasn’t ethical when King Xerxes banished Vashti when she refused to be objectified.

Just because the epistles mention that women must submit their lives to their husbands (1 Peter 3, 1 Corinthians 7:4) does not mean men have the right to rape their wives.

We must thoroughly research scriptures which require a woman to have sex with her husband each night or when she isn’t in the mood.  If anyone is manipulating their spouse or partner into sex, it isn’t consensual.  When webpages exist that are dedicated to making sure women are required to have sex with their husbands each time he wants it (because it’s God’s will), then we have a sex problem, Christianity.  When people are considered bad when they have sex prior to marriage and then bad when they don’t have sex after marriage, then we have a sex problem, Christianity.  When your sex rules don’t include Leviticus 18:19 but absolutely must include Leviticus 18:22, then we have a sex problem Christianity.  When Christian groups have materials that blame women for being molested and raped based on how they are acting or what they are wearing, then we have a sex problem, Christianity.

When we don’t look at the bigger picture with the Duggars’ situation, we have a problem with sex, Christianity.  Josh was 14 when he sexually abused minor females.  And Jim-Bob decides to swiftly and silently sweep the situation under the rug.  But did anyone ask how these women are?  Do any of the statements given mention the pain, shame, and humiliation that the women experienced?  Did anyone ask if Josh was abused at some point?  (Many abusers have been abused in the past.)  Does anyone wonder if Josh has experienced the help he needs so that he’s not putting other people at risk?  This isn’t just about judging or forgiveness.  It’s stopping unhealthy patterns so that the cycle of abuse stops.  It’s making sure that those who have been hurt can find new life.

Undoubtedly, God will forgive Josh – just like God will forgive all of us.  That’s what unconditional grace is about.  But this doesn’t mean that his actions are far from gone in the lives of five females.  This doesn’t mean that they are ready to forgive him.  This isn’t the time for us to rush to forgiveness.  This is time for us to understand what healthy sexuality is, find ways to have conversations so that more 14 year old children don’t feel compelled to abuse their sibling, and stop parents from sweeping the problem under the rug.  This is time for us to extend our hand of grace to these five girls so that they won’t feel the shame that they probably carry in their hearts.

Christianity, let’s look at what sex, consent, and sin mean.  It’s time for us to change the language of appropriate sex from “good” and “bad” to “unhealthy,” “healthy,” and “consensual.”  God’s ready for our conversation.  Are we?

 The current version of this post has been edited from the original.

The Church in Perimenopause

22 Monday Sep 2014

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By Ed Uthman from Houston, TX, USA (Human Egg Uploaded by CFCF) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

I constantly read articles on the current status of the Church. Many believe that the Church (or at least Mainline Protestantism) is dying. Others are waiting for its resurrection or see it’s resuscitation happening in front of us. Everyone has an opinion on at what point of the life cycle Mainline Protestantism or all of Christianity exists.

I believe the church is entering its state of perimenopause.

Being a woman who is around middle age and experiencing the slow onset of symptoms, I’ll admit that I may be projecting some of my exciting life onto the current state of Christianity. But the more I read symptoms, the more I believe the Church is in perimenopause – the full-fledged middle-aged transitional period of ups and downs. And, yes, this means that if the Church is the Bride of Christ, then Christ’s bride is going through “the change.”

We’re hot and cold. Do you ever notice how some weeks church attendance is low and other Sundays attendance is up? How come some events are well attended and others are not? The hot flashes of Easter Sunday and Christmas Eve services give us hope and passion that maybe we will have connected with a larger audience, and then the following Sundays church attendance has cooled down to its normal state (or slightly lower). Nothing is truly consistent. Perimenopause is a time of riding the ebb and flow of hormonal waves. As leaders of churches, we ride the swings of highs and lows. Bring along a fan and a jacket because we won’t know what we’ll need that Sunday.

Fertility exists in a different state. We like to think of fertility being a numbers game – more children, more young families, bigger attendance, etc. But fertility isn’t what it was in our 20’s or 30’s, and fertility in churches isn’t what it was in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Fertility in the second-act church includes more quality time with our smaller congregations, heightened online presence and outside of the box thinking. As middle-aged women, we do not intend to stop creating even when physical birth is not an option. Likewise, the Church shouldn’t give up on its process of creation and birthing new programs.

Just like perimenopause, the life of the Church is not over. Instead, the Church has now reached middle age. The Church is not dying – – far from it. When those of us who are women realize that this change is upon us, we often think our lives are over, that we’re “dried up.” Nonsense! A reimagined act two is about to begin. What does that new stage of our life look like? How will we be vital with our physical bodies or our church body looking different? We are all still so full of life, and whether we read this as middle aged women, as church leaders or as congregations. Now is the time to find those new techniques in vitality which will remind us that we’re still very much alive and ready to listen for where God is calling us in this era of our lives.

Whether it’s the story of the resurrection, the fertility stories of Sarah or Elizabeth or our 45-year-old friend’s new hobbies or life activities, let’s remember that life isn’t over for us as middle-aged individuals or as churches finding our second wind.

Never Orphaned – A Memorial Day Prayer

19 Monday May 2014

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Gerry J. Gilmore [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons U.S.: Army Col. Carolyn Jones prepares to place some rose petals into the reflecting pool at the Women in Military Service for America Memorial’s annual Memorial Day observance, Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington, Va., May 26, 2008.

Never Orphaned – A Memorial Day Prayer
Based on John 14

For the families who have been torn apart by war-
You are not orphaned.
For the wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends wondering how their loved one will return-
You are not orphaned.
For the child who barely knows her father,
And for the child who lost his mother-
You are not orphaned.
For the mothers and fathers who receive the news of their child’s injury or demise,
And for the courageous who lost a piece of their body, soul or mind in battle-
You are not orphaned.

In a world torn apart by war,
In a world where conflict rides heavy,
And where we wonder how we’ll make it through another day-
God is here.

Encircling us in every moment is the peace which Christ left with us.
The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, bringing us comfort to make it until the next moment
To make it one day, one hour or one minute at a time.

And so we love.
We love those who return fragmented, traumatized by what they have seen
Or what they’ve had to do to survive.

We love those who no longer know how to relate to their spouse
After months of deployment, wondering how their marriage will survive.

We love those who long to see their loved one
After six months and a third deployment.

We love those who have external and internal wounds from wars
Ten, twenty, forty or seventy years ago.

Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.
For wherever you abide, God is there.
Wherever you journey, the Divine walks with you.
And so do we.

Christ’s peace is left with us. Christ peace continuously is given to us.
Do not be afraid. Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Never will you be orphaned.

Written by Rev. Michelle L. Torigian

Embracing Ted’s Journey: Spiritual Lessons From How I Met Your Mother

02 Wednesday Apr 2014

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Josh Radnor – Wikimedia Commons

Note: This article contains spoilers.

In nine seasons of  How I Met Your Mother, we’ve seen the peaks and valleys in the life of Ted Mosby. The series finale created mixed feelings in the dedicated fans.

Realizing some time ago that the mother may be meeting an early demise, I tried to come to terms that Ted’s roller coaster life may not be settling. Instead, I chose to find the broken beauty in Ted’s journey, embracing spiritual lessons to help us find God’s presence in each of our valley-filled lives.

To everything there is a season…
The first scene in season six pans to the sign in front of the church: “to everything there is a season.” Ecclesiastes 3 indicates that being human brings with it many highs and lows: life and death, mourning and dancing, love and hate. This series and specifically the final episode showcases the roller coaster of life. As the themes of new love, divorce, birth and death are weaved into this episode, we are reminded that seasons come and go for everyone.

Every once in a while, God calls us to leave the past behind.
In season seven, Ted and Robin nearly rekindle their romance once again. When Ted realizes that it’s not going to happen, he determines that he needs to make a firm break between him and Robin. Ted realizes any lingering possibility in a relationship with Robin can’t continue if he wants to find happiness.

As the wife of Lot turns into a pillar of salt when turning around to see what’s behind her (Genesis 19), we too can become locked into a moment of life or an unhealthy relationship. When a situations clouds our lives and dominates our emotions, sometimes it’s best for us to walk away. In order to move forward in a new direction, we will take this drastic step, embracing the pain that comes with it. There’s a possibility that God is calling us to find new life in a completely different direction.

Looking for love is often like traveling through a wilderness.
After seeing his closest friends Marshall and Lily find love with one another in their late teens, Ted continues the journey. He even watches his former love marry one of his best friends. At one point or another during these nine seasons, we’ve become impatient with Ted’s story just as we become impatient with our own.  Will Ted find his happy ending?

It’s hard to watch a seven year journey of someone looking for love or achieving a dream. In the series finale, Lily acknowledges Ted’s difficult course in the final episode: “…a man with more emotional endurance than anyone I know. It was a long difficult road… Thank God we finally got here.”

And Ted narrates the same sentiment about his path: “At times it was a long and difficult road. But I’m glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn’t gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear. You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom I knew I have to love this woman as much as I can for as long as I can and I can not stop loving her not even for a second.”

The Exodus story of wilderness is one that resonates with us no matter what our era. There are destinations along this path, but the journey is in some ways more valuable. In any of our lives, there is no definite “happily ever after.” But there are happy moments embedded into our tragedies, and there is sadness intertwined with our joy.

It’s the people around us in the wilderness that makes life bearable. 
As Biblical stories of exile and wilderness fill our faith, our personal journeys include many people who never deserted us as we traveled through our own exiles. Without dedicated friends like Marshall, Lily, Barney and Robin, Ted’s long exile in the dating wilderness may not have been so bearable. In our own times of exile, who has stood by us or journeyed along side of us?

When it comes to love, never settle. Take the long road.
Song of Solomon 3:1-2 states “Upon my bed at night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer.” The narrator asks in verse three, “have you seen him whom my soul loves?” In this spirit, Ted continues to search for this love on his journey.

Devastating losses of Robin, Victoria, Stella, Zoe and more, Ted continues on his path, until he meets the ideal partner, Tracy. As Song of Solomon 3:5 says “do not stir up or awaken love until it is ready!”

More than anything else, How I Met Your Mother is a story of hope.
Christianity as well as other faiths embraces the story of hope even in the midst of the desert. Ted’s story is one of resilience. And sometimes our narratives of resilience need to be told, whether the story is in the sixth century BCE, first century CE or today and whether we are writing it in a book or telling the tale to our children.

Ted’s story reminds us of many of our own paths. We live, we fall and we get back up again. The story of our lives is similar in many ways. We experience extravagant grace and surprising resurrections along the way.

So as many of us are saddened by the ending of this show and devastated on how it ended, know that the human life experience is not one of fairy tales and people living happily ever after, but one of peaks and valleys. It’s a story where God’s love pursues us- no matter where we are in our tale.

HuffPost Religion Article: Jesus, Healing and Grace-Filled Gray Areas

29 Thursday Aug 2013

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HuffPost Religion Article: Jesus, Healing and Grace-Filled Gray Areas

Here’s my latest article on the Huffington Post Religion Page

A Meal with the Past

18 Sunday Aug 2013

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Who knew a Cheerios commercial could stir something within me and theologically warm in my heart…

The commercial features young boy asking his mom if Nana poured Cheerios for her when she was young.  Her mom used to eat Cheerios with her

Maybe communion hasn’t quite been exactly the same for two thousand years like Cheerios has been the same since it was invented.  There have been lots of rules added and removed.  The quality of bread is different from denomination to denomination.  Some of us walk to the front to receive our elements and others pass the elements from person to person while sitting in the pews.  But one element remains the same – we come to the table to partake in a meal in remembrance of Jesus, and in doing so communion “has pretty much been the same forever.”

And then the little boy asks his mom: “So when we have Cheerios, it’s kind of like we’re having breakfast with Nana.”  (Anyone else besides me get a little choked up at this point of the commercial?)

As this past Sunday’s Hebrews 12 lectionary text says, “we are surrounded by so a great cloud of witnesses,” communion reminds us of our connection to the generations of yesterday.  In our time at the table, we recall what Jesus said: that in the sharing of this meal, we remember him.  And as we remember him, we also remember all those who shared the same meal – our parents, grandparents and so forth.

When I go to the communion table, I share the meal with Jesus the Christ, with great theologians with whom I agree and disagree and with friends and enemies.  I share the table with the rich and the poor, the criminal and the innocent.  And I also share the communion table with my Grandad Lawrence, my Grandma Queenie, my Medshireke Fred and my Memama Margaret.  I share the table with their parents and countless generations who have gone before them.  I share the table with my Mom and Dad – whether they are in my church that day or not.  I share the table with people who have not yet been born for ten, twenty or one hundred years.

It’s pretty amazing when we realize that each time we go to the communion table, it’s “kind of like having breakfast with Nana” and people from every time and age.

Affirming All Women in Church on Mother’s Day

11 Saturday May 2013

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“Women will be saved through childbearing.” — 1 Timothy 2:15

For some, motherhood has given purpose to your life. God has called to you be a mother, and you are living out your call in this sacred vocation. Most days, you experience the Divine in your role as mother.

Through life circumstances, many of us have not experienced the blessing of motherhood. Some have not found the right spouse or partner with whom to raise a child, and single parenting is not an option. Others suffer from medical conditions that prohibit them from birthing a child. Many women in our midst have recently experienced a miscarriage, have given birth to a still-born baby, experienced an unsuccessful adoption attempt, given up a child for adoption or have lost a child because of death.

Does your church reward the woman with the most children or the newest mom? During your Mother’s Day worship, do your leaders ask all moms to stand up while all of the other women sit in shame? Many women skip church on Mother’s Day because the pain of childlessness will hang heavy on their hearts. One woman experiencing this, Amy, wrote of her ordeal of being in church on Mother’s Day as a childless woman. When mothers were asked to stand, she noted “Real women stood, empty shells sat.”

Many women in our lives are not nor will never be mothers — either because of infertility or because they do not feel called to have children. But their value is not less as they are still equally cherished by God.

In looking at Scripture, we can see that motherhood is not a prerequisite to being useful in the eyes of God. In Esther 5, Queen Esther defies the laws of the kingdom and enters the king’s hall to stop the genocide of the Jewish people. Deborah was a judge and prophetess. Because of this role, she is called “a mother in Israel” (Judges 5:7b). Furthermore, Mary Magdalene is never portrayed as a mother but as a woman of great faithfulness. She is the first to see the risen Christ and spread the good news in John 20. Their calls from God had nothing to do with whether or not they had children.

God continues to use the gifts of all women in our society. God looks at each of us as complete humans today just as God does in Genesis 1. With this being said, motherhood should be entered into with love and freedom. Motherhood and mothering are beautiful calls. Yet if a woman is not called to be a mother or can not have children for various reasons, she should not feel shame. Childless women should continue to be accepted as whole members of the Body of Christ.

When the church gives awards to the oldest mother, new mothers or mothers of the most children, or gives gifts to only the women who have children, the church continues to reinforce specific roles of women. By the church neglecting the hearts of women who are not mothers, women continue to feel a sense of shame for “forgoing” the role of motherhood, even if it wasn’t a choice.

Granted, we should continue to appreciate mothers in our society and churches. Mothers spend countless hours trying to make lives better for their children. This should be celebrated but not at the cost of the hearts of the childless. What can we do to make Mother’s Day in churches a more inviting time for all women?

First of all, let us call forward the women of the Bible who would have struggled on a Mother’s Day. Sarah struggled as she watched Hagar give birth to Ishmael. Rachel watched as Leah gave birth to her husband’s children, while Rachel went, year after year, without birthing her own children. Tamar, daughter in law of Judah, watched as her husbands died, wondering if she would find the man who would get her pregnant. The daughter of Jephthah mourned the end of her life with her friends, knowing she would never bear children. Naomi lost both of her sons, and Ruth never had a child with her husband before he died. Hannah dealt with Peninnah, her husband’s other wife, as she teased Hannah relentlessly for being childless. Michal never bore the children of David. And Elizabeth suffered the upset for many years of never being able to have a child with Zachariah. Here we have a cloud of witnesses to childlessness and suffering. These are women whose experiences can speak to those of us without children. While most of these women eventually did give birth, their suffering is real. But we see the presence of God with each of these women as their wombs were closed or their circumstances did not afford them children.

Creating liturgies based upon these women in the Bible would validate the voices of the childless women in our congregations. It gives women a sense of validation to their pain and their circumstances.

As a church, it is crucial that we extend prayers to all women on Mother’s Day. We remember the women with many children, young children, a child who has recently died, those who have experienced miscarriage, infertility or painful births, those who have broken relationships with children and women who have not experienced motherhood at all.

Finally, Mother’s Day can be expanded to appreciate the contributions of all women. Mothering is more than being a mother. Our churches and societies are filled with nurturing, encouraging and strong women, whether they are mothers, teachers, pastors, neighbors, leaders or any women who takes us under their wing. Instead of giving gifts to only mothers, consider giving gifts to all adult women or any person who identifies as a mother. Let us validate the lives of all women — whether or not they are mothers. Let us encourage all women, whether married or single, mother or childless, as we continue the journey together. By doing so, women will be saved by being the women God called us to be.

The White Smoke Matters

14 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Current Events, Life, Pop, Social Media, Television

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Sports fans have the Superbowl.  Movie fans have the Oscars.  Theological fans have the conclave.

Facebook, Twitter and the entire internet exploded with the news of white smoke billowing from the Vatican.  As indication of a new pope was selected, we exchanged comments on the historical news of the hour.  I’ve seen and engaged in many interesting online conversations March 13, 2013 regarding the selection of Pope Francis I.  Very few of the friends I was communicating with were Roman Catholic, but the excitement transcended religion.  This was history.

Now, I’ve heard how some Protestants think a selection of a new pope may not impact us.  There are many who may not realize how much Vatican II impacted relationships between Catholics and other faiths.  They may not know that post-Vatican II music that Catholics created (songs like “Here I Am, Lord” and “One Bread, One Body”) have brought much beauty into our congregations.  When a change happens within one part of Christianity, it can’t help but impact the rest of Christianity.

While it’s tough to talk about, when doctrinal decisions are made, it impacts us too.  Sometimes, this means we are on the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to an issue.  The power that the Church has in influencing politics can be wonderful if it’s something we agree upon or difficult if it’s a divisive issue.  We see things in different ways because we hold different sources of authority.  For instance, Scripture and tradition are huge in the Catholic church.  In many of our Protestant faiths, we have Scripture and tradition, but we also have reason and our own experiences.  So we often arrive at issues from opposite ends.

But never forget that we are all part of this one Body of Christ.

And that’s the other reason we should care.  We are all God’s children made in God’s image.  We are all part of the same vine.  So we do care what happens in your faith.  We care that you feel connected to your denomination.  We rejoice with you that you have a new pope.  We cry with you when you have scandals that plague your churches.  Because we are all part of the Body of Christ, our common work feeding, clothing and healing provides greater resources for the Kingdom of God.

Let us keep the faith together even when we take separate spiritual paths.

To my Catholic friends – may God bless your Church, your new Pope Francis I and your clergy and lay members.  May God find ways to bring us together on issues such as poverty, creating a world where all have dignity.  May God give us love to disagree with one another peacefully on divisive issues.  And may we walk together in times of joy and times of sadness.  Amen.