Monthly Archives: January 2013

A New Valentine’s Day

29 Tuesday Jan 2013

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I do not like Valentine’s Day.  It’s yet another painful reminder of how my life has not followed a certain flow.

Yet I don’t want to remain stuck in the sticky web of melancholy on another holiday.  When I reframed New Year’s Eve this year, it was probably one of the best NYE’s in recent past.

Now I want to reframe Valentine’s Day.

There has to be more than the absence of cards and flowers.  There has to be a wide spectrum of joy on a day absent of romance.

So I need some ideas on how I can make my and others’ Valentine’s Day spectacular.  One plan is visiting some of our congregants in nursing homes.  How else can I bring joy and love to our world on a day that can be very discouraging for people?

Let’s come up with some ideas!

Sermon on the Side: Knowing Only in Part

25 Friday Jan 2013

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When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:11-12

When I was a child, or rather a young adult, I thought I knew everything there was about love.  I thought I knew everything there was to the person I loved.

Now I reason so much differently.

Nightswimming by REM represents the shift in understanding of what love truly means.  While the song was more popular and a significant memory in my early adult years, I’ve attained a deeper understanding of what the song means now that I’m twenty years older.

In fact, the song means so much more to me now than ever.  The version posted above is one performed by Michael Stipe years after the initial recording.  A sense of maturity and understanding echoes in his voice.  It is a maturity with which I identify as I reflect back on my younger years.

I thought I knew the one I loved.  But can we ever know the person with whom we fall in love?  Can we ever truly know our family members and our friends.

And so this line in Nightswimming says it all:

You I thought I knew you.  You I can not judge.  You I thought you knew me.

We truly think the people who love us know us.  We hold this misconception that we fully know the ones we love and interact with on a daily basis.

Each relationship that fails is based on two people thinking they know all there is to know about each other.  There’s sadness when relationships fail.

But what we forget is that we only see in a mirror.  We make judgments on unclear reflections.  Only God sees us for who we are.  If we could see the people we love with God’s eyes, our interactions would be so very different.

I believe there’s grace in knowing that everyone fails at understanding each other.  Everyone fails at knowing their deepest selves – – even with years of therapy and reflection.  All we can do in our lives is try our best to know one another and grasp the notion that we will never know everything about the people we love.

I thought I knew you.  But I see you in a dimly lit mirror.  I don’t know really know who you are.  I can not judge you.  Please do not judge me because you can only see parts of who I am.  Someday, we will see each other fully as God fully knows each of us.  Until that time, may grace and forgiveness may be abundant in our lives.

Have Facebook Envy?

24 Thursday Jan 2013

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How familiar I was with this video from  Brian Williams on tonight’s NBC News:

Facebook Envy – NBC Nightly News

As Williams says “…Facebook can full-on bum you out.”  While these world are not the typical words expected from a journalist, the sentiment could not be more true.

How many of you have Facebook Envy?

I have it all of the time.

I see my friends and old boyfriends married with children.  I see fabulous vacations all over the world, and new babies coming into the world.  I see major physical transformations, phenomenal jobs, great health.

My life seems so sub-par compared to all of your fantastic, perfect, well-orchestrated lives.

Granted, I think my life is pretty great.  Sure, I’ve dealt with car accidents, surgery and a disappointing love life.  But I love my job.  I love to write and have been able to write more in the past year.  I find myself on many mini life adventures, and I see God in random, odd and beautiful places.  I have so many people in my life who I truly love and feel their love in return.

And I go on Facebook because my friends truly are my community.

We pray together when times get rough.  We cheer for each other when something works out.  We repost each other’s writings.  We are family.  For better or worse, I am deeply connected to those who I primarily see on Facebook.

Yes, I will continue to feel bad about my non-existent plans on Valentine’s Day while seeing pictures of all of your gifts.  My heart will hurt a bit each time another friend gets engaged.  My womb will ache because I haven’t had children.  And I will continue to criticize myself when I see how easy it was for friends to lose weight.

I am human, after all.

As you read this, you may think to yourselves how your life is a lot less perfect than your Facebook profile.  Each of our lives have challenges, but our Facebook is typically our very best selves.  Facebook can be our best tool in connecting us with those we love or can be a source of repeated heartache.  How we frame our time on Facebook can be the difference between pain or joy.  What would it mean for us to remember each time we log on that Facebook is everyone’s brag book and everyone is still carrying a heavy load?

I wonder how would Jesus’ Facebook experience look like?  Here’s a guy who probably wasn’t married or had kids.  He wasn’t rich, and many people were saying some crazy things about him.

…As if Jesus would care.

In my belief, Jesus wouldn’t experience the same envy that some of us experience.  He’d just be happy having a relationship with each of his Facebook friends.  He would be praying with those who hurt and cheering with those who celebrate.

Yeah… I still have a ways to go to be like Jesus.

But I’m glad to see him all the time when I’m on Facebook…

The Inauguration of the First Lady’s Bangs

21 Monday Jan 2013

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What an amazing day for our country!  Anytime we have a president sworn into office, whether we agree with their politics or not, is a brilliant moment for our government.  We have achieved a peaceful transfer of power even when we don’t agree with the outcome.  Some people reading this article will be ecstatic that President Barack Obama has been sworn in for a second term, and others will be frustrated with his re-election.

That will not be the point of this post.

In talking about the first lady, very little is said about her.  Most of the mentions of the first lady today refer to her outfit and hairstyle, namely her new bangs.

Granted, Michelle Obama looks fabulous in her new bangs and fashionable wardrobe.  Yet Michelle Obama is an accomplished women on her own.  For her undergraduate, she attended Princeton University.  She received her law degree from Harvard Law School and even mentored the president before their marriage.  Michelle Obama champions issues regarding service members and their families and childhood obesity.

She’s not the only first lady whose accomplishments were shadowed by her appearance.

In 2010, Secretary of State/former Senator/former First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was asked what designer she was wearing.  This question was thrown at her: “Which designer do you prefer?”  The Secretary of State was on official business in Kyrgyzstan.  Her reply was “Would you ever ask a man that question?”  Additionally, Secretary Clinton’s pantsuits were often the subject of commentaries.

Our most recent three first ladies all have attained postgraduate degrees.  Laura Bush’s accomplishments of a Master’s in Library Science and work on women’s health and literacy were shadowed by her style throughout her husband’s presidency.

Last week, I watched the new show 1600 Penn.  During the episode, the president’s wife continues to receive questions about her wardrobes and fit upper arms as she tries to discuss policy issues.

Some things never change.

No matter the accomplishments of our first ladies, their appearance takes precedence over any other part of their personality or accomplishments.

Many like to refer to 1 Timothy 2 when it comes to women preaching in the churches.  However, few talk about verses 9-10: “also that the women should dress themselves modestly and decently in suitable clothing, not with their hair braided, or with gold, pearls, or expensive clothes, but with good works, as is proper for women who profess reverence for God.”

I’m not saying they shouldn’t dress fashionable from time to time.  Every woman should feel good in what they wear.  However, there’s more to each of these women than their style.  May these women experience beauty in their wardrobe but let us hear more of their accomplishments than their style selections.  If we can figure out how to celebrate these women for their acts rather than their wardrobe, our daughters, granddaughters and nieces will be stronger for it.

Healing Pain

19 Saturday Jan 2013

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I’m sore.

This past Tuesday, I had my second laparoscopy for Endometriosis.  Because it had been nine years since my last laparoscopy, I don’t remember all of my post-operative pains that resulted from the first procedure.  Yet, I knew I was going to experience some soreness.

As much discomfort as I have experienced in the past few days, I must admit that I have had pain much, much worse.  In the past six months, my pain level has reached a ten.  The discomfort I’ve experienced in the past few days since my surgery does not compare to the days and nights of debilitating cramps.

Yet there is still pain, and my body is still healing.

But I can no longer classify my aches as a destructive pain.  Since this surgery, the discomfort I’m experiencing is a healing pain.

My post-operative pains remind me of this scene from Grey’s Anatomy.  When we surface from a surgical procedure that saves our life or our quality of life, we are no longer (or less) captive to the agony that tore our lives apart.  We have been released from the bondage of misery and are now crossing the threshold to a new phase of living.

Healing pains apply to emotional and spiritual injuries as well.  When I was in Clinical Pastoral Education in 2008, we were given the illustration that spiritual/emotional healing is like a wound healing on our body.  Injuries can heal incorrectly.  But if we want to truly heal the wound, we must clean out the sore.  If a bone is healing incorrectly, the bone must be broken once again and then reset.  How much pain does that cause?  How do we try to avoid that extra pain when we are in the healing process?

Healing means we must face pain directly.  It’s pouring alcohol in an open wound.  It’s having surgery to avoid destructive pain.  It’s going to therapy and talking through our issues.

And it’s knowing that God is in the wound with us – – whether we are healing or the sore is new.

I do hurt, but I won’t suffer forever.  I know my current pain is part of the journey to healing and wholeness.

Not a “Leftover Woman”

18 Friday Jan 2013

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It’s tough to hear that women of a certain age are considered “leftovers.”

In China, women who are not married by 30 are “leftover women.”  Society believes that they are like “yellowed pearls”, that the older the pearls are the less valuable they are.

Is it much different in our society?  Sure, thirty doesn’t hold the same stigma as it used to here in the US.  But, in Western culture, are we looked down upon if we are over forty and still single?

I like to think of myself as a fine wine: the older I get, the more appealing I am.  Granted, in some ways I was more physically attractive in my twenties.  Yet now that I’m about to turn forty, I believe I know myself better.  In knowing myself, I tend to like myself more.  I believe that most of us, both men and women, are closer to their best selves as they approach middle age.

And I must admit that I am less fearful of being killed by a terrorist than I am scared of being stuck in an unhealthy marriage.

Even from Scripture, I don’t find a need to rush into marriage.  Song of Solomon 3:5 reminds us not to “love until it is ready.”  There is a time for love as Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us.  There is a ebb and flow to life, so why are we trying to force something that isn’t authentically present?

Women in the United States, China and every country in between: do not settle.  Do not give up all of your dreams but find someone who will seek your dreams with you.  If you are strong and happy as you are, you will  never be a “leftover woman” but a woman of courage and character.  There is someone who will love you just as you are.

Surgery beyond television dramas

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

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I’ve watched every episode of Grey’s Anatomy multiple times.  And many episodes of ER.  And a few episodes of St. Elsewhere.  I love medicine, and visiting hospitals absolutely does not gross me out.

That being said, facing surgery tomorrow is freaking me out.

I have endometriosis, a condition of migrating tissue.  Through laparoscopic surgery, I am able to get some relief from the pain and discomforts of my condition.

I had this surgery in December 2003.  With the exception of a little reaction to the anesthesia, I recovered fairly well and the results of the surgery delayed further growth.  I am fortunate that I’ve gone nine years without another surgery.

However, during the past six months, I’ve experienced horrific pain and other abdominal health issues.  My fatigue has been worse.  My life has been limited by my condition, and I want to live fully again.

So often, I visit people in hospitals immediately before their surgeries and in the days following.  As I’ve had to go under the knife, I remember the fear that people face when they, too, must have surgery.

Now it’ s my turn.

I don’t believe God is making me endure this surgery – – either because I’ve done something bad or because I need to learn a lesson somehow.  Instead, God goes with me into the surgery.  God sits with me as I freak out on my couch tonight.  God stands next to the operating table, stands with the doctors and nurses, gives wisdom to the anesthesiologist and gives peace to my parents in the waiting room.  God is in all of these places bringing strength and peace.

So I value your prayers, my friends.  If you are not a praying person, I value any thoughts, energy and love you send my way.  To me, all of these things sends a peaceful and healing energy into my life.  I am blessed to know that the people in my church, my clergy friends from around the country and my endosisters (women with endometriosis) all over the world are thinking about me.  Because of this energy and God’s constant presence, I know that I’m not alone.

Loving God,
Thank you for your gift of medicine,
Your doctors and nurses,
For family and friends who care.
Guide the hands of medical professionals,
Bring wisdom to their minds.

I pray for all others having surgery tomorrow and this month.
I pray for all caregivers,
And I pray for those who struggle with the same medical condition I have.
In the healing name of Jesus the Christ I pray, Amen.

The Great Cleanse

12 Saturday Jan 2013

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As some of you know, I’m having surgery this coming Tuesday.  And whenever I face surgery, I get a little (or very) introspective.

I think with the new year, cleaning out a great deal of my house, facing surgery and turning 40 this year, I’m looking at every part of my life in great detail.  So this may be my most personal blog post to-date.

And right now, I’m reflecting on why I’ve never found “the right man.”

Sure, there’s more than one right person for each of us.  And I’ve come close once or twice.  But I’ve been asking myself what has held me back all of these years?

First of all, I’ve often believed I was not “good enough”: not smart enough, definitely not pretty enough, too awkward.  From the time I was in middle school until now, I have rarely experienced feeling loved “just as I am.”

I’ve dated, crushed and had the prospect of dating a number of wonderful guys.  Sure, some are remembered more fondly than others.  But when it comes to dating, I always perceived that I was the one being overlooked (except for about 2 days in 1992).

Then, I was always the girl who dated the guy right before the guy found “the one.”  Seriously.  Almost always.  There’s something to be said about guys constantly finding the right one immediately after dating, contemplating a relationship, etc.  In fact, after a five year relationship, the guy got engaged to a girl eight months later.  The message of non-marriage material became cemented in my mind.

So for most of 25 years I’ve carried around this overbearing inferiority complex.  And it’s time for it to change…to leave my heart, mind and soul…

The second major reason I am single is that I’m scared of what it would mean for me to be in a relationship.  Whenever I’ve been in relationships, I find myself changing who I am.  I lose part of myself.  I have to move or give up plans for a guy.  I don’t like having to be the one who has to give up a career/change a name/lose friends/leave a town/give up dreams just to make a guy happy.  From most of my experience and most of the relationships I’ve seen, it’s always the woman giving up something for a man.  For me, I’ve learned to love being single rather than losing part of myself.  But then, in recent years, I’ve seen how friends find relationships where both of their dreams and identities are honored.  So relationships like this have to exists.

Now all of you know why I’m nearly 40 and single.

So as I’ve cleaned my house and having surgery to be “cleaned out” (so to speak), I’m cleaning out my heart as well.  I am no longer going to think that I am not “good enough.”  I’m at least average pretty.  I’m not “too fat.”  I’m fairly smart and have strong talents in certain areas.  While I’m not trying to air my dirty laundry for the world to see, I’m needing to be transparent with this, to be held accountable, to not to slide back and think I’m “less than.”

To repeat myself: the guys I’ve dated have been great guys.  I can no longer internalize why these things didn’t work.  Maybe it’s just that I wasn’t the right one for that particular guy – not that I wasn’t altogether pretty/smart.  Looking back, none of these guys were the right one for me either, but it doesn’t mean that they weren’t the right one for someone.  Likewise, I’m reframing the way I look at this: it’s not because I wasn’t pretty/talented/smart.  It was because either the two of us didn’t click at the level where two people should (who want to date/marry), or it was because God is calling us both in a different direction.

I am not a conventional woman.  Breaking the mold is who I am.  I’m quirky.  And I’m in a unique career: a female clergy. I’ve spent the past 25 years preparing myself for this call.  I’ve taken the past 25 years to get to know who I am.  For some people, dating and finding the right one is easy.  It’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m broken beyond repair.  God is the God of second chances and grace.  So now is my time to grasp that grace and shine.  It’s time for me to know that I am no more or less flawed than anyone else.  It’s time for me to believe that I can find someone someday… I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and someone will cherish me as I will cherish him.

There is a season for everything… a time to keep and a time to throw away… Well, this is my time to throw away thoughts that have held me back…

And there is a time to love… and that will come soon…

Thanks for reading.  This was a deeply personal post.  I hope that someone reading this will see that all of us are made in God’s beautiful image and that each of us deserve love and second chances.

Sermon on the Side: Baptism According to Carrie Bradshaw

09 Wednesday Jan 2013

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As most of you probably know by now, I do not approach theology in the most conventional ways.  Some of you may be shocked to know that one of my favorite all time shows is Sex and the City.  While some readers may not agree with all of the content, the show has given me the chance to realize I’m not alone in my singlehood.

While I am delighted by each episode of the series, one of the most theologically thought-provoking episodes of the series was the season five episode “Unoriginal Sin.”

Miranda is having a tough time agreeing to have her son baptized.  Her son’s father, Steve, wants to have Baby Brady baptized for a few different reasons: so the baby doesn’t go to hell/limbo, so the baby has a party and to make his mom happy.  Most likely an agnostic, Miranda decides to go ahead with the baptism.

At the same time, Carrie is going through a faith and hope crisis of her own.  She begins to write her column with the following:

“That night, I started to think about belief. Maybe it’s not even advisable to be an optimist after the age of 30. Maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily… like moisturizer. Otherwise, how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? What’s the harm in believing?”

So there Carrie, holding the child at the baptismal font as Baby Brady’s godmother.  As the water drips from the baby’s head onto Carrie’s arm, she thinks to herself “I couldn’t help but hope the water would wash away some of my original cynicism.”  To Carrie, this sacrament might not have been explicitly about God or forgiveness, but it may have opened rebirth, grace and hope for her.  Maybe the water will renew her spirit and wash away the cynicism from her heart.

This episode has my eyes to see baptism beyond the normal outward sign of God’s grace.  Baptism has the potential to do the following:

  • Brings people together
  • Gives people comfort about the spiritual security of their loved one
  • Reminds people of rebirth, grace and hope
  • Allows us the opportunity to welcome another child of God into the Body of Christ
  • Keeps the doors open to the sacred side of tradition

I think there are many reasons people go through with baptism, and this episode reflects upon that.  But the beautiful thing is how baptism impacts the entire body of Christ, not just the baby (or adult being baptized).  Each person in attendance is affected by being in the presence of a baptism.

How are each of us changed when we see another person baptized?  What does baptism mean to you?

An appeal to Christians in 2013

01 Tuesday Jan 2013

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Dear Fellow Christians,

After giving it much thought, I think the message of the Good News is being threatened.

Many people are leaving churches and turning their backs on Christianity.  Why?  Because people who speak on behalf of Jesus the Christ are dismissing the most important part of Christ’s message: Love.

About twenty years ago, I was rejecting Christianity myself.  When I was in college, I had experiences that led me to believe that Christianity was the religion of hypocrisy.  In the name of Christ, some were misusing their power to control and manipulate others.  When visiting churches, people were more concerned about their dress or hobnobbing with friends than greeting others with Christ’s love.

I could not see the presence of God in church or surrounding many Christians.

Fortunately, by my mid-twenties, I began to find the light in the Body of Christ.  I found my way back to church and began to see the presence of God in new and exciting ways.  There were times I still found doubt in the goodness of Christianity, especially when my beliefs weren’t “good enough” for people.  But I knew that spreading the message of Christ’s radical love was more important for me to focus on than negative remarks heading my way.

But not everyone is there.

Many people think that Christianity is the religion of rules and perfect morality.  People think we care more about getting into heaven instead of making heaven here on earth.  The message of Christ’s radical, enduring love has fallen short because Christians misuse the name of Jesus the Christ to correct and control other people.

And why not?  Mahatma Gandhi once stated “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”  This is a perfect example of the reputation Christianity now has in the world.

Thinking back to 2012, I remember stories like the exclusion of my friend’s church from a softball league because he identified as bisexual.  Rev. James Darnell Semmelroth was the pastor of the church but did not participate in the games.  Even though the pastor wasn’t playing, some churches didn’t want to associate with the church in any capacity.

While I am a straight ally, I understand that not everyone is at the place where they agree with gay marriage, ordination, etc.  But for the love of LOVE, can’t we put aside our theological differences and eat together, laugh together, even play softball together?  Love means crossing boundaries to embrace a person as a child of God, whether or not you agree with them.  Jesus ate and associated with all people.  He set “rules” aside as he healed people on the Sabbath.  To Jesus, love and relationships trump dogmas and fears.  By associating with people unlike ourselves, we hear personal narratives and learn to understand each other deeply.

We hear how Westboro Baptist Church wants to protest all sorts of funerals because we’re such a sin-ridden country.  In 2012, we heard various clergy blaming LGBT persons/allies for Hurricane Sandy and atheists for the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.  Do they realize how their hateful words ripples into our world?  Do they realize their loud voices are drowning so many voices of love and compassion?  Do they really think this is the message of the all-inclusive Christ?

Yes, maybe I’m being judgmental.  But I’ll be honest… stories like these may be why many people are turning their back on Christianity.  Many of the messages linked to Christianity are not ones of love.  The Good News can not be heard.  Because of this, many people find no use for Christianity anymore.  And I can understand why they’ve reached that conclusion.

So for 2013, I challenge all of us Christians to break the boundaries of love.  Let us love radically.  If there is someone who you feel like judging, try to talk with them and understand their story.  If there is someone who you fear, pray and understand why you may fear them.  You do not have to agree with them.  But in your love and escaping your comfort zone, you are being a witness to the greatest love of all time: the unconditional love of God that we Christians see in Christ.  Let our voices be louder than those of judgment and hate.

I realize that no matter how hard I try, this doesn’t mean I’m not going to mess up or misrepresent Christ now and again.  I wouldn’t try to misrepresent Christ’s love on purpose, but I think as humans we all tend to make errors now and again.  Sometimes these errors come out of misunderstanding or fear.  As a person of the Christian faith, my goal is to continuously find ways to focus on the radical love of Christ.  Allowing this steadfast love to trample any fears and to clear misunderstandings will bring us closer as humans.

All I can do as a Christian is keep on trying.

If Jesus, the one who knew God greater than any of us, was able to love outside of the box, then maybe we should give it a try.  Because if we call ourselves Christians and do not love, what kind of witness are we to our faith?

Instead of hearing messages of judgment and hate, what if people saw Christians feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, advocating for the voiceless?  What if we told people who have been discriminated against, bullied, beaten, blamed and shamed that God loves you just as you are?  What if we started a campaign to bring the louder voice of loving Christianity to the world?  What if people realized that this is the true Good News of Christianity worth sharing?  The worst that can happen is that by January 1, 2014, people will see Christianity being the religion of Christ’s radical love more clearly.  If you have any ideas, post below.  Let’s go for it!