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Michelle L. Torigian

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Michelle L. Torigian

Monthly Archives: April 2016

Single in the Sanctuary: To My Never-Existed 18-Year-Old

28 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

child-free, Childless, Childlessness, Grace, Mother's Day, motherhood, Single, single in the sanctuary, Singlehood

merrygoround2When I was young, I thought I was going to have children.  I thought I was going to have my first child at 25 after getting married at 22.  I was so sure that this was the way that my life was going to turn out.

For years I wanted to have children.  And then something changed.  Maybe it was turning 40 before meeting an appropriate significant other.  Maybe it was enjoying my child-free life the way it was.  Maybe it was meeting someone who I could see spending time with as a couple… not a family.

As I see my friends’ children growing more and more as each year passes, I think to myself “there is no way that I could be a mom of a child of this age.”

And then it hit me: if I would have had my child when I planned on having one, I would have an 18-year-old now as I am now 43.

I would see her or him graduating high school and making decisions on where they would go for college.  I would see them getting ready for their senior prom.  I may be facing the beginning of empty-nest syndrome.  I’d be warning him or her about the dangers of drinking too much, setting your drink down at a bar or party, making sure to call when they got to where they were going and reminding them to be safe when it came to sex and driving.

I would think about how quickly those childhood years went and hoped it would have gone more slowly.  And a small part of me would be relieved that they were finally an adult and I could begin the next chapter of my life.

Instead, I don’t have any of this.  Do I wish I would have had these experiences?  Maybe?  Probably?  Do I feel sad that it never happened?  Not too often at all.

Will I regret the way my life turned out?  Probably not regarding children.  Occasionally, twinges of wonder rattle my soul.  And occasionally the musing that I may have missed something sacred.  But I’ve found mothering moments.  I’ve given birth to dreams.

And I look forward to watching my dreams grow from their infantile stage into mature realities.

 

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Prince, Tabitha, and That Which Ceases to Die

22 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Music, Pop, Pop Culture

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Tags

1999, Acts 9, Batdance, Batman, cold war, Darling Nikki, death, Jesus, Let's Go Crazy, Nothing Compares 2U, Prince, progressive Christianity, religion, Resurrection, Tabitha

imageDearly Beloved… We are called today to get through this thing called life…

In the midst of our difficult days and questions floating through our heads, we cringed yesterday afternoon when hearing that one who brought the tunes to our childhood and early adult years ceased to be.

No more concerts.  No more physical presence among us.  No longer here.

I remember the soundtrack of my life.  I remember when the ever-so-edgy “Darling Nikki” was sung at the top of my classmates voices during a 1984 slumber party.  I probably didn’t know very much about its meaning – I was only 12 – but it was solidly embedded in my culture.

I remember when the words of Prince’s “Nothing Compares 2U” comforted me the night of my first real breakup, hearing the soothing melody ring out from Sinead’s voice.

I remember our pom pon routine to the latter part of “Batdance” – the routine we performed on the night I started dating my college boyfriend.  And I remember that Arms of Orion was really my favorite tune of his Batman soundtrack.

I remember riding over the Sunshine Skyway Bridge as the song “Little Red Corvette” blasted from the tapedeck during the great spring break of 1993.  And when I hear that song, I think of my friend who is no longer alive.

I remember the moment in the past year or so when I realized more years had passed since year 1999 than existed between 1984 (the year the song was written) and the actual 1999.  And I remember really, really listening to the lyrics of 1999, knowing how frightened I was in the mid-1980’s of the world exploding one day because of nuclear weapons.

It is with great sadness that Prince is no longer alive.

It is with great joy that Prince is still alive.

Here’s what the resurrection stories of all sorts – especially the story of Tabitha in Acts 9 – reminds us: that even after our physical death, our gifts don’t die. While the narrative includes a physical resuscitation of Tabitha, the real miracle was that she was alive before her resurrection through her talents.   Like the women surrounding the body of Tabitha at her wake celebrating her gifts and showing off her arts, we have spent the past 24 hours sharing tune after tune of Prince’s most meaningful tunes.  We have shared stories passed on to us of what his music meant in our greatest and worst moments of our lives.  We have mentioned the narratives we heard about the great things he had done under the radar.

Through the great resurrection narrative of Jesus the Christ, resurrection happens.  Songs and stories and shared talents keep people alive.

And that is why Prince remains with us forever.

 

 

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A Request for Time

05 Tuesday Apr 2016

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

carpe diem, Life, progressive Christianity, snooze, snooze-button, Time

Phone Sept 2014 4016I want time to slow down.

Another week, another reminder that time stops for no one.  The clock continues to tick in a clockwise movement into the future.

I sleep, and time progresses.  I pause for a moment in a garden or park under the Eden-like 72 degree realm, and the minutes move forward.

I watch those around me and their minds and bodies and souls begin to dilute into a watered-down version of their younger selves.  I stare into the mirror and notice a new mark, a new wrinkle, a new gray hair has adorned my aging body.

Some days, I just need to pause – to let this reality catch up to my heart.  But life does not come with a snooze button.  When the alarms sound, it’s time to move.  When the clock displays six or seven or eight in the morning, it’s time to embrace reality no matter how much it hurts.

So in this snooze-free world, stop under the blossom trees.  Breathe in the aroma of the budding tulips.  Move about creation as if there isn’t enough time to embrace each acre of nature.

Know that life keeps moving forward but each wrinkle we embrace, each sun-filled afternoon we soak in, and each time we share love with another person becomes part of our eternal selves.

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