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Michelle L. Torigian

~ God Goes Pop Culture

Michelle L. Torigian

Category Archives: Movies

A Prayer for All of the Buddy the Elves

10 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by mictori in Holidays, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Buddy, Buddy the Elf, Christmas, Christmas Joy, Elf, Elf Movie, Prayer, Prayers

elf

Elf © Warner Home Video.

God of the expanding Christmas season-
Where trees and songs and lights are always in our peripheral view if not directly in front of us-
We recognize all of the people who have a “Buddy the Elf” life. 

They don’t fit in one world or another.  They are outcasts in every context they inhabit-  Some in towns too small and others in cities too large and where neighbors have too little holiday spirit.  They may be in the process of coming acquainted with their new surroundings.

Identity crises have claimed their Buddy-like souls right now.  They begin to question who they are.  Their past makes no sense and their future paths are a mystery.

And even when questions are looming over their heads and hovering from behind, their heart blazes with excitement that is rarely experienced.

They have every reason to be sad or cynical.  Yet optimism is their default setting.

And so we pray our Buddy is loved just as they are.  May our Buddy continue to live with one foot in the real world and another in their glistening utopia.  May our Buddy realize their true gifts of carriers of the Christmas Spirit.

And may their joy infect all of us who may be feeling a bit irritable or discontent in the midst of this season.

Amen.

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Death’s Frequent Visits and the Spirit Which Remains

28 Wednesday Dec 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Movies, Music, Pop, Pop Culture, Sports, Television

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2016, 2016 and Death, Abe Vigoda, Alan Rickman, Alan Thicke, Carrie Fisher, David Bowie, death, Garry Marshall, Gen-X, Gene Wilder, Generation X, George Gaines, George Kennedy, George Michael, Glen Frey, James Noble, Maurice White, Mohammad Ali, Our Town, Pat Harrington, Prince, Ron Glass

carrie_fisher_2013_cropped_retouched“2016 has been a terrible year,” I’ve heard repeatedly since January.  First, it was David Bowie, quickly followed by Alan Rickman.  Over the year shocking and unexpected announcements were made about the deaths of Prince, Mohammad Ali and Gene Wilder.

We can’t forget the many people who had smaller roles in our seventies/eighties pop culture: George Gaines from Punky Brewster and Police Academy, George Kennedy from The Naked Gun movies, James Noble from Benson, Ron Glass and Abe Vigoda from Barney Miller, and the Pat Harrington from One Day at a Time.  Creators like Garry Marshall who gave us Happy Days and Pretty Woman aren’t here anymore. Even music got a little quieter when Maurice White from Earth, Wind and Fire as well as Glen Frey from The Eagles died.

And then this month happened.

Our beloved 80’s dad Alan Thicke tragically and suddenly passed due to a malfunctioning aorta.  Then came Carrie Fisher’s heart attack on an airplane.  They said she was stable… so she should be ok, right?  Before we heard any more on her condition, George Michael died on Christmas Day.  Two days later, Fisher died.

For my fellow Generation X-ers, our entire childhood is fading fast before us.  Two thousand sixteen reminded us of this.

george_michael_02_bisThe Grim Reaper’s frequent visits happen occasionally.  In my personal life, I remember the uncomfortable year of 1994.  First, my grandma died of metastatic breast cancer.  Then my grandfather had a massive stroke.  Finally, my grandfather’s brother died from a sudden heart attack in the doctor’s office.  My soul felt a bit worn by the end of the year – especially after a breakup of a long term relationship in October.

Grief is the greatest experience I remember from that year.  It’s amazing how so much grief will cloud one specific year of your life.

alan_rickman_after_seminar_28329As a pastor, I see how death comes in waves.  There are times when we have three funerals in one week.  Or there are times when our congregations seem like they’ve lost so many people in one year.  All Saint’s Sunday is filled with names of our recently deceased read aloud.  I’ve seen this happen in two specific years of my ministry so far: 2010 and 2015.

These are people who we knew and with whom we spoke and with whom I worked.  This still makes me why we experience so much grief when a celebrity dies.

We’ve never really knew them – we think to ourselves.  But their contribution to the soundtracks and movies of our lives leads us to consider them a close part of who we are and our life experiences.  Remember the middle school sleepovers and singing Prince songs at 1a.m…. or how many times we watched Alan Rickman in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves during the summer of 1991 – – right after graduating high school.  Or how many Star Wars movies with Carrie Fisher did we see on the big screen.  The first I watched at the theaters was Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.  Leia is the one who rescues her beloved and then strangles her captor after she is enslaved.  Fisher brought to life one of the strongest females on screen – transforming from a strong-willed princess to a general in charge of the continuing rebellion.

prince_at_coachella_001They are part of our stories, and we are forever grateful for their existence and contributions.  We are grateful for their vulnerability in art.

Which reminds me of the lines in the play Our Town.  After the main female protagonist Emily dies from childbirth, she yearns to experience life once again.  She experiences a semi-ordinary day in her life – giving her the realization that she really didn’t experience life while she ways living it.  Emily says to the state manager narrator of the story: “Does anyone ever realize life while they live it… every, every minute?  The Stage Manager replies “No.  Saints and poets maybe… they do some.”

David.  Alan. Gene. Maurice. Prince. Alan. George. Carrie.  You felt all of  the feelings.  Your experience of emotions influenced your craft in generous and ingenious ways.  You were the saints and poets that were mentioned by the Stage Manager in Our Town.  You experienced the range of emotions – even to the point when it affected your health and well-being.  And you are gone today.  But your experiences remain with you forever on that side of heaven where all of you abide.  Fortunately, your gifts remain with us forever.

Thank you for your gifts, your risks, your authenticity.  Thank you for being you.

Death cannot take you fully away from us because your lasting contributions are still here. This is what everyday resurrection is about.  2016 did not win.

*****

(I missed many other artists and leaders who passed this year as well and who contributed so much.  For a full list of notable people who died in 2016, see this article.)

 

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Single in the Sanctuary: In Search of a “Normal Life”

10 Tuesday May 2016

Posted by mictori in Movies, Pop, Pop Culture, Single in the Sanctuary, Television

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Be Yourself, Carrie Bradshaw, Ex and the City, God, Grace, Imago Dei, Oscar Wilde, Sex and the City, Single, single in the sanctuary, Stepford Wives, The Way We Were

sw

© 2004 Paramount Pictures and Dreamworks Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

True confession: I have had many moments when I wish I was a Stepford Wife…

Now, 90-95% of my life I wouldn’t want to be a cookie cutter girl.  And if you know me, you know that I’m far from being cut from the same cloth as everyone else.

In my twenties, I was a member of the Junior League.  As most of the members were wives with husbands who made upper-middle to lower-upper class salaries, my single self who made a lower-middle class non-profit salary felt extremely out of place.  There were more times in those early years when I wanted to have the lives of the women who surrounded me.

The harder I tried to have lives like theirs, the more I was being called away from that lifestyle.  I was a trapezoid-shaped peg attempting to fit into a round hole.

Since my twenties, I stopped caring about living the rich or semi-rich life and having a bazillion square foot house – especially now that I’m a pastor.  I appreciate being able to support myself and take pride in not “needing” a man to take care of me but rather having a man in my life to walk besides me.

Being single past your early-to-mid thirties is hard to swallow – mostly because we’re different than most of society.  Some days adapting to this is not exactly easy.  I remember questioning God and shaking my fist to the Divine.  Why can’t my life be as “ideal” as most of those around me, God?

Of course, ideal is what it looks like on the outside… We don’t know what happens offline…

Remember when Carrie Bradshaw says to her friends in a season two episode of Sex and the City “The world is made up of two types of women: the simple girls and the Katie girls.  I’m a Katie girl.”  The “Katie girl” is in reference to Barbara Streisand’s character in The Way We Were.  Carrie was another trapezoid-shaped peg trying to fit into a round hole.    There are people who follow social graces, speak well, dress impeccably, have perfect home and look like a polished human being.  That was not Carrie Bradshaw.

That is not me.  And at 43, I’m pretty resigned to the fact that it will never be me.

I wasn’t made to be a Stepford Wife or president of Junior League or a simple girl or a cookie-cutter life.  I wasn’t called to have a life that mirrors most everyone else.  I wasn’t made to be the same as most of my friends and colleagues.  I am quirky, nerdy, weird and wonderfully made.

I aspire to one day own a townhouse.  I hope to have a smaller wedding someday that reflects who we are as a couple and looks much less like a production.  I hope to keep preaching, keep writing, keep advocating and keep being just slightly more quirky than most people I know.

Simple Girls, Stepford Wives and normal people who fit the mold of a cookie-cutter (if they truly exist) are just as much made in God’s image, loved by God, used by God and are called by God.  And those of us who are “Katie girls” who don’t fit molds and are weird and nerdy and complicated in almost every part of their lives are also made in God’s image, loved by God, used by God and are called by God.  We are all just asked by God to share God’s love in a variety of ways.

In the words of Oscar Wilde “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

 

 

 

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Single in the Sanctuary: The Last Single Girl

07 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Carrie Bradshaw, Church, mature singles, progressive Christian singles, progressive Christian women, progressive Christianity, SATC, Sex and the City, Sex and the City Movie, Single, single in the sanctuary, singles, The Last Single Girl, young adults

In the 2008 Sex and the City movie, Carrie Bradshaw, 40 years old, gets engaged to longtime love Mr. Big.  The editors at Vogue offer to photograph her in various wedding dresses.  Enid, her editor at Vogue, tells her that the feature will be called “The Last Single Girl.”

“Well, I’m hardly the last single girl,” Carrie exclaims.

Editor Enid replies “No, but 40 is the last age a woman can be photographed in a wedding gown without the unintended Diane Arbus subtext.”

Is Enid implying that the last age a woman is able to wear in a fluffy, tulle-skirted wedding dress is at 40?    Should brides mute their celebratory looks for something more matronly?

And what if we’re not even close to being ready to getting married?  What if we’re over 40 and there’s no proposals on the horizon?  Should we just erase any current Pinterest hopeful board of wedding dresses and begin a new one entitled “the older bride”?

older bride

(By the way… this is what a screenshot of an “older bride” search looks like on Pinterest.  It looks quite Vogue-worthy to me.  And none of these women look like “Old Maids” or “Last Single Girls.”)

So…Does Any of This Matter?

Let’s step away from weddings because I’m sure many of us reading this aren’t ready to get married in the immediate future.  We wonder if society thinks that single women over 40 have transition themselves from vibrant young women to “Old Maids”.  We often inappropriately believe ourselves a rare breed because we didn’t conform to society’s limited expectations and marry before 40.

Yes, there have been times when I feel like I’m the LAST SINGLE GIRL – especially before I met my current boyfriend.  I celebrated my 40th birthday dateless, surrounded by fabulous friends, and filled with a spirit that was well-younger than 40.

Phone Sept 2014 025

See… This is not a girl who was ready to move into the Old Maid category.  

I do look at the lives of my friends, and I’m definitely one of the few never-married single girls.  To see and embrace yourself as one of the LAST SINGLE GIRLS is a difficult realization.  Maybe you’ll think to yourself “When did this happen?  What did I do to arrive at this place now that I’m over 40?”

And, if you’re anything like me, you may look around most churches you’ve attended and feel like the LAST SINGLE GIRL in the church and most contexts in your life… most of the time at least.

I imagine that there will be some of you reading this who feel like the LAST SINGLE GIRL in the world, in the church, in their group of friends and in their families.

It goes without saying… in reality, you are not the LAST SINGLE GIRL.  Hardly!  We are out there in steady numbers!  We are no longer old maids.  We are no longer alone.  We are valid just attempting to live life as fully as possible.  No one is worth any less because of their marital status.

As a clergy member and person who often writes about being a single progressive Christian, I will meet people who have never been married or married around 40 or later.   There are people in our churches who are single of all ages – from 22 to 40 to 65.  And each person is where they are right now for better or worse.   They tell me their stories of meeting their spouse a little later down the road and the bliss of finding a healthy relationship when the time – and their lives – were just right.

It’s not our job as churches to segregate THE LAST SINGLE GIRLS from the rest of our church.  But it’s our job to walk along side of people to bring them comfort in their current status.  It’s our responsibility to integrate them into church life, worship and activities.  And it’s our call to hope with our unmarried sisters and brothers if they yearn to meet a partner in the future.

*****

In the near future, it’s my intention to read the book All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation  by Rebecca Traister.  For more reflections based on the book and how it may impact the way communities of faith relate to unmarried persons, follow me here at michelletorigian.com.

In the meantime, join the conversation on being unmarried and a progressive Christian here.

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Tamar’s Sisters

29 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Movies, Music, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Diane Warren, Lady Gaga, rape, Rape on College Campus, Resilience, sexual assault, Tamar rape, Til It Happens To You

lady-gaga-oscars-2016-performance-video

Photo from justjared.com

Did you see Tamar’s sisters tonight on the Oscars?

Did you see how this disgraced daughter of David’s story never died?  It keeps happening.  But it no longer stays silent.

Did you see how her twenty-first century sisters’ stories continue to rise?   The powers that be tried to control them. The powers that be tried to silence all of them.  And like the phoenix rises from the ashes, they remain quiet no more.  They sing.  They write.  Their voice is released from the closed box of shame.

Stop for a moment.  How many of Tamar’s sisters do you know?  How many young women on college campuses or in cars or apartments found their bodies invaded?

We all know someone, even if they’ve never told us their story.  Maybe their too embarrassed.  Maybe they believe that no one will believe them.  Maybe they’ve been told that “it never happened.”  But it did.  It happened.

Tamar’s sisters keep moving.  They keep living in ways that Tamar herself couldn’t.  They learn to love fully.  They find ways to heal – at least down to one remaining scar.

To Tamar and to her sisters: we will believe you.  We will listen.  We will make you feel like your story matters.

And like Tamar, your resilience will rise.

Beautiful performance tonight by Lady Gaga at the 88th Academy Awards ceremony.  Click here to find out more about the It’s On Us initiative to stop sexual assault.

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My Annual Midlife Crisis

29 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by mictori in Holidays, Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Childless, Childlessness, crisis, Grace, married, Middle Age, Middle Aged, Single, While We're Young

watch

Last night, I was watching Noah Baumbach’s recent film While We’re Young.  A forty-something childless couple begins to hang out with a twenty-something, spontaneous, energetic couple.  Being influenced by the junior husband and wife, the elder couple (which, of course, is only a year or two older than I am today) starts to change their activities to revive their aging lives.  Without giving much of the plot away, their new lifestyle finds its expiration date, naturally.

In the ebb and flow to life, the two Gen-Xers eventually face the missing elements of their lives with honesty.  Josh (Ben Stiller) says to Cornelia (Naomi Watts), “I’m 44 and there are things I will never do.  Things I won’t have.”

Josh’s words ring true to many of us who have crossed the threshold into our early middle-age years.  We begin to take inventory of what we’ve attained and what we haven’t.  We stop running from the mirror which indicates our current lives and our actual ages.

And, for the first time, we admit that there will be things that we’ll never do or have.

Each year, in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, I take stock of what I’ve accomplished in the past year as well as the mistakes I’ve made.  I try to offer myself some grace as I confront shortcomings.  But mostly I sit with the melancholy of not having certain things in my life and the achievements that I haven’t yet grasped.

Admittedly, there are always tears in the week between Christmas and New Year’s.

I’m 42 years old.  As much as I’m 19 years old in my heart, I’m a middle-aged woman.  There are some things I will never do and never have.  At this point, I probably won’t have a child and definitely won’t give birth to one.  I’ll never win any major awards, run a marathon, skydive (totally fine with that one) or become a US president, senator or congresswoman.  I won’t be a millionaire or a physician.  I’m ready to leave some of those possibilities behind, and others may take a while to toss aside.

But as I look ahead, there still is life.  I still have the chance to walk a marathon, write a book, influence lives and advocate for the voiceless.  I will sit with people as their life slows down.  I’ll meet new people and speak my truth in new ways. Life may not yet be quite half-over for me, so some of the things I dreamed about are still possible.  And while my body doesn’t look or work the same way it did 10 or 20 years ago, my mind continues to grow and my confidence blooms.

What 2016 will bring – I’m not sure.  But as my body ages and the expected aches begin to intensify and multiply, my vigorous mind and soul will continue to listen for God’s relentless call for my life.

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Star Wars, Sandy Hook and the Scene I Want Erased

18 Friday Dec 2015

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Episode 3, Episode 7, Episode III, Episode VII, Newtown, progressive Christianity, Revenge of the Sith, Sandy Hook, Star Wars, The Force Awakens

star_wars_episode_iii_revenge_of_the_sith_posterThis afternoon, I wait fairly patiently to see episode seven of the Star Wars movie series.  I recall the first one I saw in the movie theater: Return of the Jedi.  When the three first episodes of the series was re-released in 1998, I went to see each one.  Although they were altered from their previous release, the magic of each episode superseded any technology that was or was not added from the first release.  And then in 1999, 2002 and 2005, I went on opening day to see Episodes 1, 2 and 3, respectively.

Today, I’ve been thinking about various scenes in the movies – from Han replying to Leia “I know” when she tells him she loves him to the scene where Luke discovers Leia is his sister to the scenes where Anakin begins to transform to the dark side.

Fortunately, the blood was minimal in each of the first six movies.  Faceless Storm Troopers were eliminated here and there, and Han shoots Greedo before we can become invested in the character.  (Still not right, Han.  We know you shot first.)  Yet one scene sticks with me as the most traumatizing: the bodies of Younglings on the floor after Anakin stages a massacre.

In 2005, all we could believe was that this was a movie, an illustration of how someone transforms into an evil being.  This is what soaking in fear and anxiety will do to someone who has the potential to allow toxic messages to penetrate their soul.

But it was just a movie… Right?

And then, Sandy Hook happened seven years later.

At the time of Sandy Hook, my nephew was also in first grade.  There was one other child with his first name.  The image of the Younglings popped into my head.  Imagining a scene where bubbly, lively children are no longer alive was too much.  Thinking of the tears falling from the eyes of the moms and dads and grandparents and aunts and uncles of the Sandy Hook Younglings was too intense.

It’s still too much to think about…

I don’t want other scenes in movies or real life when Younglings or first graders are massacred.  I don’t want to hear of any more shootings or slayings or rapes.

I don’t want to vision a scene where children’s bodies – or any human bodies – are lifeless on the ground.  To me, this event was the most sinister of any event that has happened in this country during the course of my life – as much as September 11.

This week, with the anniversary of Sandy Hook and the release of Star Wars episode seven reminds me that scenes like this can happen – that the Force, our agency, can be used to hurt as well as heal.

And so we pray that the Force will be used to love one another, to heal our divisions, to turn our lightsabers, swords and guns into ploughshares and anything else that will help us build and nurture.

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Patricia, Sarah, and the Women with (Some) Privilege – A RevGalBlogPals Post

01 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by mictori in Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Feminism, Genesis, Hagar, Pastor Is Political, Patricia Arquette, progressive Christianity, Race Reconciliation, RevGalBlogPals, Sarah, Wage Discrimination, Womanism

Here’s a post I wrote for RevGalBlogPals section The Pastor Is Political:

The Pastor is Political – Patricia, Sarah, and the Women with (Some) Privilege

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Advent Prayer Day 10 – A ‘Love Actually’ Prayers of the People

11 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by mictori in Holidays, Life, Movies, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Advent, advent prayer, Advent prayers, Love Actually, occupy advent, progressive Christianity

For the one who is cheated on by a long-time love
And flees to the country to write away his pain,
We pray to you, O God.

For the one who feels betrayed by a spouse
Wondering if the affair is flirtations, intimacy or love,
We pray to you, O God.

For the one who loses the chance for love
Because taking care of family is a top priority,
We pray to you, O God.

For the one who can’t show his affections
And for the one who he pines for,
We pray to you, O God.

For the one who longs for his best friend’s girl
And yet wants to move forward with his life,
As he laments “Enough… Enough…”
We pray to you, O God.

For the one who remembers his spouse
So soon after he lost her,
And as he takes care of her child,
We pray to you, O God.

For the one who finds contentment
In the time spent with his greatest love:
His best friend,
We give thanks to you, O God.

For the sparkly new relationship
After meeting in a hallway
Or in front of a cottage
Or rushing to say goodbye in an airport
Or working together closely
Or flying to a new country,
We give thanks to you, O God.

For the first wave
The first smile
The first embrace
At the airport arrivals gate,
We give thanks to you, O God.

<a href="http://love actually photo: love actually folder-147.jpg“>

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Advent Prayer Day 7 – The Cry of Generation X

07 Sunday Dec 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Movies, Music, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Advent, advent prayer, Advent prayers, cold war, Gen X Prayer, Gen-X, Generation X, It's the End of the World, Kurt Cobain, nuclear war, occupy advent, progressive Christianity, REM, the 1980's, the 1990's, Wynona Ryder

imageGod, they called us slackers
And those without direction
And angsty
As if Wynona or Kurt spoke for all of us.
Maybe they did… a little.

We wondered when the world would blow up
Who would send the missiles first-
Us versus them.
There’s still a piece of our souls
That cringe when we hear “war” or “bombs” or “nuclear.”

It’s the end of the world as we know it…
But we couldn’t tell if we felt fine,
Or if we didn’t.  Meh.

Maybe it was melancholy that we became accustomed to.
Maybe we stopped hoping.

And yet, we weren’t slacking
We’re just trying to listen for our call
To know where to go
And embracing meaning in everything we do.

We worked.
We kept moving forward.
Moving through the motions as we waited for life to start
Or end.

We couldn’t be as cool as the generation before
Or the generation after.
We’re the middle child, living in the shadow of our older brother Boomer
And eclipsed by our younger sister Millennial.

We are the generation in the wilderness
Wondering if we’ll make it into the promised land.
From crisis to crisis
Our story is a journey
Never a destination.

Sometimes, God, it was tough to find you
And we lost some sisters and brothers along the way.

And now, as adults,
We only know resilience in despair’s face.
We lament, God, as we may never understand our true purpose
Or accomplish what we had hoped for.

Now in the early evening of our lives,
We wonder if we’ll live the dream
Or continue to move through the motions.

 

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