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Michelle L. Torigian

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Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: sexual assault

A Prayer for Christine Blasey Ford (And All Telling Their Painful Stories)

27 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Pop, Prayers, Social Justice

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christine Blasey Ford, Justice, Kavanaugh, Prayer, Prayers, progressive Christianity, sexual assault, Social Justice

justice-2060093_1920 (1)

God, you waited with us in our shadows,
You currently abides with us on thresholds
And you will walk with us in the sun-

Today, a voice will exclaim her truth.
And you will be with her.

There have been many women and men throughout the ages who have sat in chairs-
Watching as they’ve expressed themselves
And detailed a piece of their past.

Yet trauma awaits them in the chambers,
Lurking behind tables,
Entering the room through vicious questions and piercing stares.

May peace rest upon the heart of Christine
And may her soul be soothed.

May others who need to tell their stories – whether related to this particular case
Or other cases-
Find your strength that already abides in their hearts.

And for the questioners…
May wisdom fill their dreams as they sleep.
And as they wake,
May your clarity guide them when speaking
And may openness stir them into listening.

For the ones who commit such abuses,
Who have left scars upon the spirits of many,
May your voice enter their minds.
May the winds of change nudge them to repent
Not only for the survivors, but for the spiritual survival of our world.

We are slowing moving towards justice.
May Christine find healing
May we say her name, Anita’s Name,
The names of women throughout times and spaces –
From Tamar to Vashti and many more.
In lifting their resilience and courage
We will find ours too.

Amen.

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A Prayer for the Ones Not Believed

21 Friday Sep 2018

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop, Prayers

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Current Events, emotional assault, mental assault, progressive Christianity, PTSD, rape, rape culture, sexual assault, shame, spiritual abuse, spiritual assault, trauma

DF9B4F19-B887-4D73-84EB-1A6D4B6CE86FGod of the vocal cords and facial expressions and gestures…

Sometimes there are times when we remain quiet in our trauma. Sometimes we wonder if our words matter and our bravery will transcend injustice.

But most of the time we remember the experience when our words evaporated quickly after attempting to express ourselves.

Do we say anything if we know it will fall on closed ears? And the tougher question with which to wrestle is this: what if they turn it around and the blame falls on us?

We become the Eves and the Gomers and the Jezebels when we assert our value. And we think to ourselves “why bother???”

So when we are questioned years later as to why we remained silent, hopefully they will understand. Hopefully.

(You understand this God, right?)

A slow triumph- the stories are emerging. They linger longer and fill our world with much-needed discomfort.

And through you, Holy Narrative, we find our voices. Your strength and courage deliver us from trauma to peace and from injustice to righteousness.

I believe the stories. You believe them too, God.

Let’s do this.

Amen.

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Women’s Agency and Autonomy on Trial

20 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Brett Kavanaugh, Christine Blasey Ford, hearings, Lot's Daughters, rape, SCOTUS, sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment, Supreme Court

supreme-court-546279_1920

Shrugging off has been our mode of coping.  Most of us women have shrugged sexual assault or harassment as it was happening – either because we hadn’t wrapped our minds around what happened or we know we wouldn’t be believed.

And we, ourselves, do not want to go on trial when we did nothing wrong.

It’s exhausting to live in a word in which we have to be hyper-vigilant while also knowing that even in our vigilance we may still be taken advantage of.  Even when we work to ensure our own safety and assault occurs, we know we will transformed from victim/survivor to evil voice.  We will become the demon, the Eve, the Jezebel, the Gomer – all wrapped into one – when coming forth about the incident.

Living eighteen years after the turn of the millennium and nearly 100 years after women began to get the right to vote (although not all women), we still fall short of what it means to be fully human.

There’s a message we hear from our leaders and institutions:

We don’t care about your bodies.  We don’t care about your health.  We don’t care about your livelihood.  In many ways like people of color or immigrants or LGBTQ people, you matter less.

We don’t want you to make decisions about your bodies.  We want to make them.  We want to use them when it is convenient for us.  We want to control them to ensure that a traditional patriarchal system continues.  We want to dispose of them when they no longer suit us or if they don’t fit our ideal standard for what a woman should be.

This is how it feels.

And when I read the story of Lot offering his daughters to be raped just to keep the men whole and holy, it makes me sick.  It’s not just a story that was told centuries before the birth of Jesus.  It’s also a story in which many people believe is the inspired Word of God.

So God would rather women be raped than men?  Why do either need to be raped?  Why are we not bettering our systems to hold rapists accountable?

Which brings us to this standing theology: Men’s bodies are holy.  Womens bodies are sinful and unclean.  Men are to be believed.  Women should endure pain because they aren’t as fully human as men, right?

(As someone who endures chronic pain due to reproductive health issues, I’ve felt dismissed by doctors on more than one occasion – even female doctors.  I’ve seen the health of my friends dismissed as I’ve notice the maternal mortality rate hanging too high for a developed nation.)

Between this story of alleged rape, the story that Kavanaugh wanted female clerks with a “certain” look, and his record on women’s reproductive health care rights, I see the larger picture of Kavanaugh and how he values – or doesn’t – women’s autonomy and agency.

And I know – he hired many women to serve as his clerks.  But the way a Generation X man devalues a woman will be different than a man who is a Boomer or from an earlier generation.  The way that one man devalues a woman is different than man from another generation or a man from his own generation.  He may hire a woman because he knows that women provide intellectual services yet may still believe that a woman still holds less autonomy and agency in other areas of her existence.  A man can appreciate a woman’s mind while still objectifying a woman’s body.

So I stand against any nominee for the SCOTUS or anyone leader in our Executive or Legislative Branch who carries on this ethos of male supremacy.  I stand against a system that doesn’t question what he’s done or the choices he has made.  Shouldn’t we have learned something from the time that Clarence Thomas was accused?  It’s been well over 25 years; shouldn’t we be farther along in the process of full autonomy and dignity for all women?  Shouldn’t we choose presidents who don’t take advantage of subordinates or assault women or pay women or brag about what they can do to women without their full consent?  There are men in both parties who have devalued women.  Why do they still have power?

We are women.  We deserve to walk at night or go to parties or hang out in social clubs or anything else without having to worry about being raped.  We deserve to go to work without being harassed.  We deserve to go to doctors and be believed because we know something isn’t right with our bodies.  We are not disposable, and we are fully human.

When will the powers-that-be in America and across the world believe us?

Or will we humans still be having this conversation in three thousand years – just like the story of Lot’s daughters?

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford – I believe you.  You are a beloved child of God.  You are made in the Image of God.  No one can take that from you – no matter how hard they try in these next few days.  And we have your back.

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Your Sacred Noes – A RevGalBlogPals Devotional

18 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#metoo, #timesup, Consent, EReader, King Ahasuerus, RevGalBlogPals, sexual abuse, sexual assault, Vashti

edf

“But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king’s command conveyed by the eunuchs. At this the king was enraged, and his anger burned within him.” – Esther 1:12

In Esther 1, King Ahasuerus asks for his wife Vashti to dance for him and his friends. His request for her to be willingly objectified is met with a resounding “no” resulting in Vashti’s banishment.

Would Vashti have repeated her “no” if she knew the consequence?  

Noes are complicated but not meant to be fluid.  They are a part of our everyday negotiating in each of our relationships.

To read the remainder of the article, please go to the RevGalBlogPals Weekly E-Reader.

 

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America’s Lot Moment

29 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Pop, Social Justice

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

angels, daughters, domestic violence, Election 2016, Genesis 19, Lot, misogyny, racism, rape, rape culture, sexism, sexual abuse, sexual assault, Sodom, sodom and gomorrah, xenophobia

 

sodoma_-_aldegrever

I wrote this only a few days after the election.  This is how I felt – not only at the time – but continue to feel as I process what happened in our country.  This is how I feel every time I hear of another hate crime committed. 

 

I am a woman of privilege.  While I have some awareness of my racial, citizenship, and sexual orientation privilege, I am also still waking up to my privilege.  The results of the election came as a shock, and part of this shock is due to my privilege-related naiveté. 

This was written with much respect to all people who have been assaulted in any shape or form, not making light of assault, and also knowing that a piece of us felt violated on Election Day because the results affirmed the complacency with abuse.  Abuse has happened in many forms, and the Bible reflects that abuse as well.  Please be aware that this could be a TRIGGER WARNING for many people.

*****

“Look, I have two daughters who have not known a man: let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please.” (Genesis 19:8)

I imagine most people feel disgust after reading this text and are shocked to know this is actually in our sacred Scripture.  Angels, in the form of two strangers, visit Lot in Sodom.  When the community heard about the visitors, they bang on Lot’s door and order him to send them outside so that they can know them intimately – – or, basically, rape the two men.

Lot refuses to accept their demands.  Instead, he offers them another option.  Here are my two virgin daughters.  Know the two of them intimately instead of our visitors.

Unfortunately, Lot’s daughters would not be enjoying the intimacy that comes when two people mutually give themselves to one another.  This would be a violent gang rape of two young women.  Based on the fury of this crowd, there is even a possibility the rape would have led to the death of one or both of the young women as we see in the similar story of Judges 19.

What appears in Genesis 19 does not seem like a story about Lot’s hospitality or creative problem solving. By offering his daughters, Lot still affirms the violent actions of a group of men. He does not give a second thought to sacrifice his daughters in the attempts to placate the Sodom community and to protect the rights of the privileged.

Up until a week ago, whenever I read this text, I could not fully imagine what the two daughters must feel.  How could someone who says they love you be fine with throwing you away with such haste? How could the one to whom you looked for protection be willing to throw you to the wolves knowing that you would be violently attacked?

And then the election of 2016 happened. Just like Lot’s problem-solving proposal, it felt like many Americans have offered up the lives of people of color, the bodies of women, the equality of LGBT people, the religious freedom of Muslims, the well-being of immigrants, and the dignity of people who are disabled.  In the process of trying to solve foreign and domestic issues, our neighbors chose to overlook love of neighbor and turn their heads so that racism, sexism, xenophobia and bigotry could grow stronger.

While some believe that the election results will eventually lead to positive results in our country, within the first week we saw the number of hate crimes grow.  Pictures of hateful words spray painted alongside of buildings and videos of students chanting slurs continue to become the new normal in 2016 America.

Couldn’t Lot have offered a more humane solution? Couldn’t we, as Americans and Christians be more compassionate and considerable in the way we solve our problems?

Some of our neighbors wonder why we still “can’t get over” the election results and its aftermath. Like Lot offering to throw his children to strangers in order to solve a problem, many people across our country feel like their neighbors were willing to toss them aside in an effort to build a country that could be to their satisfaction once again.

Knowing that many of us have been treated like Lot’s daughters has left us aching, worrying, and wondering what will happen next.

It feels like we must live under a new normal. We must live with the normality of women being physically assaulted.  We must live with a renewed interest in a type of “law and order” which will elevate the mass incarceration of our brothers and sisters of color.  We must know that families will be torn apart based on who was born in this country and who was born elsewhere.  We must know that Muslims fear for their lives as the country waits to see if a registry is forced upon them.   We must know that marriages of our gay, lesbian, and bisexual sisters and brothers are in jeopardy.

We may be Lot’s daughters in twenty-first century America, but we refuse to be thrown to the men of Sodom without a struggle.

Lot’s daughters found agency… and all who have been marginalized will find their power.

*****

Photo credit: Heinrich Aldegrever (1502-1561), Lot impedisce la violenza contro gli angeli, (1555).

 

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Tamar’s Sisters

29 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Movies, Music, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Diane Warren, Lady Gaga, rape, Rape on College Campus, Resilience, sexual assault, Tamar rape, Til It Happens To You

lady-gaga-oscars-2016-performance-video

Photo from justjared.com

Did you see Tamar’s sisters tonight on the Oscars?

Did you see how this disgraced daughter of David’s story never died?  It keeps happening.  But it no longer stays silent.

Did you see how her twenty-first century sisters’ stories continue to rise?   The powers that be tried to control them. The powers that be tried to silence all of them.  And like the phoenix rises from the ashes, they remain quiet no more.  They sing.  They write.  Their voice is released from the closed box of shame.

Stop for a moment.  How many of Tamar’s sisters do you know?  How many young women on college campuses or in cars or apartments found their bodies invaded?

We all know someone, even if they’ve never told us their story.  Maybe their too embarrassed.  Maybe they believe that no one will believe them.  Maybe they’ve been told that “it never happened.”  But it did.  It happened.

Tamar’s sisters keep moving.  They keep living in ways that Tamar herself couldn’t.  They learn to love fully.  They find ways to heal – at least down to one remaining scar.

To Tamar and to her sisters: we will believe you.  We will listen.  We will make you feel like your story matters.

And like Tamar, your resilience will rise.

Beautiful performance tonight by Lady Gaga at the 88th Academy Awards ceremony.  Click here to find out more about the It’s On Us initiative to stop sexual assault.

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Today I Wear Black – Advent Reflection 14

18 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Holidays, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Advent, advent prayer, Blue Christmas, Christmas, domestic violence, Ferguson, human trafficking, Mental health, Moral Injury, racism, rape, sexism, sexual assault, war

imageInstead of the sparkly gold
Or sequenced green
Or metallic red sweaters
I wear black.

I wear black to remember the lives of
Michael and Tamir and Rumain and John and Eric
And so many other names we know
And don’t know.

I wear black to remember my sisters
Killed by their “loves” within their homes
Or on their way to work
Or any other space intimate violence happens.

I wear black to remember the sexual violence
In college dorm rooms
And young adult apartments
And cars
And parks
And through purchases
Because, apparently, people can still be bought and sold.

I wear black to remember all those who died in war-
Some wars less just than others.
And to defy the justification of torture.
And I wear black remembering the ones who came back
But parts of their bodies and souls were missing.

I wear black to remember those in Connecticut,
The classroom which buzzed with six-year-olds now silent
And how two years later peace is anything but silent.

I wear black to remember the ones who died this week
Or last week
And every single loved one who cries tonight
And on Christmas morning,
As they gaze upon the Christmas gifts that will remain unopened
Because a loved one is gone.

I wear black to remember the ones who mourn their relationship
A divorce.  A breakup.
A tear in the heart.
They live a new life, but old memories linger.

I wear black to remember those living in constant pain
Their bodies revolt against them.
It’s their necks, or backs, or knees or feet.
But the pain will never go away.

I wear black to remember those living their last Christmas
And those who “celebrate” with them,
Wondering how they can make this one special
Even after the terminal news.

I wear black to remember those who live in shadows
Who face the dread of depression
The shakes of anxiety
The roller coasters of bipolar
And each mental health challenge they may not mention aloud.

I wear black to remember those who are in the night of their lives-
A very long night-
Whose exile extends for days
And who will wander in the wilderness longer than expected.

Darkness is not darkness to God.
May our evenings be as bright as daytime.
May we find beauty in the nighttime of our souls
And in the areas void of light.

May we wear red metallic
And the green sequins
And sparkly gold sweaters
Next year.

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Not Only in Steubenville

18 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Deuteronomy 22, Judges 19, Lot, Lot's Daughters, rape, sexual assault, Sodom, Steubenville, Steubenville Ohio, Steubenville rape

There may be triggers with this post.

And it may be NSFW.  But so is the Bible in certain places.

Let me tell you a story.  No names will be used to protect all involved.

One weekend night in college, my friends came back from a night at a bar.  Most of them were pretty intoxicated and very sick from their evening libations.  A couple of them were unconscious.  They thought they had alcohol poisoning.  Looking back on the situation, I wonder if there were other substances that had been slipped into their drinks by someone at the bar… but that’s secondary to this story.

A number of people were in one dorm room.  I saw all of this occur from the doorway as many of my closest friends were in the room.  The person who lived in that dorm room, Mr. Snake, decided to kick everyone out of the dorm room except Ms. Deer who was passed out on his bed.  Two of my male friends refused to leave the room.  One jumped on Mr. Snake’s back.  The other, Mr. Rhino, headbutted Mr. Snake, in order to protect his friend Ms. Deer.

Guess who got in trouble from this?  Mr. Rhino, of course.

It doesn’t matter if Mr. Rhino was standing up for Ms. Deer trying to protect her from any abuse or violation  (and thank God she wasn’t raped or abused).  What mattered to the powers that be is that Mr. Rhino be held accountable for what he did to Mr. Snake even when his actions were needed.

I was friends with men who stood up for the protection of women, but when they were trying to be faithful allies to women, they were the ones who got in trouble.

The ones who wanted to take advantage of women never got reprimanded by the powers that be.

Too many people I know have endured sexual assault in many various forms.  There are men who cared about these women and tried to protect them.  But there were still men who felt they had the right to use these women’s bodies as they wanted.

I’d love say that any decent human being should know not to rape someone when they are passed out or in any other vulnerable position.  Isn’t this a “duh” situation: don’t hurt someone who is more vulnerable than you.

But I guess some people need to feel powerful.  And abuse is how they attain that power.

The conversation we should be having in the 21st century must include how we associate power with sex, and that conversation must include how the Bible portrays rape.

The Bible, especially the Old Testament, does not do the greatest job defending people against rape.  Sure if a man is to rape a man, then that’s an incredible sin.  People associate the sin of Sodom being sex between men, but the Sodom citizens really wanted power over the visitors.

Lot offers his daughters in return.  So, back during the time when this text was written, it was apparently more acceptable to offer women and their bodies.  Fortunately for the girls, the Sodomites didn’t want Lots daughters.

Yet even Lot’s daughters took advantage of their father while he was drunk.  (This can go both ways.  While women being attacked by men is more common, we can’t forget that men can be assaulted as well.)

A similar story to Lot offering the rape of his daughters is found in Judges 19.  When the men in a town called Gibeah demand to rape a male visitor to the town, his host offers to give the men his virgin daughter and the guest’s concubine.  As the host says to the rowdy men “Ravish them and do whatever you want to them; but against this man do not do such a vile thing.”  The men of Gibeah take the concubine and assault her all night.  They throw her dead body in front of the guest’s door.

Did women have so much less value than men that they deserved to have their bodies raped until they were dead?

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 does not condemn a man from raping an unmarried woman.  He must buy her as a wife from her father.

(And sometimes I wonder how I’m still a Christian with texts such as these.)

And then I continue to read… The book Song of Solomon shows a more egalitarian and loving relationship between two people.  Seeing 1 Corinthians 13, I am reminded what real love is about: not taking advantage of another.  Jesus was never a “power over” person but rather “power with” those around him.

Why do we continue to allow a rape culture, and does Scripture perpetrate that culture?  If it looks alright in the Bible, which was written in a completely different context, are we implicitly allowing it in our current culture?

Which leads us to Steubenville.  People turned their heads and laughed as a young, unconscious drunk girl was sexually assaulted.  Why were there no people like my friend Mr. Rhino?  Where were the men and women who could have called the police?  Why do the powers that be cover up and glorify certain men (especially ones who shine in sports)?

And in how many other high schools and colleges are situations like these happening?  It’s time to talk, and it’s time to put Scripture stories of rape in their proper place.

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