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Michelle L. Torigian

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Michelle L. Torigian

Monthly Archives: December 2015

My Annual Midlife Crisis

29 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by mictori in Holidays, Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture, Single in the Sanctuary

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Childless, Childlessness, crisis, Grace, married, Middle Age, Middle Aged, Single, While We're Young

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Last night, I was watching Noah Baumbach’s recent film While We’re Young.  A forty-something childless couple begins to hang out with a twenty-something, spontaneous, energetic couple.  Being influenced by the junior husband and wife, the elder couple (which, of course, is only a year or two older than I am today) starts to change their activities to revive their aging lives.  Without giving much of the plot away, their new lifestyle finds its expiration date, naturally.

In the ebb and flow to life, the two Gen-Xers eventually face the missing elements of their lives with honesty.  Josh (Ben Stiller) says to Cornelia (Naomi Watts), “I’m 44 and there are things I will never do.  Things I won’t have.”

Josh’s words ring true to many of us who have crossed the threshold into our early middle-age years.  We begin to take inventory of what we’ve attained and what we haven’t.  We stop running from the mirror which indicates our current lives and our actual ages.

And, for the first time, we admit that there will be things that we’ll never do or have.

Each year, in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, I take stock of what I’ve accomplished in the past year as well as the mistakes I’ve made.  I try to offer myself some grace as I confront shortcomings.  But mostly I sit with the melancholy of not having certain things in my life and the achievements that I haven’t yet grasped.

Admittedly, there are always tears in the week between Christmas and New Year’s.

I’m 42 years old.  As much as I’m 19 years old in my heart, I’m a middle-aged woman.  There are some things I will never do and never have.  At this point, I probably won’t have a child and definitely won’t give birth to one.  I’ll never win any major awards, run a marathon, skydive (totally fine with that one) or become a US president, senator or congresswoman.  I won’t be a millionaire or a physician.  I’m ready to leave some of those possibilities behind, and others may take a while to toss aside.

But as I look ahead, there still is life.  I still have the chance to walk a marathon, write a book, influence lives and advocate for the voiceless.  I will sit with people as their life slows down.  I’ll meet new people and speak my truth in new ways. Life may not yet be quite half-over for me, so some of the things I dreamed about are still possible.  And while my body doesn’t look or work the same way it did 10 or 20 years ago, my mind continues to grow and my confidence blooms.

What 2016 will bring – I’m not sure.  But as my body ages and the expected aches begin to intensify and multiply, my vigorous mind and soul will continue to listen for God’s relentless call for my life.

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It’s Almost That Time… Christmas Eve Worship!

23 Wednesday Dec 2015

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45247, Christmas, Christmas Eve Service, Christmas in Colerain, Colerain Township, Protestant, where to find Christmas Eve in Colerain township, worship

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If you are anywhere in the Cincinnati area, I invite you to one of our Christmas Eve services at the church in which I pastor.

Many Christmas Blessings to each one of you. Thank you for reading my blog throughout this year. I look forward to connecting with you in 2016!

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Posted by mictori | Filed under Church Life, Holidays, Pop

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Star Wars, Sandy Hook and the Scene I Want Erased

18 Friday Dec 2015

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture

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Episode 3, Episode 7, Episode III, Episode VII, Newtown, progressive Christianity, Revenge of the Sith, Sandy Hook, Star Wars, The Force Awakens

star_wars_episode_iii_revenge_of_the_sith_posterThis afternoon, I wait fairly patiently to see episode seven of the Star Wars movie series.  I recall the first one I saw in the movie theater: Return of the Jedi.  When the three first episodes of the series was re-released in 1998, I went to see each one.  Although they were altered from their previous release, the magic of each episode superseded any technology that was or was not added from the first release.  And then in 1999, 2002 and 2005, I went on opening day to see Episodes 1, 2 and 3, respectively.

Today, I’ve been thinking about various scenes in the movies – from Han replying to Leia “I know” when she tells him she loves him to the scene where Luke discovers Leia is his sister to the scenes where Anakin begins to transform to the dark side.

Fortunately, the blood was minimal in each of the first six movies.  Faceless Storm Troopers were eliminated here and there, and Han shoots Greedo before we can become invested in the character.  (Still not right, Han.  We know you shot first.)  Yet one scene sticks with me as the most traumatizing: the bodies of Younglings on the floor after Anakin stages a massacre.

In 2005, all we could believe was that this was a movie, an illustration of how someone transforms into an evil being.  This is what soaking in fear and anxiety will do to someone who has the potential to allow toxic messages to penetrate their soul.

But it was just a movie… Right?

And then, Sandy Hook happened seven years later.

At the time of Sandy Hook, my nephew was also in first grade.  There was one other child with his first name.  The image of the Younglings popped into my head.  Imagining a scene where bubbly, lively children are no longer alive was too much.  Thinking of the tears falling from the eyes of the moms and dads and grandparents and aunts and uncles of the Sandy Hook Younglings was too intense.

It’s still too much to think about…

I don’t want other scenes in movies or real life when Younglings or first graders are massacred.  I don’t want to hear of any more shootings or slayings or rapes.

I don’t want to vision a scene where children’s bodies – or any human bodies – are lifeless on the ground.  To me, this event was the most sinister of any event that has happened in this country during the course of my life – as much as September 11.

This week, with the anniversary of Sandy Hook and the release of Star Wars episode seven reminds me that scenes like this can happen – that the Force, our agency, can be used to hurt as well as heal.

And so we pray that the Force will be used to love one another, to heal our divisions, to turn our lightsabers, swords and guns into ploughshares and anything else that will help us build and nurture.

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