Tag Archives: progressive Christian

The Shifting Relationship Between Parents and Kids

21 Sunday Jun 2015

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There Dad and Michellereaches a point where you no longer see the dad of your teen years.  The dad who would ground you is gone.  The physically strong father has transformed into something even stronger – maybe not in body but in mind and soul.

And the energy between you and them have shifted.  The nurturer becomes the nurtured.

A few years ago, my father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease.  While the first few years weren’t too horrible, the last couple have been heartbreaking.

Watching my dad’s health on its roller coaster trajectory has opened my eyes to the reality of this part of life: he’s aging and our time together is limited.  Our interactions are different than the way we interacted twenty years ago.

So much has changed.

Now, knowing how Parkinson’s works, my dad may live with the disease for the next 10 to 15 years – or longer.  It’s not a death sentence.  But the disease won’t regress.  We won’t grow any younger.  Even I don’t have the same energy from twenty or twenty-five years ago.  Our new normal is a middle-aged daughter and an aging dad.

Being a pastor, I see congregants age and fellow Generation X members, not to mention friends, losing parents all of the time.  My heart breaks because I know I’ll lose my parents someday in the future, and that makes me sad.

I try to cherish every hug and “I love you” while I have them around.

So on this Father’s Day, while mom and dad are still around, I want to tell you here, in public, how much I love you both.  Thank you for your love, your guidance, your support and resources – especially when heading into the ministry.  Thank you for all of the trips we took to visit seminaries and for all the trips back to Florida to prepare for ordination.  Thank you for allowing me the two a.m. phone calls when I was worried about something or another.  Thank you for caring for me after my wisdom teeth, colonoscopy and laparoscopic procedures.  Thank you for reading me stories as a child and reading over my writings (for editing) as an adult.  Thank you for teaching me and, occasionally, being open to learning from me.

It wasn’t always smooth sailing between us, and I’m truly sorry for the moodiness at 14 and moments of frustration over the past 42 years.  Overall, I think we survived pretty well.  For the two of you, I’m always grateful and blessed.

me and dad ordination day

False Church Marketing

29 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

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I’ve received multiple maimagerketing pieces from a church expansion in my area.  The church prides itself on welcoming people just as they are – no matter who they are.  They want to get to know their visitors’ authentic selves.

Do they really?

So I went to their website and noticed quite a few things that communicates otherwise: sermons that consider being gay a sin… messages that state that living together is wrong… women prohibited from certain leadership roles.

To me, this doesn’t affirm everyone like it says in their marketing pieces.

This is no different than other large churches in our area.  “Come as you are,” they tell us.  But when it comes down to it, their theology is set in stone and not even God Herself could change it.

Listen, I think there’s a good chance that all churches stretch the truth to get people to visit.  But when you tell people that they are welcome like they are and then send various messages that say otherwise, then that is false marketing.  You are not welcome as you are… you are welcome as the person God will transform you to be.

I’m not saying that everyone in our churches will agree with us or like us.  But we deserve to come to a church without feeling spiritual stones being thrown at us- especially when we think the stones won’t be thrown.

What if you could find a church that would welcome you no matter who you love or how you love?  What if you could find a church that would welcome you no matter what your family may look like – even if it means two unmarried adults raising their beautiful children?  What if you could find a church that would want you to be a leader even if you are female?  What if you could find a church that affirms your doubts and allows you to struggle with your agnosticism or even atheism publicly?  Isn’t that worth just as much as smoothies in the middle of worship or a band with hip music?

Wearing blue jeans or coming into church with uncombed hair doesn’t really affirm your disarray.  Celebrating a God that loves your soul just as it is right now – in all its chaos – is worth everything.

In the meantime, I would ask the churches who want gay people to change their sexual orientation, or who shake a finger at couples who intentionally and thoughtfully live together before marriage, or who don’t allow half of the population to hold leadership roles to say so in their marketing.  Stop lying.  Stop bearing false witness to yourselves.  Be real.  Be authentic.  Say it like it is.

The Great Patriotism Divide and Our Churches

03 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

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I love our country, I love being an American, and I think the United States is a truly beautiful nation.  However, I am a firm believer in the separation of church in our state, and the state in our churches.  I believe that both should cross each other very rarely.

Now, without a doubt, those of us who are Christian leaders should be praying for the health of our nation.  We should be praying for those in power, no matter what party they are.  We should give thanks for the people who have positively shaped this country for what is now is – remembering those who stood for “liberty and justice for all” over the past few centuries.  We should remember those who serve this country and the people within this country – from our service members to our teachers.  Even thanking God through the singing of “America the Beautiful” makes sense to me.

But what is the correct amount of patriotism for us to have in our sanctuaries and embedded in our worship experiences?  And when do we set the patriotic fervor aside to hold our nation accountable for its shortcomings?

When I see Jesus, I didn’t see someone who celebrated Rome.  He challenged both faith communities and the state.  Rome was intimidated by this Jesus; otherwise he wouldn’t have found execution by the Roman state.  Sure, I believe Jesus acknowledged our duty to the state when he told us to give to God what is God and Caesar what is Caesar’s.  But never at any point in the Gospels or other scripture texts does it indicate that he sung songs to celebrate Rome or celebrated its symbols in any fashion.

On one hand, my faith and call dictate that we should hold the state accountable similar to the ways Jesus held the systems accountable in his day.  We should raise up the needs of our country’s people with the passion of the Hebrew prophets.  As a spiritual leader, I have a responsibility to explore this perspective with those I teach.

On the other hand, my faith and call mandate that I hold the hearts of those who value our country and its symbols.  As pastors, we have the responsibility to value the places where our congregants are – both as individuals and as a community.  While every church is different and approaches the patriotic holidays with various amounts of excitement, taking into account their pastoral needs is part of our jobs as clergy. In our churches, our congregants want to hear patriotic songs.  They want to see this country’s flag.  They want to cherish the state in which we live.  As we get to know our congregants we may see that this need is deeply rooted in their souls.

Some of us pastoral leaders do not understand the draw to such patriotism in our worship.  I can tell you this: many of those who want the patriotic elements of worship have pure, beautiful hearts and truly see God’s presence interwoven with our country.

But not every faithful Christian and American feels this way.  For those of you who are reading this who may wonder why spiritual leaders and others do not want patriotic elements in worship, it’s because we believe our focus is on the God of every nation, not just ours.  We believe that the state and its symbols have the potential for becoming another god or distracting us from ours.  And we believe that it’s our place to be prophets in this country, making sure to stand up for the “least of these.”

So many of us church leaders wonder each year, how do we handle the balance of being like Jesus who challenged the broken systems AND the caring for the pastoral needs of our fellow Christians who have pure love for this country?  How can make sure the only god in worship is our God and that the flag and country still remains “under God”?   How do I balance your beliefs and needs with my beliefs and needs?

Within our worship service, could we sing of our love for our country, pray for the needs of our country and world and acknowledge where our country falls short?  Could the sermon celebrate our passion for our country while still challenging the Americans in our pews to do justice?  Can we love ourselves for where we are today AND continue to strive even more to take care of the widow, orphan and aliens?  Can we remember that not everyone is equal and that “liberty and justice for all” is still a dream?

I don’t believe it’s a sin to love our country and state this in front of God.  But I do believe its a sin if we love our country more than or at the exclusion of loving God and our neighbors.

I believe there’s a place for all of us in our churches.  Let us remember the God of the prophets as we celebrate with joy our pluralistic nation.  May we remember that God wants the United States of America to flourish, to be a place where the least of these have a voice and justice.  May we remember that our country has its special gifts but also has its weaknesses too.  And may we remember that God wants all nations to be a place of justice and peace.

Veering from the Christian Brand

11 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Current Events, Life, Movies, Music, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Television

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I’ve never been one to follow the “Christian” brand.

Sure, I’ve read a few of the Left Behind books, seen one or two Kirk Cameron movies and listened to some Michael W. Smith in my time. (I actually still like those Michael W. Smith songs from the early 90’s.)

I never dated on the Christian website, mostly because quite a few of the men want “traditional” women. (Being a female member of the clergy and a feminist, I’m far from traditional.) I stay away from Christian programming because it seems preaching, self-righteous and judgmental.

My primary reason is that I like flawed characters with growing edges. I don’t want to see a character that starts believing in Jesus, and then immediately everything is perfectly resolved. Life doesn’t work that way. My faith is a journey with God. Some days are strong and others are weaker. Just like every other human, I’m flawed – and looking for ways to continue to grow closer to God.

In Christian pop culture, I often see easy resolutions and life in polarities. Good or bad. Clean or unclean. There is no grayscale. There is no flawed Christian who is born again.

And Christian pop culture makes it seem like there’s one Christian theology, one view of salvation, one type of relationship with Jesus. But my beliefs are far from that.

I don’t call God “father” unless I also refer to God as “mother.” I’m not “born again” but I find resurrections in my faith each day. I believe everyone goes to God at death – whether they are Christian, another faith or no faith at all. I believe in a woman’s right to choose and gay marriage.

I don’t follow the typical Christian mold. So why would I follow Christian pop culture that predominantly supports this way of thinking?

You will find me watching shows of flawed clergy (The Vicar of Dibley, Rev., The Book of Daniel). You will find me listening to music with implicit spiritual reference and reflections of the Divine (Peter Gabriel, Van Morrison, U2). You will find me viewing movies with challenging theological themes that force each of us to look at Christianity differently (Saved!, Dogma, The Last Temptation of Christ). I am authentically living my faith by looking for the Divine in mainstream, edgy culture rather than crisp clean “Christian” mediums. As I believe God is everywhere, God also abides in the edgiest of situations.

I think that’s where Jesus was too. He could have hung out with the clean people of faith but, instead, hung out with those on the margins – those who society and religion deemed unclean. By recognizing the Jesus who hung out on the margins, I know I am called to shine a light on the Divine in the unlikeliest of places.