Monthly Archives: October 2015

A Prayer for Those Facing Unhealthy Relationships

29 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by in Current Events, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

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Image from dccadv.org

Written in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month

God of Wholeness,
Who intended the two souls in Eden to be respectful of one another,
Remind us of whose image we are made.

Yours.

Those surrounding us may be reflecting on their relationships,
Tired of being called stupid or lazy or not-good-enough,
Words that sting as much as, if not more than, the slap of a hand.
Berated for stepping just a little out of order,
Exhausted from the hours of tears,
Wondering how much love they need to give in order to be respected.

Give them the courage.  Give them the peace.

Those who we pass on the street may have marks on their body
From being grabbed a little too tightly
Or pushed a little too hard.

“What should I do???” resonates in their minds
As they ponder reaching out for help
And, at the same time, justify why they are still in a relationship:
Children, money, no other options of love.

Give them the courage.  Give them the peace.

Hours upon hours of pondering inside of heads…
But I love him.  But I love her.
But what if no one wants me.
What if he is the only one who wants me?
What if she is the only one who wants me?

Give them the courage.  Give them the peace.

Whether they depart from an unhealthy relationship in their teens
Or twenties or thirties
Or sometime around retirement,
Grant that they can see a future with hope.

God of pure love and deepest mercy,
Give all the courage to move forward when sliding back seems more comfortable.
Stop replays of the message that we are not lovable.
Make the months of solitude more bearable.
Take away any doubts of the healthy choices made.
And when the time is right,
Open our hearts to a joyful, healthy love once again.

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Single in the Sanctuary – Holiday Hospitality

28 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by in Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

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Being away from your family during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays is horrible.  Being single on top of this is even worse.

I’ve spent many holidays away from my family.  The first Christmas was the toughest.  I was 23 years old, living in Florida by myself and had a number of invitations to join other family units that day.  And while I did spend some of the day with others, I managed to get one of the worst headaches of my life, no doubt from the stress of being alone on Christmas day.

Fortunately over the years, I believe that God has provided me with people whom I celebrated these major holidays.  From hanging with a pastor’s family at Busch Gardens in 2001 to spending Thanksgiving with an ex-boyfriend and his parents in 2005, I’ve had some interesting opportunities, conversations and company while absent from my family.  Days were less lonely because there were others willing to open their homes to me even though I wasn’t part of their family.

As a single person, especially when I lived in Florida, I would often be given the gift of sitting at the table with other families.  This is a gift I hope I am able to pay back as the years progress.  Through friends’ open doors and plentiful tables, I was able to feel less alone when my family lived 1,000 miles away.

I think most of us do a phenomenal job with making sure those who are hungry are fed.  But what would it be like to not only feed those who are hungry but open a table to those who have no one in their lives?

Can you think of friends who may not have families in which to spend the holidays?  How can we invite them to be our family for part of the day?  That’s our responsibility as people of faith and as people with the gift of family.  We are called to open ourselves up to those who may be alone on holidays and special occasions to be an honorary part of our families.  Just like Jesus asked his followers “who is my mother and who are my brothers,” we are to expand our families to include others into our fold.  Many of his followers had to rely on the generosity of others while on their ministry journey.  How can we be like the families who opened their houses to Jesus and the early disciples and make sure they become parts of our families, even for a day or season?

What will you do this Thanksgiving or Christmas to make sure the widow, orphan, single guy or gal, newly divorced person or individual away from their family to make sure they are at your table too?

Me. Christmas 1998 in Florida at the age of 25. Sans family.

Me. Christmas 1998 in Florida at the age of 25. Sans family.

 

When Hope Seems Sparse

22 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by in Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

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By Ralph Bestic from Sydney, Australia (Wharekauhau Lodge New Zealand) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

When Hope seems sparse,
O Holy Mother,
Place your comforting arms around me.
Shine a light that could help me see the beauty of the future
And the grace of the past.

May your life-giving womb continue to sustain me
As shadows cover my heart
And tomorrow seems years away.

In the depths of Sheol
Or in the corners of my room-
As I hide from this pain-
Draw me into the sunlight, O Holy Mother.

May the small beams of hope drive through the cracks of shadowed rooms
Overcome the doubts of the day
And carry us into the dawn of the morning.

Single in the Sanctuary – Marital Status Marginalization

20 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by in Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

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By E. W. Russell, Photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Starting today, I will be posting a new weekly feature called “Single in the Sanctuary.” The recurring topic will focus on what it means to be a non-married progressive Christian in the twenty-first century.

I doubt I’m the only one who has felt a bit left out of the church based on the fact that I’m over 40 and still not married.  Even when I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s, I felt out of place because I don’t have the traditional family structure.

We look around our churches and, most of the time, only see certain demographics, namely

  • Married with children
  • Married, retired with grown children
  • Widowed

Only on occasions like the Christmas and Easter holidays or weddings, baptisms and funerals do I see my demographic: the never-married person.  I don’t see many divorced individuals, single parents, co-habitating couples, LGBT individuals and couples either.

In reality, people are getting married later.  Many marriages do not last.  Couples are choosing to live together for a while before deciding to marry.  So why don’t they feel comfortable being themselves in our sanctuaries?  Are we welcoming enough for these demographics?

Could it be that our sanctuaries become a sanctuary for those with an “ideal lifestyle” as set by the Christian right – a life which promotes purity, a nearly-desperate desire to get married and a postcard image of a husband, wife and two or three children?

Let’s start this conversation here and now.  How have churches made you feel comfortable?  How have they made you feel extremely uncomfortable based on your marital status?  And would the church you currently attend make you feel welcome if they knew you were single, cohabitating or divorced?

Is there a topic you would like to see covered in Single in the Sanctuary?  Let me know your interest below.

Shake It Off – Jesus style

14 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by in Life, Music, Pop, Pop Culture

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IMG_5640Originally posted on the SONKA Blog.

Last year, Taylor Swift released the album 1989.  One of the songs on the album, “Shake it Off,” focuses on the ridicule she receives from the public and press. The negativity and rejection piles up for anyone, and through hearing this song, we know that many of us go through rejection and negativity. Swift said regarding the message of the song “I’ve learned a pretty tough lesson that people can say whatever they want about us at any time, and we cannot control that. The only thing we can control is our reaction to that.”

Some of us are very good at shaking off negativity and rejection.  Others of us hold on to the dirt that we’ve collected. Between broken friendships, love relationships, job rejections, and every other type of rejection possible, we hold on to the pain way too long. It affects our self-esteem and our hope for the future. We are too focused on being the best, being perfect, and making others happy that we hold onto negativity well too long.

Jesus got rejected. I’m sure that’s not new to most of us, but sometimes we need to say it out loud. He was rejected when talking about the good news of God’s love. He was rejected when he talked about how we should love our neighbors. He was rejected by those who knew him best as a young child.

When we read the Matthew 10:5-14 text, we see Jesus giving instruction to his crew about how to share the good news. Jesus reminds them that there will be rejection. By telling them to “shake off the dust from (their) feet” he’s telling them to move on, not take this rejection personally or let it affect them deeply. Like Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off,” Jesus is basically reminding them “It’s hard, it’s sad, but shake it off and move on. The dust will weigh us down in ways that won’t allow us move forward, so shake it off.”

There is no doubt that all of us will get rejected in some capacity in our lives.  And some of us will want to take it personally.  But sometimes we need to distance ourselves from the rejection and treat it as disposable as dust.

I believe it helps us to know that even Jesus understood rejection.  He understood the pain that came with having people dislike him, deny him, or try to kill him. Through Christ, God completely understands when we feel low after a rejection. And God knows how difficult it is to shake it off when the rejection is so fresh on our souls.

We may face bullies at school, in the workplace, by friends, or by crushes. We may have been turned down from a job or opportunity that we really wanted. We will undoubtedly fail at something – like a driver’s test or any sort of exam. It can be our nature to want to dwell on that rejection or failure for a long time.

Rejection will hurt, and it will take time to grieve the opportunities and people lost. But when we hold onto them too long or too intensely, it affects our physical and emotional health. We start to lose self-esteem and hope. Sometimes, people do drastic things in that time of pain. And it may be hard to really accept that life will improve.

That’s what shaking the dust off your feet means: accepting that it gets better. There is good right around the corner for all of us.  We each deserve good things to happen, love, and acceptance because all of us are made in God’s image. By shaking the dust off of our feet and our hearts, we embrace the God of new beginnings.

The Great Hope of Postseason 2015

12 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by in Current Events, Pop, Pop Culture, Sports

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imageNearly every year in October, I’m fortunate to have my beloved St. Louis Cardinals in MLB’s postseason.  There have been times they have lost in the World Series or in National League Championship play.  But the Cardinals had an active presence in October’s baseball – many times over the course of the past 10 or so years.

Some of my dear friends rarely-to-never have the chance to see the Chicago Cubs in postseason play.  Yet each April they beam with excitement.  This will be the year!  These dedicated fans hold on to a hope that is greater than winning or losing.  It’s a hope that transcends statistics and a century-long losing streak.

So I sit here very conflicted as I watch the television set in my living room.  I’m not rooting against my Cardinals.  I’m cheering for Hope.  And I see that hope in the 2015 Chicago Cubs.

I’m cheering for the rains of hope that come after the dry spells of life.  I’m cheering for the sparks of hope that begin to ignite after failed attempts of lighting a fire.

It’s a hope in which people in the Judeo-Christian faith: hope in the midst of the wilderness.  No matter how many decades we face in the wilderness, there is possibility.  Even though there are exiles after exiles, hope abides and restoration occurs.  It’s a hope that flourishes after crucifixions and tombs.

This hope moves beyond just ballparks but into other parts of our lives.  If they can win, what other things are possible in our world?  Peace?  Love?  Visions becoming a reality  When hope wins all sorts of possibilities arise.

Hope may not win this year.  Instead it may be my Cardinals.

But hope will win someday.