Monthly Archives: April 2014

Proper Pastoral Care and Limiting Laws: the UCC and North Carolina

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

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IMG_2866Let me introduce myself…

I am a straight ally who left one denomination for the United Church of Christ (UCC) because of the marriage equality issue. Back in 2005, before I entered the ministry, I felt that I would be a stronger pastor and better reflect God’s light on the world by publicly supporting gay marriage and LGBT ordination. If I had to continue to bite my tongue every time someone asked me what I thought of gay marriage, I could not be an authentic person of faith. In leaving one denomination, I discovered that the United Church of Christ was a denomination who widely opened their arms to people of all sexual orientations and gender expressions and those of us who supported our friends.

In writing this post, I acknowledge that some of you reading this will not agree with my position on gay marriage. In fact, you may be a member of a United Church of Christ and still believe that a marriage is between one man and one woman. (Yes – we have many in our denomination who still believe in this view of marriage. The UCC is filled with people with a variety of perspectives. Being in covenant with one another, we worship God together even if we disagree.)

And then you read that the UCC has filed a lawsuit against the state of North Carolina. What does this mean? Here’s what it could mean to a pastor: with the state’s current law on marriage, a member of the clergy could face jail time if they were to perform a wedding ceremony without filing a certificate for marriage. The clergy member would have to hold back their belief on marriage and religion based on what the state is dictating. Technically, a law like this could open doors which would limit other rituals or care that a pastor deems spiritually necessary.

Think of it this way…

What if there was a law that said that I as your pastor could only do hospital visits Monday through Friday? What if I couldn’t visit you in the hospital as you lay dying on a Saturday? What if you couldn’t have the peace of a pastoral presence in your final few hours because the law told me otherwise?

What if there were laws restricting churches to baptizing people over the age of 12? No child is allowed to be baptized for any reason – including children who may be in hospice care.

What if there was a law that said only men could be ordained? If a church were to hold an ordination ceremony for a woman, those involved would go to prison for two to three months.

What if an elderly man and woman wanted to have a marriage ceremony before God and their families but did not want a legal ceremony in order to protect their estates?

What if your beloved pet dies, and you yearn for closure. However, there was a law in your state that only allowed for humans to have funerals. Any funeral-like ritual that would be held for a pet would be considered illegal, and I could be arrested for giving you the best care possible.

I do not want to be told that I can’t or that I must perform a certain ritual that would bring peace to your lives.

By filing this lawsuit, the United Church of Christ is still not indicating that all members agree or must agree with marriage equality. We will never be a denomination that forces our members or churches to agree on an issue. Instead, I defer to this statement by the Indiana-Kentucky Conference of the United Church of Christ:

For us, as one of the founding religious traditions of this nation, the principle of free exercise of religion is a paramount value. Because we are not a hierarchical church, the freedom of every clergyperson to conduct the rites and sacraments of the Church according to the dictates of conscience is essential to our identity and our faith practice.

The church is protecting our autonomy as individuals and churches within the covenant of our denomination. Through this lawsuit, they are advocating on behalf of your religious freedom. And they are advocating for my religious freedom too. They care about your relationship to God, and they do not want your pastor to have government-forced limitations in the way they give pastoral care. Donald Clark Jr., general counsel of the UCC expressed “We didn’t bring this lawsuit to make others conform to our beliefs, but to vindicate the right of all faiths to freely exercise their religious practices.”

I’m not sure about all of you, but I deeply want to practice my faith based on my relationship with God.

This lawsuit will never force you to believe in marriage equality. It will not force a pastor to perform a same-sex wedding. It won’t force you to love your neighbor who happens to be gay – no matter how much Jesus loves them. You do not have to go to the wedding or even wish them congratulations. The only thing a ruling in favor of this lawsuit will do is continue to protect all of our freedoms so that we may practice our faith as we see fit.

Granted, rituals that hurt another person or oneself (physically, emotionally, spiritually) should continue to be restricted. But a ceremony that includes two people freely making a covenant with one another and presided by an officiant who freely believes in the ritual hurts no one. It is not taking the rights away from anyone else. It’s bringing peace and love into the hearts of the couple and those who are actively part of their lives. I truly believe it spreads more love into our communities.

With this lawsuit, the United Church of Christ still does not talk on behalf of the churches. Instead, the denomination talks to the churches, offering another way of looking faith and expanding the way Christ moves in our world.

Youth Participation and Grace-Filled Churches

22 Tuesday Apr 2014

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Thinking of this previous post after listening to Dr. Laurel Koepf Taylor’s talk on children and power.

Michelle L. Torigian

ecc Last week, I came across this 2010 article on how youth ministry is killing the church.  While I still don’t believe youth ministry is a detriment, integrating youth participation into the already-crafted church life is even more imperative.

As a pastor of a small-ish church, I’ve been trying to integrate more youth participation into various parts of our church life.  Excitement is beginning to bubble from our young people contributing their time and talents in our congregation.  For a young person who never read in Sunday worship, they voiced to me how excited and grateful they were to be a part of the service.  Recently, I’ve seen the value of youth taking on different roles in our fundraisers.  They’ve been a hospitable presence to new young people.  One has taken a leadership role as he engaged the younger youth during children’s time.  Just yesterday, I consulted with two of our…

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Good Friday is Not Good

18 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by in Church Life, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

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El Greco [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

To me, Good Friday is not good.

A man that loved everyone he met is executed by the government.  According to writings, thorns are pushed into his head, he is beaten, spat upon and forced to parade through a city carrying a heavy piece of wood.  Nails were pierced into his hands and feet, and he struggled to breathe as he slowly died upon a cross.

I’m sorry… there is no good news in the expectation that one person must die so that everyone is alive and happy.

To me, Good Friday is deeply painful.

I can’t believe in a God that would expect his or her own son to receive such pain.  I can’t believe in a God that goes against the God of Psalm 139 – following us into the very depths of the earth and underworld for no other reason that God loves us.  Believing that God expected Jesus to die for humanity and then deserting Jesus in those painful last few minutes is not the God I know and love.

I can’t believe that God would force us to believe this horrific story in order for us to have some perfect afterlife or perfect relationship with the Divine.

Back in seminary, we read the short story “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”.  The story describes paradise, the most perfect place on earth.  Yet in order for the people of Omelas to have such perfection, one person, a child, is required to suffer.  In our story, that is Jesus.

So, on this “Good” Friday, I still embrace my salvation through Christ – through his life.  When Jesus touched the unclean and stood up for the marginalized, Jesus saved humanity.  Jesus went so far to defend “the least of these” that he was executed for doing so.

Because it was through his life, not his death, that I find salvation.

And I thank Jesus the Christ for loving so extravagantly that he was willing to get arrested and find his demise on a cross.  But I refuse to claim joy because of the suffering he went through.  And I refuse to embrace a Divine Mother or Father that would require for this to happen.

Like John 3:16 states, I believe that God sent Jesus to this world to save this world.  I just don’t believe that it was through his death.  Instead, it was through his life and ministry.  Each day I find salvation through the radically loving acts of Jesus.

The cross has meaning – the significance that a person would go to the ends of the earth in order to show love.  But the cross is not joyous to me.

The cross is an electric chair, a firing squad.  It’s lethal injection.  Instead of executing someone who hurt the world, the Roman government made this huge error by executing a loving person.

But the Roman government didn’t win.  Hate didn’t win.  But that’s a story for another day…

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Embracing Ted’s Journey: Spiritual Lessons From How I Met Your Mother

02 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by in Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Television

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Josh Radnor – Wikimedia Commons

Note: This article contains spoilers.

In nine seasons of  How I Met Your Mother, we’ve seen the peaks and valleys in the life of Ted Mosby. The series finale created mixed feelings in the dedicated fans.

Realizing some time ago that the mother may be meeting an early demise, I tried to come to terms that Ted’s roller coaster life may not be settling. Instead, I chose to find the broken beauty in Ted’s journey, embracing spiritual lessons to help us find God’s presence in each of our valley-filled lives.

To everything there is a season…
The first scene in season six pans to the sign in front of the church: “to everything there is a season.” Ecclesiastes 3 indicates that being human brings with it many highs and lows: life and death, mourning and dancing, love and hate. This series and specifically the final episode showcases the roller coaster of life. As the themes of new love, divorce, birth and death are weaved into this episode, we are reminded that seasons come and go for everyone.

Every once in a while, God calls us to leave the past behind.
In season seven, Ted and Robin nearly rekindle their romance once again. When Ted realizes that it’s not going to happen, he determines that he needs to make a firm break between him and Robin. Ted realizes any lingering possibility in a relationship with Robin can’t continue if he wants to find happiness.

As the wife of Lot turns into a pillar of salt when turning around to see what’s behind her (Genesis 19), we too can become locked into a moment of life or an unhealthy relationship. When a situations clouds our lives and dominates our emotions, sometimes it’s best for us to walk away. In order to move forward in a new direction, we will take this drastic step, embracing the pain that comes with it. There’s a possibility that God is calling us to find new life in a completely different direction.

Looking for love is often like traveling through a wilderness.
After seeing his closest friends Marshall and Lily find love with one another in their late teens, Ted continues the journey. He even watches his former love marry one of his best friends. At one point or another during these nine seasons, we’ve become impatient with Ted’s story just as we become impatient with our own.  Will Ted find his happy ending?

It’s hard to watch a seven year journey of someone looking for love or achieving a dream. In the series finale, Lily acknowledges Ted’s difficult course in the final episode: “…a man with more emotional endurance than anyone I know. It was a long difficult road… Thank God we finally got here.”

And Ted narrates the same sentiment about his path: “At times it was a long and difficult road. But I’m glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn’t gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear. You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom I knew I have to love this woman as much as I can for as long as I can and I can not stop loving her not even for a second.”

The Exodus story of wilderness is one that resonates with us no matter what our era. There are destinations along this path, but the journey is in some ways more valuable. In any of our lives, there is no definite “happily ever after.” But there are happy moments embedded into our tragedies, and there is sadness intertwined with our joy.

It’s the people around us in the wilderness that makes life bearable. 
As Biblical stories of exile and wilderness fill our faith, our personal journeys include many people who never deserted us as we traveled through our own exiles. Without dedicated friends like Marshall, Lily, Barney and Robin, Ted’s long exile in the dating wilderness may not have been so bearable. In our own times of exile, who has stood by us or journeyed along side of us?

When it comes to love, never settle. Take the long road.
Song of Solomon 3:1-2 states “Upon my bed at night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer.” The narrator asks in verse three, “have you seen him whom my soul loves?” In this spirit, Ted continues to search for this love on his journey.

Devastating losses of Robin, Victoria, Stella, Zoe and more, Ted continues on his path, until he meets the ideal partner, Tracy. As Song of Solomon 3:5 says “do not stir up or awaken love until it is ready!”

More than anything else, How I Met Your Mother is a story of hope.
Christianity as well as other faiths embraces the story of hope even in the midst of the desert. Ted’s story is one of resilience. And sometimes our narratives of resilience need to be told, whether the story is in the sixth century BCE, first century CE or today and whether we are writing it in a book or telling the tale to our children.

Ted’s story reminds us of many of our own paths. We live, we fall and we get back up again. The story of our lives is similar in many ways. We experience extravagant grace and surprising resurrections along the way.

So as many of us are saddened by the ending of this show and devastated on how it ended, know that the human life experience is not one of fairy tales and people living happily ever after, but one of peaks and valleys. It’s a story where God’s love pursues us- no matter where we are in our tale.