Tag Archives: grief

Quarantine Worship – Lent 5 and John 11

24 Tuesday Mar 2020

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Entry into Worship
Some enter worship with bubbles of joy in their souls
and some come to this time with dread-painted spirits.
Some enter worship with pitchers full of hope
and others only bring bowls of despair.

You may be carrying a myriad of emotions
or feel like your emotions have run dry.
This is the space to bring your fullest selves-
whether withered or flourishing.

No matter where you are spiritually or physically,
Your tears and laughter are welcome here.

Invocation
Cradling God, as emotions swell in our minds
and our souls feel a disconcerting ache,
be our source of comfort.
In this boundless night of our existence,
be our light.
In a wilderness that has no end,
be our guide.
May we encounter your fountains of hope in this exile.
Amen.

Prayer of Reconciliation
We are overflowing with emotions right now God.
Some we understand.  Others we do not.
And with this overabundance of feelings
comes an overabundance of reactions.
Some are healthy.  Others hurt.
Forgive us for acting out of our grief.
Assist us in understanding our emotions in new ways
so that we don’t hurt our neighbors again.  Amen.

Assurance of Grace
Jesus got angry.  Jesus wept.  Jesus grieved.
Like Jesus, our full humanity will shine in this world-
from our lamenting to our laughter.
Like Jesus, the Divine Image will be seen in us
through our tears and our grins.  Amen.

Reflection on Giving
In our individual spaces, we recognize the privileges and gifts we bear-
the time that we give,
our special talents,
and our financial treasures.

While the world may seem like it’s slowed quite a bit,
our building still stands,
some programs have become virtual,
and our staff still sustains the work of the church.

With the gifts you give,
the endeavors of the congregation progresses in transformed ways.

So we pray together…
May God bless the gifts we’ve been given
as they will be used to continue our mission
whether within or outside of the church’s walls.
We thank you for technology that we use each day
to promote the mission of the church-
bringing good news and hope to the children of God.
Amen.

Benediction
Cradling God-
May our tears bless the ground on which we walk.
May our breath sustain our bodies which houses our souls.
May our beating hearts remind us of your love for us all.
Through our hearts, our breathing, and our tears, let us care for your children in this Lenten wilderness.
Amen.

(c) Rev. Michelle L. Torigian  Permission to use with attribution.

Public Events and Private Grief

29 Wednesday Jan 2020

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I have a lot of feelings and opinions when it comes to the current impeachment hearings of the US President.  Now, here is not necessarily the place to insert those opinions (although I may at some point).  But other things are bubbling up as part of this process.

My dad was my civics teacher.  He taught us about the U.S. Constitution, the leaders of our country, and the workings of elections – – and impeachments.

At the time I had had him as my civics teacher (1987-1988), only one president had been impeached.  I believe when the next impeachment hearings rolled around in the late 1990’s, I was far too concerned about frivolous things to engage in a decent debate with dad on the hearings of that time.

Right now, he’s the one person I wish was around so I could talk with him about the happenings in D.C.

We thought alike quite a bit when it came to politics and government.  Yet, we didn’t always agree on every subject.  He and I would debate fiercely on the need of having the Electoral College…

I just wish I didn’t have the last word on that debate so soon.

No matter the direction of our government-related conversations, I would learn much about civics from him – whether it was well before I formally had him as a teacher, in freshman civics class, or in the thirty years following.

And for the first time this year, I won’t get to discuss the results of the Iowa Caucus or Super Tuesday.  I won’t get to send him a selfie of me with my “I voted” sticker.  I won’t get to watch the conventions or fret as we watch the returns on election night.

This is part of grief people forget about.  What happens in our society, on the television, or out in the world can trigger grief.  This secondary grief doesn’t necessarily occur to us when we first lose our loved one.  But as time passes, moments of mourning happen because it reminds us of our beloved.

When hearing a father and daughter have died together, certain feelings may bubble up in some people who may have recently lost their father, spouse, or child.  When seeing a royal wedding on television, we may think of the time we watched another royal wedding with our grandparents.  When seeing a storyline on a television show, it may remind us of the trauma we experienced when our family member was struggling with the same challenges.

I miss my dad.  When I really reflect on the fact that I will never be able to discuss current events again with him during this life, my heart aches.  And yet I’m blessed that I had him as my teacher – both inside and outside the classroom.

Blue Christmas Prayer Service

16 Monday Dec 2019

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Here is the latest Blue Christmas prayer service I wrote for this year.  Feel free to use with attribution!

Call to Worship
One: As we move through the shadows where light finds no home,
Many: God is sauntering with us.
One: As we journey through the desert without direction or goal,
Many: God is wandering with us.
One: As we endure life in the space between grief and joy,
Many: God is trekking with us.
One: Whether we abide in the wilderness or promised land,
Many: God escorts us.

Prayer
Loving God, Divine Sojourner, in our minds we know you are always our partner and you are forever present. Yet in the depths of despair, we can’t always sense your presence.  We move about this earth with the desire that you see us. We cry in our grief, hoping that you will hear the lament of our hearts. As you hold us in the palm of your hand, open our souls in order for us to know the extent of your care in our lives.  Amen.

Hymn Suggestion            “In the Bleak Midwinter”

Scripture              Psalm 88:3-7

Prayer
Some of us are in the depths of the Pit, God of Deliverance.  Our hearts are swallowed by grief, and our souls overflowing with despair.  As the shadows hide your presence, call us with a different voice and reach to us with different hands.  May our seasons of despair evolve from times of loneliness to times of comfort. Amen.

Scripture                Psalm 130

Prayer
Divine Heart of Mercy, in your steadfast love you call us along the journey from despair to hope.  Allow us to see the trickles of light trespassing on shadow’s spaces. May slivers of expectation move us into places filled with your warm promises.  Amen.

Scripture                  Psalm 91

Reflection/Sermon

Prayers of the People and the Lord’s Prayer

Poem Suggestion            Howard Thurman’s “I Will Light Candles This Christmas”

Lighting of the Candles

Suggested Closing Hymn              “Silent Night”

Benediction
One: Even when lights have been dimmed
And shadows have lengthened,
God is near.
May the fragments of light and slivers of hope
Nudge all of us to take small steps into Divine anticipation!
Amen.

A Prayer as We Remember Our Saints

01 Friday Nov 2019

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God of Expanding Love,

Our week pauses as we remember the ones who walked with us here on earth. Our day stops as we cherish the memories of the people whose energy are forever embedded within our souls…

For the saints who let us call them grandparents. For our time together in the kitchen and wandering around garage sales, as we learned stitches from them and listened to their stories. May their talents challenge us to be our best selves.

For the saints who led us in classrooms. For their steadfast encouragement which still walks with us today. May their educating spirit uplift our souls until our last days.

For the saints who hit the clubs with us in our twenties and spent countless hours with us as we cried over broken hearts.  For the ones who sat on the phone with us as we shared our joys. May our friendship abide in eternity.

For the saints in the pews near us. For their faith which carried us when we couldn’t see the road ahead. May their songs continue to be remembered on Sunday mornings, in meeting spaces, and fellowship gatherings.

For the saints which called us their children. For their Divine-like love that comforted us when our fevers spiked or skinned knees. May we forever celebrate the peaceful moments of their love.

For our beloveds that no longer walk this earth with us. For the moments of laughter now embedded in our souls. May each tear shed and each tale told be a testament to our love shared.

If only we could hear your voice alive again…

If only we could engage in simple disagreements…

If only we could tell you how sorry we were for that one thing we did wrong in 1995…

Our hearts feel torn by the assault of grief. Our minds feel foggy from mourning’s arrival.

And yet here we are – weeks, months, years, decades removed from the last time we shared space with them. Here we are surviving. Here we are- carrying their love into tomorrow.

God of the broken-hearted, as we walk together into the future, allow us your peace which goes beyond understanding, a peace that will enrich our strength as we continue on our journeys. May the tools left behind by our saints empower us to build your kin-dom here on earth.

Amen.

A Prayer Upon Receiving a Diagnosis

24 Saturday Aug 2019

Posted by in Health, Pop, Prayers

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Molecular God who abides in my veins,
As the words spill from the doctor’s mouth
Of a new diagnosis,
Of a new reality,
Of a new normal,
Hold steady my shaking soul.

There are words now for the pain I’ve been feeling,
And I’m happy that it’s finally not “all in my head.”
Yet now it’s real.
Now I really must face this.
Now I must see that this body of mine is finite
And admit I will not live forever.

May good days be good, and may they be plentiful.
May bad days be few and far between.
May medicines work.
May side effects be rare.
And may the aches not distract me from your presence.

Amen.

Tears, Songs, and Hearing His Voice

26 Sunday May 2019

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This morning, I supercried at church – weeping like a small child.

The song was “Let There Be Peace on Earth.” Beyond the voices of the choir, I could hear the sound of my dad’s voice…

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me…

My dad would sing the song with every fiber of his being. His (probably) tenor voice would sing each syllable with intent. As a civics teacher, a Genocide survivor’s son, and a person who believed Christianity was an active faith, the song was probably the best representation of what he believed.

Let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now…

And so, when this song is sung as it was today with the choir, every piece of my being remembered him. I remembered his articulation of faith, of his voice singing a song that was a prayer in his heart. I remembered our time sitting next to one another in church as my faith grew next to his more matured, more articulated faith.

Songs connect us with people and the past. Of moments of joy and of losses. We know what we no longer have, but we know that we’ve been given the gift of something spectacular – the holiness of song, of love, of spirit.

To take each moment, and live each moment, in peace eternally-

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.

 

Grieving the Saints

01 Thursday Nov 2018

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Death’s bite clenched my heart again this year. While the loss of my dad stings even almost 14 months after his death, I’ve had three friends pass in the last week.

The third friend died on November first: All Saints’ Day.

The thick fog of grief hovered as the new month was ushered into our lives. From the deaths of years ago to the crisp new blustery winds of grief’s winter, my heart feels deep sadness. Even when the people who die aren’t the closest of friends or relatives, often we feel off. Like a mild cold or minor infection in our bodies, something is not quite right. We aren’t crying for hours, but our minds are distracted.

This is grief too. Even when someone isn’t close, their loss impacts our world because our connection with one another is deep and eternal.

For all the saints, we give gratitude. For all the saints, we sing a bittersweet melody. For all the saints, we celebrate blissful memories.

 

A Prayer for Last Days

03 Sunday Jun 2018

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Divine One who shifts the workings of the universe-

This marks the end of a chapter- the final words on a page. How sad this segment of the story is closing! With voices retiring and being moved into the archives of my mind, I find myself saddened by this narrative’s end.

I will miss conversation and laughs, the characters I’ve grown to love, and the flow that’s delightfully comfort.

But we all know, Divine One, that comfort is not your goal for the active moments of our lives.

You ask us to turn the page, to trust that this next chapter includes beauty and joy. You ask us to trust you as we look towards the future with cautious optimism.

So as I cheer on the new chapter, I beg you to feed my heart with peace. May I release these memories and people and places into the world, knowing that you care for them, knowing that you connect us forever, knowing that we are all being called to serve your world.

Amen.

First Birthday Gone

07 Wednesday Feb 2018

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Today’s the first time we exist in a February 7 world without my dad in it. And as many of you are well too familiar, this is bizarre.

Most years, I would try to call my dad at midnight. Of course, this would be 11pm CST, a point that wouldn’t matter to him.

Last night, there was no one I could call to wish those birthday greetings.

Dad was born on the seventh day in February in the seventh hour. He used to indicate how the number sevens were lucky for him.

Today would have been his 77th birthday. So on this seventh day of February in which my dad would have been 77, make this world a stronger place. Tell someone what a fantastic job they are doing. Call you congressional leaders to speak your needs and the needs of those marginalized. Watch the news, register to vote, learn the faces of our congressional leaders, or just be a good human today. That’s what Vincent Torigian would want for his birthday.

And Dad, as you abide on that side of heaven, may you feel the love that all of us are sending you on your birthday. Miss you so much.

A Prayer for Goodness and Mercy

24 Wednesday Jan 2018

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Where is that “Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,” God? It feels like accidents and overworking and grieving and illness are trailing me as I walk along your holy path.

How do I go forward when all I know right now is pain? Hope shrivels as aches of the soul grow. Will the next turn be more losses, or complications, or even more pain?

And yet I go forward, taking the specks of hope kept safely deep within my soul, waiting for the right place to plant these tiny seeds. For Goodness and Mercy shall pursue me even into the depths of life.

And I will dwell on your path forever, Holy One.

Amen.