• Email Sign Up
  • Following me around the web…
  • Liturgies for the “Be the Church” Series
  • Quarantine/Pandemic Prayers & Liturgies
  • Sermons on Video
  • Single in the Sanctuary
  • Vocational Prayers
  • Want to know about me?

Michelle L. Torigian

~ God Goes Pop Culture

Michelle L. Torigian

Monthly Archives: May 2017

When Cheesecake Is More Than Cheesecake

15 Monday May 2017

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

child-free, Childless, Childlessness, Church, Infertility, Mother's Day, motherhood

cheesecake picToday, Mother’s Day 2017, I went to lunch with some people from church.  I was the only non-mom female adult in the group.

It was wonderful catching up and spending time with this group of people.  When the end of the meal came, the other women at the table received a free piece of cheesecake.

I did not.

Now, I was planning on spending my dessert calories elsewhere in the day (as I had a free coupon for a sundae that I was looking forward to).  While the cheesecake looked delicious, I wasn’t as disappointed that I wasn’t eating cheesecake as much as what that cheesecake represented.

That dessert represented the haves and the have nots when it comes to family structures.

I continue to claim the status of somewhere between childhood and childfree.  Most days, I am content with not having children, I suppose.  While 360 days of the year I’m fine (or have, at least, convinced myself I am fine) not having children, certain holidays roll around each year, reminding me of what I don’t have.

For instance, there’s Christmas morning in which I don’t have children waking me up, excited about getting presents.  Then there’s Easter Day, when families all sit together with children beaming from the Easter Bunny excitement.

And it feels like a knife cuts into my soul.

I was already having a rough day due to what Mother’s Day means to me: a day representing dreams that didn’t happen.  Each year, I never expect it to impact me as it does until the day rolls around and I’m dealing with aches in my heart every time I see photos of friends with their children, knowing that isn’t the same path my life took.

There’s the primary source of sadness and grief: not having children.  But when a piece of cake comes out for all of the other women at your table, you realize that your path is so very different from the path of your sisters, and grieve a secondary loss of being looked over by society.

And that’s why I encourage churches to take an inclusive approach to this holiday by praying for all women on Mother’s Day – the ones with children and the ones who face childlessness.  We pray for the ones beaming with joy and the ones who would rather not come to church on this Sunday.

Many women refused to go to churches on Mother’s Day because of the glorification mothers receive.  At the church I serve, we recognize that Mother’s Day is about being a mother and being part of the process of mothering.  All women (and all people) fit into the latter category as it really does take a village to raise children.

I’m pleased to be one of many pastors who is bringing a new inclusive way of recognizing Mother’s Day to churches.

I just wish restaurants would catch up…

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Email
  • Print
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

The Pastor’s Tale

10 Wednesday May 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Pop, Pop Culture, Social Justice

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Clergy, Clergy women, Clergywomen, Communion, dystopia, dystopian, The Handmaid's Tale, Women's Ordination, Women's Rights

hideAs I stood at the communion table on Sunday morning, what breezed through my mind was a world in which I could no longer be a pastor because of my gender.  I suppose this came to my mind since I had been watching The Handmaid’s Tale and reading various news stories about women.  I worried about the end of pastoral opportunities for women.  And so, I bring you this piece of pastoral dystopia.

*****

I was beginning to become flushed again.  Middle-aged and hot flashes.  But, of course, no air conditioning in the house we were abiding within.

We were just happy to be there – happy to be living with our sisters in Christ.  We were delighted to be able to spend time laughing together – talking about our clergy stories and anecdotes of life in and out of the pulpit.  We were living in a time when we could be completely ourselves and, yet, continuously on edge that something devastating could be happening in the next few minutes.

They might find us.  They might find us and kill us.

My dad was my government teacher.  Now, I was only a teenager at that point, so I don’t remember everything.  But what I do remember was that my dad told us in class that he would be one rounded up and killed under some regimes.

Why?  Because he was an agent of change.  He spoke about politics and government.  And he wanted us to think for ourselves.

Fortunately, that was thirty years ago, and he was able to freely practice his calling as a teacher-

And only thirty years later, I wish I had that same freedom.

I became a pastor in my late thirties after sensing a calling ten years earlier.  The beauty of my ordination day was being able to stand at the table and boldly claim the words of Christ…

“On the night before he died… he took the bread… he took the cup…”

What a moment in my life to be celebrated.  Finally, I was able to live fully into my calling.

But less than a decade later, things began to change.  More women were being laid off from jobs- fired, thanks to the fundamentalists in power.  More propaganda drove the importance of women birthing children.  “Women shall be saved through childbearing” was the mantra we heard over and over.

I wasn’t called to be a mother.  I thought that was my path at one point, but then my fallopian tubes twisted and turned.  Meeting the “right guy” didn’t happen until close to perimenopause anyway, so the chance of babies happening were decreasing with every breath.

And while I was mostly content with the way life turned out, hearing them chant the mantra over and over again was a knife through my heart.

Are we more than our uteruses?  That’s what we would ask ourselves.  I felt like I was no more than one or two organs in my body.

Number forty-six became president just a little before I turned forty-six.  And I was out on the streets protesting his every word and every act.  He was a “good Christian man” according to some of our colleagues.  Morality was his focus.  Making families great again was his vision and his mission.  He wanted women to be baby-making Stepford Wives… submissive, subservient, and silent.

And this was not who I was or who I was called to be.  I was more than my uterus and milk ducts.

I considered moving to Canada to find a pastoral position there, but many women were doing the same, so the chance of finding a job was minimal.

Eventually, mine name was put on a list – along with the names of fellow female clergy.  We were the enemy.  We had said too much and protested too often.  We were responding to the call of God to oppose the current theocratic system in place.

I didn’t know what to do.  I was in a constant state of anxiety – especially losing my agency after being so independent.  I kissed my loved ones goodbye, because I knew they would find me with them.

And I went underground with my sisters of the cloth.

Some were very pregnant with their own child, but since their names were on the list, they too were enemies of the state.  Others of us were heading into our peri- or menopausal years.  We knew one another well.  We knew that we were more than our wombs and were willing to live in a community that cherished our agency.

We weren’t sure what forty-six’s administration did with the women clergy they caught.  Were they dead?  Were they forced into marriages?  What about our lesbian sisters – were they able to love their spouses freely anymore, or were they sent to camps?

If they caught us, where would we go?  The camps?  Prison?  Would we be tried and killed?

This was our fear.  Every day.

And yet we comforted each other every day.  We sang songs, talked about our great loves, the adventures we had pre-ministry and even some during our clergy days.  We would binge watch the DVD shows smuggled into the safe house.  A couple of our clergy brothers would bring us what we needed a couple of times per week, but otherwise, we weren’t exiting our current abode.

The one ritual we made sure to embrace was communion.  Each night, right before retiring to our corners of the home, we would bring out a few pieces of bread.  And every night we would take turns repeating the words that Jesus gave us – right when he was about to be captured.  We knew that if we were captured we would follow in the steps of Jesus the Christ as we were faithful to the end.

Tonight was my night to lead.  Would this be the last time I spoke the words of institution?  Would they be coming for us tomorrow like they did with Jesus?  Would I be ripped from this space and forced into a life where I couldn’t say those words again?

On the night before Jesus died, he took the bread and broke it…

Lifting the break and tearing it apart, I wondered if my body would be torn to pieces.

Likewise, after supper, Jesus took the cup and blessed it…

I passed it around, knowing that we could all be drinking from the same cup of Christ because of our choices to remain faithful to our calling and to God.

As the drops of juice filled my mouth and I swallowed it, a tear slid down my face.  It wasn’t the only tear in the room, and I didn’t feel the need to hide it.  We were in the valley of the shadow of death, and I still feared evil.  I may sense the presence of God next to me, but much of the Body of Christ wanted to amputate us, discarding us into a wasteland they created from their distorted relationship with the Divine.

At least tonight – maybe for the last time – we were once again given a table in the presence of our enemies, remembering the boldness of Jesus the Christ.

 

*****

Note that I want to add a short while after publishing this post:

I wrote this from my perspective which is still very privileged. But I don’t want to forget about the people who were not able to get ordained because of their sexual orientation, gender identity, or race and whose standing was taken away because of their sexual orientation. We should be working every day to ensure that all people are able to freely live into their callings.

 

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Email
  • Print
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

CCblogs Network

CCblogs Network

RevGalBlogPals

RevGalBlogPals
Follow Michelle L. Torigian on WordPress.com

Michelle L. Torigian

Michelle L. Torigian

Rev. Michelle Torigian's Instagram

No Instagram images were found.

Archives

  • January 2023
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • September 2011
  • December 2010

Blogroll

  • A Southern Pastor's Life in the North
  • Ancient/Future Faith
  • Associated Luke
  • Coffeehouse Contemplative
  • Emily C. Heath
  • For the Someday Book
  • Go and Tell with Grace
  • Katie Steedly
  • Liturgy Geek
  • musings about liturgical adventures, poetic journeys and such
  • One Whole Step
  • Reflections of Ryberg
  • Scattered Graces

Tags

Advent advent prayer Advent prayers anxiety Armenian Genocide Body of Christ careers Childless Childlessness Christ Christianity Christmas Church Communion Communion Liturgy Coronavirus COVID-19 death depression divorce domestic violence Easter Endometriosis Epiphany Feminism God Grace Grey's Anatomy grief grief prayers Healing Holy Week Hope Infertility Jesus Justice Lent Lenten Prayers LGBT Life Liturgy loss of loved one loss of parent Love Mental health Mother's Day motherhood mourning National Day Prayers pain Prayer Prayers progressive Christian progressive Christianity Progressive Christianty Quarantine racism rape Resurrection sexism sexual assault Single Singlehood single in the sanctuary Social Justice Surgery Syrophoenician woman Thanksgiving UCC United Church of Christ Vashti vocational prayers vocations widows worship

Categories

  • Advent prayers
  • Be the Church
  • Church Life
  • Communion Liturgy
  • COVID Prayers
  • Current Events
  • Epiphany Liturgy/Prayers
  • grief
  • Health
  • Holidays
  • Lent Prayers
  • Life
  • Liturgy
  • Movies
  • Music
  • National Day Prayers
  • Poetry
  • Pop
  • Pop Culture
  • Prayers
  • Quarantine Liturgy and Prayers
  • Religion
  • Single in the Sanctuary
  • Social Justice
  • Social Media
  • Sports
  • Television
  • UCC Statement of Faith
  • Vocation Prayers
  • Wordpress Blogger University

RSS Michelle L. Torigian

  • A Prayer of Gratitude for Nostalgia
  • A Mid-Winter’s Prayer
  • A Blessing on the Last Days of Christmas
  • A Prayer When Delighting in Hope
  • A Prayer of Gratitude
  • Wednesday Prayer – Searching for Gratitude
  • All Souls Day Prayer
  • A Prayer in the Face of Manipulation
  • A National “Stop Bullying Day” Prayer
  • Wednesday Prayer: A Prayer for Energy

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 309 other subscribers

Pages

  • Email Sign Up
  • Following me around the web…
  • Liturgies for the “Be the Church” Series
  • Quarantine/Pandemic Prayers & Liturgies
  • Sermons on Video
  • Single in the Sanctuary
  • Vocational Prayers
  • Want to know about me?

Blogroll

  • A Southern Pastor's Life in the North
  • Ancient/Future Faith
  • Associated Luke
  • Coffeehouse Contemplative
  • Emily C. Heath
  • For the Someday Book
  • Go and Tell with Grace
  • Katie Steedly
  • Liturgy Geek
  • musings about liturgical adventures, poetic journeys and such
  • One Whole Step
  • Reflections of Ryberg
  • Scattered Graces

Archives

  • January 2023
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • September 2011
  • December 2010

Tags

Advent advent prayer Advent prayers anxiety Armenian Genocide Body of Christ careers Childless Childlessness Christ Christianity Christmas Church Communion Communion Liturgy Coronavirus COVID-19 death depression divorce domestic violence Easter Endometriosis Epiphany Feminism God Grace Grey's Anatomy grief grief prayers Healing Holy Week Hope Infertility Jesus Justice Lent Lenten Prayers LGBT Life Liturgy loss of loved one loss of parent Love Mental health Mother's Day motherhood mourning National Day Prayers pain Prayer Prayers progressive Christian progressive Christianity Progressive Christianty Quarantine racism rape Resurrection sexism sexual assault Single Singlehood single in the sanctuary Social Justice Surgery Syrophoenician woman Thanksgiving UCC United Church of Christ Vashti vocational prayers vocations widows worship
May 2017
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  
« Mar   Jun »

Category Cloud

Advent prayers Be the Church Church Life Communion Liturgy COVID Prayers Current Events Epiphany Liturgy/Prayers grief Health Holidays Lent Prayers Life Liturgy Movies Music National Day Prayers Poetry Pop Pop Culture Prayers Quarantine Liturgy and Prayers Religion Single in the Sanctuary Social Justice Social Media Sports Television UCC Statement of Faith Vocation Prayers Wordpress Blogger University

Recent Posts

  • A Prayer of Gratitude for Nostalgia
  • A Mid-Winter’s Prayer
  • A Blessing on the Last Days of Christmas
  • A Prayer When Delighting in Hope
  • A Prayer of Gratitude

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Michelle L. Torigian
    • Join 309 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Michelle L. Torigian
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: