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Michelle L. Torigian

Monthly Archives: February 2016

Single in the Sanctuary – Why I Hate “Miss”

29 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Pop

≈ 1 Comment

imageI loathe opening my mailbox and noticing that a piece of my mail is addressed “Miss.”

Miss reminds me of two things: a squeaky-clean seventeen year old or (and I hate using this term) “Old Maid.”  I am absolutely not either.  I am a beautifully broken and flawed female adult – with no different value than a inexperienced eighteen year old or woman who never married at sixty.  I have depth and life experiences in ways which transcend the youthful innocence of the term Miss and a vivaciousness that rebuffs the Old Maid stereotype.

No woman’s title should be connected to a marital status while adult men all are addressed as “Mr.”  Miss and Mrs. continues to herd us like cattle into one corral or another, another minor example of “separate but equal.  Miss has the implication of failure to a thirty or forty year old.  Mrs. has the connotation that a woman has “achieved” a certain status.  How many times at a wedding or on Facebook after a wedding does the bride want to be known as Mrs. while her husband has the honor of keeping his Mr. title?

Becoming a wife is not an achievement.  It’s a call by God and a covenant that takes great soul searching and reflection before embracing that responsibility.  Some of us find healthy relationships later in life, and we don’t fit into a Miss/Mrs. dichotomy.  And we don’t want Ms. being it’s own separate title either, because it continues to segregate women into various identity camps.

Men do not have to face the same division.  Before a man gets married, he’s a Mr.  When a man gets married, he’s a Mr.  When a man gets divorced or loses a spouse, he’s a Mr.  We should all embrace that women are like men: all the same no matter our marital status.

So today, let it be known that I am forever Ms. Michelle Torigian.  Or Rev. Michelle Torigian.  I am not Miss.  And when I get married I will not be Mrs.

I am me.

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Tamar’s Sisters

29 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Movies, Music, Pop, Pop Culture

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Tags

Diane Warren, Lady Gaga, rape, Rape on College Campus, Resilience, sexual assault, Tamar rape, Til It Happens To You

lady-gaga-oscars-2016-performance-video

Photo from justjared.com

Did you see Tamar’s sisters tonight on the Oscars?

Did you see how this disgraced daughter of David’s story never died?  It keeps happening.  But it no longer stays silent.

Did you see how her twenty-first century sisters’ stories continue to rise?   The powers that be tried to control them. The powers that be tried to silence all of them.  And like the phoenix rises from the ashes, they remain quiet no more.  They sing.  They write.  Their voice is released from the closed box of shame.

Stop for a moment.  How many of Tamar’s sisters do you know?  How many young women on college campuses or in cars or apartments found their bodies invaded?

We all know someone, even if they’ve never told us their story.  Maybe their too embarrassed.  Maybe they believe that no one will believe them.  Maybe they’ve been told that “it never happened.”  But it did.  It happened.

Tamar’s sisters keep moving.  They keep living in ways that Tamar herself couldn’t.  They learn to love fully.  They find ways to heal – at least down to one remaining scar.

To Tamar and to her sisters: we will believe you.  We will listen.  We will make you feel like your story matters.

And like Tamar, your resilience will rise.

Beautiful performance tonight by Lady Gaga at the 88th Academy Awards ceremony.  Click here to find out more about the It’s On Us initiative to stop sexual assault.

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Single in the Sanctuary – A Prayer for the Lone Ones on Valentine’s Day

14 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

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Tags

broken hearts, broken relationships, divorce, progressive Christianity, Single, single in the sanctuary, single moms, Singlehood, Valentine's Day, Widowed

God of the broken hearts And the lonely souls, On this day reserved for those “loved” Those who seem so “whole” Give us the peace of knowing we are complete.

Source: A Prayer for the Lone Ones on Valentine’s Day

Join the conversation for progressive unmarried Christians and friends at https://www.facebook.com/groups/singleinthesanctuary/

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Single in the Sanctuary – When the Ashes Remain

11 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

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Tags

Ash Wednesday, broken relationships, brokenhearted, divorce, divorced, Grace, Hope, hopeless, progressive Christianity, Single, unmarried

imageAsh Wednesday.  Dust donning our foreheads as we remember our frailty, our mortality, our mistakes.

But for those who have been through tough relationships in our younger days, the ashes upon our foreheads represents the residue left behind from past loves.

It’s not that we usually dwell on many memories or wish that life worked out differently with the one who is no longer in our lives.  But the matted dusty remains symbolize the tiny bits of grime left on our hearts from broken relationships.

The dust collects after someone has cheated.  Specks of dirt linger after hurtful words are hurled at us. The glowing embers of hope that once warmed us now shine no more.

Maybe we began with clean slates and pristine hearts.  Slowly over time, the fragments of dirt settled, leaving our souls just a bit more smudged.

So on Ash Wednesday, we not only remember our morality, we also remember how our spirits have been tarnished along the way.  And we remember how God can take our ashed pasts and transforms them into something that glows no matter what has happened and who hurt us.

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Single in the Sanctuary – Valentine’s Day in the Church

09 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

divorce, Jesus, progressive Christianity, Single, single in the sanctuary, Widowed, widows

love lightOnce again this year, Valentine’s Day happens to fall on a Sunday.  Now, this shouldn’t matter because it’s the first Sunday of Lent, and it isn’t an actual church holiday.

Yet, I have a feeling that some churches will be embracing societal’s yearnings by filling each little crevice of worship with mentions of this Hallmark holiday.  From my experience, I’ve seen how churches hold couples’ dances, talk about how wonderful marriage (especially heterosexual marriage) is and fill sermons and prayers for those who have already found their lifelong love.

But I’ve sat in the pews and attended churches where marriage (heterosexual ones, at that) were considered the ideal.  There didn’t feel like there was a place for this single gal… let alone our single savior, Jesus.  I felt crushed at times and even needed to leave the sanctuary on the random Sunday when the pastor gave a message marginalizing people like me.

Part of the reason I’ve started writing the Single in the Sanctuary feature and, down the road, book is to reinforced the need to validate people of all different marital statuses in the church.  One of the most-needed days of the year for us to be sensitive to the emotions of the unmarried (especially the ones who are not content as unmarried) is Valentine’s Day.

So church leaders – as you finalize your bulletins for this Sunday, remember the following:

  • A large percentage of those in our pews are not married.  They are single, divorced, widowed and cohabitating.  And each of them need our love and validation too.  We need to acknowledge where they are in their lives today – whether they have chosen their relationship status or life just happened to them.
  • 1 Corinthians 13 is not just about romantic love; it’s about something so much greater than marriages and couples.  The love chapter is about God’s steadfast, unconditional love.  It’s a love that we are called to have for each of our neighbors – not just our significant others.  Plus, this chapter reminds us that we need to love our neighbors, friends, enemies, significant others and everyone else as if we are looking through the eyes of God.  That’s more than any romcom could ever portray… although Mark Darcy telling Bridget Jones that he loves her “just as she is” comes close.
  • Shame is a piece in relationship statuses.  Still single?  What’s wrong with you?  Cohabitating?  Why can’t you just get married?  Divorced?  Why couldn’t you make your marriage work.  Part of a gay or lesbian couple?  Doesn’t God think that’s an abomination?  Having sex outside of marriage?  You are a sinner!  These are the messages that keep circling around faith communities.  Our job as the Church is to make sure that these messages are eradicated and that shame outside of the straight nuclear message doesn’t exist.
  • Pray for all marital statuses in this church – from the newly married couple, to the couple who are having challenges, to the single person with a newly fresh broken heart, to the widower experiencing his first Valentine’s Day alone.

Finally, Jesus was single.  What we believe we know is that he was never married.  We don’t know much else about this. We may wonder if he got his heart broken or if he just never had the time to get married.  But he brought together people of all marital statuses.  And that’s what we’re called today each and every day in the church.  The church isn’t just for couples or families.  It’s for all of God’s children.

Are you a progressive non-married Christian or a friend?  Please join in this new Facebook group “Single in the Sanctuary” for conversation and support.

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A Communion Liturgy for Ash Wednesday

05 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Holidays, Pop

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Ash Wednesday, Communion, progressive Christian communion, progressive Christianity

communionHere is a communion liturgy I wrote for our ecumenical Ash Wednesday service this year.  Please feel free to use it and note that you saw it on michelletorigian.com.

Blessings to all as we look towards this new liturgical season.

Michelle

Invitation

One: Come, as we embark on the dawn of this new season.
Come, as we reflect upon the dusk of our lives.
Come, as we set aside our distractions and the concerns of our minds
Come, as we focus on the heart of the matter.

One: God of light and dust be with you,
All: And also with you.
One: Open wide our hearts:
All: We open them up to our God.
One: Let us give thanks to God our creator.
All: Even in the midst of the wilderness, we give God our praise.

Prayer of Communion

One: Tonight we come together to recall the magnificent common memories we have of our Christ.  We remember his servant leadership and the unconditional love he had for humankind.

Here and now, we give thanks for the steadfast love of God that we see reflected in Jesus the Christ.  We are grateful for one another and for all the saints who have come to the table throughout history and to those who will gather here after we have returned to dust.  With appreciation, we give thanks to the hands who have harvested the grapes and grains before us.  In a spirit of active thanksgiving, we commit ourselves as servants to God’s children, finding new ways of bringing justice, righteousness and love to the shadows on this earth.

May the Spirit come upon these elements.  May the Spirit fill our hearts with love, kindness and acceptance.  May the Spirit continue to aid us in our work in the world and as we cross boundaries of denominations and faith differences.  May the Spirit empower us as we walk through these 40 days in the wilderness, as we face the sadness of the crucifixion and as we wait for the Christ’s resurrection.

As Jesus continued on his journey, he could see that his time was drawing nearer.  Our Christ knew that his love and leadership would take him to the cross.  And as the final night was upon him, he drew close to his friends.  To embrace the love he had with them, he shared one last table.

Jesus embraced the bread in his weathered hands, broke it, gave it to his friends asking them to remember him.

Jesus clasped the cup containing the fruit of the vine, gave thanks one last time and asked them to remember him.

In remembering him, we speak the words together in prayer, using the words closest to your hearts saying… Our Father, who art in heaven…

(As we pray the Lord’s Prayer in unity, please use the word closest to your hearts, whether it is sins, trespasses or debts.)

The bread of life.  The cup of the new covenant.  Both given to us.  Both we partake in together as we remember our servant-leader Jesus the Christ.

Distribution of the Elements

Unison Prayer of Thanksgiving

All: Even as we come to the table tonight remembering our frailty with the dust on our heads, we also give God our thanks for this meal.  We give our gratitude that we have come together as one Body of Christ.  In these next 40 days and as we walk the road to the crucifixion, continue to keep us awake to the ways we can bring Jesus the Christ’s servant-leadership to our world.  Amen.

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