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Michelle L. Torigian

~ God Goes Pop Culture

Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: Good Friday

One Good Friday

16 Tuesday Apr 2019

Posted by mictori in grief, Lent Prayers, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

emotional abuse, Good Friday, mental abuse, trigger warning, Verbal Abuse

Trigger warning: abuse

woman-1245788_1920

The writing below occurred on a Good Friday over 20 years ago. I was verbally abused by a significant other during my mid-20’s. While he never physically abused me, I believe I would have left as soon as hits and shoves began. Instead, I wondered for months if what I was experiencing was verbal and emotional abuse, often convincing myself otherwise and telling myself that it would get better.

*****

From the rolling tears creeping down my cheeks
And the short breaths attempting to fill my lungs with air,
I inhale your disgust,
The grit spilling from your voice
Tastes like clouds of dust escaping from bottoms of sandals.

Our dinner the night before was a beautiful memory-
A time of quiet celebration…
But oh how the tone has changed quickly.

Even when my prayers begged for you not to betray me again, you walk back in.
Your hate-filled, dagger-edged sentiments
Came back to the room.
You weren’t finished.

Hit me, I think to myself.
I can finally come down off of the cross to which you nailed my spirit
And I can flee towards the lands of plenty
Where the God of hope and love has promised me
Milk, honey, vines drooping with grapes and nets overflowing with fish.

Hit me, I say to myself. I want to know where you stand
Instead of you driving the crown of thorns upon my sore spirit-
And removing it.  Then placing it and removing it
Again
And again
And again.

Your repeated accusations and condemnations pick apart my heart.

You might as well smack my face or whip me across the back
Or pierce my side with the dagger you kept in your bag
Because I cannot tell if I’ve done something wrong
Or if you’re thriving from my pain
And stirring
Stirring
Stirring the energy around us to kill the dreams leading me forward.

Your ‘love’ dizzies me
Like a ride on a chariot.
Your ‘love’ lifts me
Like a soldier lifting the Christ’s cross.
Your ‘love’ pierces me
Like nails driven into a body.
Such ecstasy is too much for my soul.
You’ve taken my breath – my will to breathe – away.

*****

I’m ready for my empty tomb and riding on clouds
Because my night in spiritual Sheol has captured all of my tears.

I will no longer allow you to cast your die upon my mind.
And I will shed your sins that you have showered upon my soul.

*****

As we wake for the new day
And you wash your hands of last night’s agony,
I barely feel human.

It’s Saturday.
We say goodbye.
The next time we meet face-to-face,
I’ve left the tomb.

 

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A Note from a Pastor to Loved Ones During Holy Week

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by mictori in Holidays, Life, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Clergy, Easter, Good Friday, Holy Week, Maundy Thursday, progressive Christianity, self-care

imageDear people who I care for the most,

As you definitely know by now, it is Holy Week.  For those of us in the clergy/ministry business, we are attempting to accomplish in one week what we usually accomplish in about three or four ordinary time weeks.

In this process, our ideal selves are not shining this week.

I will want to stare at stupid reality shows, binge watch Netflix, play 60 consecutive games of Bejeweled Blitz, and surf the computer for hours in the evening.

I may eat one too many brownies or have an extra glass of wine this week.

I will want to pamper myself somehow… maybe a massage, a haircut and color or a mani/pedi.

I will either not sleep enough or I will sleep too well.

I will be Rev. Crankypants until Sunday morning is over.

I will be Super Crankypants if I am approached about taking care of something that can obviously be completed well after Easter Day.

There will be tears. Guaranteed.

There will also be an impromptu dance party at least once per day.  And I will be breaking out in song – most likely something from my college days and reminding me of a much simpler Holy Week.

The house will have extra clothes on the floor, the dishes will sit in the sink a little too long, and I will not have vaccuumed as I usually do.

I will remind people of things over and over again because I’m truly hoping not to drop one of my many balls in the air.

If you can not find me I will be at one of the following places: (1) church, (2) Michael’s, (3) the ice cream store, or (4) curled up in a corner somewhere as I wail and gnash my teeth.

My throat will start feeling scratchy by Thursday which brings on the added stress of extra needed sleep, gargling with salt water, and remembering to take any and every kind of vitamin that could possibly work.  Otherwise, I have to carve into my day a good hour and a half for a trip to the clinic.

Easter morning will be full of caffeine, adrenaline, and pure Holy Spirit joy.  And then once noon hits on Easter, I am a complete zombie.  Not normal Sunday afternoon zombie but full zombie-apocalypse walker.

I am so exhausted that I might as well post a “Do not disturb until the Thursday after Easter” sign on my door.

Holy Week Michelle is not typically who I am.  Well, sometimes it is – especially in the two weeks preceding Christmas.  And I will apologize over and over and over again as I try to keep everything moving forward.

All I ask is a bit of grace, a bunch of prayers, and maybe, a pint of double chocolate ice cream.  Thank you for loving me through the valley of the shadow of Lent and every other day of the year.

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Good Friday is Not Good

18 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Crucifixion, Good Friday, Jesus, John 3:16, moral theory, progressive Christianity, radical love, sacrificial atonement, salvation, substitutionary atonement

El Greco [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

To me, Good Friday is not good.

A man that loved everyone he met is executed by the government.  According to writings, thorns are pushed into his head, he is beaten, spat upon and forced to parade through a city carrying a heavy piece of wood.  Nails were pierced into his hands and feet, and he struggled to breathe as he slowly died upon a cross.

I’m sorry… there is no good news in the expectation that one person must die so that everyone is alive and happy.

To me, Good Friday is deeply painful.

I can’t believe in a God that would expect his or her own son to receive such pain.  I can’t believe in a God that goes against the God of Psalm 139 – following us into the very depths of the earth and underworld for no other reason that God loves us.  Believing that God expected Jesus to die for humanity and then deserting Jesus in those painful last few minutes is not the God I know and love.

I can’t believe that God would force us to believe this horrific story in order for us to have some perfect afterlife or perfect relationship with the Divine.

Back in seminary, we read the short story “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”.  The story describes paradise, the most perfect place on earth.  Yet in order for the people of Omelas to have such perfection, one person, a child, is required to suffer.  In our story, that is Jesus.

So, on this “Good” Friday, I still embrace my salvation through Christ – through his life.  When Jesus touched the unclean and stood up for the marginalized, Jesus saved humanity.  Jesus went so far to defend “the least of these” that he was executed for doing so.

Because it was through his life, not his death, that I find salvation.

And I thank Jesus the Christ for loving so extravagantly that he was willing to get arrested and find his demise on a cross.  But I refuse to claim joy because of the suffering he went through.  And I refuse to embrace a Divine Mother or Father that would require for this to happen.

Like John 3:16 states, I believe that God sent Jesus to this world to save this world.  I just don’t believe that it was through his death.  Instead, it was through his life and ministry.  Each day I find salvation through the radically loving acts of Jesus.

The cross has meaning – the significance that a person would go to the ends of the earth in order to show love.  But the cross is not joyous to me.

The cross is an electric chair, a firing squad.  It’s lethal injection.  Instead of executing someone who hurt the world, the Roman government made this huge error by executing a loving person.

But the Roman government didn’t win.  Hate didn’t win.  But that’s a story for another day…

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“Not Broken, Just Bent”

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Music, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

brokenness, Fun, Good Friday, Holy Week, Jesus, Just Give Me a Reason, Nate Ruess, Original Blessing, Original Sin, P!nk, Pink, sin

Recently, I have fallen in love with P!nk and Nate Ruess’ song “Just Give Me a Reason.”  The melody of the song is magnificent.  Yet there’s something about the words that reach into my heart.

It’s the lyric “Not broken, just bent.”

As Christians, what would it mean to call ourselves bent instead of broken?

I ponder the subjects of original sin, total depravity and these centuries-long idea that humans are so fallen that we can’t redeem ourselves – at least on our own.  What if that wasn’t the case?

What if we are just slightly dented?  What if we have the potential to smooth over our dings and bends because of the love of God, the leadership of Jesus the Christ and the strength of the Holy Spirit?

This is where Holy Week comes in…

Jesus died on a cross.  Did Jesus die to repair a brokenness? Or did Jesus die in the process of showing us ways of evening out the indentations on our souls and in our societies?

If we are made in God’s image, maybe we aren’t completely broken.  Maybe we just have been crushed and squashed by life, and it’s time for us to find God’s image within each one of us once again.

There is hope in knowing that we aren’t completely broken.  There’s possibilities for tomorrow.  There’s new ways of finding grace.  There’s dignity where we haven’t seen it before.

So I’m sticking with the school of thought that we are bent and not shattered.  And quite often, bends, twists and dents make us more beautiful anyway.

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Thanksgiving, Black Friday and… Winter’s Holy Week

24 Saturday Nov 2012

Posted by mictori in Pop, Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Black Friday, Christmas, Easter, Good Friday, Jesus, Maundy Thursday, Resurrection, retail, sales, shopping, Thanksgiving

I would like to thank my clergy friends for a discussion topic on Facebook: Black Friday vs. Good Friday.*  Because of them and the movement of the Holy Spirit, I couldn’t stop thinking about the special connection between these two Fridays.

My initial thought was that they are complete opposite festivities… one being the day people give their heart and soul for consumerism, the other that someone gave their heart and soul for justice… Wait… Not so fast… I need to get over my Thanksgiving turkey coma before really diving into this topic…

Once my coma wore off and I began to read one or two other comments in the discussion, I realized there were more similarities.

First of all, for those who believe solely in sacrificial atonement may arrive at the conclusion that these two days are complete opposites.  As I mentioned earlier, to some people Good Friday is good because they believed Jesus died to save their sins.  But not everyone believes that model of atonement.

Many of us believe that Jesus died because of our sins not for our sins.  Because of a broken system in which few had great power and many were disposable, Jesus had to stand up as a voice for the voiceless and to give dignity to the unclean.  Because of his courage and risk, Jesus was forced to face the cross.  Thus, Good Friday is a sad day in which we remember something bad that happened to someone who loved with his whole heart.  Good Friday is a gloomy day.

It’s not the only ominous Friday.

I’ve worked in retail.  While I’ve worked on Black Friday, I never truly experienced the chaos of a store opening.  I have, however, worked full-time in a department store during the weeks before Christmas.  I was exhausted.  Through this gloomy holiday memory, I experienced the disillusionment of Christmas.  While most people darted in and out of stores, some left the negativity which rippled through each of our lives.  Christmas was no longer a season of joy and sparkle but a time of dismay under florescent store lights.  (Fortunately, I found my resurrection since my retail days by working in non-profits and churches.  But I wonder where others find their resurrection while working in bleak midwinter at the mall…)

Thinking back to my retail experience, Black Friday wasn’t the beginning of the festive Christmas Season but a reminder of the somber parts of Holy Week and the despair of Good Friday.  Little did I realize that I was in need of resurrection and renewal.

By comparing Black Friday to Good Friday, I see a Christ who is in solidarity with the retail worker.  I am reminded of a Jesus who experienced the impact of a broken system.  Likewise, those in retail during the holidays experience the same brunt of a broken economic system.  I recall the story of Jdimytai Damour, a retail worker who died when opening the doors to Black Friday crowds.  Damour was just trying to do his job and earn a paycheck.  Instead, he met his demise in the cracks of an unjust and broken system.  I think Jesus wanted to be on that cross as much as the Damour wanted to be trampled in a 2008 Walmart stampede.

Both workers and shoppers have been hurt in the name of great sales.  And each year it gets bigger.  Rarely do people challenge the way the system works.  In fact, more sales are desired by the “powers that be.”  Hours are expanded.  Sales are promoted greater than the prior year.  Corporations understand that having a few items that many people want (and couldn’t otherwise afford) will drive people into the stores.  Because dignity comes with owning certain items, people will forgo time with their loved ones to make purchases.  (I highly recommend reading this article by Diana Butler Bass.)  The value of Thanksgiving lessens while the value of Black Friday increases.

The way that I would like to explain how much Black Friday has grown is through this analogy: what if Good Friday was celebrated at the exclusion of Maundy Thursday?  What if we stopped celebrating Maundy Thursday, the supper and the words of institution?  What if we removed the story of Jesus celebrating Passover with his friends and just focused on his arrest and death?  Corporate’s decision to veil Thanksgiving by adding store hours is the equivalent of Jesus being arrested before celebrating Thursday’s Passover meal.  It’s hiding the sacredness of our annual meal-sharing.  Time specifically set aside to sit at the table, relax and enjoy family, friends and food has now been taken away to worship the almighty dollar and a very broken system.

I find it interesting that both Black Friday and Good Friday arrive after the day of meal-sharing.  In Jesus’ time, it was the Passover meal.  In our time, we share the Thanksgiving table.  Peaks of kindness hover over the food.  Prayers given in gratitude for the incredible blessings in our life.

Yet the warmth of the food and love at the Table begins to drift away.  In the midst of the night, Jesus begins to experience the chills of abandonment and hate.  Workers all around our country travel to work as the moon lurks overhead.  As doors open to the whirlwind of coveting hearts, the loving energy of Thanksgiving is drained from the retail workers souls.  Rarely does someone find their death at the hands of a broken system like Damour did.  However, souls are crushed and spirits begin to die through the exhaustion and heartlessness that a retail worker can experience throughout the holiday season.

When does the resurrection come?  For Good Friday, it was the “third” day.  They needed to experience only two restless nights and resurrection was experienced.

Yet after our Thanksgiving Thursday and Black Friday, resurrection is rarely seen on the following Sunday.  Shoppers still fight the crowds, hoping to find a parking space and getting grumpy when they can’t find what they are looking for.  Workers continue to work the expanded hours and feel the ripple effect of negativity.

If we believe that Christ is in solidarity with the retail worker, resurrection is needed.  Since it probably won’t come on the Sunday after Black Friday, or for another three to four weeks, some kind of hope is needed in the lives of retail workers.

What does this look like?  How can we bring renewal, grace and hope to those working in the retail business?

First of all, we can stand for the dignity of the workers.  This may include writing to corporate headquarters to let them know if their employer practices do not seem fair.

Secondly, we can be aware of how we treat the retail workers.  They are on their feet five to eight hours per day.  Many are making little over minimum wage.  On top of all of this, they are encountering lots of shoppers each day, many of whom are grumpy.  We can bring smiles and joy to their day and help them see the love of Christ whose birthday we mark with the purchase of these gifts.  We can ask them how they are doing and treat them as humans, not servants.  Retail workers are God’s children and made in God’s image.

There is very little joy in either Black Friday and Good Friday.  Because of greed and selfishness, people hurt.   Yet helping people find resurrection sooner rather than later will assist them in finding the presence of God in their midst.

*Special thanks to Désirée Hartson Gold and Chris McArdle

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