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Michelle L. Torigian

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Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: depression

A Prayer for Times of Twigs and Ashes

22 Wednesday Feb 2023

Posted by mictori in Lent Prayers

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Tags

Ash Wednesday, depression, grief, Lent, Lent Prayers, Mental health, Mental Health Issues, Prayer, Prayers, progressive Christianity, Resurrection

God of the sticks, the dry grounds, the damp tears, and the gritty ashes:
Oh how we yearn for the spring to arrive.
The days of the sweet mild breezes carrying the scents of your creation.
The boldness of the sunrise which will awaken our souls
Instead of the chilly winds swirling below the thick cloud cover.

But for now, God, we sit under the tree full of twigs and surrounded by ashes.
We sit with the grief that comes from unbearable losses.
We settle knowing that today may not go well, that tomorrow is not guaranteed-
Yet hope still illuminates the sky in the distance.

So we live with that hope:
The hope that the phoenix will rise from the ashes
And Christ will rise from the tomb.
We live with the hope that the twigs on the trees
Will bear leaves when the time is right.
We know that after the longest nights of our lives
That the sun will rise again,
And that you, Holy Comforter,
Will follow us to the depths of Sheol if we flee.

Even when hardships encroach our space
And afflictions invade our bodies,
The hope found in the realm of God-
The dirt-filled, ash smeared
Tear-damp realm of God
Is still hope.
This is the hope that drives away despair,
That warms our hearts,
That give us moments of cheer.
And in that we offer God our praise.

Amen.

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Wednesday Prayer – Searching for Gratitude

16 Wednesday Nov 2022

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop

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Clergy women, depression, Depression during holidays, Prayer, Prayers, progressive Christianity, seasonal affective disorder, Seasonal Depression, Solstice, Thanksgiving, winter

God of Great Delights,

On days of bleakness, our eyes focus on the fog surrounding us instead of the warmth from your Spirit nearby.
On days of aches from the chilly climate, we search for relief from the balmy Christ in our midst.

Distractions get the best of us.
Whatever ails our bodies and minds and souls wins our attention.

We attempt to shake off any malaise as we turn onto a new road-
A path in which our senses reach for your presence.

As we see you in the light, notice you in laughter, feel you in the mild temperatures,
We turn our fields of emotions into gardens of appreciation.

In seasons of gratitude, may we express our sentiments freely.
May our hearts open to share words of encouragement and thanksgiving to you, God, and to our neighbors.

Shorten our nighttimes of despair and return the bright daylight of joy to our souls.

Amen.

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Mental Health Litany of Wholeness

29 Saturday Feb 2020

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Health, Liturgy, Pop

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Addiction, anxiety, depression, Health, John 14, Litany, Liturgy, Mental health, Mental Health Issues, mental health worship, Panic disorder, PTSD, wellness

1B383ED3-3164-4422-AD6B-07D5C0BCAA57
Scripture
John 14:26-27

One: “The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”

Entry into Healing

One: When the world is topsy turvy around me, and I can’t see reality clearly.  When the medications haven’t clicked in, and I find myself in a manic state, or when depression is weighing me down.  Is this a panic attack coming on?!?

(Sets a medicine bottle on altar/table)

All: Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

One: This substance helps me avoid the discomfort of life.  And now, it’s tough to set it down. I need it to function. I need it so I don’t feel everything.  It brings relief… and it’s a weight.

(Sets a weight on altar/table)

All: Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

One: Trauma from war has clouded my brain.  All of a sudden mental pictures flash in my mind.  Will these visions ever leave?

(Sets a photo from veterans’ memorial on altar/table)

All: Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

One: My dad can’t remember what he had for lunch earlier today.  And he no longer knows my name.

(Takes off name tag from neck and sets it on altar/table)

All: Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

One: When you lose a spouse, you lose a part of yourself.  I haven’t been able to sleep as well. I’m not like I was before their death.

(Sets a box of tissues on altar/table)

All: Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

One: So many in my pews are hurting – grief and depression, anxiety and trauma, addictions, caregiving.  Where do I go next?

(Sets a stole on altar/table)

All: Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

Scripture Isaiah 41:10

One: “Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

The candle is lit.

Prayer of Healing

Gracious God, Divine Travel Companion,

On this journey filled with worry and grief, our souls feel unsettled.  Our hearts rattle with the notion that something about our bodies and minds will fail.  Will illness and death surround us? Will the ones we love desert us?

Such anxiety sometimes needs additional help, God.  We thank you for counselors, therapists, psychologists, and others who offer a listening ear and constructive feedback.  With their help, we may begin to understand ourselves in new ways.

Bless the medications that we take each day which keeps our minds and our bodies in balance.  Bless the doctors who prescribe and consult and the pharmacists who care for our safety.

Bless the clergy who offer prayers when life crumbles and who will rush to bedsides when illness has overtaken us.  We give gratitude for their words of comfort when grief rolls in like storm clouds.

Through our trauma and our mourning, our anxiety and depression, when substances take the place of healthy living, and as our bodies begin to fail us, comfort us on this journey.  May your peace strengthen us. May your warmth give us hope for the future. Through your gifts and your presence, we see a future with hope.

Amen.

(c) Michelle L. Torigian 2020 – – Permission to use with attribution

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Blue Christmas Prayer Service

16 Monday Dec 2019

Posted by mictori in Advent prayers, Holidays, Liturgy, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Blue Christmas, Blue Christmas Service, depression, grief, Longest Night, Seasonal Depression, worship

background-19531_1280.jpg

Here is the latest Blue Christmas prayer service I wrote for this year.  Feel free to use with attribution!

Call to Worship
One: As we move through the shadows where light finds no home,

Many: God is sauntering with us.
One: As we journey through the desert without direction or goal,
Many: God is wandering with us.
One: As we endure life in the space between grief and joy,
Many: God is trekking with us.
One: Whether we abide in the wilderness or promised land,
Many: God escorts us.

Prayer
Loving God, Divine Sojourner, in our minds we know you are always our partner and you are forever present. Yet in the depths of despair, we can’t always sense your presence.  We move about this earth with the desire that you see us. We cry in our grief, hoping that you will hear the lament of our hearts. As you hold us in the palm of your hand, open our souls in order for us to know the extent of your care in our lives.  Amen.

Hymn Suggestion            “In the Bleak Midwinter”

Scripture              Psalm 88:3-7

Prayer
Some of us are in the depths of the Pit, God of Deliverance.  Our hearts are swallowed by grief, and our souls overflowing with despair.  As the shadows hide your presence, call us with a different voice and reach to us with different hands.  May our seasons of despair evolve from times of loneliness to times of comfort. Amen.

Scripture                Psalm 130

Prayer
Divine Heart of Mercy, in your steadfast love you call us along the journey from despair to hope.  Allow us to see the trickles of light trespassing on shadow’s spaces. May slivers of expectation move us into places filled with your warm promises.  Amen.

Scripture                  Psalm 91

Reflection/Sermon

Prayers of the People and the Lord’s Prayer

Poem Suggestion            Howard Thurman’s “I Will Light Candles This Christmas”

Lighting of the Candles

Suggested Closing Hymn              “Silent Night”

Benediction
One: Even when lights have been dimmed
And shadows have lengthened,
God is near.
May the fragments of light and slivers of hope
Nudge all of us to take small steps into Divine anticipation!
Amen.

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A Prayer for the Really, Really Bad Days

25 Wednesday Oct 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

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Tags

bad day, bad days, depression, grief, grief prayers, Hope, journey of grief, mourning, prayer for bad days, Prayers, stages of grief

IMG_5018

God of the valleys filled with shadows, today is one of those days. The “there are no words” for this pain. The triggers are great. The soul is raw. Superglue feels like it keeps me in this space under perpetual cloudiness.

And so, in this deluge of spiritual rain, sleet, and snow, you become drenched with me God.

Even if you can’t lift these clouds, help me to find the light surrounding me and the love that holds me close in the moments of despair.

Amen.

*****

I continue my series on prayers of grief after the death of my father on September 18, 2017.

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A Prayer While Enduring Grief’s Physical Expression

08 Sunday Oct 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

anxiety, depression, grief, loss of parent, pain, physical pain, Prayer, Prayers

IMG_4416.JPG

God, you created my skin, nerves, muscles  and linked them with my mind and soul. And for this I’m forever grateful.

But-

Today I’m struggling with this great body-mind-spirit connection. As my heart breaks like the waves crashing against rocks, my body says “no more.”

My neck seizes with the knowledge that he won’t be returning. My tears have been replaced by heart palpitations. My stomach churns at the dread of days ahead.

My mind can’t shake this anguish, and my body absorbs each droplet of grief’s mist.

Great Designer of my heart and brain and energy, wrap me in blankets of peace. May I stop feeling suffocated by squalls of despair, and may my body experience healing in this season of sadness.

Amen.

 

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Advent Prayer 13 – Prayers in Fresh Grief

16 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

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Tags

Advent, advent prayer, Blue Christmas, Christmas, death, depression, Depression during holidays, grief, grief at Christmas, grieving, loss of loved one, occupy advent, praying advent, Progressive Christianty

imageCreator of the morning moon,
Painter of the cloudy evening sky,
In this season of abundant nighttimes
And shadows that extend for miles
Our hearts are painted with ash.

We wail in the corners of the world
Wondering when the Merry will come with Christmas,
When the sparkles will return,
And when the light will reappear.
The wound is fresh.
It extends beyond the bone
To the depths of the soul.

Why did it just happen
In this brightened season of hope
When plastic joy is glued to every surface
And smiles are permanently affixed to faces?

Why must we face this Christmas
When we’ve just been cheated?
Why must we be reminded
At every meal we would have eaten with him
And when holding the gift we just bought her?

Why is our future crushed
By the current song on the radio
Or the hymn sung at church?

God, we don’t know how we’ll make it through this hour
Let alone candlelight worship,
Christmas morning expected bliss
Or New Year’s countdowns.

So let us find that sacred spot
Where tears flow freely,
Where weeping and gnashing of teeth are welcomed,
And where we can wear sack cloths,
Or flannel clothes
Or sweats
Or his old t-shirt
And spill our souls to you, God.

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Advent Prayer Day 6 – A Lament for the George Baileys

06 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christmas, depression, George Bailey, George Bailey Prayer, Hopelessness, It's a Wonderful Life, Mental health, Mental Health Issues, suicide

imageGod, it’s falling apart.
Money.  Love.  Everything.
Reputations are on the line.
It’s all a huge failure.
Life.
It’s not the way it was planned.

No more.
There is no future.
We can’t go on any longer.

Why does it matter if we are here.
If you are here or I am here or we are here.
What if I wasn’t born?
Would the world be better?

Unlike the lights of Advent
There is no hope in George Bailey’s land.
Would anyone care
If this George Bailey wasn’t around.
Would this life matter?
Would the world miss us?

And then we see it…
The ripples from our own little lives
How wonderful!
The waves clashing with other waves
Knowing that our life mattered.
Trusting that the sea or lake or sky
Would be different without us.

God who sits in the dust of depressive days
And dusk’s dimness,
Shine that light on our lives-
The one that helps us see the purpose
And the ripple-effect from our fingers.

May the one praying fervently
For direction,
For meaning,
For anything else that keeps them alive,
See the light within themselves-
The one that will see them into tomorrow’s dawn.
The one that keeps the universe moving.

There is a unique flame within you
That lights the world in a special way.

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Still Part of the Same Body as Rick Warren

07 Sunday Apr 2013

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Pop

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Body of Christ, comfort, depression, God, Grace, Hope, Love, Matthew Warren, peace, Rick Warren, suicide, Vine and Branches

Today, I heard the news that Rick Warren’s son committed suicide.  I can’t imagine what pain a parent would feel upon hearing the news that his or her own son ended their own life.

Granted, I may not agree with many theological points that Rick Warren believes.  His style of ministering and preaching may not be my style.

But, without a doubt, he is a child of God just as you and I are children of God.  He is part of the same Body of Christ that we belong.  He is made in the image of God the way all of us are made in God’s image.  God loves Rick Warren as much as God loves all of us.  And on the other side of heaven, Rick Warren will be there along with all of us.

Right now, God mourns with Rick.  God cries with Rick.  God surrounds Rick and his family with love, grace, comfort and peace.

We are called to do the same.

Because there is a hole in the heart and spirit of Rick, there is a hole in our spirits as well.  Because we are all part of the same vine and branches, we feel the branch that has been lost because Rick’s son Matthew is not walking with us on earth.  We feel a tremor in the whole body because Rick and his family have experienced this loss.

I tire hearing some theological traditions that believe that suicide sends people to hell.  Suicide is a result of mental illness.  As depression is a health issue, it can consume a person so greatly.  People do not choose to end their lives because Satan or some “evil force” causes them commit suicide.  Because of body chemistry and hormones, depression grasps the emotions of a person and causes them to understand reality in different ways.   This is a scientific and medical reality.  So Matthew isn’t in hell.  Matthew is finally seeing God in God’s fullest.  Matthew is able to see himself as God sees him.  Matthew can experience God’s full love and grace.  And Matthew is still a member of the great Cloud of Witnesses who will welcome us as we transition from this life to the next.

May the Warren family feel God’s peace, love and comfort during this time.  We pray for all who are contemplating suicide tonight and those who experience deep depression.  Amen.

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