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Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: sexual harassment

Women’s Agency and Autonomy on Trial

20 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Pop, Pop Culture

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Brett Kavanaugh, Christine Blasey Ford, hearings, Lot's Daughters, rape, SCOTUS, sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment, Supreme Court

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Shrugging off has been our mode of coping.  Most of us women have shrugged sexual assault or harassment as it was happening – either because we hadn’t wrapped our minds around what happened or we know we wouldn’t be believed.

And we, ourselves, do not want to go on trial when we did nothing wrong.

It’s exhausting to live in a word in which we have to be hyper-vigilant while also knowing that even in our vigilance we may still be taken advantage of.  Even when we work to ensure our own safety and assault occurs, we know we will transformed from victim/survivor to evil voice.  We will become the demon, the Eve, the Jezebel, the Gomer – all wrapped into one – when coming forth about the incident.

Living eighteen years after the turn of the millennium and nearly 100 years after women began to get the right to vote (although not all women), we still fall short of what it means to be fully human.

There’s a message we hear from our leaders and institutions:

We don’t care about your bodies.  We don’t care about your health.  We don’t care about your livelihood.  In many ways like people of color or immigrants or LGBTQ people, you matter less.

We don’t want you to make decisions about your bodies.  We want to make them.  We want to use them when it is convenient for us.  We want to control them to ensure that a traditional patriarchal system continues.  We want to dispose of them when they no longer suit us or if they don’t fit our ideal standard for what a woman should be.

This is how it feels.

And when I read the story of Lot offering his daughters to be raped just to keep the men whole and holy, it makes me sick.  It’s not just a story that was told centuries before the birth of Jesus.  It’s also a story in which many people believe is the inspired Word of God.

So God would rather women be raped than men?  Why do either need to be raped?  Why are we not bettering our systems to hold rapists accountable?

Which brings us to this standing theology: Men’s bodies are holy.  Womens bodies are sinful and unclean.  Men are to be believed.  Women should endure pain because they aren’t as fully human as men, right?

(As someone who endures chronic pain due to reproductive health issues, I’ve felt dismissed by doctors on more than one occasion – even female doctors.  I’ve seen the health of my friends dismissed as I’ve notice the maternal mortality rate hanging too high for a developed nation.)

Between this story of alleged rape, the story that Kavanaugh wanted female clerks with a “certain” look, and his record on women’s reproductive health care rights, I see the larger picture of Kavanaugh and how he values – or doesn’t – women’s autonomy and agency.

And I know – he hired many women to serve as his clerks.  But the way a Generation X man devalues a woman will be different than a man who is a Boomer or from an earlier generation.  The way that one man devalues a woman is different than man from another generation or a man from his own generation.  He may hire a woman because he knows that women provide intellectual services yet may still believe that a woman still holds less autonomy and agency in other areas of her existence.  A man can appreciate a woman’s mind while still objectifying a woman’s body.

So I stand against any nominee for the SCOTUS or anyone leader in our Executive or Legislative Branch who carries on this ethos of male supremacy.  I stand against a system that doesn’t question what he’s done or the choices he has made.  Shouldn’t we have learned something from the time that Clarence Thomas was accused?  It’s been well over 25 years; shouldn’t we be farther along in the process of full autonomy and dignity for all women?  Shouldn’t we choose presidents who don’t take advantage of subordinates or assault women or pay women or brag about what they can do to women without their full consent?  There are men in both parties who have devalued women.  Why do they still have power?

We are women.  We deserve to walk at night or go to parties or hang out in social clubs or anything else without having to worry about being raped.  We deserve to go to work without being harassed.  We deserve to go to doctors and be believed because we know something isn’t right with our bodies.  We are not disposable, and we are fully human.

When will the powers-that-be in America and across the world believe us?

Or will we humans still be having this conversation in three thousand years – just like the story of Lot’s daughters?

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford – I believe you.  You are a beloved child of God.  You are made in the Image of God.  No one can take that from you – no matter how hard they try in these next few days.  And we have your back.

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It’s a Tough Time to Be in the Pulpit

06 Tuesday Mar 2018

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Pop, Social Justice

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#metoo, #timesup, Current Events, Gun control, gun violence, Jesus in Temple, Jesus overturning tables, progressive Christianity, Prophetic, Prophetic preaching, Pulpit, racial justice, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, Social Justice

pulpit 2

Theologian Karl Barth claimed “Take your Bible and take your newspaper, and read both. But interpret newspapers from your Bible.”  Each week, many of us preachers adhere to this advice.  We review the Scripture which we have chosen (often from the lectionary), attempt to understand it from the context in which it was written, and then apply the text to today’s world.

Unfortunately, I find it more and more difficult to hold the Bible in one and the newspaper in the other.  Engaging in this practice requires me to address the world today.  And often the lectionary texts with which we are preaching feature Jesus radically attempting to change the world.

For instance, this week’s text featured Jesus turning over tables in the Temple.  Jesus is protesting the powers-that-be and the corrupt commerce practices of the time.  And he doesn’t just voice his concern but decides to physically disrupt the exploitive dealings.  Like I mentioned in my sermon this Sunday: it’s interesting that we criticize people who are protesting today and yet we don’t criticize Jesus for protesting very radically during his time…

As I hold Biblical texts like this alongside recent events, I cannot ignore the speeches and marches by students who are standing against gun violence and for gun control.  I cannot dismiss protestors who see a members of the community unjustly targeted by community authorities.  I cannot forget the women who are speaking out against sexual abuse and harassment.

And yet, here we are in congregations which hold a variety of views.  As pastors, we are called to be prophetic, addressing the injustices of our time and pointing out in scripture where the prophets spoke out against gaps in the system.  Yet we must walk the fine line between being prophetic and pastoral, praying and searching for the best words to use and hoping that we present the issue with the appropriate amount of pressure for our particular congregations.

During my 45ish years, I’ve never seen so much division in our society based on political and theological beliefs.  As the Church, I believe we are called to find common ground between all of us and continue to converse on these subjects…

…But I must admit that on some Sunday mornings – when the text offers a prophetic tone and the issues of today are calling us to address – all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and stay in bed.  I do not want to be the one who stirs the pot.  The simplicity of brunch with friends or sleeping until 11am would be delightful.  And somehow, God has called many of us pastors to lead the conversation.  God has called all of us to leave our homes on Sunday morning to wrestle together – no matter how liberal or conservative our politics or who we voted for in 2016.

So let’s join together in this uncomfortably holy space- ready to experience God in the chaos of this time.  As we pastors approach the pulpit, we may have dry mouths or racing hearts as we wonder how our message will be received.  We realize that our message may infuriate some.  We understand that we are called to take up the cross and follow Jesus into the depths of radical love.  But know that we are trying to be as faithful as possible to God in this 2018 world, loving our congregations as we fulfill our callings.

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A Labor Day Prayer

02 Saturday Sep 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Pop, Social Media

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

harassment, Labor day, laid off, Prayer, Prayers, progressive, progressive Christianity, sexual harassment, stay at home parents, UCC, unemployed, workplace abuse

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God of our coming in and going out: this world which was originally designed by you is beautiful but has spiritually rotated away from your intentions. We have been given the assignment of work, but there are workplaces corrupted by unfair practices. From harassments to unequal pay, from limited benefits to wages that can’t support families, labor and earnings are difficult subjects for us to face.

So we remember the workers who are harassed and bullied at work. Give them the courage to stand up for what is right. Give them new opppetunies when workplace harassment is abusive.

We remember the workers who desire to be hired but who have been overlooked because of who they are. We pray for them as they endure discrimination.

We remember the workers who do not make livable or equal wages. May they be strong and courageous in standing up for what they need, and may we create systems where wages are fair.

We remember the workers who cannot find jobs. May they find work that not only sustains their homes but sustains their souls, and may they feel dignity as they continue on the journey of searching.

We remember those who have been laid off. Keep their spirits and confidence high hat they may find work in the immediate future.

We remember the workers who feel stuck in their positions.  Create a sense of newness in their current jobs or allow them to see a new path on which to travel.

We remember those who can no longer work due to disability. May they find avenues in which they find purpose even when their bodies and minds are in pain.

We remember those who are retired. May this current chapter in their lives create opportunities which bring them joy.

We remember the parents who stay at home caring for their children. Give them renewal in their work whether it’s cooking, carpooling, or wrapping their arms around their sick child.

We remember those whose work places them in harm’s way and ask for their protection.

May we each realize our own power and use this power to serve the world, not to serve ourselves. May we see you, God, as we walk down hallways, eat in cafeterias, join in contentious meetings, try something new, or look towards retirement.

Amen.

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Saying No in the Era of #YesAllWomen

28 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture

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Tags

#yesallwomen, college, Feminism, feminist, feminist theology progressive Chrisitianity, harassment, misogyny, Santa Barbara shooting, saying no, sexual harassment, Yes All Women, yes all women and faith

20140528-014106.jpg

February 1992. I was eighteen years old in my freshman year of college. My friends introduced me to a really cute guy who was about a year or two older. We all hung out talking until around midnight. He then walked me back to my dorm room and gave me a kiss.

Alright. He’s cute. He’s sweet. I hope i hear from him…

The next evening, he calls. He asks me to go out. I didn’t feel like spending time with him that evening, so I politely declined. “You will go out with me,” he demands.

Excuse me? “No,” I replied.

He just couldn’t take no for an answer.

Eventually, we ended the phone conversation. I felt extremely vulnerable at that moment. Thoughts continued to cycle throughout my mind. What if he comes after me? What would this confrontation look like, and would I be safe? Fortunately, I found way to hang out with other friends that evening, away from campus – what I perceived to be a safer space.

Frankly, on that very evening, anywhere where he could not find me was safe.

*****

May 1992. I was nineteen years old finishing my freshman year of college. I was sitting in the library at my college trying to study when a man around my age came up to talk with me.

I was trying to brush him off – at this point I had another boyfriend. But he continuously asked for my number – over and over and over again. To him, it didn’t matter that I was in a relationship with another person.

Finally, I relented. I gave him my dorm room phone number and left the conversation.

A while later, he called me. I pretended that I was my roommate and told Whatshisname that I wasn’t home. He never called back.

But could he ever find me?

*****

Summer 1992. I was still nineteen years old between my freshman and sophomore years of college. I was driving on Route 159 in Swansea, Illinois when a guy in the next car at the stoplight locked eyes with me.

It’s always awkward to lock eyes with anyone in nearby cars. But this one had another agenda.

I started driving once the stoplight turned green. He then followed me.

No matter how fast I drove, he drove. He continuously tried to get my attention. But my attention was focused on working to lose him.

Block after block, he kept up. Then, I saw an upcoming street. At this point he was in the next lane and keeping up with my driving. I quickly turned down the road without giving any indication that I was making that move. He continued to drive on Route 159.

But what if I couldn’t figure out a way to lose him?

*****

These three stories happened to me over the course of six months. Understand that I could continue to write story after story about the varying types of harassments I’ve experienced in 23 years – from catcalls to mindgames to unwanted touching.

Now, I’m not talking about the guy who kindly asks me out even though I’m not interested. I’m talking the kind of behavior when I feel every type of red alarm has gone off and my gut is giving me a bad vibe – the guy who keeps pressuring me even though I continuously say “no.” There are many authentically nice guys out there. (I know since I’m dating one of the nice guys.) However, from personal experience, I can tell that 100% of the men in our society do not treat women as equals, and this type of controlling attitude and entitlement needs to stop. They think they can follow us, pressure us and guilt us into falling for them.

Our society encourages us to be “good girls.” Never say no. Be accommodating. The problem with being the good girl is that the controlling boys like to find us. They like to drain us of any self-esteem we may still have in our souls.

The story of Vashti always resonates with me when it comes to a woman who stood up for her body, mind and soul. She refused to be paraded around like an object by her husband King Xerxes (Ahasuerus) who then, probably, banished her from his life. It was a risked she was willing to take as she didn’t want to be objectified and controlled by men.

It takes years for us to find that confidence to realize we deserve better than all of this. We do not deserve to be paraded around or required to give in to a man’s desires each time he asks.

So when I think of this mass killing spree in Santa Barabara, I think of the way that men have felt entitled to the bodies, minds and souls of women since the Hebrew Bible – from Vashti to Tamar, the daughter of David who was raped by her brother.

When I see the spirit of women on social media this week and the many men who support us, I realize that maybe there’s hope in this conversation. Maybe there will be one less man who demands a date or sex, one less man who chases a woman or one less woman who feels pressured to give out her personal information.

Let’s find ways to stand together, girls and women of all ages. Let’s find a way to help each other feel safe even when we’ve felt violated. We deserve to be given the dignity that God has given each of us – as we are made in the image of our Creator, too.

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