Tag Archives: progressive Christianity

The Privilege of Falling Asleep

25 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by in Current Events, Holidays, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

imageThree years of seminary was the grand beeping alarm clock to my own racial privilege. Conversation after conversation with friends who eventually became pastors and prophets in Ferguson stirred me from the deep sleep of privilege in which I had mostly abided for three decades of my life.

I’m awake… I’m awake… Of course, I think I’ll never going to fall asleep ever again…

As the days and months continued post-seminary, my eyelids became droopy. Fatigue overcame my mind and my heart. Eventually, my eyes close, and I found myself mostly unsuccessful resisting an idealized dreamland while my sisters and brothers of color are calling out to God for their lives and their well-being.

Like Peter, James and John keeping watch as Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, I continue to nod off to sleep. There are days in which I feel like I am spiritually dozing and need the nudging of the Christ to become alert to the reality of so many in our communities.

This nudging comes in the form of news articles posted, first person accounts of injustices posted on Twitter as they are happening, being called out for a sentence or two of “whitesplaining” or hearing a cherished friend’s story of fear and discrimination. #Staywoke in social media is the alarm clock that’s intended to stir me from my sleep, whether I am in a deep slumber or nodding off for a short nap, slipping out of privilege-consciousness for a moment or two.

As a person of racial privilege, I have the freedom to be able to close my eyes for a time-out while my friends of color can’t rest for a moment. They are crying out for their well-being as they are treated unfairly in the workplace, in systems of education and by the powers-that-be. They are wailing as their children are found slain in daylight due to unjust systems.

As people who are white, we have the obligation to stay awake as Jesus has urged us to do – watching and waiting alongside of Jesus and neighbor, knowing that the time is coming for another round of oppression.

In the spirit of reconciliation during this upcoming Holy Week – especially as we reflect on the Mark 14 narrative of Peter, James and John trying to keep awake – I ask God and neighbor for forgiveness as I close my eyes to the injustices in our world. I pray that God will give me the energy, focus, passion, understanding and courage to #staywoke alongside my friends who aren’t gifted the option to rest. And I yearn for a time when those of us who know privilege will keep alert even after the daylight of justice comes.

Eating and Drinking to Remembering

24 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in Church Life, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

image

From Fontbonne University’s Fontbanner, 1993

 

Back in college, Lisa, one of my closest friends, and I both worked on the school’s newspaper. Before each issue, we would go to the local restaurant, dine together and then write our individual sections of a restaurant review.

There were many times in which we joined together for a bite to eat or drink on a Friday. Lisa was the one who introduced me to strawberry margaritas and various eating establishments around the greater St. Louis area, whether it was for an assignment or just to catch up on our weeks.

Four years ago today, she died of cancer.

I couldn’t make it home for her memorial service. Instead, I went to the Mexican restaurant down the street and had a strawberry margarita in her memory.

To me, that’s a good portion of what the communion table is about. It gives us a chance to get together and have a meal in remembrance of Jesus the Christ. With somber joy, we recall his story and how we relate to the Christ in our midst today.

While I didn’t have a chance to drink a strawberry margarita today in remembrance of my friend Lisa, I did join with others at the table tonight, Maundy Thursday, to remember the Christ and Jesus’ love of humanity.

Single in the Sanctuary: Blue Easter

22 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Church Life, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

easter lily2In 2008, I attended Easter morning worship with my mom and dad at a progressive United Church of Christ congregation in the greater St. Louis area.  The sermon was engaging.  The music was magnificent.  Everything about this Easter morning worship was spiritually meaningful.

But I was distracted… and distraught.

Family three rows up.  Family six rows up.  Family in the second from the front row on the other side of the sanctuary and two rows behind me too.  People of approximately my age sitting throughout the church with their spouse and their two or three small children.

And here I was… nearly 35 years old and sitting with my parents on Easter morning sans husband or children.  Even though I was with my lovely parents, I had never felt more alone.  At no point that morning did I feel anyone made me feel bad about being single or childless.  While some people at some congregations may stereotype people in my situation, I absolutely didn’t feel as if people were looking down upon me.

But I was looking down upon myself.  What’s wrong with me?  I would wonder over and over again to myself. Of course, when we are emotionally raw for any reason, it’s easy to place blame upon ourselves.  Life and love hadn’t happened in the way I wanted it to by the age of 35.  It was as simple as that.

Nonetheless, my feelings were very real that morning.  And they threw me for a loop.

Between 2008 and the time I met my boyfriend, I began to make some peace with this singleness in the sanctuary.  But it never became 100% easy, and Easter morning just happens to be one of those times I wonder if I missed out a little by not having children.  Bubbling youth bring about a certain energy into families and congregations, and even those of us who are 85% sure we are fine with not having children get a little emotional when surrounded by what we once wanted.

Which makes me wonder: How can we truly experience the resurrection if we are so distracted by what we don’t have, what we haven’t accomplished and in what ways we don’t fit with our congregations?

Easter morning may be a time when we hope that God will lead us to new life, new possibilities and fresh beginnings.  But there could be people in our congregations that feel like an odd person because they believe their marital status or family structure stands out from the crowd.  They may feel alone even though people surround them in the sanctuary.

Bless them with a greeting, with the peace of Christ, if you see them sitting alone.  Bless them with an request to sit with you as they may feel just a little less alone.  Bless them with an invitation to lunch or coffee hour.

The sealed tomb in which they find themselves in may start to crack open as beams of light begin to find their way beyond the shadows.

My Litmus Test for Voting

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Current Events, Life, Pop

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

imageRight now, I sit in my church office looking out the window watching the people walking in and out of our church building as they vote in the 2016 Primary.  Besides selecting candidates for president of the United States, voters are casting their ballots for Congressional and Senate primaries – both in the state and for the US government.

I voted earlier this morning.  It’s not always easy to select the person who I would like to lead our country – especially since those running have incredible talents and flaws to go alongside of them (because they are human, of course).

I’ll be honest… I’ve been very troubled by this year’s primary season.  So much of what is being said by one or two specific candidates is far from Christ’s love for one another.  In fact, there’s a hate-filled rhetoric being tossed about in our country right now.  And it breaks my heart.

Being a progressive Christian, I try to have some guidelines on what I try to go by when selecting and supporting candidates.  It’s very simple:

LOVE.

Actually, the message itself is simple.  The act is extremely complex.  Some of us see love in so many different ways.  I like to look at the following scriptures when reflecting upon this love.  As Jesus says in John 13:43 “Just as I have loved you, you should love one another.”  To me this is a love that is expansive, inclusive and breaks down any type of walls in our world.

Luke 12:31 states part of the great commandment: that you shall “love your neighbor as yourself.”  This means that each and every one of us should have the type of love for the people in our country as we do for ourselves, and we should want to make sure that each person has what they need just as we should have what we need.

Which makes me reflect upon the following:

  • Are the candidate’s primary views embracing the “love your neighbor as yourself” ethic?  Do they want to see others prosper as well as they are prospering?
  • Do they hold back their love by limiting others’ rights?
  • How does this candidate view love?  Is it inclusive or exclusive?
  • Is the way the candidate portrays himself or herself in a loving manner, or does it incite hate from the crowds that follow the candidate?
  • How is this candidate promoting love of neighbor and self in our world?  Are they wall-builders or bridge-builders?

Absolutely no candidate is perfect or loving 100 percent of the time.  They will make silly errors, look at something through a lens of privilege and forget that others have lived through more difficult contexts based on race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, etc.  But for the most part, are they trying to make our world more loving, and do they seem like they are passing along the love of Christ to everyone they meet?  Those are the type of questions we must ask as we walk into our polling places.

No matter where you are on the political spectrum, please vote in each and every one of your elections.  And remember the love of Christ as you enter the voting booth.

Single in the Sanctuary: The Last Single Girl

07 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by in Church Life, Life, Movies, Pop, Pop Culture, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In the 2008 Sex and the City movie, Carrie Bradshaw, 40 years old, gets engaged to longtime love Mr. Big.  The editors at Vogue offer to photograph her in various wedding dresses.  Enid, her editor at Vogue, tells her that the feature will be called “The Last Single Girl.”

“Well, I’m hardly the last single girl,” Carrie exclaims.

Editor Enid replies “No, but 40 is the last age a woman can be photographed in a wedding gown without the unintended Diane Arbus subtext.”

Is Enid implying that the last age a woman is able to wear in a fluffy, tulle-skirted wedding dress is at 40?    Should brides mute their celebratory looks for something more matronly?

And what if we’re not even close to being ready to getting married?  What if we’re over 40 and there’s no proposals on the horizon?  Should we just erase any current Pinterest hopeful board of wedding dresses and begin a new one entitled “the older bride”?

older bride

(By the way… this is what a screenshot of an “older bride” search looks like on Pinterest.  It looks quite Vogue-worthy to me.  And none of these women look like “Old Maids” or “Last Single Girls.”)

So…Does Any of This Matter?

Let’s step away from weddings because I’m sure many of us reading this aren’t ready to get married in the immediate future.  We wonder if society thinks that single women over 40 have transition themselves from vibrant young women to “Old Maids”.  We often inappropriately believe ourselves a rare breed because we didn’t conform to society’s limited expectations and marry before 40.

Yes, there have been times when I feel like I’m the LAST SINGLE GIRL – especially before I met my current boyfriend.  I celebrated my 40th birthday dateless, surrounded by fabulous friends, and filled with a spirit that was well-younger than 40.

Phone Sept 2014 025

See… This is not a girl who was ready to move into the Old Maid category.  

I do look at the lives of my friends, and I’m definitely one of the few never-married single girls.  To see and embrace yourself as one of the LAST SINGLE GIRLS is a difficult realization.  Maybe you’ll think to yourself “When did this happen?  What did I do to arrive at this place now that I’m over 40?”

And, if you’re anything like me, you may look around most churches you’ve attended and feel like the LAST SINGLE GIRL in the church and most contexts in your life… most of the time at least.

I imagine that there will be some of you reading this who feel like the LAST SINGLE GIRL in the world, in the church, in their group of friends and in their families.

It goes without saying… in reality, you are not the LAST SINGLE GIRL.  Hardly!  We are out there in steady numbers!  We are no longer old maids.  We are no longer alone.  We are valid just attempting to live life as fully as possible.  No one is worth any less because of their marital status.

As a clergy member and person who often writes about being a single progressive Christian, I will meet people who have never been married or married around 40 or later.   There are people in our churches who are single of all ages – from 22 to 40 to 65.  And each person is where they are right now for better or worse.   They tell me their stories of meeting their spouse a little later down the road and the bliss of finding a healthy relationship when the time – and their lives – were just right.

It’s not our job as churches to segregate THE LAST SINGLE GIRLS from the rest of our church.  But it’s our job to walk along side of people to bring them comfort in their current status.  It’s our responsibility to integrate them into church life, worship and activities.  And it’s our call to hope with our unmarried sisters and brothers if they yearn to meet a partner in the future.

*****

In the near future, it’s my intention to read the book All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation  by Rebecca Traister.  For more reflections based on the book and how it may impact the way communities of faith relate to unmarried persons, follow me here at michelletorigian.com.

In the meantime, join the conversation on being unmarried and a progressive Christian here.

Single in the Sanctuary – A Prayer for the Lone Ones on Valentine’s Day

14 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by in Current Events, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

God of the broken hearts And the lonely souls, On this day reserved for those “loved” Those who seem so “whole” Give us the peace of knowing we are complete.

Source: A Prayer for the Lone Ones on Valentine’s Day

Join the conversation for progressive unmarried Christians and friends at https://www.facebook.com/groups/singleinthesanctuary/

Single in the Sanctuary – When the Ashes Remain

11 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by in Church Life, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

imageAsh Wednesday.  Dust donning our foreheads as we remember our frailty, our mortality, our mistakes.

But for those who have been through tough relationships in our younger days, the ashes upon our foreheads represents the residue left behind from past loves.

It’s not that we usually dwell on many memories or wish that life worked out differently with the one who is no longer in our lives.  But the matted dusty remains symbolize the tiny bits of grime left on our hearts from broken relationships.

The dust collects after someone has cheated.  Specks of dirt linger after hurtful words are hurled at us. The glowing embers of hope that once warmed us now shine no more.

Maybe we began with clean slates and pristine hearts.  Slowly over time, the fragments of dirt settled, leaving our souls just a bit more smudged.

So on Ash Wednesday, we not only remember our morality, we also remember how our spirits have been tarnished along the way.  And we remember how God can take our ashed pasts and transforms them into something that glows no matter what has happened and who hurt us.

Single in the Sanctuary – Valentine’s Day in the Church

09 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by in Church Life, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

love lightOnce again this year, Valentine’s Day happens to fall on a Sunday.  Now, this shouldn’t matter because it’s the first Sunday of Lent, and it isn’t an actual church holiday.

Yet, I have a feeling that some churches will be embracing societal’s yearnings by filling each little crevice of worship with mentions of this Hallmark holiday.  From my experience, I’ve seen how churches hold couples’ dances, talk about how wonderful marriage (especially heterosexual marriage) is and fill sermons and prayers for those who have already found their lifelong love.

But I’ve sat in the pews and attended churches where marriage (heterosexual ones, at that) were considered the ideal.  There didn’t feel like there was a place for this single gal… let alone our single savior, Jesus.  I felt crushed at times and even needed to leave the sanctuary on the random Sunday when the pastor gave a message marginalizing people like me.

Part of the reason I’ve started writing the Single in the Sanctuary feature and, down the road, book is to reinforced the need to validate people of all different marital statuses in the church.  One of the most-needed days of the year for us to be sensitive to the emotions of the unmarried (especially the ones who are not content as unmarried) is Valentine’s Day.

So church leaders – as you finalize your bulletins for this Sunday, remember the following:

  • A large percentage of those in our pews are not married.  They are single, divorced, widowed and cohabitating.  And each of them need our love and validation too.  We need to acknowledge where they are in their lives today – whether they have chosen their relationship status or life just happened to them.
  • 1 Corinthians 13 is not just about romantic love; it’s about something so much greater than marriages and couples.  The love chapter is about God’s steadfast, unconditional love.  It’s a love that we are called to have for each of our neighbors – not just our significant others.  Plus, this chapter reminds us that we need to love our neighbors, friends, enemies, significant others and everyone else as if we are looking through the eyes of God.  That’s more than any romcom could ever portray… although Mark Darcy telling Bridget Jones that he loves her “just as she is” comes close.
  • Shame is a piece in relationship statuses.  Still single?  What’s wrong with you?  Cohabitating?  Why can’t you just get married?  Divorced?  Why couldn’t you make your marriage work.  Part of a gay or lesbian couple?  Doesn’t God think that’s an abomination?  Having sex outside of marriage?  You are a sinner!  These are the messages that keep circling around faith communities.  Our job as the Church is to make sure that these messages are eradicated and that shame outside of the straight nuclear message doesn’t exist.
  • Pray for all marital statuses in this church – from the newly married couple, to the couple who are having challenges, to the single person with a newly fresh broken heart, to the widower experiencing his first Valentine’s Day alone.

Finally, Jesus was single.  What we believe we know is that he was never married.  We don’t know much else about this. We may wonder if he got his heart broken or if he just never had the time to get married.  But he brought together people of all marital statuses.  And that’s what we’re called today each and every day in the church.  The church isn’t just for couples or families.  It’s for all of God’s children.

Are you a progressive non-married Christian or a friend?  Please join in this new Facebook group “Single in the Sanctuary” for conversation and support.

A Communion Liturgy for Ash Wednesday

05 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Church Life, Holidays, Pop

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , ,

communionHere is a communion liturgy I wrote for our ecumenical Ash Wednesday service this year.  Please feel free to use it and note that you saw it on michelletorigian.com.

Blessings to all as we look towards this new liturgical season.

Michelle

Invitation

One: Come, as we embark on the dawn of this new season.
Come, as we reflect upon the dusk of our lives.
Come, as we set aside our distractions and the concerns of our minds
Come, as we focus on the heart of the matter.

One: God of light and dust be with you,
All: And also with you.
One: Open wide our hearts:
All: We open them up to our God.
One: Let us give thanks to God our creator.
All: Even in the midst of the wilderness, we give God our praise.

Prayer of Communion

One: Tonight we come together to recall the magnificent common memories we have of our Christ.  We remember his servant leadership and the unconditional love he had for humankind.

Here and now, we give thanks for the steadfast love of God that we see reflected in Jesus the Christ.  We are grateful for one another and for all the saints who have come to the table throughout history and to those who will gather here after we have returned to dust.  With appreciation, we give thanks to the hands who have harvested the grapes and grains before us.  In a spirit of active thanksgiving, we commit ourselves as servants to God’s children, finding new ways of bringing justice, righteousness and love to the shadows on this earth.

May the Spirit come upon these elements.  May the Spirit fill our hearts with love, kindness and acceptance.  May the Spirit continue to aid us in our work in the world and as we cross boundaries of denominations and faith differences.  May the Spirit empower us as we walk through these 40 days in the wilderness, as we face the sadness of the crucifixion and as we wait for the Christ’s resurrection.

As Jesus continued on his journey, he could see that his time was drawing nearer.  Our Christ knew that his love and leadership would take him to the cross.  And as the final night was upon him, he drew close to his friends.  To embrace the love he had with them, he shared one last table.

Jesus embraced the bread in his weathered hands, broke it, gave it to his friends asking them to remember him.

Jesus clasped the cup containing the fruit of the vine, gave thanks one last time and asked them to remember him.

In remembering him, we speak the words together in prayer, using the words closest to your hearts saying… Our Father, who art in heaven…

(As we pray the Lord’s Prayer in unity, please use the word closest to your hearts, whether it is sins, trespasses or debts.)

The bread of life.  The cup of the new covenant.  Both given to us.  Both we partake in together as we remember our servant-leader Jesus the Christ.

Distribution of the Elements

Unison Prayer of Thanksgiving

All: Even as we come to the table tonight remembering our frailty with the dust on our heads, we also give God our thanks for this meal.  We give our gratitude that we have come together as one Body of Christ.  In these next 40 days and as we walk the road to the crucifixion, continue to keep us awake to the ways we can bring Jesus the Christ’s servant-leadership to our world.  Amen.

I Don’t Know What to Do with This Day

18 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by in Current Events, Holidays, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

imageHonestly, I don’t know what to do with Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  It’s not my day to claim.

The struggle of my black sisters and brothers is not mine and yet, I am connected to it.  My skin is white.  My benefits are great.  And even though the privilege of a white woman isn’t perfect, it’s still pretty darn good.

I can drive in rich neighborhoods without worrying who will pull me over if I’m driving four miles over the speed limit, walk in department stores without much thought to who is watching me and apply to jobs knowing that my resume will at least get a glace.  So the struggles that King mentioned aren’t about me or people who look like me.

So, what is this day about?

Right now to me this is the day I step aside to learn and to listen.  It’s the day when I listen deeply to the deep pain of my friends.  It’s the day when I examine my times of “whitesplaining,” of the times I didn’t speak up and the times I worried more about what others thought of me instead of the hard journey of those who continue to struggle. And then I offer a prayer of reconciliation to God my parent and my sisters and brothers of color.

This is the day I examine how I can become a better leader, how I can learn from the example of Dr. King the Prophet and live boldly as I continue to carry the light of Christ into the world.

This is the day I think about the ways I can push the shadows in the world aside and shine more light.  This is the day when I reflect on how to love more and use that love to erase the growing hate in our communities.

This is the day when I speak to and with those who are privileged as we share ways for us to be better allies.  This is the day when I recommit to the covenant of the complete body of Christ knowing that a good portion of the body is disregarded by other parts.  And this is the day when I send light and love to my sisters and brothers of color as they continue their march to true equality.

I still don’t fully know what to do with this day.  All I can do is walk humbly with my God and my neighbors and hope I can do better this coming year.

*****

One year from now I will probably be reading this and think that I had so much more to learn.   This is a work in progress and I’m open to your thoughts.