14 Sunday Feb 2016
Posted in Current Events, Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary
Tags
broken hearts, broken relationships, divorce, progressive Christianity, Single, single in the sanctuary, single moms, Singlehood, Valentine's Day, Widowed
God of the broken hearts And the lonely souls, On this day reserved for those “loved” Those who seem so “whole” Give us the peace of knowing we are complete.
Source: A Prayer for the Lone Ones on Valentine’s Day
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20 Tuesday Oct 2015
Posted in Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary
Tags
are singles welcome in the church, divorce, non-traditional family, progressive Christianity, questions about single, Single, single in the sanctuary, single moms, Singlehood, singles in the church
By E. W. Russell, Photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
I doubt I’m the only one who has felt a bit left out of the church based on the fact that I’m over 40 and still not married. Even when I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s, I felt out of place because I don’t have the traditional family structure.
We look around our churches and, most of the time, only see certain demographics, namely
Only on occasions like the Christmas and Easter holidays or weddings, baptisms and funerals do I see my demographic: the never-married person. I don’t see many divorced individuals, single parents, co-habitating couples, LGBT individuals and couples either.
In reality, people are getting married later. Many marriages do not last. Couples are choosing to live together for a while before deciding to marry. So why don’t they feel comfortable being themselves in our sanctuaries? Are we welcoming enough for these demographics?
Could it be that our sanctuaries become a sanctuary for those with an “ideal lifestyle” as set by the Christian right – a life which promotes purity, a nearly-desperate desire to get married and a postcard image of a husband, wife and two or three children?
Let’s start this conversation here and now. How have churches made you feel comfortable? How have they made you feel extremely uncomfortable based on your marital status? And would the church you currently attend make you feel welcome if they knew you were single, cohabitating or divorced?
Is there a topic you would like to see covered in Single in the Sanctuary? Let me know your interest below.
14 Friday Feb 2014
Posted in Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Sports
Tags
Alexa Brenneman, Ben-Gals, Bengals, Cheerleader, Compensation, Feminism, Feminist Theology, first lady, Gloria Steinem, NFL, NFL Cheerleaders, progressive Christianity, single moms, Stay-at-Home Moms, welfare, White House, Zelophehad's Daughters
This week, I heard of another case where an NFL cheerleader is suing the team for inadequate pay. This time, the cheerleader, Alexa Brenneman brought the suit as an individual as she claims that her pay equals that of $2.85 per hour ($5 less than Ohio’s minimum wage).
Even before this and the suit with the Raiderettes, I was concerned about this practice. When I was in my twenties and in much better shape, I had ever-so-briefly toyed around with the thought of auditioning the Buccaneers cheerleaders. I thought I remember that they made somewhere between $50-$100 per game. But then I read a 2003 article which notes that they receive no monetary compensation for ANY of their work or efforts – except they receive two tickets per game.
I tried to see how much money the cheerleaders make now, but could not find any numbers. But looking at their site now, I see that it even costs $40 to audition for a role of cheerleader. Plus, during the season, they are required to give 50 hours of charity work per season. Furthermore, it doesn’t take into account how much it costs to look the way an NFL cheerleader should look.
The NFL acts like it’s doing women a favor or something…
At the same time, the men are getting paid millions of dollars per season while the women only a couple or few thousand. Or, like the Buccaneer cheerleaders, they may make nothing. Granted, the men are competing in a sport where concussions are expected and life expectancy is short. But when the mascot makes twenty-some thousand per year to sixty-some thousand per year, getting paid a couple of thousand dollars to look good, be athletic and wear barely any clothing sounds entirely and completely off balance.
To hear an individual cheerleader or cheerleading team stands up for themselves is refreshing, especially when their work matters to an organization or corporation. (The Bengals organization makes approximately $1 million off of the work of the Ben-Gals cheerleaders.)
This issue reflects something larger in our society. First Ladies give many hours per week filling ambassador-like roles. Yet they receive no compensation. I often wonder if a First Lady could refuse the role and live a completely private life or work completely in her own position away from the White House. And if a man ever fills the role of “First Lady,” would they reconsider compensation rates?
And then there are many churches where the wife of the pastor is required to fill a role for – once again – no salary. Since stay-at-home parenting is predominantly completed by women, minimal to no thought is given to their compensation package and must rely solely on their spouse’s income.
But stay-at-home moms who are married and have a man taking care of them are heralded as heroes while stay-at-home moms who are single and must live on welfare are called “welfare queens” and “lazy.” I have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses this calling, whether they are married or not.
I clearly remember hearing Gloria Steinem say in one of her speeches that stay-at-home moms should get compensation for their work. And the reason is my next point…
Here’s the big issue: to our society, compensation is equivalent to value. When you make more money, you “matter” more. When you don’t make as much money, you matter less – unless you fill the societal proper role of your gender.
This is the exception: To our society, it’s ok if you make no money as long as you are a woman supporting a man – either his team, his fantasy, his role as leader, his job, etc. Apparently, that is reward in itself.
But what our culture forgets is that women and men are both made in God’s image and all are given gifts to make this world a strong place. When a woman works, her work is just as valuable as a man’s. And while it’s not my calling, even cheerleaders deserve the same respect and validation for their hard work as anyone else.
In reflecting upon this, I remember a story in scriptures that show women standing up for their fair share. Numbers 27 recalls the narrative of Zelophehad’s daughters who want their part of their father’s estate. Moses advocates on behalf of them, and God responds “Zelophehad’s daughters are right in what they are saying.”
And so are the NFL cheerleaders. Keep advocating for your fair share.
06 Wednesday Nov 2013
Posted in Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion
Tags
divorce, God, God's call, orphans, single moms, welfare, widows
Do we really help the widows and orphans?
Now let me reframe who today’s widows are: single moms/parents. Any of them. They could have become a single parent because of the death of spouse, divorce or experiencing a unplanned pregnancy. Orphans are kids who have lost a parent or both parents, kids who have minimal relationship with or who are minimally provided for by a parent, or kids are estranged from parents.
People of all political perspectives will donate food over and over again to make sure they have food. I’m just wondering if we need to do more to make sure that the system is fair? What steps are we missing so that they can have a life of joy?
Today’s widows often feel shame when they have to go on welfare/food stamps/Medicaid. Many don’t believe that they would face a time when they would need government assistance. Political pundits keep making them feel “less than.” Politicians keep voting for them to receive less and less aid.
To some, taking care of the widows and orphans has become an optional faith mandate.
Shame and guilt and cutting programs doesn’t really help the widows and orphans. Food helps some on a shorter-term basis. (If someone has a disability, they should receive assistance to live, but that’s another blog for another time.)
When it comes down to taking care of those who struggle, I think there’s something greater: helping them live into God’s call for them.
Single moms often don’t have child care or health care or money to go back to school to strengthen their future and acknowledge God’s call. When their child gets sick, the child MUST go home from school or daycare. Who takes care of them? The widow is forced to miss a day of work or school. Such circumstances requires them to leave their achievements and God’s call behind.
The Bible says over and over and over again to take care of the widows and orphans. It’s time we truly take care of them by walking along side of them and helping them grasp God’s dream for their lives. If you want women to get off welfare: create a system where they can do what’s need to achieve their degrees. Create daycare options where working moms can drop off their sick child for a day. Do not have “points” systems at work so that a widow will go on probation if she has to miss a day of work to take care of her child.
As a single woman without children, it’s tough enough to make sure I have the energy and resources to follow God’s call. I can’t imagine what it would be like for a woman with children. So maybe it’s time for all of us to work together to make sure this mandate of “caring for the widows and orphans” actually takes place.*
*And please don’t play the blame game and say “having a child out of wedlock was their choice when they had sex.” Seriously? Like most people haven’t made those choices at some point? Some just have the privilege of birth control and great support systems.
Michelle L. Torigian 