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Michelle L. Torigian

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Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: privilege

Not OUR Day

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Pop, Social Justice

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Martin Luther King Jr., Martin Luther King Jr. Day, MLK, privilege, privilege awareness, racial justice, racism, white privilege

dr-kingAs a white person, I feel it’s necessary to reflect upon my relationship with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, his legacy, and who I am in my racial privilege.

When it comes down to it, fellow white sisters and brothers, this isn’t our story to reframe, not our struggle to claim, and this isn’t our day.  And it is seriously easy to allow ourselves to slide the slippery-slope and make this day all about us.

There are places for us to be and work for us to do today that relate to the legacy of Dr. King.  It is a day for us to learn.  This is a day for us to listen to the stories of friends of color, to read about the life of Dr. King, to hear his sermons and speeches once again, to pick up books that focus on white privilege and the struggles that black Americans endure.  This is a day for us to walk next to our friends of color and listen to what they are saying.

This is the time for us to recall how we fell short in the past year in our stands for racial justice.

This is the time for us to find courage that we need for the upcoming months and years to stand for justice and the well-being of our neighbors.  This is a day for us to set aside to recommit ourselves to justice issues.

Yes, Dr. King stood up for a myriad of justice issues – including peace during the Vietnam War and economic justice for all.  And as Dr. King said “Justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,” all injustices are interconnected and hurt so many more people than who we first notice.

But this day is not for us to whitewash Dr. King – to forget what he stood for and how he was willing to put everything out there for racial justice.  Today is not the day to do to Dr. King what we have done to Jesus: to make both men hyper-meek in their approach to justice.  Yes, they loved peace and non-violence, but they were willing to go to the grave for their fight for justice.  They were edgy, and both men would not be revered by the majority of our society if they lived in our country today.

May we continue to grow in our privilege awareness.  May we stop falling asleep to our privilege like the disciples in the garden with Jesus.  May we find ways to speak of the authentic Dr. King.  May we listen… and listen more.  May we find ways to become aware of all of our privileges – whether they relate to race, sexual orientation, religion, or other privileges.  May we continue to love radically like Dr. King and Jesus… and may we embrace their courage when the time comes for us to need it.

 

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Single in the Sanctuary – The Privilege of Marriage

29 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

are singles welcome in the church, chastity, Jesus Single, marital status, marital status privilege, premarital sex, privilege, single Christians, single in the sanctuary, single progressive Christians, Very Married

food-couple-sweet-married-largeIn 1996, I was newly independent – living on my own for the first time. While at the time I was in a relationship with someone 90 miles away, I was not married spiritually or legally.

I was changing over my driver’s license, plates, and car insurance.  When I called around to find out insurance rates, I was told that my insurance rates would be considerably higher since I was not married.

I thought about all of my friends who were getting married that year and how they were sharing living expenses with their spouses as well as registering for new items for their house and getting better deals on taxes and insurance.

I suppose that may have been the first time I thought about the privilege of marriage and the slights unmarried people face from time to time.

Now, there are privileged states with each part of our lives.  I don’t necessarily think that being unmarried is a significant marginalization like being an ethnic, racial, gender, sexual orientation or gender/identity/expression minorities.  I am extremely privileged in most ways and do not want to distract people from the serious marginalization that goes on in our communities – from being arrested due to color to being beaten due to religion or sexual orientation.

But from what I’ve seen, heard, and experienced, there is more privilege to being married.  It’s an experience that I have never experienced but friends who are aware of their privilege have noted how they now feel more privileged now that they are married.

I suppose that’s why something did not sit well with me when I read Katherine Willis Pershey’s article “Field Notes on Sex and Marriage: Fully naked, fully known” in the September 28, 2016 Christian Century.  First of all, I have so much respect for Willis Pershey as a writer, pastor and colleague and have enjoyed her writings.  The progressive/Mainline Protestant community is blessed by her talents, and I want to make sure to lift her up for what she gives to her colleagues and those to whom she is ministering.  I believe it has taken much courage to write some of the things she has written, and I thank her for her vulnerability.

What challenged me is the article’s tone towards sex before marriage and the lack of another perspective in the publication – maybe a choice by the editors.  Now, I think many of us are on the same page when it comes to making sure that everyone is in a healthy situation when becoming intimate.  I don’t necessarily think a 14, 15, or 16 year old has the emotional and intellectual development to engage in sex at such an early age.  Are they willing to ask the hard questions of their partners before engaging in physical intimacy?  Are they willing to get tested for sexually transmitted infections or make the decisions needed when having an unwanted pregnancy?

I suppose the way I picked up on the article’s premarital sex perspective is what many of us have heard over and over again: “Now that I’m married, I’m allowed this extra privilege.  You must wait until you are married.”

So add sex to the long list of privileges that married people can enjoy – from discounts to companionship to house furnishings.

Again, I don’t want to place the burden on this one writer.  She should not face the blame of the message that has lasted from decade to decade.  She was expressing what worked well for her.  Unfortunately, to me it seemed as though because it wasn’t good for her, others should live a certain way.

Why I needed to write about this now: single people are tired of hearing what we can and can’t do from another married person, or what we haven’t experienced, or for what we must wait.  With a space like the fairly-progressive Christian Century, I was hoping that it was a safer space for single, divorced, widowed, cohabitating people, and anyone who doesn’t fit into a traditional marriage.  Because they chose not to have another perspective included in the same issue, it did not feel like a safe space.

We aren’t all ready to marry at 22, or 25, or 30, or even 40.  We consistently and ethically evaluate when the right time to get married because we don’t want to marry at the wrong time, or in the wrong situation, or the wrong person.  We make the best decisions for us – and they’re not always perfect (no one person’s choices are completely perfect).

Many of us make choices throughout our lives to adhere to what is considered the popular Christian ethic regarding intimacy and others of us don’t.  Since shame was the first major thing that divided humans from God, we don’t want to place shame on others so that their relationships with God, neighbor and self is destroyed.

Looking at history, it seems as though people have been restricted from getting married – from slaves in the 19th century to racially diverse couples in the 20th century to LGBT people at the beginning of the 21st century.  It seems as though some people want marriage reserved for some and not other – maybe to keep privilege for themselves.  And even though some are open to marriage equality for all, they aren’t open to marital status equality for those who aren’t married.

If you are a true friend to single people, are you willing to advocate for equal tax breaks?  Are you willing to ensure that their insurance rates aren’t higher?  Are you willing to help them find a way to furnish their house instead of waiting for their magical significant other to arrive and wedding registries to become available?  Will you stop criticizing and shaming them on their relationship and sexual choices, knowing that not everyone can fit in some pretty marriage box?

I don’t think I can no longer sit silent as both conservative and progressive married people continue to “marriagesplain” us on how we should live our lives.  No person of any type of privilege should pigeonhole us and shame us even the slightest into fitting into another’s box no matter who we are on our life journey.

As the church and as faith leaders, please think about how you talk to someone of a different marital status.  How do your words encourage them, validate them as full humans, give them a sense of hope?  How have your words shamed them in the past, and what can you do differently with the next unmarried person you meet?

More needs to be written from the progressive single perspective as there are plenty of writings by married people telling singles how to live – and usually it’s same perspective: be chaste, save sex until marriage, if you don’t wait, you will be damaged.  Yet, single people are authentically wonderful just as they/we are, made in God’s image, and we want to be heard as well.

I hope someday I will have the mindset to read Willis Pershey’s book Very Married as I have heard amazing things about it and want to honor her work.  At this point of my life, being very single for 43 years, watching everyone I know and love walk down the aisle to privilege, I don’t think I have enough strength at this moment to do so.  It’s just another painful reminder for me that the very single still dwindle in some purgatory until mindsets change or we change to fit into their view of what a complete human looks like.

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Single in the Sanctuary – The Many Stories

14 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cis-gender, cisgender, divorce, domestic violence, intersectionality, Jewish, LGBT, Muslim, night club, Orlando, privilege, progressive Christianity, Pulse, Single, single in the sanctuary

red-love-heart-oldEver since starting the Single in the Sanctuary group on Facebook as well as lead a couple of speaking engagements, I’ve had people share their stories with me.  It’s been an amazing experience to learn about the roads our friends have been on over the course of their lives.

After hearing many stories, I see that there are some overlaps to many of our stories.  We share similar sentiments of loneliness.  Often, we wrestle when hope is lost.

But while a few of our stories are alike in many ways, each of our stories of being unmarried has distinct differences just like our DNA and fingerprints.  Because of these vast differences, we can’t speak for someone else.  Again, I was reminded of this – especially in light of the shooting at the Pulse Night Club in Orlando as well as what safety and sanctuary mean to LGBTQ people.

I can only speak for myself: an educated, straight white never-been-married cis-female.  Granted, I’ve gone through some tough times being single throughout my twenties and thirties.  Just by being a woman, there have been times when I’ve felt extremely unsafe.  But my issues have minimal intersectionality issues, and I am extremely privileged.  I’ve never faced what it means to be a person who is queer.  I’ve never experienced what it means to be a single woman of color.  Being a progressive Christian, I’ve also never experienced what a Jewish or Muslim woman has experienced.

As I reflect, some questions have come to mind: How would a person of color experience never being married?  What would it be like to be a person of another faith who is getting divorced?  How many more layers of difficulty in dating exist for a transgender person?  How do lesbian, gay and bisexual people navigate the healing process for abusive relationships?

Of course, no one is required to tell us their stories unless they are ready to talk and they feel safe speaking with us.  But what we as people of privilege within the unmarried spectrum need to understand is that there are friends who must deal with many additional layers of challenges.

All that any of us as people of privilege can do is allow space for all unmarried open-minded Christians to speak without interruption or trying to explain their experience for them, especially those whose stories are vastly different than ours.  And my job, in return, is to learn as much as possible from them when they are ready to share.

I will continue to tell my story.  But it is only one story in the sea of many.  My experience is only my experience, and it is one that is fairly privileged.  May the God in whose image we are all made give us the courage, strength and power to tell our stories and the patience to listen to the narratives of others.

 

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For Such a Time as This…

13 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Pop, Social Justice

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

discrimination, Esther, Esther 4, ethnic discrimination, For such a time as this, LGBT, Muslim, Orlando, Orlando shooting, privilege, progressive Christianity, Pulse, racism, sexism, white privilege

IMG_2866

“For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this.’”

Esther 4:14

For such a time as this…

Sometimes we don’t want to shake our current placid state.  Everyone in our cozy corner of the world is (fairly) happy…

And then 50 people are killed and another 50 or so injured by a solo bigoted, biased, homophobic hate-filled shooter.  In our cozy corner of the world, we have the privilege to close our eyes, bask in the sun for the rest of the day and forget that tragic incident happened early yesterday morning in Orlando, Florida.

We dodge conversations on the discrimination that happens to our friends of color, the ugly words thrown at our LGBTQ friends, the catcalls and assaults and violence in homes that happens to our sisters, the ways that Muslims feel threatened just by living in this country.  We can point our fingers at everyone else that doesn’t look anything like us.  It’s their fault… It has to be… I’m just sitting on my cozy corner minding my own business.

But when the hateful rhetoric in our country is getting louder and louder and more people are dying and being abused because of their color, religion, sexual orientation, gender/gender identity/gender expression, then we as people of faith need to stop sitting in our cozy corners and get ourselves out into the world.

For such a time as this, we are called to listen to stories without judgment.

For such a time as this, we are called to open our mouths and speak out every single time we hear hate.

For such a time as this, we are called to be the voice of love in our world.

Esther could have sat in her cozy corner of the world.  She could have allowed her kin to be massacred.  Instead, she risked her own life to stand up for the lives and well being of others.

Are we willing to do the same?  Am I willing to do the same?

For such a time as this, are we willing to call out the voices of hate?  When hearing such hateful words against our sisters and brothers, are we willing to name such animosity?

Are we willing to say that our LGBT sisters and brothers are loved by God for who they are?

Are we willing to say that the lives of our sisters and brothers of color matter?

Are we willing to say that the bodies of our sisters are to be respected?

Are we willing to say that our Muslim sisters and brothers shine the light and love of God in our world and that the stereotypes are wrong?

Are we willing to say that our transgender friends are loved by God just as they are?

Are we willing to say all of these words aloud, risking our lives and livelihoods like Esther?

Will we use our privilege to listen, learn and speak to other people of privilege at such a time as this?

May the loving arms of God surround the survivors in Orlando as they heal in body, mind and soul.  May the peace of God surround the grieving family members and friends as they come to terms with the violence and hate that robbed them of their loved ones.  May the strength of God carry our LGBT, Latinx and Muslim friends as they navigate a world still so threatening.  And may God give all of us the courage to speak out against hate in our world.  Amen.

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The Privilege of Falling Asleep

25 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#staywoke, Easter, garden of Gesthemane, Gesthemane, Holy Week, james, Jesus, john, Peter, privilege, progressive Christianity, white privilege

imageThree years of seminary was the grand beeping alarm clock to my own racial privilege. Conversation after conversation with friends who eventually became pastors and prophets in Ferguson stirred me from the deep sleep of privilege in which I had mostly abided for three decades of my life.

I’m awake… I’m awake… Of course, I think I’ll never going to fall asleep ever again…

As the days and months continued post-seminary, my eyelids became droopy. Fatigue overcame my mind and my heart. Eventually, my eyes close, and I found myself mostly unsuccessful resisting an idealized dreamland while my sisters and brothers of color are calling out to God for their lives and their well-being.

Like Peter, James and John keeping watch as Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, I continue to nod off to sleep. There are days in which I feel like I am spiritually dozing and need the nudging of the Christ to become alert to the reality of so many in our communities.

This nudging comes in the form of news articles posted, first person accounts of injustices posted on Twitter as they are happening, being called out for a sentence or two of “whitesplaining” or hearing a cherished friend’s story of fear and discrimination. #Staywoke in social media is the alarm clock that’s intended to stir me from my sleep, whether I am in a deep slumber or nodding off for a short nap, slipping out of privilege-consciousness for a moment or two.

As a person of racial privilege, I have the freedom to be able to close my eyes for a time-out while my friends of color can’t rest for a moment. They are crying out for their well-being as they are treated unfairly in the workplace, in systems of education and by the powers-that-be. They are wailing as their children are found slain in daylight due to unjust systems.

As people who are white, we have the obligation to stay awake as Jesus has urged us to do – watching and waiting alongside of Jesus and neighbor, knowing that the time is coming for another round of oppression.

In the spirit of reconciliation during this upcoming Holy Week – especially as we reflect on the Mark 14 narrative of Peter, James and John trying to keep awake – I ask God and neighbor for forgiveness as I close my eyes to the injustices in our world. I pray that God will give me the energy, focus, passion, understanding and courage to #staywoke alongside my friends who aren’t gifted the option to rest. And I yearn for a time when those of us who know privilege will keep alert even after the daylight of justice comes.

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The League of God Is Like…

02 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Social Media, Sports

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

economic privilege, Jesus, Kingdom of God, privilege, progressive Christianity, Super Bowl, Super Bowl XLIX

By Gerald Nino/CBP (US Customs and Border Protection archives) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Looking through social media (Facebook, Twitter and Instagram) I saw  how various people were spending their time watching this year’s Super Bowl.  I didn’t know anyone personally who attended this year.  Most of my friends were either home watching the game and updating social media as the event progressed – few were at parties or bars watching.

But what I noticed were that celebrities were posting picture after picture of themselves in the stands of the game.  And this got me thinking of those who are able to go and who will simply never see a Super Bowl game (or any NFL game, for that matter) live and up close.

I’ve been to a couple of NFL games.  Fortunately, I was able to receive the tickets for free.  Otherwise, I would rarely, if ever, be able to afford a game.

According to a report I found from 2013, the average ticket price for an NFL game is $81.54.  With federal minimum wage at $7.25 per hour, one may need to work 11.25 hours to afford just the game ticket.  The average Super Bowl ticket was about $3,600 according to some sources.  And that means they would have to work 496 hours to purchase an average Super Bowl ticket (or 12.4 weeks of 40 hour work weeks) for a three-to-four hour game.

What I find interesting is that taxpayer money will fund the stadiums which hold the games that many taxpayers themselves can not afford to attend.  So the poor essentially pay for the benefits of the rich.

In 2001, when the Super Bowl was in Tampa, I volunteered at the Hospitality Village.  Only those who had a special ticket could get in.  Sponsored parties were held in various areas of the village.  And then those who were at parties in the village moved over to the stadium to find their seats and the privilege to watch the game live and absorb the excitement around them.

The have nots, like myself, looked upon a stadium that I could not afford to get into.  I’m also guessing that the way sponsorships and VIP passes work, I’m sure many didn’t have to pay for their ticket but they were given the ticket for free.  Often, it’s about who you know.

Yesterday, I mentioned the subversive nature of Jesus in my sermon.  Sure, he may be someone hanging out in the stands during an NFL game.  He did eat with the privileged during his time.  But he also spent time with those who were thrown away by society.  Jesus would have been hanging out near the side of the road with those begging for food and in the work areas of the stadium with those who had to work through the game.  The Hospitality Village would be open to all in Jesus’ realm.

Maybe the League of God would be an NFL game with people of every economic level in a stadium.  Maybe it would be a stadium with the poorest sitting on the sidelines watching the game in the privileged areas while the super-rich were required to have the nosebleed seats.

I wonder how that would turn our society on it’s head…

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The Frightful Mask of Prejudice on Halloween

25 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Holidays, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

classism, exclusion, Halloween, Jesus, Luke 14, Luke 18, Mark 7, privilege, Progressive Christianty, racism, radical hospitality, welcoming

skeleton

“He said also to the one who had invited him, ‘When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid.  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind.  And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.’”

Luke 14:12-14

Recently, I read a letter to Dear Prudence where the writer was complaining about giving candy to children from outside of their community.  The writer notes that the children are “clearly not from this neighborhood,” obviously referring to their skin color or the condition of their parent’s vehicles.  The attitude of the writer is one where he or she doesn’t want to be a social service agency and be a source of help for those less fortunate.

The attitude of exclusion doesn’t stop with the richest neighborhoods.  This story almost seems unreal until we read the comment section of the article or hear stories from our own communities where widespread exclusion is confirmed.

There is a middle-class neighborhood in the greater St. Louis area who is concerned with outsiders coming into the neighborhood to trick-or-treat.  In an online conversation, they plan how to stop people from coming inside the neighborhood.  Some will stand watch at the entrance to the subdivision as they don’t want minivans full of children coming to take their children’s candy.  One man commented on how he would take watch leading me to wonder if his biases would cause further pain and suffering on the “aliens in the land.”

People in this town often murmur in voices of concern about minorities “coming up the hill” to live in their neighborhoods.  Only miles away from this subdivision are communities of underprivileged people of color.  Some have reputations of being dangerous communities.  Often, families who live in apartment complexes do not have the opportunity to trick-or-treat, so they are forced to travel somewhere in order for their children to have the full childhood experience.

Which makes me wonder: who deserves our candy?  Who deserves safe neighborhoods to experience a happy childhood?

Is it the children we know?  Is it the children whose parents earn about as much as we do?  Is it the children whose skin looks similar to ours?  Is it the children who were born to families who could afford to purchase homes over $100,000?

People often say that Halloween is a holiday of the devil.  Frankly, I don’t believe that it’s for the reasons they think.  The Christ-like attitude of hospitality now is obliterated by attitudes of serve only those who are like me.

Luke 14:12-14 reminds us that our call is to invite those who are different.  It is not just an invitation but a mandate from Jesus the Christ to invite those who we wouldn’t normally include.  It’s stepping out in faith to interact with people whose lives are radically different from ours.

There was a time when Jesus himself felt the urge to deny a child well-being.  In Mark 7, Jesus is out of his element in Tyre, and a Syrophoenecian woman in the land asks him to heal her child of an unclean spirit.  He initially tells her that healing is for those who look and act like him.  But she challenges him, and Jesus changes his mind.  In this transformative experience for Jesus, he opens his mind to someone different, and the lives of Jesus, the woman and her child are blessed by the encounter.

Furthermore, Luke 18 notes that Jesus said “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them”.  He didn’t say “Let the children who look like me come to me.”  He didn’t request that these children have a certain economic background, and he didn’t exclude children of sinners and tax collectors.

On Halloween we have the opportunity to interact with the Christ in our midst as we extend radical hospitality to our neighbors and strangers.  Will Christ be allowed into our neighborhoods this Halloween?

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  • A Prayer of Gratitude for Nostalgia
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  • A Blessing on the Last Days of Christmas
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Recent Posts

  • A Prayer of Gratitude for Nostalgia
  • A Mid-Winter’s Prayer
  • A Blessing on the Last Days of Christmas
  • A Prayer When Delighting in Hope
  • A Prayer of Gratitude

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