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Michelle L. Torigian

~ God Goes Pop Culture

Michelle L. Torigian

Category Archives: Health

A Prayer Upon Receiving a Diagnosis

24 Saturday Aug 2019

Posted by mictori in Health, Pop, Prayers

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

autoimmune illness, chronic illness, grief, illness, pain, Prayer, Prayers, sick

Molecular God who abides in my veins,
As the words spill from the doctor’s mouth
Of a new diagnosis,
Of a new reality,
Of a new normal,
Hold steady my shaking soul.

There are words now for the pain I’ve been feeling,
And I’m happy that it’s finally not “all in my head.”
Yet now it’s real.
Now I really must face this.
Now I must see that this body of mine is finite
And admit I will not live forever.

May good days be good, and may they be plentiful.
May bad days be few and far between.
May medicines work.
May side effects be rare.
And may the aches not distract me from your presence.

Amen.

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A Prayer for Doctors, Nurses, and All Medical Professionals

20 Wednesday Mar 2019

Posted by mictori in Health, Lent Prayers, Pop, Vocation Prayers

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careers, doctors, Lent, Lenten Prayers, medical professionals, nurses, Prayer, prayer for doctors, prayer for nurses, Prayers, progressive Christianity, vocational prayers, vocations

Holy Winds of Healing-

As you encircle us with your love, surround us with healing energies. Your voice perpetually calls our bodies, our minds, our souls to wellness and wholeness.

For the doctors who examine us, diagnose us, and treat us, we give much gratitude. Gift them with clear minds and overflowing wisdom. May they embrace the continuous unfolding of medical knowledge. May surgeons hands be steady, and may they look towards your healing spirit as they listen for you calling.

For the nurses who journey with us as we continue the healing process, we speak our thanks. May they find fulfillment in their vocations. Point them to your presence as they work towards the health of their patients.

We ask for blessings upon all of those who work in doctor’s offices, on surgical floors, and in hospital rooms. Help them experience patience in their trying moments, and may they see the positive impact they make.

May all medical professionals speak words of love and embrace grace as they work to bring your healing to an injured world.

Amen.

*****

This is part of a series of Lenten daily prayers for various careers. The list was determined by St. Paul UCC, Belleville, IL.

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A Prayer for Dentists

19 Tuesday Mar 2019

Posted by mictori in Health, Lent Prayers, Pop, Vocation Prayers

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

careers, dental hygienists, dentist, dentists, Lent, Lenten Prayers, orthodontists, periodontist, Prayer, prayer for dentists, Prayers, progressive Christianity, vocational prayers, vocations

God of the Smiles and Smirks-

For our dentists and dental hygienists, we share our gratitude. Through their encouragement of better hygiene health, we become stronger people.

Bless them with patience as so many of us hold much anxiety of drills and needles. May they show much peace when our nerves flare. May their hands be steady as they hold delicate tools which care for our teeth and gums. Through their knowledge, we find dental wellness.

Bless their learning through continuing education. Bless all who work in their office, and bless their leadership of their staff.

Amen.

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RevGalBlogPals Post- The Dangerous Theology of Women, Bodies and Pain

29 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by mictori in Health, Life, Pop, Religion

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Tags

Esther, Eve, Health, pain, progressive Christianity, RevGalBlogPals, The Pastoral Is Political, Vashti, women, Women's Bodies

Recently, I read The Week’s article “The female price of male pleasure” by Lili Loofbourow. The article speaks of the pain many women endure as collateral for men’s gratification. Loofbourow states “Women are enculturated to be uncomfortable most of the time. And to ignore their discomfort.” She continues by noting “The real problem isn’t that we – as a culture – don’t sufficiently consider men’s biological reality. The problem is rather that theirs is literally the only biological reality we ever bother to consider.”

Many of us women have adapted to a culture of pain. In exercise, terms like “No pain, no gain” become mottos by which we live. Like the article mentioned, many of us become accustomed to beauty regiments that require some discomfort. From waxing and plucking to wearing high heels and waist trainers, becoming conditioned to wear these items in order to become attractive and find a partner is common.

From the time we were young women, a number of us have endured physical anguish each month with our periods. When this pain became excruciating through diseases like endometriosis, some doctors would just dismiss the woman and tell her that it’s normal. And like The Week article notes, numerous women endure pain with sex. Yet only 393 clinical trials study women’s painful sex, seeming extremely sparse compared to the 1,943 studies which exist for erectile dysfunction.

In the article, Loofbourow said “Women have spent decades politely ignoring their own discomfort and pain to give men maximal pleasure.” Except that this goes beyond one or two generations and a few decades.

Pieces of scripture have allowed for this narrative throughout the past two or three millennia. Some of our Christian narratives do not help our efforts to live a low-pain existence. Our faith tradition is rooted in an origin story in which the first female human is cursed to moments of pain for the choice she made.

To read the rest of the article, visit  The Pastoral Is Political: The Dangerous Theology of Women, Bodies and Pain

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I Am the Woman With the Hemorrhage: Identifying With Biblical Healing Stories

25 Tuesday Jul 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Health, Life, Pop, Social Justice

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

ACA, ACHA, Affordable Care Act, health care, healthcare, House, interfaith, Medicaid, Medicare, Obamacare, progressive Christianity, rally, Senate, Social Justice, Syrophoenician woman, Votes, White House, woman with hemorrhage

medc

On June 29, 2017, I stood on the lawn of the US Capitol and spoke for approximately 15 minutes as part of a 24-hour interfaith vigil for healthcare.  Below are my remarks.

*****

I am the New Testament woman with the hemorrhage.

Over 13 years ago, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, a health issue of migrating tissue, imbalances of hormones, and pain.  While I dealt with pain for years prior to my diagnosis in 2003, much of the time I’ve dealt with the issue the best I can since sometimes it’s just an hour or two of rough pain with mild to moderate pain on and off during the other hours of the day.

But occasionally, the health issue will flare up like it did earlier this year.  I’ll try various methods to try to control it.  Physicians will say to me: Let’s try this pill.  How about another ultrasound?  What about trying birth control to manage the disease.  Maybe it’s time to have another minimally invasive procedure.

Over and over I’ve tried different medications and procedures to manage this disease.  More money spent here and there to see if this will be the magic formula to keep the disease at bay.   The time spent at the doctor’s office or waiting.  The costs of other health struggles that result from these issues – like low iron. 

When my endometriosis flared up this year, it was adhesions causing the extreme pain.  While many gynecologists treat it, only a few in our country know a special technique that will help the issue from coming back – at least for a number of years.  But I checked with the doctor, and they are out of network, so after insurance, the doctor’s bill alone would have been around $15,000.  I couldn’t go to the specialist who knew the special techniques of removing deeper tissue.  Fortunately, I do have insurance, so I was able to go to my own doctor, and she helped remove some of the tissue.   But even being on the top tier insurance, I still have nearly two thousand dollars I need to pay for deductibles and co-pays. 

I am the woman with the hemorrhage – the one who spent time, energy, money to heal.  But I’m not the only woman dealing with this issue.  Many other women with endometriosis do not have health insurance.  Even though my copays are costly, most of the costs are taken care of by insurance.  Others with endometriosis can’t afford the birth control pills to attempt to control the disease, or the IUD that is known to help, and with cuts to Planned Parenthood proposed as well they will have one less outlet to find the help they need with this health care issue.  They can’t afford surgeries.  And then there are the women who have insurance who are being denied hysterectomies and other procedures by their insurance company.  Some will take their funding issues into their own hands and create a Gofundme page.  

They too are the woman with the hemorrhage – spending all of the time and money that they have to find a cure for this disease.

This is just one illness in a sea of so many illnesses that our neighbors, family and friends face.  Each one of us at some point of our lives will find ourselves lacking in health and will need to see doctors about serious issues.  Most of us can identify with one or more of the people who Jesus healed or the people who advocated for them.

Some identify with the Syrophoenician women from Mark 7.  They will press with everything they have to make sure that they can afford treatments for their children.  They will call doctors offices and hospitals to negotiate prices.  They will contact their insurance company again and again to fight for a treatment to be covered.

Some identify with Peter concerned for his mother-in-law or the men who cut a hole in the ceiling so that they could lower their friend down in order to be healed.  It takes advocates like children of elderly parents making sure they can afford home health care or nursing home care for a parent who is not able to care for themselves.  It takes advocates like friends or family of people with severe mental or physical illnesses to ensure their loved one has exactly what they need.

Some identify with the child in Mark 9, then considered demon possessed but it sounded like he was having seizures.  How did the father in the story react?  He yelled “show us compassion!”  Don’t many here want to shout that out loud to the powers that be, the men and women who work at the building behind me?  Show us compassion.

When I read these stories, I think of so many of the people I know and have known with all sorts of health issues.  I think of all the people I know – the people in my congregation and hope they will always have the care they need.  I think about my dad.  He has Parkinson’s.  One of his medicines would cost him $19,000 per month if he didn’t have care.  I think of my mom who advocates for him, calling up companies to make sure that he is covered.  I think about both of them, hoping that laws don’t change and they will have to pay more for their medications.  

Just like I identify with the woman with the hemorrhage, other people might relate to other women and men who Jesus healed.

And yet Jesus had compassion on them.  He didn’t ask them over and over again to qualify themselves for care.  Even the one person who he did question – the woman from Syrophoenicia – he began to understand her through their common humanity.  He understood that he had no right to question the validity of healing her daughter.  And instead of criticizing the woman or her daughter any more, he went ahead and healed them.  

To our neighbors who serve our country in the United States Senate and House of Representatives as well as the executive branch: we are humans with dreams often cut short because our health care system allows our bodies to fail.  We are humans wanting to live not just a long life, but a long AND healthy life.  We are humans who want to see our children grow in body, mind, and soul.  We are humans that want our elderly parents to decent care when they can no longer care for themselves.  We want our siblings to have mental health care because we do not want to lose one more person to suicide.  And we want you to look in our eyes and open yourselves to our stories.  We want you not only to read Jesus’ healing stories in the Bible but listen to the stories of the people who struggle with health insurance and their diseases.  Jesus listened to them, and if you are a follower of Jesus, we ask that you follow the life of Jesus and create a system of affordable healing.  Do not cut what is there; expand to ensure that all people have one less worry in their lives.

We are humans who don’t want to worry that if we lose a job or our jobs are cut to part time hours, we can still afford health insurance.  And if we find ourselves without insurance, we will find a way to get back on it again.  We don’t want to base our vocational choices on whether the job has insurance or not but rather base it on the question “is God calling me to this particular vocation”?  We don’t want to avoid doctors because being diagnosed with something gives us a preexisting condition, and we don’t want to avoid doctors because we can’t afford to go.  Prevention is the key to longer and healthier lives.  Many of the people in the building behind us profess to be pro-life, but are they willing to prioritize tax cuts for the few instead of affordable care and quality of life for the many?

Anything could happen to us at any point.  God wants us to make sure that when it’s our turn to get sick that we aren’t forgotten.  So now is the time for us to speak.  And call.  And write. 

All of this reminds me of when I was entering seminary: since I quit my full time job, I worked at getting health insurance.  There was only so much I could afford, but I was able to get on a plan.  I had to justify a couple of the health issues I had – one being my endometriosis.  And the only insurance I could afford was without maternity.  If I had gotten pregnant during this time, I would not have had maternity covered.  If I wanted to plan to have a baby, I would have to add maternity on one year before I got pregnant, or else it would be a preexisting condition.  

Maternity.… A preexisting condition.

But so many of my other seminary friends were forced without it. Some couldn’t afford it at all.  Others were denied insurance for issues like allergies or being over or under weight.  Whether they had insurance or not, some got sick.  One had an appendicitis without insurance and another two hernia surgeries before they started a full-time call.  The costs were high.

I’m not sure of the number of seminary students who can now afford insurance thanks to the Affordable Care Act.  But we ask that you don’t take this away from them.  Or our next door neighbors.  Or the part-time worker.  Or the single parent working three part-time jobs.  Or the person on disability.  Or the elderly person needing Medicaid to stay in long-term care.  Or the small business owner.

The Body of Christ is in pain because it can’t get the help it needs.  It must suffer with ailments.  It must put off medical tests.  It must deal with the fatigue of pain.  It’s time for the Body of Christ as well as our sisters and brothers of other faiths and who profess no faith to be well alongside of us. In order for that to happen, we need affordable health care for all. 

And just like the stories of the people who Jesus healed have been told, it’s time for us to claim our stories too, our health care struggles, our worries about being able to afford healthcare whether we are on insurance or not, whether we are well or not, whether we are working or not.  It’s time for our leaders to listen to our stories, to know that we are all broken and beautifully human, that we are made in the image of God.

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Today, I Persisted

08 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Health, Pop, Religion, Social Justice

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Tags

Coretta Scott King, Elizabeth Warren, Endometriosis, Esther, Feminism, International Women's Day, intersectionality, Malala Yousafsai, persistence, progressive Christianity, sexism, Syrophoenician woman, Vashti, woman with hemorrhage

img_7961About a month ago, in the midst of my horrific pain, I wrote most of this blog post.

Today, bits of the pain still linger, but I feel much better already. Yet reading this which I wrote when I felt so much less hopeless makes me realize how far I’ve come and reminds me of my persistence and resilience.

And so, on this International Women’s Day, I share with you.

At this point of my life, I needed to hear he word “persist” over and over and over again.

Thanks to the resilience of U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren, words written by Corretta Scott King were brought alive again in order to protect our Union.

Of course, like most women even in the twenty-first century, we are shushed, told our opinion does not matter, or ignored altogether.

I try to acknowledge this over and over. But sometimes, I’m not privileged. Sometimes, I’m muddling through life with a belly full of ache and a energy system that is zapped. My skin color is privileged, but my insides ache and hold me back.

Once again, I’m struggling with endometriosis.

I’ve learned well how to push through the pain to achieve what I need to. But sometimes it’s just not enough to barely make it through to survive. I work, but I’m not fully living.

When I read all of the sexism and misogyny that’s happening in our country and world, and I see what friends have and do experience, it’s time to claim that we deserve more than the crumbs under the table. We deserve to have health and food and equality. We deserve for our voices to be heard.

And at a time when my pelvis aches and my aggravation increases daily with the dismissal and silencing of women, hearing the word “persistence” and the stories to go along with the word is refreshing.

We need to hear the stories of our sisters who worked for suffrage. We need not only to listen to the stories of our sisters of color, transgender sisters, and lesbian sister, but acknowledge the additional hurdles they have overcome. We need to tell each other our tales and not dismiss what another woman says because we haven’t experienced the same.

I needed the tenacity of Elizabeth Warren today. I need the enduring words of Corretta Scott King. I need to see Malala Yousafzai rising from her injuries and advocating for women all over the world. I still need to see the presence of Hillary in public and private because- even after all of the criticisms and losses, she still continues on. I need the stories of the women in Scripture who persisted: the Syrophoenician woman, the woman with the hemorrhage, Tamar, Vashti, Esther, and more. And I need to hear the stories of my endosisters who continue on one procedure to the next but never giving up.

The more we see women pushing and pushing beyond the boundaries of “no” and “maybe later” to “yes” and rising from the ashes of pain and failure and sexism, the faster we will heal in body, mind, and soul.

 

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Lent Day 2: A Prayer for Cabin Fever

03 Friday Mar 2017

Posted by mictori in Health, Life, Pop

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Tags

Boredom, cabin fever, chronic illness, Prayer, Prayer for boredom, prayer for cabin fever, seasonal affective disorder, winter

pexels-boredomGod of the details and big pictures,
Of each cell in our brains and beat of our hearts,
We come to you in our blasé state.

When counting cracks in the wall
Or watching the second hand on the clock,
Cabin fever has officially exceeded its maximum tolerated time.

Winter needs to leave.
The snow has stayed too late.
The chills have overtaken every corner of our habitat.
And spring yearns to exhibit her blossoms.

The aches in our bodies have lingered
There is only so many game shows to watch
Or hours of Netflix to binge
Before our insides feel worse than our outsides.

Cabin fever-
When life situations hold us hostage
While adventures call to us for a rendezvous once again.

God of wellness and warmth,
Refresh our spirit in this season of stillness.
Change our situation so that we can resume our daily living.
Grant us the strength to find excitement again.

And as we wait for what we can’t alter to change
Convert our hearts to find joy in this moment-
Spotting the colors above us
Seeking the music surrounding us
And embracing the beauty of each ceiling crack and tick of the clock.

Amen.

 

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Ash Wednesday and Human Fragility

02 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Health, Pop

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Tags

Ash Wednesday, ashes, Clergy, clergy self-care, dust, Endometriosis, endometriosis awareness month, endoperson, Endosisters, fragility, Grace, Healing, laparoscopy, mortality, post laparoscopy, post-laparoscopy reflection, progressive Christianity, recovery, self-care, stage 2

imageToday, I was reminded of my fragility.

It didn’t happen at an Ash Wednesday service.  I wish I could have led one today, immersing my thumb in oil and ashes, looking into the eyes of fellow humans, and reminding them that we come from dust and we will head back there again later in our lives.

Instead, I got my own Ash Wednesday lesson in the form of pain, shots, and a nod to my human frailness from a nurse practitioner.

As I’ve mentioned on this blog a few times recently, I had surgery for my endometriosis.  While I was expecting the recover to go much like it did last time (SWIFT!), unfortunately, the amount of endometriosis and adhesions were greater so more tissue needed to be removed.  That usually means that recovery will reflect the heightened intensity of my endometriosis and what needed to be done during the surgery.

I didn’t return to work on Tuesday.  The pain was bad.  I had a low-grade fever.  And because of all of the discomfort, I met with the nurse practitioner in at the doctor’s office.  Tarodol shot #1 happend on Tuesday, but it didn’t help much.

Sleep was restless, but I was going to be a delusional hero and push through.  Even as late as Wednesday morning, I was intending to go to the Ash Wednesday service.  Earlier in the day, I was still in pain, having problems sleeping and then needing to sleep.  I called back into the doctor for a third day in a row.  They urged me to come back in for my second Tarodol shot in two days for the pain.

While in the office, I saw the nurse practitioner.  Reflecting on our conversation from Tuesday, she noted that I needed to take the extra time to rest.  “For the first surgery, taking one week off to recover makes sense.  For your twenty-fifth surgery (she meant third), you need a couple of weeks.”

Noooooooooooooo!

Laparoscopic surgeries for endometriosis aren’t like knee or shoulder surgeries.  You don’t have wraps or slings or crutches.  Under my shirts and comfy stretch drawstring pants are three fresh scars.  That’s all I see, and others don’t see any of that.  So I don’t look that bad.  And I still don’t know what my insides looked like during the surgery.  I’ll see pictures next week.  In the meantime, I just see three healing scars.  And what I forget is that I may have healed well on the outside, but my internal cells, tissue, and organs are trying to achieve full restoration. .

I look back at my previous laparoscopic experiences.  After my first laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis at the age of 30, I had a long weekend to recover.  Thursday was the surgery, and I was back to work on Monday.  Frankly, I wasn’t ready to return to work, but I mastered the art of pushing myself even when I was sick.

For the second surgery at 39, I took a week – maybe a week and a day.  Like the first surgery, I was still stage 2 endometriosis.

This surgery at the age of 43 – We are going on one week and two days.  I’m not 30 anymore, and based on the report of many adhesions, I’m probably beyond stage 2 endometriosis (the stage diagnosed during the first two surgeries).

Thankfully, my wonderful ecumenical colleagues in ministry were able to lead the service tonight without my presence.  This came in the form of a group email giving me grace and the permission to rest.

Ash Wednesday in pain.  And so I thought to myself out loud in a Tweet:

Feeling weakness & pain as I recover from surgery are all the ashes I need to remind me of fragility & mortality. #AshWednesday

— Michelle Torigian (@mictori) March 1, 2017

My pain and my inability to live fully on Ash Wednesday were more symbolic than any ash could give me.  I’m limited.  I’m mortal.  I’m fragile.  I can’t keep going the way I normally do right now because my human body is healing.  I need help.  God knows this.  Other humans know this.

Why can’t I accept this?

Sigh.

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Into the Wilderness Once Again

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by mictori in Health, Life, Pop

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

comfort, Endometriosis, exile, flare, Jesus, Lent, Pastoral Care, Surgery, wilderness

18304958986_4d0dd2e448_k-2In recent weeks, I had an endometriosis flare-up.

Those of us who have struggled with this particular illness find ourselves in great pain. I’m the type of person who thinks I know fairly well how to deal with this particular type pain and work through it.  With Advil and ice packs as my best friends, I continued to place work as a top priority and kept moving forward the best I could.

But just like the rest of humans on this earth, I am given finite energy.  Unfortunately, all of the friend-time outside of work as well extracurricular activities in which I would like to participate take a back seat as I only had energy to give to work and healing while tending to my flare.

While sometimes ice and Advil are enough to get over flares, this time it wasn’t sufficient.  The pain increased to pretty much all day, every day.

Growing disappointment filled my heart with shadows, and I realized I was back in the wilderness that I had experienced a couple of times before.

I resigned myself to the next steps of what was necessary to remedy the issue.  After weeks of intense pain and having a minimal life outside of work, I escalated the matter and scheduled another surgery.  Thinking about an upcoming surgery distracted my mind.  Will I get sick after the procedure?  Will there be any complications?  Will I have similar challenges as my other two laparoscopic procedures (which I had in 2003 and 2013)?

Once I had the operation, I was required to rest for at least a week.  Granted, the first couple of days I slept quite a bit and didn’t feel once ounce of guilt.  Then the third and fourth and fifth days hit. My spirit yearned to get up and go but my flesh was still weak and healing.  The contradictory nature of my body and soul made me feel guilty.  I should be doing more, I would think to myself.  But my body is human, and patience and grace is something of which I needed to remind myself as I healed.

My recent time in exile reminded me how much I hate hate hate the wilderness – the time in which all of us must face and even admit our fragility and weaknesses.  Lying on the couch and in bed stirred me to wish even more that I was perfect in body, mind, and soul.  Knowing that friends were able to live full lives while I rested in bed frustrated my extroverted spirit.

And yes – I was tempted to get up and do more.  I was tempted to become tough on myself for being in the wilderness again.

But everyone ends up in the wilderness every once in a while, I tried to remind myself.  Even Jesus, the one who was considered sinless or perfect by some, found himself in exile.

I am grateful that every first Sunday in Lent, the Gospel reading is always Jesus heading into the wilderness.  Granted, the story sounds a bit different in Matthew, Mark, and Luke.  But hearing about Jesus’ challenges in the wilderness gives us strength.  It helps to know that Jesus was in the wilderness like all of us have been at various times in our lives.  Besides the day of his death, Jesus’ time in the wilderness was some of his most challenging life moments.  And hearing the story over and over and seeing someone come out of the wilderness with a few additional emotional scars but stronger than ever soothes our hurting souls.

So that’s why I write about my times in the wilderness and speak about my endometriosis: our exile stories need to be told and heard.  Even if your life challenges and your wilderness is different than mine, maybe we all won’t feel so alone.  Maybe someone will feel that you can get through the pain.  Maybe someone will schedule the surgery they’ve put off for months now even if you’re afraid.  Maybe someone will leap into a new adventure in life after feeling stuck for months.  Or maybe we will all remind ourselves to embody grace and patience so that our time in exile is more bearable.

I’ll be back to my normal self in a matter of days.  And just like everyone else – I’m sure I haven’t seen the last of my time in the wilderness.  I’ll find myself back there a few more years down the road.  But if we all keep talking about our times in the exile and encourage and comfort one another in our times of trial, then we will find our strength and resilience and move into a future with hope.

 

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The Struggle with Grace and Impatience in Healing

26 Sunday Feb 2017

Posted by mictori in Health, Pop

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Endometriosis, Grace, Healing, Health, Jesus, laparoscopy, Lazarus, progressive Christianity, Sabbath, Surgery, woman with hemorrhage

pexels-photo-27335.jpgFive days ago, I had surgery.

It was the third surgery like this one I’ve had: a laparoscopic operation to remove some of the endometriosis from my pelvis.  Three small incisions were made in my lower abdomen in an effort to get to scope and treat my inside pelvic region.

I never look forward to procedures, but by the time I’ve made the decision to have surgery, I’ve been suffering with pain.  While I’m still working, my life beyond work is minimal.  For someone who is an extrovert like I am, this is not living.

So I had the procedure.  All seemed to have gone well.  But each and every surgery brings worries along with it as well as knowledge of post-surgery living.

In the days following surgery, I’ve noticed a pattern.  The first couple of days, I’m extremely exhausted, and my body is in healing mode.  My days are filled with nap upon nap.  Then I’ll move into the next phase in which I know I’m feeling better.  I can’t do much physically as I’m still very sore.  My body yearns to heal but my spirit wishes I could be among the living again.  My extroverted self is being crushed by the mandatory rest period.

So, besides sleeping, here’s what I’ve done in the past few days:

  • Watched television
  • Watched Netflix
  • Watched HBO Go
  • Watched whatever is On Demand
  • Watched YouTube videos
  • Watched a video I rented from Amazon
  • Watched Jeopardy each night
  • Read many, many articles
  • Tweeted
  • Colored in my Lisa Frank coloring book.

I’ve done a little work here and there as well – from designing some social media posts to making a few phone calls.  Yet I’m exhausted both physically and mentally, so my energy comes in small waves.

I’m not the only young-ish person I know trying to recover from illness or injury.  Friends of mine have been placed on bed rest, and I have this notion that it hasn’t been too much fun for them to rest either. We are “jump into life with both feet” people, and this necessary time off is against our nature.

What we must be reminded of is that the healing process isn’t an overnight thing.  In scripture, we see Jesus healing, and all of a sudden his ailing followers are completely well.  Jesus didn’t ask them to spend a week in bed after he heals them.  Lazarus didn’t take additional time to rest after his resurrection.  The woman with the hemorrhage didn’t need a week to gain back her strength after touching the hem of Jesus.  Their healing was instantaneous.

My healing is not.

In real life, the way Jesus healed is not how realistic recovery works.  When God gives us healing, our responsibility is to rest and follow medical advice as part of the recovery process.

Let’s face it: instant gratification is a drug in our world.  We consider the rest time as a luxury and not a mandate.  When we realize that we can not escape a mandatory rest period with an illness, surgery, or injury, then we often feel guilty.  Our work has always taken top priority – why rest when we should be carrying a normal work load only days after a surgical procedure!

This is when the Sabbath commandment is crucial.  Sabbath is not only about building our relationship with God, but caring for the relationship with ourselves.  Our self-care is needed for us to heal properly so that we can follow God’s call for our lives and work diligently down the road.

I’m trying not to feel guilty about all of the naps I’ve taken in the past few days or zoning out as I color in my Lisa Frank coloring book or rewatching old episodes of Parks and Recreation for the billionth time.  God needs me to take this time right now to build my body as God will need me to work hard a few days and weeks down the road.

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