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Michelle L. Torigian

~ God Goes Pop Culture

Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: chronic illness

A Prayer Upon Receiving a Diagnosis

24 Saturday Aug 2019

Posted by mictori in Health, Pop, Prayers

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

autoimmune illness, chronic illness, grief, illness, pain, Prayer, Prayers, sick

Molecular God who abides in my veins,
As the words spill from the doctor’s mouth
Of a new diagnosis,
Of a new reality,
Of a new normal,
Hold steady my shaking soul.

There are words now for the pain I’ve been feeling,
And I’m happy that it’s finally not “all in my head.”
Yet now it’s real.
Now I really must face this.
Now I must see that this body of mine is finite
And admit I will not live forever.

May good days be good, and may they be plentiful.
May bad days be few and far between.
May medicines work.
May side effects be rare.
And may the aches not distract me from your presence.

Amen.

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A Prayer for the Flare

07 Monday Aug 2017

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

chronic fatigue, chronic illness, chronic pain, Endometriosis, Endosisters, fibromyalgia, Prayer, prayer for chronic illness, rheumatoid arthritis, spoon theory, spoonie

battery-1049668_960_720

For my friends in the “Spoonie,” or chronic illness, community…

God who rides the roller coaster of life with us,
There are times we endure a flare of our subpar health.

Sometimes the flare lasts a day or an hour.
But during that time we experience our own agony-
Our own hell on earth.

Twinges and spasms and aches and overcoming pains keep us silent and still
When all we want to do is move.

Just last night our bodies were cooperating,
And today they revolt against us.

God, our bodies have driven our lives to the land of unpredictability.
We no longer have “spoons” or battery power or energy to keep moving throughout this day-
But we’ll keep pushing as long as we need.

So we turn to you.

If you can refill our cup so that we feel strong again, fill the cup.
If you can rearrange our schedule so that we don’t feel guilty about resting, rearrange the schedule with a touch of your grace.
If all you can do is sit with us in our pain, we are grateful for your presence.

We look forward to the time when our batteries are at 100% again and we can move about our days.

Amen.

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Lent Day 2: A Prayer for Cabin Fever

03 Friday Mar 2017

Posted by mictori in Health, Life, Pop

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Tags

Boredom, cabin fever, chronic illness, Prayer, Prayer for boredom, prayer for cabin fever, seasonal affective disorder, winter

pexels-boredomGod of the details and big pictures,
Of each cell in our brains and beat of our hearts,
We come to you in our blasé state.

When counting cracks in the wall
Or watching the second hand on the clock,
Cabin fever has officially exceeded its maximum tolerated time.

Winter needs to leave.
The snow has stayed too late.
The chills have overtaken every corner of our habitat.
And spring yearns to exhibit her blossoms.

The aches in our bodies have lingered
There is only so many game shows to watch
Or hours of Netflix to binge
Before our insides feel worse than our outsides.

Cabin fever-
When life situations hold us hostage
While adventures call to us for a rendezvous once again.

God of wellness and warmth,
Refresh our spirit in this season of stillness.
Change our situation so that we can resume our daily living.
Grant us the strength to find excitement again.

And as we wait for what we can’t alter to change
Convert our hearts to find joy in this moment-
Spotting the colors above us
Seeking the music surrounding us
And embracing the beauty of each ceiling crack and tick of the clock.

Amen.

 

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Waiting to Heal

16 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

chronic illness, chronic pain, Endometriosis, Endosisters, Healing, Hillary Rodham Clinton, laparoscopy, Lena Dunham, pain, Surgery, Susan Sarandon, Whoopi Goldberg

teddy-teddy-bear-association-ill-42230The endometriosis has returned.  At least it’s what I think right now.

Next week, I have my third surgery for this disease.  Now, most of the time I’m fine.  And I’m the type of person who works diligently through my pain a it doesn’t stop me from being a productive person.  But eventually I get to the point that I need to have a procedure as the pain reaches a distracting level.

Have I mentioned how much I hate pain – how I would rather endure surgery than experience daily agony?

I’ve written about my experiences with this illness here, here and here.  Of course, I’m always doing what I can do educate others about the illness.  It is believed that ten percent of people with female reproductive parts have endometriosis – and this includes some transgender men.  Many women are told that pain with periods is normal, so women will go years before they are diagnosed.  People like Lena Dunham, Susan Sarandon, and Whoopi Goldberg have had the disease.  It is also believed Hillary Rodham Clinton and Marilyn Monroe suffered with it as well.  While doctors try various pills and medications to treat the illness, it often feels like there are few good treatments besides surgery.  The other treatments I’ve tried were spoiled by the side effects.

While most of my energy is dedicated to work and healing, little time has gone to writing. Which is why I’m giving what I can tonight to my craft and calling as a writer.  In the next few days I hope to write more here about my experiences with endometriosis in the pulpit and as a woman.

I’m very fortunate that I’ve gone years between each of my surgeries – unlike many women.  My hope is that in a few weeks I will be back to my normal self – blooming with energy and gaining momentum to become active again.  This is what happened after the first two surgeries, and I pray that it will happen this third time.  All I want is to feel human once again, to savor the joys of life with friends and find myself outside under the sun instead of on the couch and in bed during free time.

Netflix is nice, but there is so much streaming one wants to experience because there is an entire world to see, hear, and taste.

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Advent Prayer Day 4 – Praying for the “Normal”

04 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Social Media

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Advent, Advent prayers, autoimmune, chronic illness, chronic pain, new normal, normal, progressive Christianity

Phone Sept 2014 4016God of the rocky roads and rollercoasters,
Where is my ordinary?
When will I be back to normal
Or are these aches and dry eyes and needed naptimes
My new routine?

Boring.  Boring is good.
I could go for boring.
But I don’t have a typical day anymore.
Each day brings it’s undeserved gift
Of… who knows.

When I  open my eyes will I feel like I never received sleep?
When two o’clock rolls around
Will I need a nap?

Will my fingers swell
And my neck hurt
And my legs stiffen
And nose stuffy up?

OR will I have a “normal” day
A day that will make me feel 25 instead of 86 or 47 or 62.

Oh, please God.  Give me a “normal” day.
Give me a day where I can go to the gym or stay awake all afternoon without a latte with extra espresso.
Allow my fingers to bend without the knife jab-like pains
And my feet move freely as I walk a mile or two.

Could my weight stay the same
Instead of increasingly bloated ankles.
Could you help me keep a routine
Instead of spending half the day dealing with an unruly tummy?

May I make the most of my “normal” days
Work hard.  Play hard.
Love my friends and families and neighbors hard.
Make the world a stronger place,
Eat, drink and be merry, for the tomorrow I may need sleep.

And when the day comes,
The afternoon of drooping eyelids,
Of swollen glands
Of vertigo
And never-ending pains,
Allow my body to fall to sleep.

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