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Michelle L. Torigian

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Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: woman with hemorrhage

I Am the Woman With the Hemorrhage: Identifying With Biblical Healing Stories

25 Tuesday Jul 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Health, Life, Pop, Social Justice

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

ACA, ACHA, Affordable Care Act, health care, healthcare, House, interfaith, Medicaid, Medicare, Obamacare, progressive Christianity, rally, Senate, Social Justice, Syrophoenician woman, Votes, White House, woman with hemorrhage

medc

On June 29, 2017, I stood on the lawn of the US Capitol and spoke for approximately 15 minutes as part of a 24-hour interfaith vigil for healthcare.  Below are my remarks.

*****

I am the New Testament woman with the hemorrhage.

Over 13 years ago, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, a health issue of migrating tissue, imbalances of hormones, and pain.  While I dealt with pain for years prior to my diagnosis in 2003, much of the time I’ve dealt with the issue the best I can since sometimes it’s just an hour or two of rough pain with mild to moderate pain on and off during the other hours of the day.

But occasionally, the health issue will flare up like it did earlier this year.  I’ll try various methods to try to control it.  Physicians will say to me: Let’s try this pill.  How about another ultrasound?  What about trying birth control to manage the disease.  Maybe it’s time to have another minimally invasive procedure.

Over and over I’ve tried different medications and procedures to manage this disease.  More money spent here and there to see if this will be the magic formula to keep the disease at bay.   The time spent at the doctor’s office or waiting.  The costs of other health struggles that result from these issues – like low iron. 

When my endometriosis flared up this year, it was adhesions causing the extreme pain.  While many gynecologists treat it, only a few in our country know a special technique that will help the issue from coming back – at least for a number of years.  But I checked with the doctor, and they are out of network, so after insurance, the doctor’s bill alone would have been around $15,000.  I couldn’t go to the specialist who knew the special techniques of removing deeper tissue.  Fortunately, I do have insurance, so I was able to go to my own doctor, and she helped remove some of the tissue.   But even being on the top tier insurance, I still have nearly two thousand dollars I need to pay for deductibles and co-pays. 

I am the woman with the hemorrhage – the one who spent time, energy, money to heal.  But I’m not the only woman dealing with this issue.  Many other women with endometriosis do not have health insurance.  Even though my copays are costly, most of the costs are taken care of by insurance.  Others with endometriosis can’t afford the birth control pills to attempt to control the disease, or the IUD that is known to help, and with cuts to Planned Parenthood proposed as well they will have one less outlet to find the help they need with this health care issue.  They can’t afford surgeries.  And then there are the women who have insurance who are being denied hysterectomies and other procedures by their insurance company.  Some will take their funding issues into their own hands and create a Gofundme page.  

They too are the woman with the hemorrhage – spending all of the time and money that they have to find a cure for this disease.

This is just one illness in a sea of so many illnesses that our neighbors, family and friends face.  Each one of us at some point of our lives will find ourselves lacking in health and will need to see doctors about serious issues.  Most of us can identify with one or more of the people who Jesus healed or the people who advocated for them.

Some identify with the Syrophoenician women from Mark 7.  They will press with everything they have to make sure that they can afford treatments for their children.  They will call doctors offices and hospitals to negotiate prices.  They will contact their insurance company again and again to fight for a treatment to be covered.

Some identify with Peter concerned for his mother-in-law or the men who cut a hole in the ceiling so that they could lower their friend down in order to be healed.  It takes advocates like children of elderly parents making sure they can afford home health care or nursing home care for a parent who is not able to care for themselves.  It takes advocates like friends or family of people with severe mental or physical illnesses to ensure their loved one has exactly what they need.

Some identify with the child in Mark 9, then considered demon possessed but it sounded like he was having seizures.  How did the father in the story react?  He yelled “show us compassion!”  Don’t many here want to shout that out loud to the powers that be, the men and women who work at the building behind me?  Show us compassion.

When I read these stories, I think of so many of the people I know and have known with all sorts of health issues.  I think of all the people I know – the people in my congregation and hope they will always have the care they need.  I think about my dad.  He has Parkinson’s.  One of his medicines would cost him $19,000 per month if he didn’t have care.  I think of my mom who advocates for him, calling up companies to make sure that he is covered.  I think about both of them, hoping that laws don’t change and they will have to pay more for their medications.  

Just like I identify with the woman with the hemorrhage, other people might relate to other women and men who Jesus healed.

And yet Jesus had compassion on them.  He didn’t ask them over and over again to qualify themselves for care.  Even the one person who he did question – the woman from Syrophoenicia – he began to understand her through their common humanity.  He understood that he had no right to question the validity of healing her daughter.  And instead of criticizing the woman or her daughter any more, he went ahead and healed them.  

To our neighbors who serve our country in the United States Senate and House of Representatives as well as the executive branch: we are humans with dreams often cut short because our health care system allows our bodies to fail.  We are humans wanting to live not just a long life, but a long AND healthy life.  We are humans who want to see our children grow in body, mind, and soul.  We are humans that want our elderly parents to decent care when they can no longer care for themselves.  We want our siblings to have mental health care because we do not want to lose one more person to suicide.  And we want you to look in our eyes and open yourselves to our stories.  We want you not only to read Jesus’ healing stories in the Bible but listen to the stories of the people who struggle with health insurance and their diseases.  Jesus listened to them, and if you are a follower of Jesus, we ask that you follow the life of Jesus and create a system of affordable healing.  Do not cut what is there; expand to ensure that all people have one less worry in their lives.

We are humans who don’t want to worry that if we lose a job or our jobs are cut to part time hours, we can still afford health insurance.  And if we find ourselves without insurance, we will find a way to get back on it again.  We don’t want to base our vocational choices on whether the job has insurance or not but rather base it on the question “is God calling me to this particular vocation”?  We don’t want to avoid doctors because being diagnosed with something gives us a preexisting condition, and we don’t want to avoid doctors because we can’t afford to go.  Prevention is the key to longer and healthier lives.  Many of the people in the building behind us profess to be pro-life, but are they willing to prioritize tax cuts for the few instead of affordable care and quality of life for the many?

Anything could happen to us at any point.  God wants us to make sure that when it’s our turn to get sick that we aren’t forgotten.  So now is the time for us to speak.  And call.  And write. 

All of this reminds me of when I was entering seminary: since I quit my full time job, I worked at getting health insurance.  There was only so much I could afford, but I was able to get on a plan.  I had to justify a couple of the health issues I had – one being my endometriosis.  And the only insurance I could afford was without maternity.  If I had gotten pregnant during this time, I would not have had maternity covered.  If I wanted to plan to have a baby, I would have to add maternity on one year before I got pregnant, or else it would be a preexisting condition.  

Maternity.… A preexisting condition.

But so many of my other seminary friends were forced without it. Some couldn’t afford it at all.  Others were denied insurance for issues like allergies or being over or under weight.  Whether they had insurance or not, some got sick.  One had an appendicitis without insurance and another two hernia surgeries before they started a full-time call.  The costs were high.

I’m not sure of the number of seminary students who can now afford insurance thanks to the Affordable Care Act.  But we ask that you don’t take this away from them.  Or our next door neighbors.  Or the part-time worker.  Or the single parent working three part-time jobs.  Or the person on disability.  Or the elderly person needing Medicaid to stay in long-term care.  Or the small business owner.

The Body of Christ is in pain because it can’t get the help it needs.  It must suffer with ailments.  It must put off medical tests.  It must deal with the fatigue of pain.  It’s time for the Body of Christ as well as our sisters and brothers of other faiths and who profess no faith to be well alongside of us. In order for that to happen, we need affordable health care for all. 

And just like the stories of the people who Jesus healed have been told, it’s time for us to claim our stories too, our health care struggles, our worries about being able to afford healthcare whether we are on insurance or not, whether we are well or not, whether we are working or not.  It’s time for our leaders to listen to our stories, to know that we are all broken and beautifully human, that we are made in the image of God.

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Today, I Persisted

08 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Health, Pop, Religion, Social Justice

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Coretta Scott King, Elizabeth Warren, Endometriosis, Esther, Feminism, International Women's Day, intersectionality, Malala Yousafsai, persistence, progressive Christianity, sexism, Syrophoenician woman, Vashti, woman with hemorrhage

img_7961About a month ago, in the midst of my horrific pain, I wrote most of this blog post.

Today, bits of the pain still linger, but I feel much better already. Yet reading this which I wrote when I felt so much less hopeless makes me realize how far I’ve come and reminds me of my persistence and resilience.

And so, on this International Women’s Day, I share with you.

At this point of my life, I needed to hear he word “persist” over and over and over again.

Thanks to the resilience of U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren, words written by Corretta Scott King were brought alive again in order to protect our Union.

Of course, like most women even in the twenty-first century, we are shushed, told our opinion does not matter, or ignored altogether.

I try to acknowledge this over and over. But sometimes, I’m not privileged. Sometimes, I’m muddling through life with a belly full of ache and a energy system that is zapped. My skin color is privileged, but my insides ache and hold me back.

Once again, I’m struggling with endometriosis.

I’ve learned well how to push through the pain to achieve what I need to. But sometimes it’s just not enough to barely make it through to survive. I work, but I’m not fully living.

When I read all of the sexism and misogyny that’s happening in our country and world, and I see what friends have and do experience, it’s time to claim that we deserve more than the crumbs under the table. We deserve to have health and food and equality. We deserve for our voices to be heard.

And at a time when my pelvis aches and my aggravation increases daily with the dismissal and silencing of women, hearing the word “persistence” and the stories to go along with the word is refreshing.

We need to hear the stories of our sisters who worked for suffrage. We need not only to listen to the stories of our sisters of color, transgender sisters, and lesbian sister, but acknowledge the additional hurdles they have overcome. We need to tell each other our tales and not dismiss what another woman says because we haven’t experienced the same.

I needed the tenacity of Elizabeth Warren today. I need the enduring words of Corretta Scott King. I need to see Malala Yousafzai rising from her injuries and advocating for women all over the world. I still need to see the presence of Hillary in public and private because- even after all of the criticisms and losses, she still continues on. I need the stories of the women in Scripture who persisted: the Syrophoenician woman, the woman with the hemorrhage, Tamar, Vashti, Esther, and more. And I need to hear the stories of my endosisters who continue on one procedure to the next but never giving up.

The more we see women pushing and pushing beyond the boundaries of “no” and “maybe later” to “yes” and rising from the ashes of pain and failure and sexism, the faster we will heal in body, mind, and soul.

 

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The Struggle with Grace and Impatience in Healing

26 Sunday Feb 2017

Posted by mictori in Health, Pop

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Endometriosis, Grace, Healing, Health, Jesus, laparoscopy, Lazarus, progressive Christianity, Sabbath, Surgery, woman with hemorrhage

pexels-photo-27335.jpgFive days ago, I had surgery.

It was the third surgery like this one I’ve had: a laparoscopic operation to remove some of the endometriosis from my pelvis.  Three small incisions were made in my lower abdomen in an effort to get to scope and treat my inside pelvic region.

I never look forward to procedures, but by the time I’ve made the decision to have surgery, I’ve been suffering with pain.  While I’m still working, my life beyond work is minimal.  For someone who is an extrovert like I am, this is not living.

So I had the procedure.  All seemed to have gone well.  But each and every surgery brings worries along with it as well as knowledge of post-surgery living.

In the days following surgery, I’ve noticed a pattern.  The first couple of days, I’m extremely exhausted, and my body is in healing mode.  My days are filled with nap upon nap.  Then I’ll move into the next phase in which I know I’m feeling better.  I can’t do much physically as I’m still very sore.  My body yearns to heal but my spirit wishes I could be among the living again.  My extroverted self is being crushed by the mandatory rest period.

So, besides sleeping, here’s what I’ve done in the past few days:

  • Watched television
  • Watched Netflix
  • Watched HBO Go
  • Watched whatever is On Demand
  • Watched YouTube videos
  • Watched a video I rented from Amazon
  • Watched Jeopardy each night
  • Read many, many articles
  • Tweeted
  • Colored in my Lisa Frank coloring book.

I’ve done a little work here and there as well – from designing some social media posts to making a few phone calls.  Yet I’m exhausted both physically and mentally, so my energy comes in small waves.

I’m not the only young-ish person I know trying to recover from illness or injury.  Friends of mine have been placed on bed rest, and I have this notion that it hasn’t been too much fun for them to rest either. We are “jump into life with both feet” people, and this necessary time off is against our nature.

What we must be reminded of is that the healing process isn’t an overnight thing.  In scripture, we see Jesus healing, and all of a sudden his ailing followers are completely well.  Jesus didn’t ask them to spend a week in bed after he heals them.  Lazarus didn’t take additional time to rest after his resurrection.  The woman with the hemorrhage didn’t need a week to gain back her strength after touching the hem of Jesus.  Their healing was instantaneous.

My healing is not.

In real life, the way Jesus healed is not how realistic recovery works.  When God gives us healing, our responsibility is to rest and follow medical advice as part of the recovery process.

Let’s face it: instant gratification is a drug in our world.  We consider the rest time as a luxury and not a mandate.  When we realize that we can not escape a mandatory rest period with an illness, surgery, or injury, then we often feel guilty.  Our work has always taken top priority – why rest when we should be carrying a normal work load only days after a surgical procedure!

This is when the Sabbath commandment is crucial.  Sabbath is not only about building our relationship with God, but caring for the relationship with ourselves.  Our self-care is needed for us to heal properly so that we can follow God’s call for our lives and work diligently down the road.

I’m trying not to feel guilty about all of the naps I’ve taken in the past few days or zoning out as I color in my Lisa Frank coloring book or rewatching old episodes of Parks and Recreation for the billionth time.  God needs me to take this time right now to build my body as God will need me to work hard a few days and weeks down the road.

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Chronic Illness in the Body of Christ

22 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

autoimmune, chronic fatigue, Chronic illnesses, Church, Endometriosis, fibromyalgia, IBS, irritable bowel syndrome, Job, lupus, MS, parkinson's, Prayer, Psalm 22, Psalm 23, Psalm 38, Psalm 6, rheumatoid arthritis, spoonie, woman with hemorrhage

As many of you know, I struggle with endometriosis.  It’s an illness that causes endometrial tissue to grow outside of the uterus.  The health issue causes me to occasionally feel extreme pain around my cycle, extra fatigue and stomach discomfort.

I’ve learned how to live in pain and exhaustion.  I’ve done what I can to improve my condition including having surgery and changing my diet just so that my pain and discomfort will be minimal.

But so many people have conditions that are painful in very different ways or even completely debilitating.  Some of these include fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, irritable bowel syndrome, Crohn’s disease – among so many others.

In the past number of months, I’ve connected with many women who have endometriosis and, often, other chronic health issues.  Many work but have very limited lives beyond work.  Some can’t work at all.  There are a number of people in this country who have no health insurance.  Those who are able to see doctors are often given excuses that “it’s in your head.”  I’ve heard that many women with endometriosis are told that incredible pains are “normal” (but I’ve never experienced this myself).  Each month, these women live at a pain level of ten.  Eventually, when the pain gets bad enough, they have an exploratory surgery to see what is happening.   At that point, they are told they are infertile or need a colon resection surgery because no one listened to them years earlier.

Many chronic illnesses take a while to be diagnosed and treated.  Sometimes, there are no treatments for the aches and exhaustion of some of these health issues.  How frustrating it is to be told that there’s no solution to exhaustion and pain, except for cognitive therapy and antidepressants!

Frustration does not stop there.  They work and parent even though their bodies feel as if they are to fall apart at any moment.  If they can’t work because of the extent of their illness, many people with these chronic illnesses are told by society that they are lazy and don’t want to work.  Their pain is not believed because it doesn’t show on the outside of their bodies.  I’ve  heard one person with one chronic illness tell others that their health problem is not a “real” illness.

Because we are all part of the Body of Christ, we all suffer from endometriosis, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis and the entire list of autoimmune and chronic diseases.  Because we are one in humanity and one in Christ’s body, we also all suffer from diseases like Parkinson’s, MS, cancer, AIDS.  When one part of our body hurts, our whole body hurts.

So when someone  with a chronic illness is disregarded, they do not receive the dignity they deserve.  They feel even less dignity than they did when they kept their illness to themselves.

Unless we walk in their shoes, we can not understand their pain, their slowness in movement, their foggy minds and their fatigue.

As people of faith, what can we do to give dignity to our sisters and brothers who hurt?  Of course we can pray for them and with them.  We can offer scriptures, like Psalm 6, Psalm 22, Psalm 23 or Psalm 38.

But people with chronic health issues will need more than a few Bible verses handed to them.  They yearn to feel human, desire to reclaim their dignity and want to be heard.

When each and every day you wake up with another symptom or feeling overwhelming pain, you feel like Job.  You may feel that God has deserted them.  When you can’t get your health problems resolved, you feel like the woman with the hemorrhage.

So as people of faith, how can we be a support to them when their doctors and friends don’t even believe them?  Frankly, it starts with listening and praying with them so they know that someone else is cheering for their healing.  It starts with helping them sort their feelings, giving them a space to vent and cry.  It helps if you can go to their appointments with them or pick up their medicines for them – if they ask.  It begins with helping them reclaim their dignity as made in God’s image.  Our care for them includes spending time with them in fellowship; many of them can’t leave their homes or have limited energy for fun activities.  They find isolation in their illness.

And it begs for us to be advocates for their health in broken health care systems.

I don’t think God gave me the endometriosis pain “for a reason.”  God experiences pain when we do, and I don’t think of pain as punishment or a method of teaching.  But I believe God is calling all of us – those who have experienced pain and those completely healthy – to use our voices and stand with those who hurt, knowing that we aren’t alone on our journeys.

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