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Michelle L. Torigian

~ God Goes Pop Culture

Michelle L. Torigian

Author Archives: mictori

A Mid-Summer’s Prayer

01 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop, Religion

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mid-summer, Prayer, progressive Christianity, Summer

God of the sunshine, the warm summer breezes,
And God of the strong storms and hot afternoons,
We ask that you quench our thirst on our arid days
And keep us cool when the sunrays are too wearing.

In the midst of our vacation,
May we not worry about returning to work
But value this very moment for all that it is.

May our travels be safe and our health be well.

We thank you for late evening sunsets.
And lightning bugs.
And cookouts with friends we see only in the summer.

As the days get shorter, may we find our joy in whatever the season. Amen.

20140701-054054.jpg

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A Time to Lose – A Body-Positive Weight Loss Prayer

24 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Body Image Positive, Imago Dei, Made in God's image, Positive Body Image, prayer for health, prayer for weight loss, progressive Christianity, weight loss

Bundesarchiv, Bild 183-2005-0802-501 / CC-BY-SA [CC-BY-SA-3.0-de (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/de/deed.en)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Loving God, Creator of my body-

At this very moment I have a strong love/hate relationship
With the art that you have made,
The shape that you have molded.

Through the stress of everyday life
And delicious foods
And lack of gym time
And probably my age
My body has changed.

It’s not my most ideal self-
Not because of my looks
But because I breathe heavy climbing the stairs
And I’m a bit more fatigued than before.

I admit that I must transform,
To find my balance
To value your creation.

Allow me to see that this transformation
Isn’t about pleasing society or someone else-
This revision of myself is to become the healthy me,
The one that wants to live to 99.

Alter my mind to see that I am beautiful
No matter the girth of my arm or ankle.
(And remind me to stop calling them “cankles…”)
Alter my soul to be happy
And not lean on another cupcake to cheer me up
(Because there will be times when I think I need another cupcake…
We know this about me, God.)

In the meantime…
Lead me not into the temptation of shaming my body.
Help me to cherish each extra inch as long as it lasts on my frame
Because every inch of me is still made in your image.
And may I not duck out of photos
Due to my fear of seeing this version of myself.

And while you’re at it,
Let’s change the way society sees bodies.
Thin, fat, curvy, whatever… it is all beautiful.
Let’s stop this message about getting the bikini body back
Or losing the baby bump in record time.
Let’s savor the moments-
Of deliciousness and balance.  Amen.

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Who is a “Real” Christian?

20 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

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abortion, gay marriage, heaven, hell, Matthew 25, progressive Christianity, real Christians, Romans 10, who are real Christians

1596I’ve been wondering lately who would be considered a “real” Christian in the eyes of God…

Is it the one who feeds the hungry, visits the prisoner and clothes the naked the “real” Christian – just like it says in Matthew 25?  Or is it the person who believes in their heart and speaks with their mouth that they believe in Jesus the one who is a real Christian -as it is written in Romans 10?

Is it the Christian who believes all must speak in tongues in order to be saved?   Or is it the Christian who understands tongues as speaking in a variety of languages and doesn’t have a special prayer language?

Is it the one who is Baptist?  Or an Episcopalian?  Or Catholic?  Or non-denominational?  Or doesn’t attend church at all?

What about those who believe that the world is 6,000 years old?  And what about those who believe that the universe was created in a “Big Bang” process and humans evolved from animals?  Is the Bible literally true or was the Bible written in certain contexts and metaphorical in certain parts?  Which of these beliefs is needed to be a “real” Christian?

Is it the person who gets in the faces of those marching in a pride parade to angrily tell them they need to repent?  Is it the ones marching in the Pride parade telling everyone that God loves them just as they are?  Is it the pastor who performed a wedding for two men or the pastor who preaches that marriage is only between a man and woman?

Is it the woman who became ordained a few years back or the man who thinks that women shouldn’t speak in church?  Are the “real” Christians protesting and speaking out for the life of the fetus outside of the abortion clinic?  Are the “real” Christians the ones standing at the doors of the clinic, being a loving presence to the women walking inside?

Are the “real” Christians the ones who pray to God in front of the the multi-story cross on the side of the highway?  Or are they the ones who pray to God when they enter a grocery store wondering how to spend their money on food for the hungry?

Would the Christian who believes that Jesus died for their sins or lived to save them be more “right” with God?

Is it the Christian who believes that God has no idea what the future holds or the Christian who knows that God has a plan and that everything happens for a reason?

Do the “real” Christians come from the Democrats… or the Republicans… or the Independents?  Is it the watcher of Fox News or the listener of NPR?

So tell me… who is the “real” Christian?  Which one will be existing with God on that side of Heaven instead of burning in Hell?

Who do you think will be with you in Heaven?  Will it be the ones who think and act like you?

Or could it be all of us?

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On Being an “Acts” Church

16 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Religion

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Acts 2, Anne Hutchinson, Arius, Augustine, Council of Nicea, diversity, Holy Spirit, languages, Pelagius, Pentecost, Progressive Christianty, Roger Williams, Salem Witch Trials, stained-glass, tower of Babel, Trinity, unity, varying beliefs

By GFreihalter (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

 

This sermon was delivered on June 15, 2014 at St. Paul United Church of Christ, Old Blue Rock Road, Cincinnati, Ohio.

Has there ever been a unified Christianity?  This was one of the questions I was to answer on my Church History midterm in seminary.  From the surface view it looks as if there is and always has been one unified Christian thought.

But then we see the workings of the early church as seen in Acts (which I will discuss more in a minute).  We see the way people were tossed aside as heretics throughout the centuries – like Arius and his followers at the council of Nicea.  Or how about Augustine and Pelagius or Augustine and the Manichaeans.  Or Luther and the Catholic church.

Even in the early days of this country, people were not unified in their Christian thinking.  Those who came to the Massachusetts area did so to escape religion persecution in their homeland, but then imposed their belief on others – leading to some ugly moments like the Salem Witch Trials.  When people didn’t follow their religious formula, they were banished to states like Rhode Island – like Anne Hutchinson or Roger Williams.  By the way, those back in Massachusetts who disagreed with Anne Hutchinson said some pretty mean things about her and gloated when she later miscarried and then was slaughtered.

It often feels like someone has to be right and someone wrong.  So, my question is this: whose version of Christianity is right and whose is wrong?  Could it be that, as long as we could love one another and treat one another with respect, that we could ALL be right and and ALL be wrong?

Sitting in adult Sunday school and other Christian education classes, two confirmation classes and various informal conversations with congregants of this church, I have seen the great span of your convictions and beliefs.  And it is truly refreshing to see how each of you are serious of your faith journeys even though they each seem so different.

God, the Christ and the Holy Spirit are in one way or form parts of your faiths.  You hold your beliefs with such sacredness, and yet, you see it from your own angles.  The church means different things to you.  Salvation takes different approaches.  All of these beliefs spread into other parts of your life and lead to different beliefs on politics, parenting, family structures and more.

And that’s how I see the early church, the Jesus Movement, in the book of Acts.

Lately I feel like I’ve been drawn to reading the book of Acts.  Acts was written by the writers of Luke, so it’s basically Luke volume two as the two books together are known in the theological community as Luke-Acts.  It reflected a time when the disciples were trying to figure it all out after the earthly ministry of Jesus.  The Holy Spirit helped to give them the strength and courage they needed to be the leaders they needed to be in the early church.  But there were differences in the early believers.  There were the Jewish believers who thought that their traditions and law were necessary in this new figuration of faith – and this included dietary laws and necessary circumcision on the males.  But then the Gentiles came in – and the Gentiles did not have this same faith background or the same traditions.  So dietary laws and circumcision were not on their radars as they embraced this new faith.  There were challenges in reconciling these major differences.

And yet, even in their difficulties to reconcile the differences, they journeyed together in this Jesus Movement.

The New Interpreter’s Bible Commentary on the book of Acts states:

“Acts was written to consolidate disparate (or dissimilar) faith communions.  Luke’s irenic spirit (a spirit that reconciles different beliefs in peace) is no doubt an idealized feature of his theological vision.  At the same time, his ecumenicity (or yearning for unity) is never divorced from the hard pragmatics of the first church’s mission of the world.  A religious movement that lacks solidarity within its diverse membership will be ineffective in advancing its claim.”

Languages and traditions are the differences in Acts 2.  Remember the story of the Tower of Babel (Genesis 11)?  As they tried to build a tower as high as heaven, God scattered them with a variety of languages.  Acts 2 is what I believe is the other bookend of that story.  They have different languages, different experiences and different ways of acting out their faith, and here the Holy Spirit comes along and helps them understand one another even with their differing words and traditions.  The Holy Spirit opens them up to comprehend what others are saying and how they express themselves.

And that’s what we need for the Holy Spirit to do with us and with our society today.

Is it bad that we think or believe differently than one another?  Our society makes us feel like we should live in an “us versus them” world.  There are two primary political parties – both who rarely want to talk with one another, a situation that is becoming toxic for our country. It’s becoming dangerous because people see that sentiment of leadership not working together, and those in our country on every level feel like they don’t need to as well.  People of various Christian traditions won’t often dialogue with people who profess a different set of beliefs because they feel they hold the only “truth.”  We feel that there needs to be a winner and a loser in each situation.  But what if we don’t need a winner and loser?  What if God is so much bigger than this – that God can hold paradoxes?  What if both sides could be right – as long as both sides are loving to God, neighbor and self?  Could we live in that wilderness space of grayness and  uncertainty?  Might we ask how God is working with us in that space of ambiguity?

Here’s the one thing we rarely speak of in our churches or from our pulpits: no two people think or believe alike.  We go about our days believing every Christian has or should have a clone belief structure.  We don’t validate is that there is a diversity of Christian beliefs.  Each person is influenced by life experience in such unique ways that they experience the Divine – the Creator, Christ and Holy Spirit in their own context.

Chances are, the person sitting next to you will have a belief or two different than you.  Frankly, I don’t think Christianity and the Church acknowledges or encourages this enough.  Maybe people don’t think anyone will accept them for naming an unconventional belief.  So we keep quiet about this instead of being our authentic selves.

It’s what I like to call the Stained-Glass Elephant in the Sanctuary.  I’ll explain that a little further.  It’s an elephant in the room – something we don’t talk about.  And congregations are like a stained glass window.  Each person within the congregation is a different sliver of tinted glass.  When the light of Christ shines through the multi-color window, a beautiful array of color falls upon the carpet and pews of the sanctuary… and in our communities.

If all the colors in the window were alike, the beauty would not be so great.

So let’s embrace the idea of an Acts church, a stained glass church – a church filled with a variety of beliefs and traditions, a church that has members who speak a variety of unique perspectives, a church that pulls the Holy Spirit into its life process so that we can understand one another for where we are at.  In being this Acts church, we will embrace the differences between us and come together in sharing the good news of God’s love and grace with everyone around us.  Amen.

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My Escape Route

11 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Pop, Religion, Television

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#notonemore, guns, Habakkuk 1, Las Vegas, mass shootings, Newtown, Oregon, Private Practice, Royal Pains, Shooting, television, Walmart

Image0009In front of my television I sit, ecstatic that a new season of Royal Pains begins again.  I soak up the scenes, excited that the story I’ve been following for five years is back on the small screen.

Prior to turning on the television, I watched a few classic episodes of Private Practice.  It was season two, and Naomi was running the practice into the ground, Charlotte and Cooper begin to date and Taye Diggs is, well, Taye Diggs.

And then I focus on the smooth taste of peanut butter fudge in my mouth and the Diet Coke bubbles dancing upon my tongue.

I think about all the people and places I could visit.  I talk on the phone to the people I love.

And in doing so, for small periods of time, I forget.

I forget that another shooting happened today.

I forget that two shootings happened today.

I forget that this is the third or fourth or five mass shooting in the past few weeks.

I forget that a mass shooting could happen wherever I was… wherever my family and friends were.

For just a little while, I forget.  And it’s because I have the luxury and privilege to forget.

Throughout this day my anger rose as I heard the statistics.  Seventy-four school shootings since Sandy Hook.  Forty-six THOUSAND dead from shootings since that horrific day in Newtown.

When will it end?

We express our concern over current gun laws.  We express concern that the entire system is broken – whether it be the legal system protecting domestic violence victims, programs for severely mentally ill people and the way unhealthy people access weapons and ammunition.  We voice our concern that our society is violent, obsessed with fear and shoot-’em-up fanatics.  We see how people feel entitled because of their privileged race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and we want people to hear how their entitlement is the equivalent of bullying – whether it’s misogyny, homophobia or racism.

But no one listens.  Nothing changes.

And 46,000 more people are dead.

So now I return back to binge-watching second season episodes of Private Practice… at least until tomorrow when I regain my resolve and strength to stand up for liberty and justice for all once again.

“O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not listen? Or cry to you ‘Violence!’ and you will not save? ”  – – Habakkuk 1:2

 

 

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The Stained Glass Elephant in the Sanctuary

09 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Religion

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Agnosticism, Christian agnostic, doubts, Heresy, heretical, Methodist Quadrilateral, progressive Christianity, questioning, questioning faith, real Christian, skepticism, Wesleyan Quadralateral

elephant 2There’s something hidden in our sanctuaries… something no one wants to talk about…

Or maybe they’re too afraid.

They can’t admit that they believe something just a little differently than what they believe everyone else believes.  They show their faces in church, but their authentic voices are silenced in an effort to avoid shame.

Maybe they think no one will accept them.  Or they think that eternal punishment will follow them into the afterlife for having a heretical believe.  Maybe they think that their pastor will find them to be the congregation’s freak or banish them from church activities.

Here’s the one thing we rarely speak of in our churches or from our pulpits: no two people think or believe alike.  We go about our days believing every Christian has a clone belief structure.  What we don’t validate is that no one does.  Each person is influenced by life experience and the Holy Spirit in such unique ways that they experience the Divine in their own context.

In seminary we learned about the Wesleyan Quadralateral as a possible structure of our faith.  No longer is Scripture the only influence but our tradition (family, denomination, congregation, etc.), way we reason and our life experiences give us a lens in how we see God and the Holy in our lives.

If each and every person is influenced by these four pieces, whether they know it or not, then each and every person’s belief structure is just a little different than the person sitting next to them.

So you may keep wondering, “What if the person next to me finds out that I don’t believe in a literal Bible or virgin birth?  What if they see deep within my soul that I have deep doubts?  What if they believe I’m not a ‘real’ Christian?”

What is a “real” Christian anyway…

It no longer matters.  As long as you take you faith journey seriously and commit to taking care of your neighbors (not hurting any of God’s creation), then why should it matter what you believe?

Congregations are like a stained glass window.  Each person within the congregation is a different sliver of tinted glass.  When the light of Christ shines through the multi-color window, a beautiful array of color falls upon the carpet and pews of the sanctuary.

If all the colors in the window were alike, the beauty would not be so great.

So churches, stop avoiding the silent diversity that hides in the souls of your church.  Instead, celebrate the uniqueness that abides within you.  Celebrate the colors swirling around your sanctuary.  Know that in our diversity, splendor abounds.

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Saying No in the Era of #YesAllWomen

28 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture

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#yesallwomen, college, Feminism, feminist, feminist theology progressive Chrisitianity, harassment, misogyny, Santa Barbara shooting, saying no, sexual harassment, Yes All Women, yes all women and faith

20140528-014106.jpg

February 1992. I was eighteen years old in my freshman year of college. My friends introduced me to a really cute guy who was about a year or two older. We all hung out talking until around midnight. He then walked me back to my dorm room and gave me a kiss.

Alright. He’s cute. He’s sweet. I hope i hear from him…

The next evening, he calls. He asks me to go out. I didn’t feel like spending time with him that evening, so I politely declined. “You will go out with me,” he demands.

Excuse me? “No,” I replied.

He just couldn’t take no for an answer.

Eventually, we ended the phone conversation. I felt extremely vulnerable at that moment. Thoughts continued to cycle throughout my mind. What if he comes after me? What would this confrontation look like, and would I be safe? Fortunately, I found way to hang out with other friends that evening, away from campus – what I perceived to be a safer space.

Frankly, on that very evening, anywhere where he could not find me was safe.

*****

May 1992. I was nineteen years old finishing my freshman year of college. I was sitting in the library at my college trying to study when a man around my age came up to talk with me.

I was trying to brush him off – at this point I had another boyfriend. But he continuously asked for my number – over and over and over again. To him, it didn’t matter that I was in a relationship with another person.

Finally, I relented. I gave him my dorm room phone number and left the conversation.

A while later, he called me. I pretended that I was my roommate and told Whatshisname that I wasn’t home. He never called back.

But could he ever find me?

*****

Summer 1992. I was still nineteen years old between my freshman and sophomore years of college. I was driving on Route 159 in Swansea, Illinois when a guy in the next car at the stoplight locked eyes with me.

It’s always awkward to lock eyes with anyone in nearby cars. But this one had another agenda.

I started driving once the stoplight turned green. He then followed me.

No matter how fast I drove, he drove. He continuously tried to get my attention. But my attention was focused on working to lose him.

Block after block, he kept up. Then, I saw an upcoming street. At this point he was in the next lane and keeping up with my driving. I quickly turned down the road without giving any indication that I was making that move. He continued to drive on Route 159.

But what if I couldn’t figure out a way to lose him?

*****

These three stories happened to me over the course of six months. Understand that I could continue to write story after story about the varying types of harassments I’ve experienced in 23 years – from catcalls to mindgames to unwanted touching.

Now, I’m not talking about the guy who kindly asks me out even though I’m not interested. I’m talking the kind of behavior when I feel every type of red alarm has gone off and my gut is giving me a bad vibe – the guy who keeps pressuring me even though I continuously say “no.” There are many authentically nice guys out there. (I know since I’m dating one of the nice guys.) However, from personal experience, I can tell that 100% of the men in our society do not treat women as equals, and this type of controlling attitude and entitlement needs to stop. They think they can follow us, pressure us and guilt us into falling for them.

Our society encourages us to be “good girls.” Never say no. Be accommodating. The problem with being the good girl is that the controlling boys like to find us. They like to drain us of any self-esteem we may still have in our souls.

The story of Vashti always resonates with me when it comes to a woman who stood up for her body, mind and soul. She refused to be paraded around like an object by her husband King Xerxes (Ahasuerus) who then, probably, banished her from his life. It was a risked she was willing to take as she didn’t want to be objectified and controlled by men.

It takes years for us to find that confidence to realize we deserve better than all of this. We do not deserve to be paraded around or required to give in to a man’s desires each time he asks.

So when I think of this mass killing spree in Santa Barabara, I think of the way that men have felt entitled to the bodies, minds and souls of women since the Hebrew Bible – from Vashti to Tamar, the daughter of David who was raped by her brother.

When I see the spirit of women on social media this week and the many men who support us, I realize that maybe there’s hope in this conversation. Maybe there will be one less man who demands a date or sex, one less man who chases a woman or one less woman who feels pressured to give out her personal information.

Let’s find ways to stand together, girls and women of all ages. Let’s find a way to help each other feel safe even when we’ve felt violated. We deserve to be given the dignity that God has given each of us – as we are made in the image of our Creator, too.

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Never Orphaned – A Memorial Day Prayer

19 Monday May 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Christianity, John 14, Memorial Day, Moral Injury, pastoral prayer, Prayer for Memorial Day, progressive Christianity, PTSD, UCC, Veterans

Gerry J. Gilmore [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons U.S.: Army Col. Carolyn Jones prepares to place some rose petals into the reflecting pool at the Women in Military Service for America Memorial’s annual Memorial Day observance, Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington, Va., May 26, 2008.

Never Orphaned – A Memorial Day Prayer
Based on John 14

For the families who have been torn apart by war-
You are not orphaned.
For the wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends wondering how their loved one will return-
You are not orphaned.
For the child who barely knows her father,
And for the child who lost his mother-
You are not orphaned.
For the mothers and fathers who receive the news of their child’s injury or demise,
And for the courageous who lost a piece of their body, soul or mind in battle-
You are not orphaned.

In a world torn apart by war,
In a world where conflict rides heavy,
And where we wonder how we’ll make it through another day-
God is here.

Encircling us in every moment is the peace which Christ left with us.
The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, bringing us comfort to make it until the next moment
To make it one day, one hour or one minute at a time.

And so we love.
We love those who return fragmented, traumatized by what they have seen
Or what they’ve had to do to survive.

We love those who no longer know how to relate to their spouse
After months of deployment, wondering how their marriage will survive.

We love those who long to see their loved one
After six months and a third deployment.

We love those who have external and internal wounds from wars
Ten, twenty, forty or seventy years ago.

Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.
For wherever you abide, God is there.
Wherever you journey, the Divine walks with you.
And so do we.

Christ’s peace is left with us. Christ peace continuously is given to us.
Do not be afraid. Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Never will you be orphaned.

Written by Rev. Michelle L. Torigian

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Between Childless and Child-free

10 Saturday May 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

child-free, Childless, church on Mother's Day, Infertility, miscarriage, mother, Mother's Day, Mother's Day 2014, motherhood, post-40, progressive Christianity, reproductive loss

IMG_3660In the past number of years I have felt a range of feelings one may feel being childless on Mother’s Day.  Granted, I am truly grateful for my own mom, my grandmas and those who have been mom-like to me.  I cheer with those who have chosen to be moms and have enjoyed holding your babies as they have seen their first few months.

And I’ve faced the childlessness that I never expected to experience.  I have moved from a place of sadness that comes with childlessness to a new type of limbo – – navigating the place of being childless and child-free.

Now that I’ve crossed the threshold into my forties, I realize how giving birth to a child and caring for an infant would impact my life.  Because of my own body changes, I don’t know if I could conceive, if I could carry a child to term, if I could live with one to two hours of sleep per night.

Many of of my friends’ experiences have opened my eyes.  Twenty years ago, I would not have seen miscarriage after miscarriage.  Years of grief post-stillborn.  Weeks in the hospital or in bed hoping to carry the baby to term.  One to two hours of sleep per night.  Health changes post-baby.

Before the age of 40, I never had the right significant other with whom to raise a child.  I never had enough income to live semi-comfortably raising a baby on my own.

I still do not.

I never thought I would be here: in a limbo state of childless/child-free post 40.  I remember freaking out in my twenties when thinking I would never have children.  If my 20 year old self could see myself today, she would be devastated.

And yet, at post-40, I’m not.

There’s a part of me that’s happily content in this childless/child-free limbo.  I sleep and eat as I want.  I follow my calling by God to mother to a congregation.  I experience the small moments in life without the distraction of others to take care of.

But I’m still just a little sad and not able to 100% embrace a permanent child-free state.

I’m sad I will never baptize my baby or feel the kicks inside of my womb.  I’m sad that I will never attend a parent-teacher conference or place a dollar under the pillow when my child’s tooth falls out or see the faces of my children on Christmas morning.  I’m sad that I am not part of the “mommies club” and that I sit on the outskirts of what is acceptable in our society.

I live in the childless/child-free limbo.  I can not see myself having a child at this point but there’s still a part of me that mourns never having a child.  I do not have the money or energy or stamina to pursue birthing a child or having an infant at this point.  With this post I publicly embrace that I live between two points: the childless woman who once wanted a child and a woman who is content with being child-free.  And I know that others still live in this rarely talked about limbo.  We are both blessed and grieved to this place where life has brought us.  We are still articulating where we are, and we don’t want others to name this place for us.

Please do not call me heartless because I may not want to have a child.  Please do not tell me that I may change my mind.  Please do not tell me that I do not know true love because I do not have a child.  Please do not tell me that there are plenty of ways to still become a mother.  Please do not assume I do not love children just because I have none, or that I don’t understand children.  Please do not think I sit and cry all of the time because life turned out a bit differently than expected.

And please do not tell me how I should feel on Mother’s Day.

Unfortunately, Mother’s Day is always on a Sunday.  Some pastors understand that Mother’s Day is sensitive to some women – they know that women experiencing a number of experiences related to motherhood need to be remembered in prayer.  And then there are other church leaders who think that those of us who still hold sadness in our unique reproductive losses should get over it.  Find a new way to celebrate.  Suppress our feelings for this one service just to go home to cry uncontrollably.

They don’t get it.  They don’t understand that Mother’s Day is not happy for everyone, and they expect us to feel a certain way.  It takes unchecked privilege to make such a bold statement – a privilege which excludes many of my childless friends… and even those of us who are working through our childless/child-free limbo.

I am trying to find a new way to celebrate.  But I’m not there yet.  Do not force me to be happy for someone else because the twenty-something piece of my soul still grieves.  But do not think that I live in a constant state of  grief either because I have a wonderful life with wonderful loved ones and friends.

So on Mother’s Day, even though I’m content with my life, I still have twinges of mourning.  And in those twinges, I sit in solidarity as I remember my friends who are painfully childless because of infertility.  I sit in solidarity with those who have lost children and experienced miscarriages.  And I ask that my other clergy friends remember those hurting on Mother’s Day as well.

Being a woman is more than a mother.  It’s being the person God calls us to be bringing love into the world.  I have moments of mothering, and I thank Mother God that I can fill that space from time to time.

May those of us in childless/child-free limbo, those of us who are mothers and those of us who cry because we aren’t find a way to validate each other.  Amen.

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Proper Pastoral Care and Limiting Laws: the UCC and North Carolina

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by mictori in Church Life, Current Events, Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion

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first amendment, freedom of religion, lawsuit, Marriage Equality, North Carolina, open and affirming, Pastoral Care, progressive Christianity, religious freedom, UCC, United Church of Christ

IMG_2866Let me introduce myself…

I am a straight ally who left one denomination for the United Church of Christ (UCC) because of the marriage equality issue. Back in 2005, before I entered the ministry, I felt that I would be a stronger pastor and better reflect God’s light on the world by publicly supporting gay marriage and LGBT ordination. If I had to continue to bite my tongue every time someone asked me what I thought of gay marriage, I could not be an authentic person of faith. In leaving one denomination, I discovered that the United Church of Christ was a denomination who widely opened their arms to people of all sexual orientations and gender expressions and those of us who supported our friends.

In writing this post, I acknowledge that some of you reading this will not agree with my position on gay marriage. In fact, you may be a member of a United Church of Christ and still believe that a marriage is between one man and one woman. (Yes – we have many in our denomination who still believe in this view of marriage. The UCC is filled with people with a variety of perspectives. Being in covenant with one another, we worship God together even if we disagree.)

And then you read that the UCC has filed a lawsuit against the state of North Carolina. What does this mean? Here’s what it could mean to a pastor: with the state’s current law on marriage, a member of the clergy could face jail time if they were to perform a wedding ceremony without filing a certificate for marriage. The clergy member would have to hold back their belief on marriage and religion based on what the state is dictating. Technically, a law like this could open doors which would limit other rituals or care that a pastor deems spiritually necessary.

Think of it this way…

What if there was a law that said that I as your pastor could only do hospital visits Monday through Friday? What if I couldn’t visit you in the hospital as you lay dying on a Saturday? What if you couldn’t have the peace of a pastoral presence in your final few hours because the law told me otherwise?

What if there were laws restricting churches to baptizing people over the age of 12? No child is allowed to be baptized for any reason – including children who may be in hospice care.

What if there was a law that said only men could be ordained? If a church were to hold an ordination ceremony for a woman, those involved would go to prison for two to three months.

What if an elderly man and woman wanted to have a marriage ceremony before God and their families but did not want a legal ceremony in order to protect their estates?

What if your beloved pet dies, and you yearn for closure. However, there was a law in your state that only allowed for humans to have funerals. Any funeral-like ritual that would be held for a pet would be considered illegal, and I could be arrested for giving you the best care possible.

I do not want to be told that I can’t or that I must perform a certain ritual that would bring peace to your lives.

By filing this lawsuit, the United Church of Christ is still not indicating that all members agree or must agree with marriage equality. We will never be a denomination that forces our members or churches to agree on an issue. Instead, I defer to this statement by the Indiana-Kentucky Conference of the United Church of Christ:

For us, as one of the founding religious traditions of this nation, the principle of free exercise of religion is a paramount value. Because we are not a hierarchical church, the freedom of every clergyperson to conduct the rites and sacraments of the Church according to the dictates of conscience is essential to our identity and our faith practice.

The church is protecting our autonomy as individuals and churches within the covenant of our denomination. Through this lawsuit, they are advocating on behalf of your religious freedom. And they are advocating for my religious freedom too. They care about your relationship to God, and they do not want your pastor to have government-forced limitations in the way they give pastoral care. Donald Clark Jr., general counsel of the UCC expressed “We didn’t bring this lawsuit to make others conform to our beliefs, but to vindicate the right of all faiths to freely exercise their religious practices.”

I’m not sure about all of you, but I deeply want to practice my faith based on my relationship with God.

This lawsuit will never force you to believe in marriage equality. It will not force a pastor to perform a same-sex wedding. It won’t force you to love your neighbor who happens to be gay – no matter how much Jesus loves them. You do not have to go to the wedding or even wish them congratulations. The only thing a ruling in favor of this lawsuit will do is continue to protect all of our freedoms so that we may practice our faith as we see fit.

Granted, rituals that hurt another person or oneself (physically, emotionally, spiritually) should continue to be restricted. But a ceremony that includes two people freely making a covenant with one another and presided by an officiant who freely believes in the ritual hurts no one. It is not taking the rights away from anyone else. It’s bringing peace and love into the hearts of the couple and those who are actively part of their lives. I truly believe it spreads more love into our communities.

With this lawsuit, the United Church of Christ still does not talk on behalf of the churches. Instead, the denomination talks to the churches, offering another way of looking faith and expanding the way Christ moves in our world.

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