Tag Archives: Grace

We Have a Sex Problem, Christianity

29 Friday May 2015

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Christianity has a sex problem.

When it comes to physically intimate acts, by reputation Christians are known to disallow any acts between anyone except a married heterosexual couple.  Those who are single, co-habitating, and any LGBT person must remain completely and totally chaste.  Many intimate acts, including kissing (in some religious sects), are absolutely wrong in premarital relationships.

So when we hear stories of a fundamentalist Christian teen who molests multiple minor girls, we notice mixed reactions.  Some believe it’s like all other sexual sins – no more or less sinful.  Others name the acts of molestation as a more heinous crime.

The problem comes down to whether we see sex outside of marriage as breaking a legal code or something that has the potential of being a healthy act.  More conserving Christians will note that all sexual acts outside of heterosexual marriage are sinful.  They may even imply that ALL sexual acts not in the confines of marriage are equally sinful.  And they may even mention that everyone is an equal opportunity sinner.

Like many other progressive Christians, I personally don’t think that all sexual acts outside of marriage are considered sinful. Yes, this is absolutely contradictory to what the loudest people in Christianity believe.  But after placing Scripture in conversation with reason, tradition, experience together, I see that sometimes, there are no definite answers to whether someone should engage in sex outside of marriage.  Instead, there are many questions that arise: Is the situation healthy and safe?  Do both people respect one another?  Is anyone being hurt by this encounter?

For a moment, let’s put aside our differences. For those who still may believe that intimacy should not be outside of marriage, we must come together to considered one factor: some sexual acts are more devastating and painful, thus making them more sinful.  And the reason is the lack of consent.

Two consenting people having sex may just be two consenting people having sex. It’s a potentially healthy expression of the way two people like/respect/admire/love one another.  Not everyone will feel it is right to engage in premarital sex before marriage.  People who wait shouldn’t be called names and shamed – just like people who engage in sex before marriage should not be shamed.  Individual choice should be respected – as long as people are being healthy and safe.  We must respect that some people will engage in sex outside of marriage and others will not, and we must be as loving as possible to someone no matter which they choose.

But here’s when we get into a problem.  There is a HUGE difference in how we see God in relation to our sex lives.  Some will see God’s presence and blessing in an intimate consensual relationship prior to marriage.  Others will see God’s condemnation.  Some will pray to God to bless their sexual union.  Others believe God wants nothing to do with our sex lives – especially outside of marriage.

No matter which side of the conversation we fall, most of us can probably agree that sometimes there’s sin involved in sex – especially when one person is using the other, levying their power over their partner, or manipulating another person into sexual acts.  When we hear stories of rape, sexual assault, molestation, drugging a person to have sex, taking advantage of a drunk or drugged person, and touching someone inappropriately, we are listening to non-consensual sexual encounters.  Because these acts damage the relationship between God, neighbor and self, sexual abuse is, undoubtedly, sin.  Additionally some sexual encounters within an unhealthy marriage are sinful as well, notably when one spouse requires the other to become intimate.

I’m extremely tired of hearing “all sin is equal sin.”  No, that’s not the case.  When two people are expressing love or respect to one another, that is not damaging to God and neighbor like when one person is levying power over another person.  These two acts are not even in the same ball park.  I may sound like I’m judging, but when you hear the pain that comes from many women’s experience with sexual abuse, it’s time to change the system.

Just because Deuteronomy 22:38-39 says that a man can rape a woman (as long as he marries her) does not mean he should treat the woman like an object.  Additionally, just because Lot offered his daughters to be raped while they still lived in Sodom doesn’t mean we can look the other way when women’s bodies are used as commodities.  Likewise, it wasn’t right when they had non-consensual sex with their father to get pregnant.  And it wasn’t ethical when King Xerxes banished Vashti when she refused to be objectified.

Just because the epistles mention that women must submit their lives to their husbands (1 Peter 3, 1 Corinthians 7:4) does not mean men have the right to rape their wives.

We must thoroughly research scriptures which require a woman to have sex with her husband each night or when she isn’t in the mood.  If anyone is manipulating their spouse or partner into sex, it isn’t consensual.  When webpages exist that are dedicated to making sure women are required to have sex with their husbands each time he wants it (because it’s God’s will), then we have a sex problem, Christianity.  When people are considered bad when they have sex prior to marriage and then bad when they don’t have sex after marriage, then we have a sex problem, Christianity.  When your sex rules don’t include Leviticus 18:19 but absolutely must include Leviticus 18:22, then we have a sex problem Christianity.  When Christian groups have materials that blame women for being molested and raped based on how they are acting or what they are wearing, then we have a sex problem, Christianity.

When we don’t look at the bigger picture with the Duggars’ situation, we have a problem with sex, Christianity.  Josh was 14 when he sexually abused minor females.  And Jim-Bob decides to swiftly and silently sweep the situation under the rug.  But did anyone ask how these women are?  Do any of the statements given mention the pain, shame, and humiliation that the women experienced?  Did anyone ask if Josh was abused at some point?  (Many abusers have been abused in the past.)  Does anyone wonder if Josh has experienced the help he needs so that he’s not putting other people at risk?  This isn’t just about judging or forgiveness.  It’s stopping unhealthy patterns so that the cycle of abuse stops.  It’s making sure that those who have been hurt can find new life.

Undoubtedly, God will forgive Josh – just like God will forgive all of us.  That’s what unconditional grace is about.  But this doesn’t mean that his actions are far from gone in the lives of five females.  This doesn’t mean that they are ready to forgive him.  This isn’t the time for us to rush to forgiveness.  This is time for us to understand what healthy sexuality is, find ways to have conversations so that more 14 year old children don’t feel compelled to abuse their sibling, and stop parents from sweeping the problem under the rug.  This is time for us to extend our hand of grace to these five girls so that they won’t feel the shame that they probably carry in their hearts.

Christianity, let’s look at what sex, consent, and sin mean.  It’s time for us to change the language of appropriate sex from “good” and “bad” to “unhealthy,” “healthy,” and “consensual.”  God’s ready for our conversation.  Are we?

 The current version of this post has been edited from the original.

Finding the Grace in Divorce

10 Tuesday Mar 2015

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Abraham banishes Hagar and Ishmael; Sarah and Isaac look on. Engraving by R. Parr after G. Hoet. Iconographic Collections

In seminary I researched the Malachi 2:13-16 text:

“And this you do as well: You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor at your hand.  You ask, ‘Why does he not?’ Because the Lord was a witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.  Did not one God make her? Both flesh and spirit are his. And what does the one God desire? Godly offspring. So look to yourselves, and do not let anyone be faithless to the wife of his youth. For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless.” (NRSV)

A portion of my work on the Malachi 2 text was studying the word “divorce.”  The Hebrew word for divorce as seen in Malachi 2 is found two other places: when Abraham banishes Hagar and Ishmael into the wilderness and when David’s son Amnon throws David’s daughter Tamar out after he rapes her.

Divorce in those cases has to do with one person who has the privilege (usually the man in Biblical times) not taking care of the other person, leaving them destitute in body, mind and soul.  Likewise, the Malachi text pertains to abandoning one’s wife and leaving her to survive with little resources.

Divorce happens.  Sure, God dislikes divorce – nobody likes divorce.  We don’t head into marriage expecting that our covenant will end.  We truly hope that our marriages and relationships will triumph over the statistics.

But sometimes, divorce is inevitable.  The covenant is broken through abuse, infidelity and other trust issues.  Sometimes, after much counseling, a couple will divorce because the relationship is no longer healthy.  People will change over the years, and couples will try their hardest to make the relationship work, but in the end will find peace in the dissolution of the marriage.

Yet there can be faithfulness even in divorce.  When we see divorced couples working together for the sake of their children or amicably splitting property in divorce settlements, we see two people loving God and neighbor the best they can through a challenging time.

Lastly, God gives grace in divorce.  God wants us to find happiness and mercy in our lives, and I believe God wants us to abide in hope and find love again.  Even in the case of Abraham and Hagar, both were given God’s gift of descendants through both Isaac and Ishmael.  We will find that blessings in our lives as well.

A prayer for those divorcing or divorced:

God of the coupled and uncoupled,
You sit with us in the shadows of our souls.
Your hope feeds us and your grace quenches our thirst,
And through your nourishment, we find movement towards tomorrow.

Bless those who are currently journeying through the wilderness of divorce.
Help them to see their estranged spouse as a person created in your image.
Bless their efforts in amicable settlements and custody arrangements.
Help them find new ways of being family, even if family has taken a new form.

God, we know your grace is always pouring upon us
And so we ask that you help us see that grace
In the moments when hope seems far
And shame seems too close to us.

Amen.

About That New Year’s Resolution…

02 Friday Jan 2015

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I start the year thinking I will start anew, begin a new habit and get this year right.  However, that’s never how it works.

*I never take all of my vitamins each day.

*I never use the face cream I bought.

*I never make one of my bucket list trips I’ve wanted to take year after year (specifically New York City, the United Kingdom, France or Italy).

*I rarely stay on a diet and/or lose a few pounds.

*I rarely go to the gym multiple times per week each week of the year.

*I never read more books, watch less TV, spend less time on social media.

*I rarely go through boxes of old things from 10 years ago and discard items I will never need again.

I highly doubt I will successfully accomplish any of these things in 2015.  I will attempt a few of them – especially the ones that apply to my health.  With that said, I’ve decided on two definite new year’s resolutions:

(1) Do my best.

(2) Give myself grace.

I’ll let you know how that works…

Robin Williams, What Dreams May Come and Psalm 139

11 Monday Aug 2014

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Robin Williams. By John J. Kruzel/American Forces Press Service (Americasupportsyou.mil article) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Like many of you right now, I’m processing the death of actor Robin Williams.  His comedic timing and infectious energy permeated our hearts.  Reading many status updates in the past two hours, I see that this one death has left a very large hole in our culture.

It breaks my heart that someone who brought joy to thousands of others has endured a silent struggle with mental health issues.

In remembering his life, we tend to recall lighter comedies like Aladdin or Mrs. Doubtfire or significant mentor roles like Mr. Keating in Dead Poets Society or Sean McGuire in Good Will Hunting, overlooking some of Robin’s performances in lesser known roles.

In 1998, Robin Williams led the cast of What Dreams May Come, a feature film about a man who risks his soul to rescue his wife, Annie.  His character loses both children to a car accident, and then Chris himself dies in a similar manner. His wife cannot escape her depression.  She commits suicide to escape her life of pain.

On the other side of heaven, he hears that his wife decided to take her own life and that she is confined to hell.  Determined to be reunited and rescue her from her self-imposed eternal damnation, Chris sets out to explore each layer of heaven and hell to find her.

He uses every bit of his afterlife energy, and in her own Sheol, a shadow-filled underworld, he finds her.

Many in our society believe that people who kill themselves bring upon themselves eternal damnation or a self-imposed confinement to hell.  Yet I believe that God is much like Chris in What Dreams May Come: searching for us, sitting with us in Sheol and helping us find a way out.  God knows that mental illness is just that: an illness.  And God never abandons us no matter what illness and no matter if we are barely thriving on this earth or barely existing in the afterlife.  God’s pursuing love is chasing us on every level of the afterlife to help lead us to heaven.

Psalm 139:7-12 says the following:

“Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light around me become night’,
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you.”

And that’s where I believe Robin Williams is: with God.  That’s where I believe all people who commit suicide are.  There is no afterlife hell for people who struggle with mental illness and commit suicide.  God’s grace is bigger than any condemnation or judgment.  God knows of Robin’ pain, and God is doing everything that God can do to be with him right now – from Sheol to heaven and everywhere in between.

Many people including some of you reading may be contemplating suicide because the pain feels too great.  However, there is help and hope if you struggle with depression or other mental illness.  Your life is valuable to many people.  Visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or call (800) 273-TALK (8255).  

The Good News Is Missing

02 Thursday Jan 2014

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Recently, I’ve been thinking once again about Christianity and grace.

When I attended a church years ago, one or two of the members CONTINUOUSLY criticized the pastor. Each and every time I was in their presence, some comment would be made.

Years ago I’ve seen how a member of the clergy wouldn’t bother to be in dialogue with others because they had all of the right answers and everyone else who disagreed was “wrong.”

Hail church… full of hate…

I see Christians noting in online forums that people who are out of work or disabled should be denied assistance.

I see Christians who refuse to have conversations with others who think differently.

I see Christians who constantly make little judging comments about pastors, their fellow congregants and others they know.

We judge those who get pregnant before they’re married, who are single parents or have abortions. We judge those who are atheists or some other religious minority because they don’t have the “truth.”

I’m not just speaking about the Westboro Baptists or other fundamentalist Christians. We liberal and Mainline Protestants can be just as critical and grace-less as those on the right.

Why do we think our churches and Christianity will grow if we’ve left out grace from the equation?

Christianity was founded on the principles of grace. Some believed Jesus died for their salvation. Other Christians believe that Jesus lived as God’s unconditional love incarnate. Jesus touched the unclean, defended the poor and hung out with outcasts. No matter what your view of salvation, abundant grace is a part of our story as Christians. Except, we’ve forgotten that.

Dear Christians: we lack grace. We ALL lack grace.

Christianity has completely and totally lost it’s core principle. Judgment of non-Christians and other Christians has pushed aside any unconditional love.

Instead of standing up for the unprivileged, Christians defend the words of a duck guy who denigrates gay people and laughs off racism. And the rest of us Christians who didn’t defend the guy get upset when he gets a second chance to return to a television show. (Granted, he didn’t apologize for his insensitive remarks. Maybe I would warm up to the idea of a second chance if he had been slightly more sensitive and grace-filled. But like ALL of you, I judge too.)

I laugh when I hear Christians who say it’s more important to make sure they judge people because it’s “loving” rather than showing them grace through their roughest moments.

And no one really knows the crud that we all go through in life. No one knows how our embedded theology and life experiences influence our choices. We forget that someone else’s shoes fit so very differently. But we’re not willing to try them on. We’re not willing to consider how they feel on someone else’s feet. We just don’t care – because Jesus died for “me.” Jesus cares about “me” and that’s all that matters, right?

It’s attitudes like this that make people turn their backs on God, Jesus and the church. How many people will Christianity lose this year because grace, mercy and unconditional love wasn’t extended to our neighbors? We are engaging in anti-evangelism as we suck the world dry of the good news of grace, mercy and unconditional love.

Friends: it’s time we embrace grace, love and second chances. Very rarely does a mistake cause us to have such a deep riff between ourselves and others or ourselves and God. Yet we want to find every opportunity to make sure grace is never, ever a part of Christianity. Maybe we believe we’re the only ones who deserve grace. Maybe we think people will get used to having it easy.

And by the way – whether you are a Christian or not, you will mess up. We’re all going to make mistakes. We’re all going to live in ways that will make someone else greatly dislike us. So deal with it. Life, health issues, time restraints often push us off of our paths and cause us to make mistakes. That is life. As Christians, it’s our job to try and find ways to relocate people back on the paved road instead of making them struggle in the weeds and ditches off the path.

So next time you’re about to judge, ask these questions: “Why did they act this way? Is there anything I can do to help? If not, how can I better understand them?”

That’s sharing the good news.

Youth Participation and Grace-Filled Churches

11 Monday Nov 2013

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eccLast week, I came across this 2010 article on how youth ministry is killing the church.  While I still don’t believe youth ministry is a detriment, integrating youth participation into the already-crafted church life is even more imperative.

As a pastor of a small-ish church, I’ve been trying to integrate more youth participation into various parts of our church life.  Excitement is beginning to bubble from our young people contributing their time and talents in our congregation.  For a young person who never read in Sunday worship, they voiced to me how excited and grateful they were to be a part of the service.  Recently, I’ve seen the value of youth taking on different roles in our fundraisers.  They’ve been a hospitable presence to new young people.  One has taken a leadership role as he engaged the younger youth during children’s time.  Just yesterday, I consulted with two of our high school youth to see what they thought of a program I plan on starting in December.

Granted, I understand there’s always concern when we begin something new or have newer people participate:

What if they make mistakes?
How will our church appear?
They won’t do it like we’ve always done it…
This distracts me from worship…

If we want youth and young adults to get excited about our churches and attend our events, it’s necessary for us to assist them in finding their place in our church community.  We are called to help them find God’s calling for their lives.

Besides school, where else would they find a supportive place to try new things and to seek their gifts?  When I was in Junior League, I was told that one of their goals was to help prepare us for the fundraising/philanthropic work we would do in our communities.  After reflecting upon this, I realized it’s essential for church to be a place of preparation for young people (as well as middle-aged congregants and older adults).

Church needs to be that grace-filled safe place where all people, including young people, can search for their gifts and God’s call.

What if church is that place where we can break out our clarinets and trumpets and play on a Sunday morning?  What if church is the place where someone can try a new fellowship activity or fundraiser?  How would they grow?  How would we adults grow as being part of this process?

Undoubtedly, they will make mistakes.  Guess what – so do I.  So do all of you.  Mistakes in worship and other parts of church life are nothing new.  They may fail.  The quality of their work will sometimes be insufficient.  But instead of focusing on these as mistakes or imperfections, let us look at them like opportunities.  Active in our churches are young people excited to be a part of our community.  This is a blessing in our shrinking Mainline Protestant churches!  Their involvement in the various parts of congregational life proves that our churches aren’t dying.

If we feel that they are distracting or making a too many mistakes, there is one great remedy to making them near-perfect: adult participation.  One or two adults can’t fulfill all of the youth development in a church.  We need all levels of participation – from those who mentor confirmands to those who accompany young people on fellowship activities.  As a pastor, I love to be as involved as possible in the spiritual development in our youth.  But having the support and energy of the majority of church members gives our youth more hope, encouragement and motivation to stay involved in churches and become the people God has called them to be.

The Snowball Effect of Shame

30 Wednesday Oct 2013

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20131030-160603.jpgThere is nothing harder in this life than forgiving oneself.

We all make mistakes. It’s part of the human condition. The “fall of humans” didn’t start from a major mistake but one that snowballed from a minor, stupid choice. The major problem that arose from the disobedience wasn’t the disobedience itself but from the shame they took upon themselves when making that choice. It wasn’t “God, we make a terrible choice. We’re sorry. Let’s just keep moving forward.” No. When they truly came to terms of the missteps in their life, they hid from God.

It becomes a snowball effect.

The man then blames the woman for the choices they made. In turn, the woman points her finger at the snake. There was no owning their issues and asking to patch their relationship with God. Instead, they embraced blame instead of responsibility and shame instead of grace.

Remember the movie Thelma and Louise? Thelma nearly gets raped by a stranger in a bar. Louise ends up killing the man. As Thelma wants to go to the authorities about potential rape and murder that followed, Louise reminds her that they wouldn’t believe they were protecting themselves from assault. Instead, they find themselves on the run, knowing that if they were to get caught or turn themselves in, their lives would be spent in prison.

They continue to commit crime after crime in an effort to live free from a definite jail sentence. Eventually, they are forced to turn themselves in or drive off of the Grand Canyon. Thelma and Louise choose the latter as they decide their death equals freedom.

I wonder if they experienced moral injury when they killed Louise’s assaulter. If they would have given themselves grace for the choices they needed to make, could have found a different way of living?

Are we like Adam and Eve or Thelma and Louise? Whether we make a mistake consciously, were manipulated had to commit an act to save our lives, do we hang on to the guilt of that one incident forever? Do we let one incident in our lives dictate the rest of the way our lives go? Do we hold on to shame from our past which destroys our future?

If we can embrace our mistakes soon after we make them, maybe we can embrace grace a little sooner.

I think it’s wonderful in the Jewish tradition that they have Yom Kippur, the day of atonement and a day to reflect upon reconciliation. In Catholicism, they have the sacrament of reconciliation as they process their deeds aloud. But in Protestantism, there is no particular day or sacrament where we ask for forgiveness. Some of our churches have prayers of reconciliation or forgiveness each week, but do we invest much energy in the effort to make all right with God, one another or ourselves? So maybe on Reformation Day, the remembrance of Luther’s mandate of “grace alone,” we can take the opportunity to allow hand our past mistakes over to God and embrace grace.

Reintegration of Gluten

04 Wednesday Sep 2013

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Image0181This post is a personal reflection on where I am today.

I’ve had to reintegrate gluten into my diet.  Next week, I will be having a endoscopy and colonoscopy in order to check on my gastrointestinal system.

Since Ash Wednesday, I have gone (pretty much) gluten-free.  I can’t say that I didn’t sneak the occasional bite or two of a cookie, but I didn’t scarf down entire cookies, plates of pasta or cupcakes (unless they were gluten-free, of course).

The requirements for the tests include integrating gluten as part of my diet for two or three weeks.  As a silver lining, I’ve enjoyed some of my pre-Ash Wednesday foods.

The downside has been greater.

My stomach has been enduring more issues.  While it hasn’t been quite as bad as I had anticipated, I still pace my gluten eating to times of the day in which I have no other engagements.

The bigger problem is the pain the gluten has caused my body.  Am I 100% sure that it’s the gluten that has brought about these joints and muscle aches?  No.  But it has gotten much worse since bringing back gluten-filled foods.  My rib joints have ached to the point where I had to go to the emergency room on Friday because of scary chest pains.  Since then, my back pain has been excruciating and my joints and muscles have hurt all over my body.  On Labor Day, I rested on the couch all day because of the pain.

I pray all who are close to me will understand that this is probably triggered by the food I’m eating.  I keep pushing myself to complete the tasks I need to complete, but I come home with so very little energy.  My mind is going through some fog.  My hope is that my body and clarity of mind will return when the gluten is purged from my diet, and I believe it will return once the effects of gluten have left my body.

So here I am, pleading with all that I know for grace and mercy until I am able to return to my regular eating habits.  Then I can return to the friend, family member and pastor that I have been and can be.

HuffPost Religion Article: Jesus, Healing and Grace-Filled Gray Areas

29 Thursday Aug 2013

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HuffPost Religion Article: Jesus, Healing and Grace-Filled Gray Areas

Here’s my latest article on the Huffington Post Religion Page

Shame is Humanity’s Worst Illness

20 Thursday Jun 2013

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Recently, Melissa Etheridge called out Angelina Jolie’s choice to have a double-mastectomy as “fearful.” Etheridge commented that nutrition and stress cause cancer to begin in the body.

Unfortunately, Etheridge did nothing to help the stigma that already comes with cancer. Sure, not all cancers have stigmas. But when we hear that someone has cancer, often the first thing that comes to our mind was “they took care of themselves” or “they didn’t take good enough care of themselves.”

Through Ethridge’s words, shame was imposed upon someone else’s tough choice.

Shame and stigma seeps into each part of our daily lives, from our meal choices, to how we parent, to how we schedule our day.

According to the Bible, it didn’t take humans long to experience shame. Just one mistake and shame became so embedded in their souls. They experienced the shame even before God called them out on their actions.

Life is full of regrets. Of course, we should always continue to reevaluate our actions to make sure we aren’t damaging our neighbors, creation or ourselves. But, at some point, shame becomes so deeply a part of who we are that it holds us back from enjoying life and relationships.

As we continuously live under the umbrella of shame, whether our own or the shame we impose on others, we will never find the good enough in our lives. There is no room for grace or mercy. There is only room to live in perfection.

Perfection will never happen.

Jesus tried to banish shame when he touched the unclean. Yet, that message has not stuck well with Christians. If it had, people wouldn’t look down upon those with HIV/AIDS, STD’s or a variety of other “lifestyle” acquiring diseases. Jesus showered the woman at the well with grace and, yet, we manage to continue to shame people who have had divorces or multiple marriages. (Take for instance a comment recently made about Kate Winslet on being pregnant with her third child by a third husband.)

I remember in my seminary New Testament class with Stephen Patterson that he mentioned disease was the physical ailment and illness was the social stigma that accompanied many illnesses. While we may not look at the exact same things as unclean in the 21st century, we still have shame and stigmas associated with behavior and appearances.

Does it matter that someone had a child out of wedlock or got divorced? Does it matter that the person at the fast food restaurant is overweight? Does it matter that someone caught an illness because of an action or choice they made? Why do we shame women who breast feed or don’t breast feed? Why do we shame women for becoming stay-at-home moms or working full time? (And why is so much shame pour out on women?) Isn’t it tough for each of us to live day-to-day that maybe we should grant others a little bit of grace and mercy that we, ourselves, have also received?