Tag Archives: New Year

Cranky Christmas: The Return of the “Bah Humbugs”

20 Tuesday Dec 2016

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pexels-photo-249209Much like living with a high pitch noise that won’t go away, I feel as if I am experiencing this Advent/Christmas season with a humming irritation swirling inside of me more than I’ve experienced in other years.

Maybe it’s due to the amount of work I wish I could do but haven’t gotten done.  Maybe it’s due to the things I haven’t gotten accomplished – like Christmas cards (for the billionth year in a row) and how many more extracurricular tasks have to complete before December 25.  Maybe it’s due to all of the failures of this past year or what isn’t going right in my life – according to the world’s expectations.  Maybe it’s due to my endometriosis flaring up a bit (not enough to stop me from getting things accomplished but enough to make me slightly grouchier than the norm).  Maybe it’s due to disastrous political and heartbreaking world events of the past few months.

Now, I won’t describe this as melancholy, because I wouldn’t categorize this as sadness or depression.  Sure, there are moments of sorrow due to the shortened days and lack of peace in our world.  But my Blue Christmas is not a traditional lament.  Rather, I’m irritated.  And this lingering frustration will not subside no matter how many episodes of Modern Family and Parks and Recreation I watch, how many times I view Love Actually or how many peanut butter and chocolate candies I eat.

And all I want to say… or scream…is BAH HUMBUG!

My annoyance at the circumstances of 2016 has placed a filter for the joy of the season.  It’s drowned hope.  It’s robbed my soul of peace, and loving one’s neighbor tends to suffer as a result of my irritations.

And while the presence of the Christ is in my midst, there is a veil between my eyes and Christ’s presence.

So I’m praying that when the Christ candle is lit on Saturday evening, it will be the light I need to see hope, peace, joy, and love that’s been a bit absent in recent weeks.  I pray that it will soothe my soul throughout these shallow-filled days.  I pray that I will not allow this light that is coming into our world to diminish and that it continues to remain strong as time gives birth to 2017.

 

 

Single in the Sanctuary – My Stuck Story

04 Monday Jan 2016

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No matter your marital status – what are ways you can get unstuck in 2016?

At various points of each of our lives, we find ourselves stuck – in our work lives, romance lives, family lives and any other facet of our lives.

In 2003, I was incredibly stuck in each area of my life.  I recall that I hadn’t dated anyone in years – in fact, I forget how long it had been since I had an actual date.  My weight had skyrocketed, and I didn’t find myself attractive anymore.  Additionally, my professional life had walked backwards a few steps and hadn’t moved forward in a year or two.  I had applied to seminary and wasn’t accepted at my top choice.

At 30 years old, I had found myself spending each Saturday night at a pottery painting place because – who would want to date overweight, underaccomplished Michelle?  At least I was making some fabulous pieces of art…

I suppose the catalyst of change was beginning a weight loss program in 2004.  As I lost 40 pounds, I also began to gain back the confidence I had lost.  The chain reaction of one change led to dating once again and, eventually, finding a more suitable job for me.

Losing weight was not the reason other parts of my life changed.  At this point, I’m in a wonderful relationship even though I weighted as much as I did in 2003.  Confidence comes from within – not our external accomplishments and appearances.  Our assurance and genuine worth stems from the spark of the Divine that resides in each one of us.

Sometimes it just takes a bit of time to find the confidence, inspiration and Spirit once again. And one agent of change – whether small or large – will be the catalyst for our lives to move out from our current mud trap.

Confession: currently, for me, my place of being stuck centers around creativity in my professional and extracurricular life.  I have a terrific life but just feel like my inspiration well is dry.  By continuing to try and believing that the creativity/confidence/etc. already exists within me and that the Holy Spirit is giving me what I need, I know that this time of “stuck” will loosen.

So do you find yourself stuck in one area of your life- whether in your attempts to date, your hopes to find another position or your plans to fulfill a dream?  Have you lost hope?

Just keep going.  We will find our stickiness gone soon.

Looking Back… At All of the Stuff

13 Tuesday Jan 2015

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looking backI have a lot of stuff.

It’s amazing how we accumulate things over the course of years.  When I moved to Florida 19 years ago this month, everything fit into the trunk, backseat and storage container on top of my 1984 Chevy Celebrity.

Nearly two decades later, everything fits into a few rooms.

I have mountains of books – mostly theological from my seminary years and the past few years of ministry.  And then there are all of the papers and bills from the past 19 years.  And many, many photo albums, DVDs, VHS tapes (that’s right, VHS), mugs with names of banks printed across the front (probably from my years organizing chamber of commerce events), pens, pencils, Christmas decorations and glasses from tourist attractions.

When will I need a power bill from 1997 or paperwork from a job in 2001?  When will I need the size six jeans as my hips will never shrink below an eight or ten?  When will I need an old recording of a Friends episode on VHS?  I own all of the seasons on DVD now and now can catch the episode on Netflix.

Most of these things do not make me happy.  In fact I feel like Lot’s wife: a pillar of salt, unable to move forward, and frozen in a time-warp.  Let’s face it: Sodom wasn’t exactly a happy place for visitors, and neither was the early 2000’s for me… Which makes me wonder: why do we hold onto things and times that remind us of painful places?

I use these items as a god to anchor me to an altered view of the past instead of allowing God to pull me forward towards a realistic view of the future.

Looking back isn’t a bad thing.  Holding on to a few mementos is a beautiful idea.  Photo albums and special gifts will remind me of special days and people of the past.  But rooms of “I may need this one day” boxes are boxing me in to a life that can’t be lived freely with God’s Spirit.

This year, I hope to go through many of those “I may need this one day” containers and begin to release my outdated treasures to the universe.  I may take some photos of old things that once meant something to me and send the item itself to the trash or to someone who needs it.  I may take a few moments with something that reminded me of a special memory but realize that it holds minimal significance to today.

Through shedding material things from the past, I hope to lighten my load to seize today with open hands… and rooms.

 

This blog was written in conjunction with a SynchroBlog on the topic “Looking Back, Looking Forward.”  Bloggers looking back and looking forward this month:

About That New Year’s Resolution…

02 Friday Jan 2015

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I start the year thinking I will start anew, begin a new habit and get this year right.  However, that’s never how it works.

*I never take all of my vitamins each day.

*I never use the face cream I bought.

*I never make one of my bucket list trips I’ve wanted to take year after year (specifically New York City, the United Kingdom, France or Italy).

*I rarely stay on a diet and/or lose a few pounds.

*I rarely go to the gym multiple times per week each week of the year.

*I never read more books, watch less TV, spend less time on social media.

*I rarely go through boxes of old things from 10 years ago and discard items I will never need again.

I highly doubt I will successfully accomplish any of these things in 2015.  I will attempt a few of them – especially the ones that apply to my health.  With that said, I’ve decided on two definite new year’s resolutions:

(1) Do my best.

(2) Give myself grace.

I’ll let you know how that works…

A new perspective for a new year

31 Monday Dec 2012

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Each year, I approach New Year’s Eve as a time to reflect upon the past year: my mistakes, what I haven’t accomplished, etc.  I gaze upon what still has not happened in my life.  Once again, for the umpteenth year in a row, I am single, childless, don’t own a home, etc.

So, as you can see, New Year’s Eve has typically become a holiday of dread.

But what if I took New Year’s Eve and used it as a tool of grace?  What if New Year’s Eve became the great eraser for the year?  Last year I experienced such and such.  This is a new year… maybe I won’t experience this again…  Maybe I’ll avoid the same mistakes and live in healthier ways…

Yet how can I do this in a way that releases any shame from the past and embraces a fresh start?  Is there some ritual that will help us release the past?

Maybe gratitude should become part of this ritual.  What if this became a holiday in which I thank God for what I’ve experienced and accomplished?  What if I thank God for the people who have touched my lives and the opportunities I’ve had to minister to others?

So this year, I’ll try something different.  I’ll place 2012 behind me.  I’ll ask to be reconciled to God, my neighbor and self for any bad decisions and mistakes I might have made.  And I will firmly place one foot in front of the other as I walk with hope into 2013.