Category Archives: Pop Culture

What Movies Gave, Oscars Took Away

26 Tuesday Feb 2013

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MH910216353Sunday’s Oscar performance was a spotlight shining on the differences between being marginalized and privileged.

Here are some of the ways Seth MacFarlane, the writers and producers of the Academy Awards distastefully chose to produce an evening intended to celebrate the accomplishments of artists.

People might say that MacFarlane was being an equal opportunity offender.  However, do we hear jokes at the expense of women as often as men?  Do we hear jokes from white people about white people as often as we hear them about racial minorities?  How about people who are Jewish, gay or overweight?  Are their lives joked about more about than people who are Christian, straight or thin?

The isms were solidly present within minutes of the broadcast.  MacFarlane performed a song about women being nude in movies.  He made a joke about a popular domestic violence relationship.  Then, over the course of the evening, he made jokes about women’s sizes and the way minorities talk (among other things, of course).

Abominable.

Sure that’s MacFarlane’s way, or at least that’s what people tried to tell me over and over.  I wondered why did the Academy choose to be represented by him?  Why did the producers of the show choose a person who will belittle people based on a number of various factors?

Again, as much as I love the Oscars, this year’s ceremony reflected greater issues in our culture.  For instance, when the media focuses on hair, makeup and wardrobe, we take the attention away from the reason that these artists are there: their brilliant accomplishments.  (Sure, we all love to dress our best, but criticisms do not have a place in dressing up to feel great.)

Throughout 2012, we’ve had some wonderful reminders that people of multiple races, ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations, looks and ages have such amazing talents.  We are reminded by these accomplishments and efforts that no matter who you are or what you look like, you are able to accomplish great things.  We had storylines that lifted the human spirit.  And, yet, the people holding these awards decide to hire a host and a team of writers.  It was this “creative” team who chose to demean those who were celebrated.

These movies and performances helped us in seeing God’s grace, God’s presence, God’s love and God’s image within ourselves.  Unfortunately, the ceremony to recognize gifts in film achievement was clouded by disrespect.  Sad.

In Christ’s Love – A Letter From a Ally

11 Monday Feb 2013

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Last night, I tweeted this:

“I’m a straight ally pastor who is here for you dealing w/#TheStrugglesOfBeingGay. God loves you just as you are! :)”

I received a few responses from people on Twitter.  I think they needed to hear that there are people of faith who support and love them.

How could I not tweet this?  Jesus the Christ loved everyone.  Am I not called to do the same thing?

But that’s not the only reason.

I have experienced the unconditional, steadfast love of God through my gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered friends.  They have been open to sharing Christ’s radical love.  And this has led me to becoming a straight ally.

Since college, I continuously have new LGBT friends coming into my life.  I’ve met them through friends, work and school.  Some of my dearest friends have come out to me since we’ve met, and others have come out years prior to our meeting.

This is what I would say to those of  you who are my LGBT friends in a friendship letter of love:

I think you are all so very brave to truly be the person God has made you.  And I am blessed by all of you in my life.

When I’ve been down, you have listened to me.  When I’ve been sick, you have brought me food.  You have prayed with me in times of trouble.  We’ve laughed together, and we’ve cried together.  You have encouraged me in my calling and been a huge part of my faith journey.

You are witnesses to the steadfast presence of Christ in our friendships and in this world.  You’ve extended hands of  hospitality and truly cared about me just as I am.

To my friends who identify as gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, queer, asexual, questioning and fellow straight allies… thank you.

This is a letter of love back to you.  Our orientations and gender identities may be different, and I don’t know the true capacity of strife you’ve experienced in  your lives.  But I am proud to stand next to you and say we are all children of God, and we are all made in God’s image.  We all want joy in our lives, and we all want to be loved just as we are.

Thank you for inviting me to your weddings to see new covenants being made.  Thank you for breaking bread with me.  Thank you for allowing me to be a visitor in your homes.  My life is better because you are in it.

Love, Michelle

Now, to my friends who are still in the camp of “traditional” marriage (a.k.a. marriage between one man and one woman): I recognize that you will not all will agree with me.  Many just  aren’t there when it comes to expanding marriage, yet you treat LGBT people with respect.  I try to be sensitive about voicing my views to people who aren’t quite at the same place I am about gay marriage and various gay rights.  Experiencing new people and new situations takes a certain comfort level.  I highly encourage you to continue conversations with LGBT friends, and maybe your views on love, life and God will change.

And then there are people who are relentless about keeping love in a box: those who use the Bible against their fellow sisters and brothers.  I realize that standing quietly by and allowing seriously bigoted views to float through our atmosphere does not make sense anymore.  Allowing bullying and slanderous words should no longer be in our society.

I’ve heard from some people think that loving a person requires trying to change someone into becoming straight, and that being gay is not good enough.  So here’s what I’d like to say to these friends.  Here’s my letter to those who have closed themselves off from having unconditional loving relationships with their LGBT sisters and brothers:

I have to ask you a couple questions: How would you like it if someone wanted to change something about you that you could not change?  How would you enjoy living in a world where people didn’t love you for who you are.

You see, my LGBT friends are moral.  Extremely moral and kind.  They know Christ in ways that many bigoted people seem to miss.  They know Christ in ways that I have even neglected sometimes.  All they want is to have the same chances at love as you do.  And I’m sorry that those of you who are my close-minded friends have missed out on such love and beauty in your lives.

I also do not want my LGBT friends hurting anymore.  I want them to feel the same dignity you and I feel.  I want them to feel no shame.  I want them to experience the overflowing love of God.  And that is why I write to you today.

My prayers are that God helps you see people and the human condition in new ways – mostly so that you will have an enriched life full of overflowing love.

Love, Michelle

After watching Lincoln this weekend, I had to write this.  It came to mind that, generation after generation, some people feel the need to oppress others to keep their status of life more valid.  What happens when slaves are freed – will they get to vote?  What happens when they vote – will women get to vote?  Justice is a slippery slope.  But that’s the good and decent slippery slope that needs to happen.  Through logic, I see how those who defended slavery and stood against voting rights for minorities and women were on the wrong side of justice.  Those who stood against interracial marriage were on the wrong side of justice.  In 50 years, people will wonder why so many in the early 21st century stood on the wrong side of justice.  Just like those defending injustice decades ago, they used God and the Bible as their reasoning (yet continued to eat bacon-wrapped shrimp).

For Martin Luther King, Jr. said “The arc of the universe is long but it bends towards justice.”

Join me on this side of the arc of justice.  If you haven’t had the chance to get to know LGBT people around you, I highly suggest it.  They will bless your lives in new ways.  Listen to their stories.  Hear the struggles they’ve endured.  Know that God will be presence as you listen to each.

I feel that writing this is a bit of a risk.  But, in this life, I feel the necessity to share God’s overflowing love.  That’s the love that brings connection and understanding.  And how wonderful of a world it would be if we could experience this in one another!

I thank all of you who have open my eyes to new types of love.  Let’s keep love outside of the box today, this Valentine’s Day and throughout the year.

Bible Stories: Early Tales of Beautiful Imperfection

08 Friday Feb 2013

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This week I was overjoyed to hear that Helen Fielding is in the process of writing another Bridget Jones’ novel.

As some of you remember in these books or from the movies, Bridget is a single thirtysomething woman.  She is always hoping to improve upon her life.  She is always feeling and acting a bit awkward.  Unlike many women on our televisions and in our movies, Bridget isn’t the model-thin, she says the wrong things in many situations, and she isn’t polished.

When I see a Bridget Jones movie or read one of the Bridget Jones’ novels, I feel less alone.

I always wonder why there aren’t more books and movies that feature the everyday female.  Sure, maybe the our culture wants us all to look a certain way, but that’s not reality.  So, we need books, movies, and films to help us feel that we aren’t alone in being our truest self.

In this respect, the Bible is like Bridget Jones novels, Carrie Bradshaw tales, and episodes of Hannah Horvath‘s life.  We see the true humanity in the characters and can understand their journeys.  Each of them are spectacularly flawed yet they continuously reflect and try to improve upon their lives.

That’s one of the greatest things about the Bible: we are able to relate to its stories and feel less alone.  We are able to see that being flawed is nothing new, and grace is needed for us to keep moving forward.

How many of us have felt the world crashing down around us, like Job, or the frustrations with not being able to conceive, like Sarah?  How many of us have had our voices silenced when we were standing up for our own dignity, like Vashti?  How many of us have felt frustrated waiting for the love of our life, like Rachel?  How many of us have lived with guilt, like David?

This is why the Bible still works in our society today: our world has been, is, and will be full of imperfect characters.  Who will be our culture’s next story of beautiful imperfection?

God doesn’t pick sides

04 Monday Feb 2013

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It’s interesting that Romans 8:31 is trending on Twitter.  Apparently, Ray Lewis of the Ravens quotes this text:

If God is for us, who is against us?

When this trends on Superbowl Sunday, then people are seeing a very specific theological viewpoint.  Quoting this text today would lead people to believe that God picks sides.  Which would make me wonder if the Ravens had more points with God over the past season.  Or maybe the 49ers had created more trouble in God’s eyes.

Both teams had their issues.  Chris Culliver of the 49ers made homophobic comments.  The Ravens’ barred this cheerleader from cheering at the Superbowl because she was “too fat.”  Both teams haven’t had their finest moments with these comments in the recent past.

But God wasn’t rewarding them or punishing them for their comments or actions outside of the field.  I don’t believe that’s the way it works.

I believe that God is like Jack and Jackie Harbaugh.  They want both of their sons to succeed.  They know that one of their sons will walk away the coach of the winning team.  The other will go home disappointed.  And the Harbaugh parents are planning on spending their time first with the son who loses.  Couldn’t that be like God – – a parent who comforts the one who loses before congratulating the one who wins?

God is the parent that wants all of us to win.  So God doesn’t take sides but is the mom or dad who cheers for us all.

The Inauguration of the First Lady’s Bangs

21 Monday Jan 2013

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What an amazing day for our country!  Anytime we have a president sworn into office, whether we agree with their politics or not, is a brilliant moment for our government.  We have achieved a peaceful transfer of power even when we don’t agree with the outcome.  Some people reading this article will be ecstatic that President Barack Obama has been sworn in for a second term, and others will be frustrated with his re-election.

That will not be the point of this post.

In talking about the first lady, very little is said about her.  Most of the mentions of the first lady today refer to her outfit and hairstyle, namely her new bangs.

Granted, Michelle Obama looks fabulous in her new bangs and fashionable wardrobe.  Yet Michelle Obama is an accomplished women on her own.  For her undergraduate, she attended Princeton University.  She received her law degree from Harvard Law School and even mentored the president before their marriage.  Michelle Obama champions issues regarding service members and their families and childhood obesity.

She’s not the only first lady whose accomplishments were shadowed by her appearance.

In 2010, Secretary of State/former Senator/former First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was asked what designer she was wearing.  This question was thrown at her: “Which designer do you prefer?”  The Secretary of State was on official business in Kyrgyzstan.  Her reply was “Would you ever ask a man that question?”  Additionally, Secretary Clinton’s pantsuits were often the subject of commentaries.

Our most recent three first ladies all have attained postgraduate degrees.  Laura Bush’s accomplishments of a Master’s in Library Science and work on women’s health and literacy were shadowed by her style throughout her husband’s presidency.

Last week, I watched the new show 1600 Penn.  During the episode, the president’s wife continues to receive questions about her wardrobes and fit upper arms as she tries to discuss policy issues.

Some things never change.

No matter the accomplishments of our first ladies, their appearance takes precedence over any other part of their personality or accomplishments.

Many like to refer to 1 Timothy 2 when it comes to women preaching in the churches.  However, few talk about verses 9-10: “also that the women should dress themselves modestly and decently in suitable clothing, not with their hair braided, or with gold, pearls, or expensive clothes, but with good works, as is proper for women who profess reverence for God.”

I’m not saying they shouldn’t dress fashionable from time to time.  Every woman should feel good in what they wear.  However, there’s more to each of these women than their style.  May these women experience beauty in their wardrobe but let us hear more of their accomplishments than their style selections.  If we can figure out how to celebrate these women for their acts rather than their wardrobe, our daughters, granddaughters and nieces will be stronger for it.

Healing Pain

19 Saturday Jan 2013

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I’m sore.

This past Tuesday, I had my second laparoscopy for Endometriosis.  Because it had been nine years since my last laparoscopy, I don’t remember all of my post-operative pains that resulted from the first procedure.  Yet, I knew I was going to experience some soreness.

As much discomfort as I have experienced in the past few days, I must admit that I have had pain much, much worse.  In the past six months, my pain level has reached a ten.  The discomfort I’ve experienced in the past few days since my surgery does not compare to the days and nights of debilitating cramps.

Yet there is still pain, and my body is still healing.

But I can no longer classify my aches as a destructive pain.  Since this surgery, the discomfort I’m experiencing is a healing pain.

My post-operative pains remind me of this scene from Grey’s Anatomy.  When we surface from a surgical procedure that saves our life or our quality of life, we are no longer (or less) captive to the agony that tore our lives apart.  We have been released from the bondage of misery and are now crossing the threshold to a new phase of living.

Healing pains apply to emotional and spiritual injuries as well.  When I was in Clinical Pastoral Education in 2008, we were given the illustration that spiritual/emotional healing is like a wound healing on our body.  Injuries can heal incorrectly.  But if we want to truly heal the wound, we must clean out the sore.  If a bone is healing incorrectly, the bone must be broken once again and then reset.  How much pain does that cause?  How do we try to avoid that extra pain when we are in the healing process?

Healing means we must face pain directly.  It’s pouring alcohol in an open wound.  It’s having surgery to avoid destructive pain.  It’s going to therapy and talking through our issues.

And it’s knowing that God is in the wound with us – – whether we are healing or the sore is new.

I do hurt, but I won’t suffer forever.  I know my current pain is part of the journey to healing and wholeness.

The Great Cleanse

12 Saturday Jan 2013

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As some of you know, I’m having surgery this coming Tuesday.  And whenever I face surgery, I get a little (or very) introspective.

I think with the new year, cleaning out a great deal of my house, facing surgery and turning 40 this year, I’m looking at every part of my life in great detail.  So this may be my most personal blog post to-date.

And right now, I’m reflecting on why I’ve never found “the right man.”

Sure, there’s more than one right person for each of us.  And I’ve come close once or twice.  But I’ve been asking myself what has held me back all of these years?

First of all, I’ve often believed I was not “good enough”: not smart enough, definitely not pretty enough, too awkward.  From the time I was in middle school until now, I have rarely experienced feeling loved “just as I am.”

I’ve dated, crushed and had the prospect of dating a number of wonderful guys.  Sure, some are remembered more fondly than others.  But when it comes to dating, I always perceived that I was the one being overlooked (except for about 2 days in 1992).

Then, I was always the girl who dated the guy right before the guy found “the one.”  Seriously.  Almost always.  There’s something to be said about guys constantly finding the right one immediately after dating, contemplating a relationship, etc.  In fact, after a five year relationship, the guy got engaged to a girl eight months later.  The message of non-marriage material became cemented in my mind.

So for most of 25 years I’ve carried around this overbearing inferiority complex.  And it’s time for it to change…to leave my heart, mind and soul…

The second major reason I am single is that I’m scared of what it would mean for me to be in a relationship.  Whenever I’ve been in relationships, I find myself changing who I am.  I lose part of myself.  I have to move or give up plans for a guy.  I don’t like having to be the one who has to give up a career/change a name/lose friends/leave a town/give up dreams just to make a guy happy.  From most of my experience and most of the relationships I’ve seen, it’s always the woman giving up something for a man.  For me, I’ve learned to love being single rather than losing part of myself.  But then, in recent years, I’ve seen how friends find relationships where both of their dreams and identities are honored.  So relationships like this have to exists.

Now all of you know why I’m nearly 40 and single.

So as I’ve cleaned my house and having surgery to be “cleaned out” (so to speak), I’m cleaning out my heart as well.  I am no longer going to think that I am not “good enough.”  I’m at least average pretty.  I’m not “too fat.”  I’m fairly smart and have strong talents in certain areas.  While I’m not trying to air my dirty laundry for the world to see, I’m needing to be transparent with this, to be held accountable, to not to slide back and think I’m “less than.”

To repeat myself: the guys I’ve dated have been great guys.  I can no longer internalize why these things didn’t work.  Maybe it’s just that I wasn’t the right one for that particular guy – not that I wasn’t altogether pretty/smart.  Looking back, none of these guys were the right one for me either, but it doesn’t mean that they weren’t the right one for someone.  Likewise, I’m reframing the way I look at this: it’s not because I wasn’t pretty/talented/smart.  It was because either the two of us didn’t click at the level where two people should (who want to date/marry), or it was because God is calling us both in a different direction.

I am not a conventional woman.  Breaking the mold is who I am.  I’m quirky.  And I’m in a unique career: a female clergy. I’ve spent the past 25 years preparing myself for this call.  I’ve taken the past 25 years to get to know who I am.  For some people, dating and finding the right one is easy.  It’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m broken beyond repair.  God is the God of second chances and grace.  So now is my time to grasp that grace and shine.  It’s time for me to know that I am no more or less flawed than anyone else.  It’s time for me to believe that I can find someone someday… I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and someone will cherish me as I will cherish him.

There is a season for everything… a time to keep and a time to throw away… Well, this is my time to throw away thoughts that have held me back…

And there is a time to love… and that will come soon…

Thanks for reading.  This was a deeply personal post.  I hope that someone reading this will see that all of us are made in God’s beautiful image and that each of us deserve love and second chances.

Sermon on the Side: Baptism According to Carrie Bradshaw

09 Wednesday Jan 2013

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As most of you probably know by now, I do not approach theology in the most conventional ways.  Some of you may be shocked to know that one of my favorite all time shows is Sex and the City.  While some readers may not agree with all of the content, the show has given me the chance to realize I’m not alone in my singlehood.

While I am delighted by each episode of the series, one of the most theologically thought-provoking episodes of the series was the season five episode “Unoriginal Sin.”

Miranda is having a tough time agreeing to have her son baptized.  Her son’s father, Steve, wants to have Baby Brady baptized for a few different reasons: so the baby doesn’t go to hell/limbo, so the baby has a party and to make his mom happy.  Most likely an agnostic, Miranda decides to go ahead with the baptism.

At the same time, Carrie is going through a faith and hope crisis of her own.  She begins to write her column with the following:

“That night, I started to think about belief. Maybe it’s not even advisable to be an optimist after the age of 30. Maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily… like moisturizer. Otherwise, how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? What’s the harm in believing?”

So there Carrie, holding the child at the baptismal font as Baby Brady’s godmother.  As the water drips from the baby’s head onto Carrie’s arm, she thinks to herself “I couldn’t help but hope the water would wash away some of my original cynicism.”  To Carrie, this sacrament might not have been explicitly about God or forgiveness, but it may have opened rebirth, grace and hope for her.  Maybe the water will renew her spirit and wash away the cynicism from her heart.

This episode has my eyes to see baptism beyond the normal outward sign of God’s grace.  Baptism has the potential to do the following:

  • Brings people together
  • Gives people comfort about the spiritual security of their loved one
  • Reminds people of rebirth, grace and hope
  • Allows us the opportunity to welcome another child of God into the Body of Christ
  • Keeps the doors open to the sacred side of tradition

I think there are many reasons people go through with baptism, and this episode reflects upon that.  But the beautiful thing is how baptism impacts the entire body of Christ, not just the baby (or adult being baptized).  Each person in attendance is affected by being in the presence of a baptism.

How are each of us changed when we see another person baptized?  What does baptism mean to you?

A new perspective for a new year

31 Monday Dec 2012

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Each year, I approach New Year’s Eve as a time to reflect upon the past year: my mistakes, what I haven’t accomplished, etc.  I gaze upon what still has not happened in my life.  Once again, for the umpteenth year in a row, I am single, childless, don’t own a home, etc.

So, as you can see, New Year’s Eve has typically become a holiday of dread.

But what if I took New Year’s Eve and used it as a tool of grace?  What if New Year’s Eve became the great eraser for the year?  Last year I experienced such and such.  This is a new year… maybe I won’t experience this again…  Maybe I’ll avoid the same mistakes and live in healthier ways…

Yet how can I do this in a way that releases any shame from the past and embraces a fresh start?  Is there some ritual that will help us release the past?

Maybe gratitude should become part of this ritual.  What if this became a holiday in which I thank God for what I’ve experienced and accomplished?  What if I thank God for the people who have touched my lives and the opportunities I’ve had to minister to others?

So this year, I’ll try something different.  I’ll place 2012 behind me.  I’ll ask to be reconciled to God, my neighbor and self for any bad decisions and mistakes I might have made.  And I will firmly place one foot in front of the other as I walk with hope into 2013.

The Fitzgerald Family Christmas… and forgiveness

28 Friday Dec 2012

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In general, do I find forgiveness hard?

That’s the beginning of the questions I asked myself while watching The Fitzgerald Family Christmas.  Through this film, Ed Burns gifts us with a heartfelt story and ways we can reflect upon our own lives.

It’s Christmas, and James Fitzgerald has approached his son, Jerry, regarding their upcoming Christmas plans.  Jerry and his six siblings have mixed feelings about their father since he deserted the family while they were young.  Their mother, Rosie, refuses to invite her ex-husband into her house under any circumstance, especially Christmas.

Inside each member of the Fitzgerald family bubbles feelings of resentment, anger and confusion.  When information comes out about their father, some take into account his present circumstances as they process forgiveness.

Through watching this movie, other points of reflection came to mind:

  • Who are specific people in our lives that we find it difficult to forgive?
  • Is there a certain time of year when forgiveness is easy?
  • How long does it take for each one of us to forgive?
  • How do each of us start the process of forgiveness?
  • Which member of the Fitzgerald family do we identify with the most when it comes to forgiving someone?

I think there are people in each of our lives that it would be incredibly difficult for us to forgive.  As Christians, we are told through Scriptures to forgive.  In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus “‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive?  As many as seven times?’  Jesus says to him ‘not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.'”

As he teaches prayer, Jesus reminds all to ask God to “‘forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).

Even as Jesus hung on the cross, in physical, emotional and spiritual pain, Luke 23:34 says that he prays “‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.'”

Forgiving others and forgiving ourselves?  Easier said than done, Jesus.  Easier said than done…

I am familiar that there are friends I still need to fully forgive.  The process may have started, but forgiveness isn’t an overnight occurrence.  It may have been a quick process for Jesus, but it hasn’t always been for me.  And it wasn’t for the Fitzgerald family.

Forgiveness is a journey.  Sometimes, we have to start by making a little step – – trying to understand what was going through their lives or seeing them as human.  It’s understanding that I would want mercy from my sisters and brothers and God, so why shouldn’t I grant that to another person?

As I think about it, if Judas would have experienced the grace and forgiveness of Jesus, would he had hung himself (Matthew 27)?  If we forgive those who have caused us pain, does that release both us and them from the burden of the past?  Does it free us to move forward towards the future, unloading the rocks that weigh us down?

Burns’ movie gives us a chance to reflect on our process of forgiveness.  It provides us an opportunity to think the anger that continues to fester inside of us.  And it gives us the chance to ask others for their forgiveness and make amends where possible.