This past Tuesday, I had my second laparoscopy for Endometriosis. Because it had been nine years since my last laparoscopy, I don’t remember all of my post-operative pains that resulted from the first procedure. Yet, I knew I was going to experience some soreness.
As much discomfort as I have experienced in the past few days, I must admit that I have had pain much, much worse. In the past six months, my pain level has reached a ten. The discomfort I’ve experienced in the past few days since my surgery does not compare to the days and nights of debilitating cramps.
Yet there is still pain, and my body is still healing.
But I can no longer classify my aches as a destructive pain. Since this surgery, the discomfort I’m experiencing is a healing pain.
My post-operative pains remind me of this scene from Grey’s Anatomy. When we surface from a surgical procedure that saves our life or our quality of life, we are no longer (or less) captive to the agony that tore our lives apart. We have been released from the bondage of misery and are now crossing the threshold to a new phase of living.
Healing pains apply to emotional and spiritual injuries as well. When I was in Clinical Pastoral Education in 2008, we were given the illustration that spiritual/emotional healing is like a wound healing on our body. Injuries can heal incorrectly. But if we want to truly heal the wound, we must clean out the sore. If a bone is healing incorrectly, the bone must be broken once again and then reset. How much pain does that cause? How do we try to avoid that extra pain when we are in the healing process?
Healing means we must face pain directly. It’s pouring alcohol in an open wound. It’s having surgery to avoid destructive pain. It’s going to therapy and talking through our issues.
And it’s knowing that God is in the wound with us – – whether we are healing or the sore is new.
I do hurt, but I won’t suffer forever. I know my current pain is part of the journey to healing and wholeness.
It’s tough to hear that women of a certain age are considered “leftovers.”
In China, women who are not married by 30 are “leftover women.” Society believes that they are like “yellowed pearls”, that the older the pearls are the less valuable they are.
Is it much different in our society? Sure, thirty doesn’t hold the same stigma as it used to here in the US. But, in Western culture, are we looked down upon if we are over forty and still single?
I like to think of myself as a fine wine: the older I get, the more appealing I am. Granted, in some ways I was more physically attractive in my twenties. Yet now that I’m about to turn forty, I believe I know myself better. In knowing myself, I tend to like myself more. I believe that most of us, both men and women, are closer to their best selves as they approach middle age.
And I must admit that I am less fearful of being killed by a terrorist than I am scared of being stuck in an unhealthy marriage.
Even from Scripture, I don’t find a need to rush into marriage. Song of Solomon 3:5 reminds us not to “love until it is ready.” There is a time for love as Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us. There is a ebb and flow to life, so why are we trying to force something that isn’t authentically present?
Women in the United States, China and every country in between: do not settle. Do not give up all of your dreams but find someone who will seek your dreams with you. If you are strong and happy as you are, you will never be a “leftover woman” but a woman of courage and character. There is someone who will love you just as you are.
I’ve watched every episode of Grey’s Anatomy multiple times. And many episodes of ER. And a few episodes of St. Elsewhere. I love medicine, and visiting hospitals absolutely does not gross me out.
That being said, facing surgery tomorrow is freaking me out.
I have endometriosis, a condition of migrating tissue. Through laparoscopic surgery, I am able to get some relief from the pain and discomforts of my condition.
I had this surgery in December 2003. With the exception of a little reaction to the anesthesia, I recovered fairly well and the results of the surgery delayed further growth. I am fortunate that I’ve gone nine years without another surgery.
However, during the past six months, I’ve experienced horrific pain and other abdominal health issues. My fatigue has been worse. My life has been limited by my condition, and I want to live fully again.
So often, I visit people in hospitals immediately before their surgeries and in the days following. As I’ve had to go under the knife, I remember the fear that people face when they, too, must have surgery.
Now it’ s my turn.
I don’t believe God is making me endure this surgery – – either because I’ve done something bad or because I need to learn a lesson somehow. Instead, God goes with me into the surgery. God sits with me as I freak out on my couch tonight. God stands next to the operating table, stands with the doctors and nurses, gives wisdom to the anesthesiologist and gives peace to my parents in the waiting room. God is in all of these places bringing strength and peace.
So I value your prayers, my friends. If you are not a praying person, I value any thoughts, energy and love you send my way. To me, all of these things sends a peaceful and healing energy into my life. I am blessed to know that the people in my church, my clergy friends from around the country and my endosisters (women with endometriosis) all over the world are thinking about me. Because of this energy and God’s constant presence, I know that I’m not alone.
Loving God, Thank you for your gift of medicine, Your doctors and nurses, For family and friends who care. Guide the hands of medical professionals, Bring wisdom to their minds.
I pray for all others having surgery tomorrow and this month. I pray for all caregivers, And I pray for those who struggle with the same medical condition I have. In the healing name of Jesus the Christ I pray, Amen.
As some of you know, I’m having surgery this coming Tuesday. And whenever I face surgery, I get a little (or very) introspective.
I think with the new year, cleaning out a great deal of my house, facing surgery and turning 40 this year, I’m looking at every part of my life in great detail. So this may be my most personal blog post to-date.
And right now, I’m reflecting on why I’ve never found “the right man.”
Sure, there’s more than one right person for each of us. And I’ve come close once or twice. But I’ve been asking myself what has held me back all of these years?
First of all, I’ve often believed I was not “good enough”: not smart enough, definitely not pretty enough, too awkward. From the time I was in middle school until now, I have rarely experienced feeling loved “just as I am.”
I’ve dated, crushed and had the prospect of dating a number of wonderful guys. Sure, some are remembered more fondly than others. But when it comes to dating, I always perceived that I was the one being overlooked (except for about 2 days in 1992).
Then, I was always the girl who dated the guy right before the guy found “the one.” Seriously. Almost always. There’s something to be said about guys constantly finding the right one immediately after dating, contemplating a relationship, etc. In fact, after a five year relationship, the guy got engaged to a girl eight months later. The message of non-marriage material became cemented in my mind.
So for most of 25 years I’ve carried around this overbearing inferiority complex. And it’s time for it to change…to leave my heart, mind and soul…
The second major reason I am single is that I’m scared of what it would mean for me to be in a relationship. Whenever I’ve been in relationships, I find myself changing who I am. I lose part of myself. I have to move or give up plans for a guy. I don’t like having to be the one who has to give up a career/change a name/lose friends/leave a town/give up dreams just to make a guy happy. From most of my experience and most of the relationships I’ve seen, it’s always the woman giving up something for a man. For me, I’ve learned to love being single rather than losing part of myself. But then, in recent years, I’ve seen how friends find relationships where both of their dreams and identities are honored. So relationships like this have to exists.
Now all of you know why I’m nearly 40 and single.
So as I’ve cleaned my house and having surgery to be “cleaned out” (so to speak), I’m cleaning out my heart as well. I am no longer going to think that I am not “good enough.” I’m at least average pretty. I’m not “too fat.” I’m fairly smart and have strong talents in certain areas. While I’m not trying to air my dirty laundry for the world to see, I’m needing to be transparent with this, to be held accountable, to not to slide back and think I’m “less than.”
To repeat myself: the guys I’ve dated have been great guys. I can no longer internalize why these things didn’t work. Maybe it’s just that I wasn’t the right one for that particular guy – not that I wasn’t altogether pretty/smart. Looking back, none of these guys were the right one for me either, but it doesn’t mean that they weren’t the right one for someone. Likewise, I’m reframing the way I look at this: it’s not because I wasn’t pretty/talented/smart. It was because either the two of us didn’t click at the level where two people should (who want to date/marry), or it was because God is calling us both in a different direction.
I am not a conventional woman. Breaking the mold is who I am. I’m quirky. And I’m in a unique career: a female clergy. I’ve spent the past 25 years preparing myself for this call. I’ve taken the past 25 years to get to know who I am. For some people, dating and finding the right one is easy. It’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m broken beyond repair. God is the God of second chances and grace. So now is my time to grasp that grace and shine. It’s time for me to know that I am no more or less flawed than anyone else. It’s time for me to believe that I can find someone someday… I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and someone will cherish me as I will cherish him.
There is a season for everything… a time to keep and a time to throw away… Well, this is my time to throw away thoughts that have held me back…
And there is a time to love… and that will come soon…
Thanks for reading. This was a deeply personal post. I hope that someone reading this will see that all of us are made in God’s beautiful image and that each of us deserve love and second chances.
As most of you probably know by now, I do not approach theology in the most conventional ways. Some of you may be shocked to know that one of my favorite all time shows is Sex and the City. While some readers may not agree with all of the content, the show has given me the chance to realize I’m not alone in my singlehood.
While I am delighted by each episode of the series, one of the most theologically thought-provoking episodes of the series was the season five episode “Unoriginal Sin.”
Miranda is having a tough time agreeing to have her son baptized. Her son’s father, Steve, wants to have Baby Brady baptized for a few different reasons: so the baby doesn’t go to hell/limbo, so the baby has a party and to make his mom happy. Most likely an agnostic, Miranda decides to go ahead with the baptism.
At the same time, Carrie is going through a faith and hope crisis of her own. She begins to write her column with the following:
“That night, I started to think about belief. Maybe it’s not even advisable to be an optimist after the age of 30. Maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily… like moisturizer. Otherwise, how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? What’s the harm in believing?”
So there Carrie, holding the child at the baptismal font as Baby Brady’s godmother. As the water drips from the baby’s head onto Carrie’s arm, she thinks to herself “I couldn’t help but hope the water would wash away some of my original cynicism.” To Carrie, this sacrament might not have been explicitly about God or forgiveness, but it may have opened rebirth, grace and hope for her. Maybe the water will renew her spirit and wash away the cynicism from her heart.
This episode has my eyes to see baptism beyond the normal outward sign of God’s grace. Baptism has the potential to do the following:
Brings people together
Gives people comfort about the spiritual security of their loved one
Reminds people of rebirth, grace and hope
Allows us the opportunity to welcome another child of God into the Body of Christ
Keeps the doors open to the sacred side of tradition
I think there are many reasons people go through with baptism, and this episode reflects upon that. But the beautiful thing is how baptism impacts the entire body of Christ, not just the baby (or adult being baptized). Each person in attendance is affected by being in the presence of a baptism.
How are each of us changed when we see another person baptized? What does baptism mean to you?
After giving it much thought, I think the message of the Good News is being threatened.
Many people are leaving churches and turning their backs on Christianity. Why? Because people who speak on behalf of Jesus the Christ are dismissing the most important part of Christ’s message: Love.
About twenty years ago, I was rejecting Christianity myself. When I was in college, I had experiences that led me to believe that Christianity was the religion of hypocrisy. In the name of Christ, some were misusing their power to control and manipulate others. When visiting churches, people were more concerned about their dress or hobnobbing with friends than greeting others with Christ’s love.
I could not see the presence of God in church or surrounding many Christians.
Fortunately, by my mid-twenties, I began to find the light in the Body of Christ. I found my way back to church and began to see the presence of God in new and exciting ways. There were times I still found doubt in the goodness of Christianity, especially when my beliefs weren’t “good enough” for people. But I knew that spreading the message of Christ’s radical love was more important for me to focus on than negative remarks heading my way.
But not everyone is there.
Many people think that Christianity is the religion of rules and perfect morality. People think we care more about getting into heaven instead of making heaven here on earth. The message of Christ’s radical, enduring love has fallen short because Christians misuse the name of Jesus the Christ to correct and control other people.
And why not? Mahatma Gandhi once stated “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” This is a perfect example of the reputation Christianity now has in the world.
Thinking back to 2012, I remember stories like the exclusion of my friend’s church from a softball league because he identified as bisexual. Rev. James Darnell Semmelroth was the pastor of the church but did not participate in the games. Even though the pastor wasn’t playing, some churches didn’t want to associate with the church in any capacity.
While I am a straight ally, I understand that not everyone is at the place where they agree with gay marriage, ordination, etc. But for the love of LOVE, can’t we put aside our theological differences and eat together, laugh together, even play softball together? Love means crossing boundaries to embrace a person as a child of God, whether or not you agree with them. Jesus ate and associated with all people. He set “rules” aside as he healed people on the Sabbath. To Jesus, love and relationships trump dogmas and fears. By associating with people unlike ourselves, we hear personal narratives and learn to understand each other deeply.
We hear how Westboro Baptist Church wants to protest all sorts of funerals because we’re such a sin-ridden country. In 2012, we heard various clergy blaming LGBT persons/allies for Hurricane Sandy and atheists for the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. Do they realize how their hateful words ripples into our world? Do they realize their loud voices are drowning so many voices of love and compassion? Do they really think this is the message of the all-inclusive Christ?
Yes, maybe I’m being judgmental. But I’ll be honest… stories like these may be why many people are turning their back on Christianity. Many of the messages linked to Christianity are not ones of love. The Good News can not be heard. Because of this, many people find no use for Christianity anymore. And I can understand why they’ve reached that conclusion.
So for 2013, I challenge all of us Christians to break the boundaries of love. Let us love radically. If there is someone who you feel like judging, try to talk with them and understand their story. If there is someone who you fear, pray and understand why you may fear them. You do not have to agree with them. But in your love and escaping your comfort zone, you are being a witness to the greatest love of all time: the unconditional love of God that we Christians see in Christ. Let our voices be louder than those of judgment and hate.
I realize that no matter how hard I try, this doesn’t mean I’m not going to mess up or misrepresent Christ now and again. I wouldn’t try to misrepresent Christ’s love on purpose, but I think as humans we all tend to make errors now and again. Sometimes these errors come out of misunderstanding or fear. As a person of the Christian faith, my goal is to continuously find ways to focus on the radical love of Christ. Allowing this steadfast love to trample any fears and to clear misunderstandings will bring us closer as humans.
All I can do as a Christian is keep on trying.
If Jesus, the one who knew God greater than any of us, was able to love outside of the box, then maybe we should give it a try. Because if we call ourselves Christians and do not love, what kind of witness are we to our faith?
Instead of hearing messages of judgment and hate, what if people saw Christians feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, advocating for the voiceless? What if we told people who have been discriminated against, bullied, beaten, blamed and shamed that God loves you just as you are? What if we started a campaign to bring the louder voice of loving Christianity to the world? What if people realized that this is the true Good News of Christianity worth sharing? The worst that can happen is that by January 1, 2014, people will see Christianity being the religion of Christ’s radical love more clearly. If you have any ideas, post below. Let’s go for it!
Each year, I approach New Year’s Eve as a time to reflect upon the past year: my mistakes, what I haven’t accomplished, etc. I gaze upon what still has not happened in my life. Once again, for the umpteenth year in a row, I am single, childless, don’t own a home, etc.
So, as you can see, New Year’s Eve has typically become a holiday of dread.
But what if I took New Year’s Eve and used it as a tool of grace? What if New Year’s Eve became the great eraser for the year? Last year I experienced such and such. This is a new year… maybe I won’t experience this again… Maybe I’ll avoid the same mistakes and live in healthier ways…
Yet how can I do this in a way that releases any shame from the past and embraces a fresh start? Is there some ritual that will help us release the past?
Maybe gratitude should become part of this ritual. What if this became a holiday in which I thank God for what I’ve experienced and accomplished? What if I thank God for the people who have touched my lives and the opportunities I’ve had to minister to others?
So this year, I’ll try something different. I’ll place 2012 behind me. I’ll ask to be reconciled to God, my neighbor and self for any bad decisions and mistakes I might have made. And I will firmly place one foot in front of the other as I walk with hope into 2013.
That’s the beginning of the questions I asked myself while watching The Fitzgerald Family Christmas. Through this film, Ed Burns gifts us with a heartfelt story and ways we can reflect upon our own lives.
It’s Christmas, and James Fitzgerald has approached his son, Jerry, regarding their upcoming Christmas plans. Jerry and his six siblings have mixed feelings about their father since he deserted the family while they were young. Their mother, Rosie, refuses to invite her ex-husband into her house under any circumstance, especially Christmas.
Inside each member of the Fitzgerald family bubbles feelings of resentment, anger and confusion. When information comes out about their father, some take into account his present circumstances as they process forgiveness.
Through watching this movie, other points of reflection came to mind:
Who are specific people in our lives that we find it difficult to forgive?
Is there a certain time of year when forgiveness is easy?
How long does it take for each one of us to forgive?
How do each of us start the process of forgiveness?
Which member of the Fitzgerald family do we identify with the most when it comes to forgiving someone?
I think there are people in each of our lives that it would be incredibly difficult for us to forgive. As Christians, we are told through Scriptures to forgive. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus “‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus says to him ‘not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.'”
As he teaches prayer, Jesus reminds all to ask God to “‘forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).
Even as Jesus hung on the cross, in physical, emotional and spiritual pain, Luke 23:34 says that he prays “‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.'”
Forgiving others and forgiving ourselves? Easier said than done, Jesus. Easier said than done…
I am familiar that there are friends I still need to fully forgive. The process may have started, but forgiveness isn’t an overnight occurrence. It may have been a quick process for Jesus, but it hasn’t always been for me. And it wasn’t for the Fitzgerald family.
Forgiveness is a journey. Sometimes, we have to start by making a little step – – trying to understand what was going through their lives or seeing them as human. It’s understanding that I would want mercy from my sisters and brothers and God, so why shouldn’t I grant that to another person?
As I think about it, if Judas would have experienced the grace and forgiveness of Jesus, would he had hung himself (Matthew 27)? If we forgive those who have caused us pain, does that release both us and them from the burden of the past? Does it free us to move forward towards the future, unloading the rocks that weigh us down?
Burns’ movie gives us a chance to reflect on our process of forgiveness. It provides us an opportunity to think the anger that continues to fester inside of us. And it gives us the chance to ask others for their forgiveness and make amends where possible.
I preached this sermon on December 24, 2012 at St. Paul United Church of Christ, Old Blue Rock Rd., Cincinnati.
What is love?
When we think about love, we often think about romance, even falling in love. We think about the love that a parent passes along to a child, grandparent to grandchild. Our mind goes to the most-familiar love scenarios: two people falling in love. A marriage ceremony. The birth of a child.
But from what I see from the Divine, God is all about shining love in the least likely places.
Here we are at the stable, a non-conventional place for any child to be born. At this little manger, a new spark of love is born into the world.
If you look at Luke’s account which was just read, in Jesus’ first few hours and days of his life, he was surrounded by love. And not just by his parents, but shepherds appeared adoring the baby. After leaving the stable, Mary and Joseph presented Jesus at the Temple in Jerusalem. While they were at the Temple, Simeon and the prophet Anna showered Jesus with love and gave glory to God for the experience of being with Jesus.
I believe this experience with love from the least likely people at the beginning of his life helped Jesus to truly understand the presence of God around him and within each of us. And I believe that his experience with love in the first few days of his life gave Jesus that extra persuasion to preach love. Already born with the spark of the divine within him, Jesus grew in love, knowing that nothing else was greater than loving God, our neighbors and even ourselves.
We just never know who we’re going to interact with in our lives, and how this love will ripple into the world. Through these interactions, Jesus felt love in his earliest days, and, to me, helped him grow in love.
Throughout the ministry of Jesus we see scenes of Jesus bringing compassion to the sick and those deemed unclean by society. We see him having dinner with those who were the outcasts. And they experienced divine, unconditional steadfast love that we see in Jesus. Two thousand years later, the love that was given to Jesus and the love that Jesus gave to so many can still be felt in our world.
But how can we love when someone has hurt us so horrifically?
Earlier this year, a car pulled in front of James Moore, not giving him enough time to stop. He slammed into the car. While he was not at fault in the accident, the driver of the car, Zeke Stepaniak was killed and another passenger injured. James had a heavy heart. Even though it wasn’t his fault, he still felt so much guilt for the accident. Soon after the accident, Zeke’s family, who are from the Colerain township area, contacted James in love. While both families were reeling in anguish, they started praying with one another. And on the day of the funeral, James Moore walked in with the family of Zeke Stepaniak. Through their tragedy, they had adopted each other as family, putting grace and love above anger and hurt.
From this story, we see that love showers us with grace.
Have you seen the film Love Actually? The opening scene begins at Heathrow airport, where people are blissfully meeting their loved ones at the arrivals gate. Then the prime minister states this:
“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.”
So love is all around? Love is in those in-between moments? It’s hard to see hope, peace, joy and love after the tragedy happens. The events in Connecticut a couple of weeks ago gave us each a heavy heart. We know some of our sisters and brothers will be dealing with so much pain this Christmas, pain from grieving, depression and conflicts.
Often it’s difficult to see love when so many that we care about are truly hurting.
But then we open our eyes a little more. We look around at what is happening around us. People are sitting with someone who’s ill or grieving. People we don’t even know are praying for us. We see love going beyond races, genders, sexual orientations, religious beliefs, family structures, political views. Love is the universal truth that we as Christians experience in Christ.
Bad things happen in our lives. There’s no way to avoid all suffering in our lifetime. But, again, we meet love in an unlikely place as we walk the horrible road of suffering. Love has the potential to take a very bad situation and make it less painful and lonely. Love is contagious, and once we experience the greatness of love shared with us we can’t help but pass it forward.
From what we often see, love is always present, love is around us during moments of pain and moments of bliss.
From the recent tragedy in Connecticut, journalist Ann Curry tweeted “imagine if everyone could commit to doing one act of kindness for each precious life lost. An act of kindness big or small. Are you in?” The theme #26acts represent many of those whose lives were lost in Newtown. Now people are posting their acts online hoping to influence more and more people to do the same. A seven year old bought coffee for eight people with his own money. Someone else bought books for a child in need. This is how love trickles into the world.
And then the spirit of love keeps nudging people to pay it forward. People are creatively finding ways to bring love and comfort to the lives of their fellow neighbors.
How are we living into this theme of active love? Just yesterday we collected presents for local children in need. We collected food for those at Washington UCC. In the past month, we’ve gone Christmas caroling, took cookies to our neighboring businesses and held a community dinner.
The love of Christ has touched so many hearts in this congregation, and we can not help but pass this along to our neighbors.
From this example, we see that love is not only a feeling but an active part of our lives.
Each little experience with love impacts us. From the time we are young into our later years, each time we meet love somewhere, we experience the presence of God. The more we share that love, the more others see God in their lives.
And that is what God is calling us to do this Christmas and throughout the entire year.
Part of our congregation’s vision statement is Carrying Christ Love to All. Our love a church family is an active part of our faith. To us, love means having open tables and open hearts to all as we are all part of the Body of Christ. Through our church’s vision of mission, nurture, laughter and inclusiveness, we have faith that people in our church and community will experience God. Through our involvement in this community, we pray that others will see the unconditional love of Christ in their midst.
How is God challenging you to love outside of the box today? Maybe it’s extending love to someone who has hurt you. Maybe it’s giving grace to yourself for making a mistake so many months ago. Maybe it’s opening your eyes to a new way of loving. Maybe it’s sharing your love with someone in pain.
Two thousand years ago, from simple beginnings, a baby was born. With that birth came hope, light and love that has rippled into our world. As we go forward, let us remember that love happens in the least likely places and ways and between the least likely people. And today we see this in that least likely place: far away from home, surrounded by animals and strangers in a drafty stable.
Last night I was watching one of my favorite new shows: Scandal. Part of the reason I enjoy this show is because it’s fascinating to watch the story line unfold.
There were moments in last night’s episode that left me a little nauseated. When Huck entered the house of the family that he admired, he discovered that the entire family had been fatally shot. This scene was one of the most graphic and intense moments of the series so far.
Even with the intelligent story lines and fantastic acting, the show has a substantial amount of violence. Two weeks ago on Scandal, the President was shot. Others have been killed or tortured in the name of politics.
Sometimes, I wonder why I watch any intense and violent dramas.
Shows about homicide investigations and wars do not usually appeal to me. I like Grey’s Anatomy, a drama where people are healed and sent to live a happier life. Sure, there was violence on the show (at the end of season six), but overall, a message of healing and hope fills the story line. I tend to avoid intensely graphic movies, like Quentin Tarantino films, no matter how technically well they are created.
Yet, even a series about healing can’t avoid scenes of destruction and violence. In fact, violence is in every part of our culture.
Yes, there are times when inferring violence is crucial in telling a story. But sometimes the director creates a very real scene, and death appears to have happened on the screen in front of us.
It’s even hard to avoid violence in church. The Hebrew Bible is filled with violent stories; the writers attributed these acts of violence to God. They also believed they were warriors for God.
Then, we have a cross in front of us. Sometimes the cross has the crucified Jesus, sometimes it doesn’t. The story of the crucifixion is read each year during Holy Week. In many theologies, salvation comes because Jesus was brutally killed since humans are sinners. Additionally, songs like “Onward Christian Soldiers” give a very war-like image of our faith.
Many of our communion tables reflect violence. Each time we eat the body and blood of Christ, are we creating a violent image in the minds of those in the pews?
So books, the Bible, movies, music, theology, news, internet and video games all include violence. It’s a reality that’s all around us. When we allow scene after scene of violence, how can violence not seep into our culture?
In conversations that I have recently had with a friend of mine, we often wonder if people are becoming immune to violence. After the last shooting in Oregon, very little was said. Were we becoming tolerant of the stories heard multiple times this year? What has happened to those who survived the massacre at the Wisconsin Sikh temple in August or the people in the hair salon who experienced trauma in October?
I wonder why all of a sudden that today’s particular shooting in Newtown, CT creates more conversation, even though this type of violence has happened repeatedly in 2012. Has it become part of everyone’s status updates because children were killed? Why aren’t we talking about violence that happen in some neighborhoods each and every day? Do certain stories get attention because we value certain people over others? Weren’t the Sikhs, the workers in Minnesota or the young adults in the movie theater just as valuable and made in God’s image?
We are becoming immune to the stories. The fine line between “pretend” and “real life” violence is fading. As we become more unaffected by violent visions, the ripple effect of violence continues to grow.
There will be people with a variety of views on gun control reading this post. How can we, a diverse culture with a variety of perspectives on guns, come together to reduce gun violence? How can we see that a variety of issues (mental health issues, access to weapons, the economy, being exposed to violent scenes, etc.) have the potential to play into these acts of destruction? How can we work together to avoid casualties like the ones in Newtown?
These are the questions swimming in my head this evening. I am so blessed that I told my niece and nephew that I loved them this afternoon, and I wish I was there to give them a hug.
Gentle God, Great Comforter,
We open our lives to you and each other.
Yet in times like these it’s so very difficult to remain hopeful and trusting.
It’s hard to hear of more and more violent situations.
Our minds and hearts are with those in Newtown, Connecticut today.
Please be with those who have lost a loved one in this shooting.
Heal those who have been injured.
Give comfort to those who experience trauma,
and bring peace to our communities, country and world.
Give strength to those who bring a comforting presence to those hurt.
We are grateful for our families and friends
and ask for your love to surround all of us as we process this news.
May we see the hope, love and peace that is to come during this season of Advent.
Michelle L. Torigian 