Tag Archives: Love Yourself

1 Corinthians 13 for Me

21 Wednesday Feb 2018

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In an effort to promote an authentic and healthy love of self as many of us fail to do, I’ve taken 1 Corinthians 13 and made it into a statement that a person can speak to themselves.

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I could speak or write brilliantly in the language of humans and heavenly beings, but let’s be honest – if I do not have love for myself, all my words are just a bunch of noise.

And if I seek justice and peace for the world, and understand all and know all, and if I have an amazing faith on paper, which may look like I could move mountains,
ALL OF THIS…
But
do NOT love myself – you know, the unconditional way that God loves me –
my work is empty… even hypocritical.

If I give away all I own to appear as a fabulous philanthropist,
and if I dress up my body so that I may boast that I look young or hot,
but do not have genuine self-love of my essence and soul, I gain nothing.

Loving myself through all my errors takes patience.
Loving myself means that I am required to be kind to myself.

Healthy love of self doesn’t mean that I’m envious of others (which I am quite often).
It does not allow me to brag over and over of my accomplishments or become arrogant and rude to prove that I am better than others.

Love of self absolutely can not be shadowed in shallowness,
and it requires me to reflect when I’m irritable or resentful of someone else’s accomplishments or celebrations.

This unconditional love does not allow me to rejoice when someone else errs, and it leaves no space for me to berate myself when I make a mistake.

It rejoices in what is best for everyone.

In order for my soul to thrive, true love of self will seek help when life is harsh.
It believes that anything is possible.
It continues to hope for all things
It endures when love seems present no where else.

Authentic love for myself is meant to be permanent and eternal.

But as for the work I do, it will eventually come to an end as my body ages or my mind falls away.
As for the brilliant language that I write or speak- it’s all going to cease.
As for knowledge that I possess here on this side of heaven, it will come to an end.

Let’s face it, now I see myself and God and others only in part. All I do will always fall short because of that partial view I have.
But when the complete comes somewhere on that side of heaven, the partial will come to an end.
The complete view of me and God and others and the universe will be all I can see.

I remember when I was a teen. I spoke like a teen, and I thought like a teen.
I reasoned like a teen.
I was disgusted by myself the way a teen would be.
Since becoming an adult,
I’ve been working on not to look at myself the same way I did at 14.

For I must remember that I see myself in a dim, cloudy, foggy mirror.
But someday, somewhere I will see the true view of my face and heart and soul.
For I must remember that right now I only myself in part-
But at some point I will know fully, even as God knows and loves me fully.

When nothing goes right and the world seems hopeless and I’m thinking so little of myself, I must remember that these three pieces are my foundation:
faith, hope, and love.

And even when faith in myself weakens and hope for the future wanes, God’s authentic, unconditional love for me will guide me back to where I need to be.

Loving Me for Me

12 Monday Feb 2018

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This is a snapshot from a 2015 The Upper Room devotional.  For  more information, visit https://www.upperroom.org/

Today, this was read at our church council meeting.

I’m not sure why the person chose to use this particular submission today – especially since this piece was from 2015.  But for some reason, the winds of the Holy Spirit were in motion, and I needed to hear something.  As she continued to read this devotional at the meeting, tears were streaming down my face.

How do I become someone I’m not?  I’m so, so tired trying to be  I suppose this has been a question almost 45 years in the making.  From the time we are young, we are conditioned to “fit in.”  Our consumerist culture encourages us to want what our neighbors have.  The visible lives of our friends seem so ideal compared to what we have, yet we do not know their challenges.

To me, my life seems scattered, second-tier and, in many ways, pathetic.  I hold myself up to the world’s standards, and I see only my shortcomings.

My gifts and accomplishments, on the other hand, were missing from my view.  I’m probably harder on myself than others are on me.  But for me my shortcomings are front and center – staring me in the face – as to poke fun at the gifts I lack.

What I forget is that all of you have shortcomings as well – they may just be a bit different than mine.  And all of you have gifts as well – they may also be a bit different than mine.

Then there are the times when I wish I could have the talents and interests of the people closest to me.  I’ve spent almost 45 years trying to fit this square peg into a round hole.  The work of conforming and remodeling ourselves to fit others’ expectations becomes exhausting.  At some point of our lives, we no longer have the energy to mold ourselves to their liking.  At some point, we must just become ok with who we are.

Now, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t continue to work on our shortcomings.  But we need to stop being so hard on ourselves because of them.  I am not good at everything.  (Obviously)  I am NOT good at everything.  I will never be.  At nearly 45 years old I need to come to terms that I am not good at every single task, and I am not interested in accomplishing everything.

But here is what I need to do:

First of all, I need to ask for help for my growing edges.  There is nothing wrong with asking for help.  (For people like me who struggle asking for help, I’ll repeat myself: there is nothing wrong asking for help.)  Because I am not talented in every aspect of life, this means that some activities will not come easy to me.  As humans and children of God, we are called to work together to use our gifts to assist others who struggle.

Secondly, there are some gifts I do not have. I will never have these gifts.  I will never be a talented singer, be a star of a movie, hike Kilimanjaro, skydive, or a number of other things.  And I am becoming fine with this.

Third, it’s time for me to begin focusing on the ways I excel and where I want to invest in my passions.  Forty-five is not old.  But it is the beginning of life’s second act.  God is calling me to use whatever energy I may have to strengthen this world and the people within it.  I am gifted at artwork, marketing and writing.  I no longer need to explain away how I will never be a triathlon competitor, raw sushi connoisseur and lover of Tarantino films.

Like this devotion, it’s time for me and all of us to be firm in who we are.  Psalm 139 reminds us that this is who God created me to be.  This.  Here and now.  I am gifted and flawed.  I have ways that I can still grow.  I hold in my heart many things I still want to accomplish.  But I am Michelle.  I have been for 45 years, and I will be for the remainder of my life.  I must live in my own skin and with my own mind.

As the devotional says: “we can confidently live as the people God created us to be.”  How liberating it is for each of us to claim that reality!  No longer do I have to live as others expect me to live.  This is who I am – made by God in the image of God.

A Prayer to Stop Second-Guessing

04 Monday Dec 2017

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God who created us with minds, hearts and souls:

Our brain hiccups again and again when remembering a decision we’ve made or thing we’ve said. And the lingering memory of our permanent etchings on the past will not let our minds rest.

And we cannot have a do-over for moments gone by. We cannot recall an opinion given or remove our deeds from the history of the world.

What we said may have been just fine. Our work may have been stellar. Our decisions may have been the best possible choice. But that sinister whisper that comes from a spot of self-doubt continues to spin within us.

Remove that toxic questioning from our beings. Help us to embrace our humanity and remember that even those of us with healthy intentions get caught up in the tangled vines of this earth. Give us the confidence that all that has been said is for the good of the world and, if it wasn’t, that your grace and mercy will smooth over the great mistakes of our mouths and minds.

Amen.

 

The Grace Project

22 Monday Aug 2016

Posted by in Life, Music, Pop, Pop Culture, Single in the Sanctuary

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image.jpgI give no grace to myself.

There.  I said it.  It’s been my reality for the 43 years I’ve been alive.  I’ve apologized millions of times for my existence.  My competitive nature does not play well with my graceless attitude because I compare myself with others and then give myself a tough time when I haven’t achieved the same.  I blame myself for not marrying in my twenties or thirties.  I blame myself for not having children or being at the top of my career.  I blame myself for my weight and all of my health issues (most of which I can not control).  I blame myself for the times when I fell short of my goals and dreams.

I blame myself when I forget something relatively small because I forget that I am human.

Because I am so hard on myself, I tend to really rob myself of grace when others give me a tough time about mistakes.  For some reason, ever since I was young, I believed that I needed to be my own worse critic, so when someone else is tougher on me than I am on myself, I raise my level of self-criticism.

I forget that my faith is one that is all about grace.  I neglect to acknowledge that God is pouring copious amounts of grace upon me even as I rob myself of the same. While I am generous in grace with others – mostly because that is the way I would want to be treated – I can not gift the same to myself.

Technically, living in my own critical, graceless head is hell because there is a wall between me and God’s mercy. If hell exists, it can’t be any worse than this, I now think to myself.

There have been times in my past when I’ve noticed that my soul is either filled with rage against me or completely empty.  My soul has lacked love from me, and now is the time to work on filling up that tank with something positive, not the negative it has become accustomed to.

So today I open myself up to the world of my greatest shortcoming: lacking self-grace.  Today, I move towards loving myself, knowing that I will continue to be human and continue to make mistakes.  And sometimes, what I will do will hurt someone else – not because I want it to, but because we all overlook others.  But now when I make those errors, it’s my call to begin the process of forgiveness, to extend reconciliation not only to neighbor but to self.

This new project of mine can be best summed up in the words of Florence + The Machine’s song “Shake It Out”:

And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart

Dear graceless heart, it’s time for you to go.  It’s time to heal from your scars.  It’s time to embrace grace as a way of living.

Single in the Sanctuary – The “Love Yourself” Photo Challenge

21 Thursday Jul 2016

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A number of my friends are participating in a “Love Your Spouse” photo challenge.  What this entails is that each day for a week, the individual will post a photo of them and their spouse.  It’s a cute activity in which many friends enjoy participating.

For many of us, we can’t participate in this activity.  Some of us have never been married.  Other have gotten divorced.  The photos aren’t available from people like me.

So, in order to begin a new tradition, I am starting a “Love Yourself” photo challenge.  This challenge is one that embraces the mandate in the greatest commandment “love your neighbor as yourself.”  It forces each of us to recognize the Divine image within ourselves – no matter who we are related or attached to.

And it is inclusive of all people – no matter their marital statuses.

I bring you my seven “love myself” photos below.

Fontbonne University Homecoming Dance – Fall 1992

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Many of my interesting stories begin with “when I was 19.”  In the fall of 1992, I was 19 years old, very single and very much enjoying life.  I believe this was the only time in high school or college in which I attended a formal dance on my own.  And I still had a blast.

Philadelphia – Summer 1999

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In this twentieth century selfie, I joyfully mark a trip in which I navigated around a city on my own.  Before GPS on cell phones were a thing, I utilized a paper map to find various landmarks around Philadelphia.  Through this experience, I gained a sense of freedom and confidence and have continued to traipse around big cities on my own.

My Sister’s Wedding – Fall 1999

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There is nothing easy about going to your little sister’s wedding when (1) you are not married and (2) don’t have a date to the wedding.  But I went.  I stood next to her as maid of honor, gave a toast and still walked away with my dignity.

Washington D.C. – Spring 2008

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Here I am at Ecumenical Advocacy Days, a progressive-Christian annual event to discuss justice issues.  On the last day of the event, I met with representatives of my congressional leader and senator.  In those moments, I advocated for various justice issues – specifically women and intimate partner violence.  Advocacy work energizes me as I believe it can make a difference.

Eden Theological Seminary Graduation – Spring 2010

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After years of hoping and dreaming of completing my Master of Divinity degree, I reach my successful end point on May 14, 2010.

Ordination to Ministry in Dunedin, Florida – March 6, 2011

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One of the biggest days of my life is represented in this photo.  Not only am I being ordained, I am celebrating the sacrament of communion at the table for the first time.

UCC General Synod 30 – June 2015

imageAfter writing a chapter in the book There’s a Woman in the Pulpit, I was a part of my first group book signing at the UCC General Synod in Cleveland.  Being a writer and becoming published is another lifelong dream and call which is represented here.  Thank you to Eden Theological Seminary for this photograph.

So single, married, divorced, widowed, separated and cohabitating friends – I challenge you to post your seven photos that represent your greatest self.  In doing so, remember that you are made in the image of God no matter who you are related to or what you still dream of achieving in your life.