I’m not exactly happy with the sound of my voice. There have been moments of absolute disdain that began from the sounds which come out of my mouth.
In the eighth grade, I had a teacher tell me how horrible my voice was. I never bothered to act in high school because I hated my voice and assumed that everyone else hated it too. I took a public speaking class in high school and still managed to squeak out an A.
Then I went to college. For my first career, God called me into public relations, a vocation that people would surely hear the sound of my voice. My college classes included Acting (again, I got an A), Voice and Articulation (which I got an A+) and Public Speaking (which, believe it or not, I got an A+ in that class, too).
Maybe I’m not as bad as I thought… Maybe…
And then God called me into the ministry. There is no doubt that my voice will be used. But there is doubt on how well I speak. I think back through my past and critically analyze the many perceptions of the way I speak.
Over the course of my life, there are times people have praised me for the sound of my voice. And then there are times people have critiqued the way I talk. I know that when I get nervous, I talk fast. When I get passionate, the tone of my voice goes up and down.
Like everything else, my speaking is a work in progress.
I don’t believe I’m monotone, and the text I write for the speech is fine. But the nerves kick in and my voice can go in any direction.
And, yet, God has called me to use my voice.
Here I am, for the umpteenth time, watching A King’s Speech. King George VI, also known as Bertie, is called to take on the role as monarch. In his new position, he must make countless speeches. But Bertie has issues with stuttering and wonders how he can be king with such an impediment.
God didn’t call Bertie based solely on his voice. Through this calling, God brought people into his life to strengthen his voice. And Bertie continued to work on his speaking as part of his answer to God’s call.
Granted, my speaking may not be quite a choppy as Bertie’s, but there are times I lose great faith in the sound of my voice. There’s this tension I’m called to live into: working to improve my speaking yet loving the way I speak right now. Sure, I know I can always grow as a speaker, and I must keep working on it. But I know that I must love who I am at this very moment, that God has called me to be here whether or not I have a spectacular voice.
This voice has the potential to bring hope to those who are in need and words to challenge people into action. If I silence this voice, so much that needs to be said won’t be spoken. Words in an adequate or average voice is better than no words spoken at all.
Sure – I still wince each time I listen to a recording of myself, although I must admit that I have improved greatly in the past six months. My challenge to myself is to love my voice – love the nasal sounds that it brings, love the pitch and tone. For if I fail to use my voice, God is limited in this world.
“I’m a straight ally pastor who is here for you dealing w/#TheStrugglesOfBeingGay. God loves you just as you are! :)”
I received a few responses from people on Twitter. I think they needed to hear that there are people of faith who support and love them.
How could I not tweet this? Jesus the Christ loved everyone. Am I not called to do the same thing?
But that’s not the only reason.
I have experienced the unconditional, steadfast love of God through my gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered friends. They have been open to sharing Christ’s radical love. And this has led me to becoming a straight ally.
Since college, I continuously have new LGBT friends coming into my life. I’ve met them through friends, work and school. Some of my dearest friends have come out to me since we’ve met, and others have come out years prior to our meeting.
This is what I would say to those of you who are my LGBT friends in a friendship letter of love:
I think you are all so very brave to truly be the person God has made you. And I am blessed by all of you in my life.
When I’ve been down, you have listened to me. When I’ve been sick, you have brought me food. You have prayed with me in times of trouble. We’ve laughed together, and we’ve cried together. You have encouraged me in my calling and been a huge part of my faith journey.
You are witnesses to the steadfast presence of Christ in our friendships and in this world. You’ve extended hands of hospitality and truly cared about me just as I am.
To my friends who identify as gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, queer, asexual, questioning and fellow straight allies… thank you.
This is a letter of love back to you. Our orientations and gender identities may be different, and I don’t know the true capacity of strife you’ve experienced in your lives. But I am proud to stand next to you and say we are all children of God, and we are all made in God’s image. We all want joy in our lives, and we all want to be loved just as we are.
Thank you for inviting me to your weddings to see new covenants being made. Thank you for breaking bread with me. Thank you for allowing me to be a visitor in your homes. My life is better because you are in it.
Love, Michelle
Now, to my friends who are still in the camp of “traditional” marriage (a.k.a. marriage between one man and one woman): I recognize that you will not all will agree with me. Many just aren’t there when it comes to expanding marriage, yet you treat LGBT people with respect. I try to be sensitive about voicing my views to people who aren’t quite at the same place I am about gay marriage and various gay rights. Experiencing new people and new situations takes a certain comfort level. I highly encourage you to continue conversations with LGBT friends, and maybe your views on love, life and God will change.
And then there are people who are relentless about keeping love in a box: those who use the Bible against their fellow sisters and brothers. I realize that standing quietly by and allowing seriously bigoted views to float through our atmosphere does not make sense anymore. Allowing bullying and slanderous words should no longer be in our society.
I’ve heard from some people think that loving a person requires trying to change someone into becoming straight, and that being gay is not good enough. So here’s what I’d like to say to these friends. Here’s my letter to those who have closed themselves off from having unconditional loving relationships with their LGBT sisters and brothers:
I have to ask you a couple questions: How would you like it if someone wanted to change something about you that you could not change? How would you enjoy living in a world where people didn’t love you for who you are.
You see, my LGBT friends are moral. Extremely moral and kind. They know Christ in ways that many bigoted people seem to miss. They know Christ in ways that I have even neglected sometimes. All they want is to have the same chances at love as you do. And I’m sorry that those of you who are my close-minded friends have missed out on such love and beauty in your lives.
I also do not want my LGBT friends hurting anymore. I want them to feel the same dignity you and I feel. I want them to feel no shame. I want them to experience the overflowing love of God. And that is why I write to you today.
My prayers are that God helps you see people and the human condition in new ways – mostly so that you will have an enriched life full of overflowing love.
Love, Michelle
After watching Lincoln this weekend, I had to write this. It came to mind that, generation after generation, some people feel the need to oppress others to keep their status of life more valid. What happens when slaves are freed – will they get to vote? What happens when they vote – will women get to vote? Justice is a slippery slope. But that’s the good and decent slippery slope that needs to happen. Through logic, I see how those who defended slavery and stood against voting rights for minorities and women were on the wrong side of justice. Those who stood against interracial marriage were on the wrong side of justice. In 50 years, people will wonder why so many in the early 21st century stood on the wrong side of justice. Just like those defending injustice decades ago, they used God and the Bible as their reasoning (yet continued to eat bacon-wrapped shrimp).
For Martin Luther King, Jr. said “The arc of the universe is long but it bends towards justice.”
Join me on this side of the arc of justice. If you haven’t had the chance to get to know LGBT people around you, I highly suggest it. They will bless your lives in new ways. Listen to their stories. Hear the struggles they’ve endured. Know that God will be presence as you listen to each.
I feel that writing this is a bit of a risk. But, in this life, I feel the necessity to share God’s overflowing love. That’s the love that brings connection and understanding. And how wonderful of a world it would be if we could experience this in one another!
I thank all of you who have open my eyes to new types of love. Let’s keep love outside of the box today, this Valentine’s Day and throughout the year.
As some of you remember in these books or from the movies, Bridget is a single thirtysomething woman. She is always hoping to improve upon her life. She is always feeling and acting a bit awkward. Unlike many women on our televisions and in our movies, Bridget isn’t the model-thin, she says the wrong things in many situations, and she isn’t polished.
When I see a Bridget Jones movie or read one of the Bridget Jones’ novels, I feel less alone.
I always wonder why there aren’t more books and movies that feature the everyday female. Sure, maybe the our culture wants us all to look a certain way, but that’s not reality. So, we need books, movies, and films to help us feel that we aren’t alone in being our truest self.
In this respect, the Bible is like Bridget Jones novels, Carrie Bradshaw tales, and episodes of Hannah Horvath‘s life. We see the true humanity in the characters and can understand their journeys. Each of them are spectacularly flawed yet they continuously reflect and try to improve upon their lives.
That’s one of the greatest things about the Bible: we are able to relate to its stories and feel less alone. We are able to see that being flawed is nothing new, and grace is needed for us to keep moving forward.
How many of us have felt the world crashing down around us, like Job, or the frustrations with not being able to conceive, like Sarah? How many of us have had our voices silenced when we were standing up for our own dignity, like Vashti? How many of us have felt frustrated waiting for the love of our life, like Rachel? How many of us have lived with guilt, like David?
This is why the Bible still works in our society today: our world has been, is, and will be full of imperfect characters. Who will be our culture’s next story of beautiful imperfection?
That’s the beginning of the questions I asked myself while watching The Fitzgerald Family Christmas. Through this film, Ed Burns gifts us with a heartfelt story and ways we can reflect upon our own lives.
It’s Christmas, and James Fitzgerald has approached his son, Jerry, regarding their upcoming Christmas plans. Jerry and his six siblings have mixed feelings about their father since he deserted the family while they were young. Their mother, Rosie, refuses to invite her ex-husband into her house under any circumstance, especially Christmas.
Inside each member of the Fitzgerald family bubbles feelings of resentment, anger and confusion. When information comes out about their father, some take into account his present circumstances as they process forgiveness.
Through watching this movie, other points of reflection came to mind:
Who are specific people in our lives that we find it difficult to forgive?
Is there a certain time of year when forgiveness is easy?
How long does it take for each one of us to forgive?
How do each of us start the process of forgiveness?
Which member of the Fitzgerald family do we identify with the most when it comes to forgiving someone?
I think there are people in each of our lives that it would be incredibly difficult for us to forgive. As Christians, we are told through Scriptures to forgive. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus “‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus says to him ‘not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.'”
As he teaches prayer, Jesus reminds all to ask God to “‘forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).
Even as Jesus hung on the cross, in physical, emotional and spiritual pain, Luke 23:34 says that he prays “‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.'”
Forgiving others and forgiving ourselves? Easier said than done, Jesus. Easier said than done…
I am familiar that there are friends I still need to fully forgive. The process may have started, but forgiveness isn’t an overnight occurrence. It may have been a quick process for Jesus, but it hasn’t always been for me. And it wasn’t for the Fitzgerald family.
Forgiveness is a journey. Sometimes, we have to start by making a little step – – trying to understand what was going through their lives or seeing them as human. It’s understanding that I would want mercy from my sisters and brothers and God, so why shouldn’t I grant that to another person?
As I think about it, if Judas would have experienced the grace and forgiveness of Jesus, would he had hung himself (Matthew 27)? If we forgive those who have caused us pain, does that release both us and them from the burden of the past? Does it free us to move forward towards the future, unloading the rocks that weigh us down?
Burns’ movie gives us a chance to reflect on our process of forgiveness. It provides us an opportunity to think the anger that continues to fester inside of us. And it gives us the chance to ask others for their forgiveness and make amends where possible.
I preached this sermon on December 24, 2012 at St. Paul United Church of Christ, Old Blue Rock Rd., Cincinnati.
What is love?
When we think about love, we often think about romance, even falling in love. We think about the love that a parent passes along to a child, grandparent to grandchild. Our mind goes to the most-familiar love scenarios: two people falling in love. A marriage ceremony. The birth of a child.
But from what I see from the Divine, God is all about shining love in the least likely places.
Here we are at the stable, a non-conventional place for any child to be born. At this little manger, a new spark of love is born into the world.
If you look at Luke’s account which was just read, in Jesus’ first few hours and days of his life, he was surrounded by love. And not just by his parents, but shepherds appeared adoring the baby. After leaving the stable, Mary and Joseph presented Jesus at the Temple in Jerusalem. While they were at the Temple, Simeon and the prophet Anna showered Jesus with love and gave glory to God for the experience of being with Jesus.
I believe this experience with love from the least likely people at the beginning of his life helped Jesus to truly understand the presence of God around him and within each of us. And I believe that his experience with love in the first few days of his life gave Jesus that extra persuasion to preach love. Already born with the spark of the divine within him, Jesus grew in love, knowing that nothing else was greater than loving God, our neighbors and even ourselves.
We just never know who we’re going to interact with in our lives, and how this love will ripple into the world. Through these interactions, Jesus felt love in his earliest days, and, to me, helped him grow in love.
Throughout the ministry of Jesus we see scenes of Jesus bringing compassion to the sick and those deemed unclean by society. We see him having dinner with those who were the outcasts. And they experienced divine, unconditional steadfast love that we see in Jesus. Two thousand years later, the love that was given to Jesus and the love that Jesus gave to so many can still be felt in our world.
But how can we love when someone has hurt us so horrifically?
Earlier this year, a car pulled in front of James Moore, not giving him enough time to stop. He slammed into the car. While he was not at fault in the accident, the driver of the car, Zeke Stepaniak was killed and another passenger injured. James had a heavy heart. Even though it wasn’t his fault, he still felt so much guilt for the accident. Soon after the accident, Zeke’s family, who are from the Colerain township area, contacted James in love. While both families were reeling in anguish, they started praying with one another. And on the day of the funeral, James Moore walked in with the family of Zeke Stepaniak. Through their tragedy, they had adopted each other as family, putting grace and love above anger and hurt.
From this story, we see that love showers us with grace.
Have you seen the film Love Actually? The opening scene begins at Heathrow airport, where people are blissfully meeting their loved ones at the arrivals gate. Then the prime minister states this:
“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.”
So love is all around? Love is in those in-between moments? It’s hard to see hope, peace, joy and love after the tragedy happens. The events in Connecticut a couple of weeks ago gave us each a heavy heart. We know some of our sisters and brothers will be dealing with so much pain this Christmas, pain from grieving, depression and conflicts.
Often it’s difficult to see love when so many that we care about are truly hurting.
But then we open our eyes a little more. We look around at what is happening around us. People are sitting with someone who’s ill or grieving. People we don’t even know are praying for us. We see love going beyond races, genders, sexual orientations, religious beliefs, family structures, political views. Love is the universal truth that we as Christians experience in Christ.
Bad things happen in our lives. There’s no way to avoid all suffering in our lifetime. But, again, we meet love in an unlikely place as we walk the horrible road of suffering. Love has the potential to take a very bad situation and make it less painful and lonely. Love is contagious, and once we experience the greatness of love shared with us we can’t help but pass it forward.
From what we often see, love is always present, love is around us during moments of pain and moments of bliss.
From the recent tragedy in Connecticut, journalist Ann Curry tweeted “imagine if everyone could commit to doing one act of kindness for each precious life lost. An act of kindness big or small. Are you in?” The theme #26acts represent many of those whose lives were lost in Newtown. Now people are posting their acts online hoping to influence more and more people to do the same. A seven year old bought coffee for eight people with his own money. Someone else bought books for a child in need. This is how love trickles into the world.
And then the spirit of love keeps nudging people to pay it forward. People are creatively finding ways to bring love and comfort to the lives of their fellow neighbors.
How are we living into this theme of active love? Just yesterday we collected presents for local children in need. We collected food for those at Washington UCC. In the past month, we’ve gone Christmas caroling, took cookies to our neighboring businesses and held a community dinner.
The love of Christ has touched so many hearts in this congregation, and we can not help but pass this along to our neighbors.
From this example, we see that love is not only a feeling but an active part of our lives.
Each little experience with love impacts us. From the time we are young into our later years, each time we meet love somewhere, we experience the presence of God. The more we share that love, the more others see God in their lives.
And that is what God is calling us to do this Christmas and throughout the entire year.
Part of our congregation’s vision statement is Carrying Christ Love to All. Our love a church family is an active part of our faith. To us, love means having open tables and open hearts to all as we are all part of the Body of Christ. Through our church’s vision of mission, nurture, laughter and inclusiveness, we have faith that people in our church and community will experience God. Through our involvement in this community, we pray that others will see the unconditional love of Christ in their midst.
How is God challenging you to love outside of the box today? Maybe it’s extending love to someone who has hurt you. Maybe it’s giving grace to yourself for making a mistake so many months ago. Maybe it’s opening your eyes to a new way of loving. Maybe it’s sharing your love with someone in pain.
Two thousand years ago, from simple beginnings, a baby was born. With that birth came hope, light and love that has rippled into our world. As we go forward, let us remember that love happens in the least likely places and ways and between the least likely people. And today we see this in that least likely place: far away from home, surrounded by animals and strangers in a drafty stable.
25“There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars, and on the earth distress among nations confused by the roaring of the sea and the waves. 26People will faint from fear and foreboding of what is coming upon the world, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken.27Then they will see ‘the Son of Man coming in a cloud’ with power and great glory. 28Now when these things begin to take place, stand up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”
29Then he told them a parable: “Look at the fig tree and all the trees;30as soon as they sprout leaves you can see for yourselves and know that summer is already near. 31So also, when you see these things taking place, you know that the kingdom of God is near. 32Truly I tell you, this generation will not pass away until all things have taken place. 33Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. 34“Be on guard so that your hearts are not weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of this life, and that day catch you unexpectedly, 35like a trap. For it will come upon all who live on the face of the whole earth. 36Be alert at all times, praying that you may have the strength to escape all these things that will take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.” (NRSV)
I have a love-hate relationship with the apocalyptic.
Ever since I was young, apocalyptic movies have scared me to no end. Testament. The Day After. Miracle Mile. Melancholia. I’m not talking about the softy-apocalyptic movies like The Day After Tomorrow, Independence Day, Deep Impact and Armageddon. I’m referring to those movies where no one lives at the end or death is immanent for everyone. When these movies are playing on cable, I can’t turn away. I am eerily drawn to them.
Reflecting on what these movies mean, at first glance I see “no hope.” There’s no way to escape this. Some of these are human-made and some are natural. Yet there is no route of escape.
I remember March 10, 1982. Hearing that the world was going to explode because the planets were going to align gave me much anxiety (see the Jupiter Effect). I was almost 9 years old, so the possibility of doomsday took over my thoughts for the day.
I was also scared of the Bible texts like the one listed above. As a child, Matthew 24 was my scary text. It was as scary as March 10, 2012 or the movie The Day After. What was Jesus talking about? And when was this happening to us?
Back then, the early Christian communities (part of the Jesus Movement) believed that Jesus would be appearing at any moment. In 2000 years, it didn’t happen. In the past 39 1/2 years of my lifetime, nuclear wars and earth-ending natural disasters haven’t happened either.
Now that I’m an adult, I’m less anxious about a planet or meteor/asteroid hitting us. I’m even less anxious about a nuclear war occurring. Do I fear December 21? No. It’s another day that will come and go. Logic and reason have now replaced expanding fears of the last days. And with December 21, I see a change in seasons and the beginning of longer days.
But I continue to age, and I see how life continues to change, and life is full of loss.
Seeing the film Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is another reminder of our fragile lives and the grieving process we continuously endure. All human life faces their extinction. There will be nothing left. Total extinction is a horrifying thought. Sure – for many of us, there’s the hope of an afterlife with God, but we’re not always 100% sure what that’s going to look like. We have faith that God will be there, but it’s still the unknown, and there’s still loss when transitioning from this life to the next.
***Sorta Spoiler Alert*** The most beautiful part in the movie is the end, where salvation is found in the love of people surrounding us. That’s all I’ll say. ***End of Spoiler Alert***
As we see in this movie and so many others, the chaos that occurs in response to the pending apocalypse is probably the scariest part of many films. Some people are violent. There are others who are kind. The beautiful moments in these films are the human interactions that show love even in the face of doom.
Even if the world doesn’t end in fire and/or ice, with a bang or a mushroom cloud, there are still endings and beginnings. My new apocalypse is turning 40.
Sure, this is absolutely a first-world problem. But as the day grows closer, I still experience this sense of doom and loss. What will the other side of 40 look like? Who will be there?
It’s hard to do but instead of looking at 40 as the end of my young adulthood and the end of life’s summer, I instead look for a new hope. There is hope after the long decade of my 30’s. There is newness in a new decade, a new year.
So why does Advent start with such a shadow-like text? We might as well be watching an apocalyptic marathon. Because, unlike the apocalyptic movies, Jesus shows us that the end is a new beginning. The end of our church year is a beginning of a new one. The end of my 30’s is the beginning of a new decade with new levels of confidence and new relationships. I am blessed to have so many by my side as I cross the threshold of a new decade.
So the fig trees are ripening, the year is ending and gray hairs are beginning to grow in my scalp. Even so, the presence of God and neighbor are here, and that is where I find my hope.
I was the youth with semesters of perfect attendance and involved in MANY after-school activities. I wouldn’t be the student wanting to take the day off to head to the Cardinals game, head to the Hill for lunch or traipse around the St. Louis Art Museum in an effort to skip history class. In fact, opportunities for Sabbath seemed slim since I was involved in so many activities.
Now that I’m getting to the age where I could easily be a parent of a high school student, I have begun to look at Ferris Bueller as the slacker kid that decides to skip school one last day before high school graduation. Could I be more judgmental and more wrong?
Maybe Ferris just needed the day off because he needed some “self-care”. Would Jesus take a day off for some self-care? Scripture shows that Jesus needed to get away from the enthusiastic crowds for some “chill” time. He didn’t work every hour of every day. Granted, we don’t see him riding on a float in a parade, but we do see him riding on a donkey in a parade…
If you were to stop and create a fun and relaxing day off, what would your true Sabbath look like? Would you take a road trip to Chicago to catch a ballgame or ride a float in a parade? Would you walk in a park, see a matinee or just go home to take a nap?
“Life moves pretty fast… If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Sabbath gives us each a chance to see the details of life. When we stop to see the small moments, we see God much clearer. Could Ferris experience the presence of God while singing to thousands in downtown Chicago? Could Ferris experience God’s presence while staring at the works of art? Maybe “playing hookey” isn’t the most ethical way to spend time. However, remembering to take time to rest, spend with friends, value our lives and look for God is needed. When our work swallows any Sabbath and any chance to relax, it could be time to reevaluate our lives and our schedules.
While I’m only taking days off when I’m actually sick or scheduled a vacation, sometimes, it’s worth taking ten minutes, twenty minutes or an hour to take a walk, get a cup of coffee or drive through a park. Maybe that super-short Sabbath will shine a stronger light on God’s presence. Maybe we will refocus our minds to discern God’s call with more clarity.
Or maybe we will just cherish life a little more… just like Ferris…
Call isn’t necessarily something spectacular, like Superman or Batman. Sometimes call is as quiet as the wind breezing past the summer leaves. Sometimes it is the seemingly ordinary when others have grandiose calls.
Take, for instance, George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life. George continues to find himself cemented to his hometown while his brother and others are called in other directions. His brother goes to college, works outside of Bedford Falls, goes to war and becomes a war hero. His friend Sam begins a plastics business. Everyone lives the dreams that George himself could never had. Because of the perspective that George has on his life, he takes for granted the little moments that create the universe.
George’s call is seen in life’s little moments. George saves his brother. George makes loans available to those who couldn’t otherwise afford a house. George gives people ideas. George loves the town and those in the town, willing to maintain an honest business for the good of the people. George’s call is as important as everyone else around him except that the perception of his call is what the world sees as small.
What if George hadn’t answered those calls? We see the outcome in the “what if George wasn’t born” portion of the movie. His brother would have died. The death of his brother rippled into the world. Others would have died because hadn’t served in WWII. His friends would live on the streets. The town would have been bought by Mr. Potter and turned into the slums. George’s mother and wife face the world with angst.
George Bailey was called to be alive and called to serve in Bedford Falls.
Just like George, everyone is called in both unique and ordinary ways. The world would be a very different place if we made different decisions or if we had never been born. Yes, we get frustrated with our lives. We forget that the little steps impact the greater universe. And we get upset with the track our lives are on.
So when we don’t feel that our lives make a difference or that we have a purpose here, know that we are all George Baileys – willing to take the little steps in front of us and building a better kingdom of God.
Michelle L. Torigian 