Advent, Advent prayers, autoimmune, chronic illness, chronic pain, new normal, normal, progressive Christianity
God of the rocky roads and rollercoasters,
Where is my ordinary?
When will I be back to normal
Or are these aches and dry eyes and needed naptimes
My new routine?
Boring. Boring is good.
I could go for boring.
But I don’t have a typical day anymore.
Each day brings it’s undeserved gift
Of… who knows.
When I open my eyes will I feel like I never received sleep?
When two o’clock rolls around
Will I need a nap?
Will my fingers swell
And my neck hurt
And my legs stiffen
And nose stuffy up?
OR will I have a “normal” day
A day that will make me feel 25 instead of 86 or 47 or 62.
Oh, please God. Give me a “normal” day.
Give me a day where I can go to the gym or stay awake all afternoon without a latte with extra espresso.
Allow my fingers to bend without the knife jab-like pains
And my feet move freely as I walk a mile or two.
Could my weight stay the same
Instead of increasingly bloated ankles.
Could you help me keep a routine
Instead of spending half the day dealing with an unruly tummy?
May I make the most of my “normal” days
Work hard. Play hard.
Love my friends and families and neighbors hard.
Make the world a stronger place,
Eat, drink and be merry, for the tomorrow I may need sleep.
And when the day comes,
The afternoon of drooping eyelids,
Of swollen glands
And never-ending pains,
Allow my body to fall to sleep.