Tag Archives: single in the sanctuary

My 2016 Blogadventure

04 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by in Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , ,

IMG_2703 (2)For the past few years, I’ve been keeping up with my blog here at michelletorigian.com.  I’ve been posting on various other sites such as The Huffington Post and New Sacred.

But now it’s time to take this to the next step.

While you’ll still see many various theological and pop culture topics here at this blog, you’ll notice that I’ll be writing more about marital status and the progressive Christian church.

Writing and discussing these issues is very much part of my call.  I’ve begun a regular feature called “Single in the Sanctuary” to shine lights on the joys and struggles that non-marrieds (single, divorced, widowed, etc.) face inside and outside the church.  By facing these topic head on, we leaders of the Church will connect with more people who may feel alienated from the pews.

As part of stretching my writing and promoting boundaries, I’m taking part in WordPress’ Blogging University.  Through accountability, I’m hoping to throw aside any doubts and mild writer’s block to continue this journey on which I’m called.

In the upcoming weeks, I’ll be starting a new group on Facebook called Single in the Sanctuary for non-married progressive Christians and our friends.

I’m also wanting to know what are some topics non-married progressive Christians would like to see me address.  Please comment below if there’s a topic you would like to see featured in an upcoming post.

Finally, please make sure to spread the word about Single in the Sanctuary and this new conversation for progressive Christians.

Many blessings as you walk the smooth and dusty roads of 2016 – whether alone or with a love, with family by chance or by choice!

Michelle

Single in the Sanctuary – Taboo Grace

11 Wednesday Nov 2015

Posted by in Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Phone Sept 2014 4276Throughout my adult life, I’ve had conversations with some of my unmarried friends about the relationships that they’ve had.

And some of the mistakes they’ve made.

Granted, there are lots of types of mistakes singles and couples make- everything from slight fibs to huge indiscretions about money and parenting and every other subject imaginable. Yet some of the most shame-filled confessions made by non-married people include the physical connections they’ve made with others.

(Yes.  Sex.)

While there is a loud group of Christians who focus primarily on curing the world of sexual sins, most Christians are probably across the board when it comes to how they view sex outside of marriage.  As a member of the clergy, I’m not saying that sex between two unmarried people is right or wrong, but there are times that it can be healthy and unhealthy, and each person must find what’s the most healthy expression for themselves and for those with whom they physically connect.  Unfortunately, in times of desperation, grief, drunk or sadness, people make the some of the most unhealthiest decisions of their lives.

It’s human.  Yet what ends up happening is they relive their mistakes in their heads over and over and over again.

What would it take to let it go?  What would it take to embrace the grace that’s already there?  

But the little voice keeps luring them back into the shame of their prior actions.

There’s a story in the Bible where David manages to seduce Bathsheba who then becomes pregnant from the encounter.  The story ends with God “killing” their infant child as  punishment for whatever happened between the two of them.

Except that it wasn’t God.  It was medicine or the lack thereof rearing its ugly head at a very wrong moment.

So often, people want to associate STDs and unplanned pregnancies as God’s way of punishing humans for sexual relations.  People “deserve” what they get.

That isn’t the case.

No God would punish two people for their roles in an affair or seduction or momentary lapse of judgement.  No God would force someone to live a life sentence of a disease or sentence someone to death for one wrong decision.  God’s grace is pouring upon each and every one of us for any type of unhealthy decision we’ve made.  God’s grace is attempting to erase the shame from our lives and asking us leave it behind us.

Our job as the Church isn’t to judge what people have done or are doing.  Our role is to walk with them in a spirit of grace, giving them opportunities to find new life if they feel called to it.

And helping them let it all go.

*****

This blog post was written as part of both my weekly series “Single in the Sanctuary” and as part of November’s SynchroBlog on “Grace.”  See other blog posts associated with the SynchroBlog theme here:

http://synchrolinklist.blogspot.com/2015/11/november-2015.html

 

A Prayer for Those Facing Unhealthy Relationships

29 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by in Current Events, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Image from dccadv.org

Written in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month

God of Wholeness,
Who intended the two souls in Eden to be respectful of one another,
Remind us of whose image we are made.

Yours.

Those surrounding us may be reflecting on their relationships,
Tired of being called stupid or lazy or not-good-enough,
Words that sting as much as, if not more than, the slap of a hand.
Berated for stepping just a little out of order,
Exhausted from the hours of tears,
Wondering how much love they need to give in order to be respected.

Give them the courage.  Give them the peace.

Those who we pass on the street may have marks on their body
From being grabbed a little too tightly
Or pushed a little too hard.

“What should I do???” resonates in their minds
As they ponder reaching out for help
And, at the same time, justify why they are still in a relationship:
Children, money, no other options of love.

Give them the courage.  Give them the peace.

Hours upon hours of pondering inside of heads…
But I love him.  But I love her.
But what if no one wants me.
What if he is the only one who wants me?
What if she is the only one who wants me?

Give them the courage.  Give them the peace.

Whether they depart from an unhealthy relationship in their teens
Or twenties or thirties
Or sometime around retirement,
Grant that they can see a future with hope.

God of pure love and deepest mercy,
Give all the courage to move forward when sliding back seems more comfortable.
Stop replays of the message that we are not lovable.
Make the months of solitude more bearable.
Take away any doubts of the healthy choices made.
And when the time is right,
Open our hearts to a joyful, healthy love once again.

Single in the Sanctuary – Holiday Hospitality

28 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by in Holidays, Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Being away from your family during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays is horrible.  Being single on top of this is even worse.

I’ve spent many holidays away from my family.  The first Christmas was the toughest.  I was 23 years old, living in Florida by myself and had a number of invitations to join other family units that day.  And while I did spend some of the day with others, I managed to get one of the worst headaches of my life, no doubt from the stress of being alone on Christmas day.

Fortunately over the years, I believe that God has provided me with people whom I celebrated these major holidays.  From hanging with a pastor’s family at Busch Gardens in 2001 to spending Thanksgiving with an ex-boyfriend and his parents in 2005, I’ve had some interesting opportunities, conversations and company while absent from my family.  Days were less lonely because there were others willing to open their homes to me even though I wasn’t part of their family.

As a single person, especially when I lived in Florida, I would often be given the gift of sitting at the table with other families.  This is a gift I hope I am able to pay back as the years progress.  Through friends’ open doors and plentiful tables, I was able to feel less alone when my family lived 1,000 miles away.

I think most of us do a phenomenal job with making sure those who are hungry are fed.  But what would it be like to not only feed those who are hungry but open a table to those who have no one in their lives?

Can you think of friends who may not have families in which to spend the holidays?  How can we invite them to be our family for part of the day?  That’s our responsibility as people of faith and as people with the gift of family.  We are called to open ourselves up to those who may be alone on holidays and special occasions to be an honorary part of our families.  Just like Jesus asked his followers “who is my mother and who are my brothers,” we are to expand our families to include others into our fold.  Many of his followers had to rely on the generosity of others while on their ministry journey.  How can we be like the families who opened their houses to Jesus and the early disciples and make sure they become parts of our families, even for a day or season?

What will you do this Thanksgiving or Christmas to make sure the widow, orphan, single guy or gal, newly divorced person or individual away from their family to make sure they are at your table too?

Me. Christmas 1998 in Florida at the age of 25. Sans family.

Me. Christmas 1998 in Florida at the age of 25. Sans family.

 

When Hope Seems Sparse

22 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by in Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

By Ralph Bestic from Sydney, Australia (Wharekauhau Lodge New Zealand) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

When Hope seems sparse,
O Holy Mother,
Place your comforting arms around me.
Shine a light that could help me see the beauty of the future
And the grace of the past.

May your life-giving womb continue to sustain me
As shadows cover my heart
And tomorrow seems years away.

In the depths of Sheol
Or in the corners of my room-
As I hide from this pain-
Draw me into the sunlight, O Holy Mother.

May the small beams of hope drive through the cracks of shadowed rooms
Overcome the doubts of the day
And carry us into the dawn of the morning.

Single in the Sanctuary – Marital Status Marginalization

20 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by in Life, Pop, Single in the Sanctuary

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

By E. W. Russell, Photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Starting today, I will be posting a new weekly feature called “Single in the Sanctuary.” The recurring topic will focus on what it means to be a non-married progressive Christian in the twenty-first century.

I doubt I’m the only one who has felt a bit left out of the church based on the fact that I’m over 40 and still not married.  Even when I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s, I felt out of place because I don’t have the traditional family structure.

We look around our churches and, most of the time, only see certain demographics, namely

  • Married with children
  • Married, retired with grown children
  • Widowed

Only on occasions like the Christmas and Easter holidays or weddings, baptisms and funerals do I see my demographic: the never-married person.  I don’t see many divorced individuals, single parents, co-habitating couples, LGBT individuals and couples either.

In reality, people are getting married later.  Many marriages do not last.  Couples are choosing to live together for a while before deciding to marry.  So why don’t they feel comfortable being themselves in our sanctuaries?  Are we welcoming enough for these demographics?

Could it be that our sanctuaries become a sanctuary for those with an “ideal lifestyle” as set by the Christian right – a life which promotes purity, a nearly-desperate desire to get married and a postcard image of a husband, wife and two or three children?

Let’s start this conversation here and now.  How have churches made you feel comfortable?  How have they made you feel extremely uncomfortable based on your marital status?  And would the church you currently attend make you feel welcome if they knew you were single, cohabitating or divorced?

Is there a topic you would like to see covered in Single in the Sanctuary?  Let me know your interest below.

Not My Mom’s 42

09 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by in Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

imageNow that I am about to be 42 in the next couple of hours, I think about where my mom was at the same age.

Mom had been married for nearly 20 years.  She lived 700+ miles from her parents, and had two children around the ages of 16 and 13.  She taught elementary school and chauffeured us around to the multitude of activities in which we were involved.

I’ve never been married and do not have children.  I have never owned my own home and have lived in multiple cities in the past 20 years, including a city 1000 miles away and some towns much closer.

I always saw Mom as an adult, and she always seemed mature for her age.  I’m pretty sure that Mom has always seen me as a 16 year old, and I probably have a mild version of the Peter Pan complex.

Part of me wished I had the life of my mom at the age of 42.  She had a supportive marriage and two children.  Things seemed “normal” and “ordinary.”  She followed a path taken by most people and it brought her much joy.

But my life didn’t work out that way.  And that’s just fine.

I have a phenomenal life of love, friendships and purpose.  I birth sentences and paragraphs, sit with people as they begin to transition to  the other side of heaven, and embrace adventures.  Predictability is not the life for which I enrolled, and in the chaotic moments on this path less travelled, I have seen the presence of God quite frequently along the way.

My mom’s adult life path and mine diverged at some point – maybe around our early 20’s.  But our paths are equally valuable and sacred, whether we spent our days mothering our own children or the children of the world.

Thanks, Mom, for all that work you did for me 42 years ago… And since then.