Tag Archives: Grace

Where the Imperfect and Perfect Meet

07 Friday Jun 2013

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Reflecting on Sunday mornings as a pastor, I know I try to recall all of the announcements, prayer requests and logistical worship comments. Guess what? Even with writing myself notes I still forget things.

Most of our churches are not crafted like a production. Sure, some larger churches with multiple staff are able to spend more time and focus on the entertainment value of worship. They are able to dedicate more resources on their worship.

Even then, it’s still not perfect. Imperfections are cast in the shadow of the entertaining spectacle.

As much as we hope to be, every one of us pastors must face the reality of our own imperfections. Each and every liturgist, usher/greeter, children’s time deliverer, acolyte, communion steward, choir member and musician are imperfect. A candle will fail to light, a name in Scripture will be mispronounced and the pastor will forget to lift up one of our ill friends during our time of sharing prayers.

Each week, we do the best we can to make sure the focus is on God and our relationship with the Divine. In the process, mistakes will be made. Yes, unfortunately, they will distract from our focus on God. Yet, we continue to do our best, work at our mistakes for the good of God, our neighbors and, of course, the good of ourselves.

No matter how mild or severe the mistake, here’s the thing: God is still present. God is still active. The Holy Spirit continues to inspire, and God is still worshiped. No matter what little (or big) mistakes we make along the way, God still loves us and showers us with grace. God will never fail to meet us as we worship no matter how bad the preaching, singing or praying is in our congregations.

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Wanting to Leave Christianity? Been There, Done That.

02 Thursday May 2013

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“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” – Ghandi

I remember where I was in my faith back in my early 20’s.  I went from being a dedicated Christian to someone who completely drifted away from church.  I could no longer believe because Christians had done enough to mar my view of Christianity.

Sure, I still believed in God.  Jesus was somewhere in there.  But I didn’t trust Christians.

Christians were the ones who cared more about who they saw in church rather than welcoming a stranger.  Christians were the ones who could profess Jesus and faith in one second and tear you down in the next.

Even after coming back to Christianity in my mid to later 20’s, I still have experienced unChrist-like Christians.  It’s a miracle that I still come back to this faith when I hear the hatred, shame and bigotry in the name of God and Jesus.  With the hate that goes on in the name of our faith, it’s a miracle there are still Christians in our world.

People wonder why youth are leaving the church?  There are a number of reasons why.  I believe trust is a piece of the puzzle.  Church is supposed to be a safe-space for people to be their truest selves.  When Christians can’t be the person God made them to be, faults included, then they drift away from the church.

Why would people come to church if they were told God hated their gay friends?  Or that they are sinful because they’re living with their boyfriend/girlfriend?  Or that their type of music isn’t good enough for the church?  Or they messed up something during the worship service?

I experienced it first-hand throughout my entire life.  And I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this.

Yet I keep coming back.  I come back to the church.  I keep affirming my place in Christianity.  Some days are so very hard to be a Christian in our world.  But then I just remember how damaged people are and how much hurt they are experiencing.  And I still need to be there for them.

Unfortunately, their hurt is contagious.  More people are becoming part of the “nones” because Christianity is the faith of the hypocrites.

For many of us, we still keep on trying to believe and be part of the church even when we are denied grace and love from our fellow Christians.  We know that the true faith of Christ isn’t reflected in everyone who calls themselves Christian.

For my fellow Christians out there – we must continuously ask ourselves some questions so that we are not causing this pain in others’ lives.  Are our actions keeping people from experiencing the love and grace of God?  Are we harder on each other than God would be on us?  If we are, then it’s time for us to embrace grace.  Otherwise, more and more people will become part of the Church Alumni Association (as John Shelby Spong would call it).

God’s Grace is Much Bigger Than Suicide

29 Monday Apr 2013

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A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post in response to the suicide of Rick Warren’s child.  I still stand by my belief that people who commit suicide do not go to hell.

Today in this community, a high school student shot himself in his classroom.  As far as we know, he still struggles for his life.

No one is sure why this student would shoot himself in the classroom or even if he was trying to attempt suicide.

We’re not sure of much.  But I am sure that God still loves this young man.

Whether someone’s intention was to kill themselves or not, God is the God of grace and love who will continue to pursue us to the farthest place in the universe.  Psalm 139 reminds us that God is with us no matter how far we try to flee from God.  Romans 8:38-39 remind us that nothing will separate us from God’s love – and that includes suicide.

So today, we pray for this young man and his family.  We pray for those in the classroom who experienced this trauma.  God is with all of you and so are we.

Feel free to read this post I had written about the suicide of Rick Warren’s son:

Still Part of the Same Body as Rick Warren.

via Still Part of the Same Body as Rick Warren.

Still Part of the Same Body as Rick Warren

07 Sunday Apr 2013

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Today, I heard the news that Rick Warren’s son committed suicide.  I can’t imagine what pain a parent would feel upon hearing the news that his or her own son ended their own life.

Granted, I may not agree with many theological points that Rick Warren believes.  His style of ministering and preaching may not be my style.

But, without a doubt, he is a child of God just as you and I are children of God.  He is part of the same Body of Christ that we belong.  He is made in the image of God the way all of us are made in God’s image.  God loves Rick Warren as much as God loves all of us.  And on the other side of heaven, Rick Warren will be there along with all of us.

Right now, God mourns with Rick.  God cries with Rick.  God surrounds Rick and his family with love, grace, comfort and peace.

We are called to do the same.

Because there is a hole in the heart and spirit of Rick, there is a hole in our spirits as well.  Because we are all part of the same vine and branches, we feel the branch that has been lost because Rick’s son Matthew is not walking with us on earth.  We feel a tremor in the whole body because Rick and his family have experienced this loss.

I tire hearing some theological traditions that believe that suicide sends people to hell.  Suicide is a result of mental illness.  As depression is a health issue, it can consume a person so greatly.  People do not choose to end their lives because Satan or some “evil force” causes them commit suicide.  Because of body chemistry and hormones, depression grasps the emotions of a person and causes them to understand reality in different ways.   This is a scientific and medical reality.  So Matthew isn’t in hell.  Matthew is finally seeing God in God’s fullest.  Matthew is able to see himself as God sees him.  Matthew can experience God’s full love and grace.  And Matthew is still a member of the great Cloud of Witnesses who will welcome us as we transition from this life to the next.

May the Warren family feel God’s peace, love and comfort during this time.  We pray for all who are contemplating suicide tonight and those who experience deep depression.  Amen.

The Great Cleanse

12 Saturday Jan 2013

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As some of you know, I’m having surgery this coming Tuesday.  And whenever I face surgery, I get a little (or very) introspective.

I think with the new year, cleaning out a great deal of my house, facing surgery and turning 40 this year, I’m looking at every part of my life in great detail.  So this may be my most personal blog post to-date.

And right now, I’m reflecting on why I’ve never found “the right man.”

Sure, there’s more than one right person for each of us.  And I’ve come close once or twice.  But I’ve been asking myself what has held me back all of these years?

First of all, I’ve often believed I was not “good enough”: not smart enough, definitely not pretty enough, too awkward.  From the time I was in middle school until now, I have rarely experienced feeling loved “just as I am.”

I’ve dated, crushed and had the prospect of dating a number of wonderful guys.  Sure, some are remembered more fondly than others.  But when it comes to dating, I always perceived that I was the one being overlooked (except for about 2 days in 1992).

Then, I was always the girl who dated the guy right before the guy found “the one.”  Seriously.  Almost always.  There’s something to be said about guys constantly finding the right one immediately after dating, contemplating a relationship, etc.  In fact, after a five year relationship, the guy got engaged to a girl eight months later.  The message of non-marriage material became cemented in my mind.

So for most of 25 years I’ve carried around this overbearing inferiority complex.  And it’s time for it to change…to leave my heart, mind and soul…

The second major reason I am single is that I’m scared of what it would mean for me to be in a relationship.  Whenever I’ve been in relationships, I find myself changing who I am.  I lose part of myself.  I have to move or give up plans for a guy.  I don’t like having to be the one who has to give up a career/change a name/lose friends/leave a town/give up dreams just to make a guy happy.  From most of my experience and most of the relationships I’ve seen, it’s always the woman giving up something for a man.  For me, I’ve learned to love being single rather than losing part of myself.  But then, in recent years, I’ve seen how friends find relationships where both of their dreams and identities are honored.  So relationships like this have to exists.

Now all of you know why I’m nearly 40 and single.

So as I’ve cleaned my house and having surgery to be “cleaned out” (so to speak), I’m cleaning out my heart as well.  I am no longer going to think that I am not “good enough.”  I’m at least average pretty.  I’m not “too fat.”  I’m fairly smart and have strong talents in certain areas.  While I’m not trying to air my dirty laundry for the world to see, I’m needing to be transparent with this, to be held accountable, to not to slide back and think I’m “less than.”

To repeat myself: the guys I’ve dated have been great guys.  I can no longer internalize why these things didn’t work.  Maybe it’s just that I wasn’t the right one for that particular guy – not that I wasn’t altogether pretty/smart.  Looking back, none of these guys were the right one for me either, but it doesn’t mean that they weren’t the right one for someone.  Likewise, I’m reframing the way I look at this: it’s not because I wasn’t pretty/talented/smart.  It was because either the two of us didn’t click at the level where two people should (who want to date/marry), or it was because God is calling us both in a different direction.

I am not a conventional woman.  Breaking the mold is who I am.  I’m quirky.  And I’m in a unique career: a female clergy. I’ve spent the past 25 years preparing myself for this call.  I’ve taken the past 25 years to get to know who I am.  For some people, dating and finding the right one is easy.  It’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m broken beyond repair.  God is the God of second chances and grace.  So now is my time to grasp that grace and shine.  It’s time for me to know that I am no more or less flawed than anyone else.  It’s time for me to believe that I can find someone someday… I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and someone will cherish me as I will cherish him.

There is a season for everything… a time to keep and a time to throw away… Well, this is my time to throw away thoughts that have held me back…

And there is a time to love… and that will come soon…

Thanks for reading.  This was a deeply personal post.  I hope that someone reading this will see that all of us are made in God’s beautiful image and that each of us deserve love and second chances.

An appeal to Christians in 2013

01 Tuesday Jan 2013

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Dear Fellow Christians,

After giving it much thought, I think the message of the Good News is being threatened.

Many people are leaving churches and turning their backs on Christianity.  Why?  Because people who speak on behalf of Jesus the Christ are dismissing the most important part of Christ’s message: Love.

About twenty years ago, I was rejecting Christianity myself.  When I was in college, I had experiences that led me to believe that Christianity was the religion of hypocrisy.  In the name of Christ, some were misusing their power to control and manipulate others.  When visiting churches, people were more concerned about their dress or hobnobbing with friends than greeting others with Christ’s love.

I could not see the presence of God in church or surrounding many Christians.

Fortunately, by my mid-twenties, I began to find the light in the Body of Christ.  I found my way back to church and began to see the presence of God in new and exciting ways.  There were times I still found doubt in the goodness of Christianity, especially when my beliefs weren’t “good enough” for people.  But I knew that spreading the message of Christ’s radical love was more important for me to focus on than negative remarks heading my way.

But not everyone is there.

Many people think that Christianity is the religion of rules and perfect morality.  People think we care more about getting into heaven instead of making heaven here on earth.  The message of Christ’s radical, enduring love has fallen short because Christians misuse the name of Jesus the Christ to correct and control other people.

And why not?  Mahatma Gandhi once stated “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”  This is a perfect example of the reputation Christianity now has in the world.

Thinking back to 2012, I remember stories like the exclusion of my friend’s church from a softball league because he identified as bisexual.  Rev. James Darnell Semmelroth was the pastor of the church but did not participate in the games.  Even though the pastor wasn’t playing, some churches didn’t want to associate with the church in any capacity.

While I am a straight ally, I understand that not everyone is at the place where they agree with gay marriage, ordination, etc.  But for the love of LOVE, can’t we put aside our theological differences and eat together, laugh together, even play softball together?  Love means crossing boundaries to embrace a person as a child of God, whether or not you agree with them.  Jesus ate and associated with all people.  He set “rules” aside as he healed people on the Sabbath.  To Jesus, love and relationships trump dogmas and fears.  By associating with people unlike ourselves, we hear personal narratives and learn to understand each other deeply.

We hear how Westboro Baptist Church wants to protest all sorts of funerals because we’re such a sin-ridden country.  In 2012, we heard various clergy blaming LGBT persons/allies for Hurricane Sandy and atheists for the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.  Do they realize how their hateful words ripples into our world?  Do they realize their loud voices are drowning so many voices of love and compassion?  Do they really think this is the message of the all-inclusive Christ?

Yes, maybe I’m being judgmental.  But I’ll be honest… stories like these may be why many people are turning their back on Christianity.  Many of the messages linked to Christianity are not ones of love.  The Good News can not be heard.  Because of this, many people find no use for Christianity anymore.  And I can understand why they’ve reached that conclusion.

So for 2013, I challenge all of us Christians to break the boundaries of love.  Let us love radically.  If there is someone who you feel like judging, try to talk with them and understand their story.  If there is someone who you fear, pray and understand why you may fear them.  You do not have to agree with them.  But in your love and escaping your comfort zone, you are being a witness to the greatest love of all time: the unconditional love of God that we Christians see in Christ.  Let our voices be louder than those of judgment and hate.

I realize that no matter how hard I try, this doesn’t mean I’m not going to mess up or misrepresent Christ now and again.  I wouldn’t try to misrepresent Christ’s love on purpose, but I think as humans we all tend to make errors now and again.  Sometimes these errors come out of misunderstanding or fear.  As a person of the Christian faith, my goal is to continuously find ways to focus on the radical love of Christ.  Allowing this steadfast love to trample any fears and to clear misunderstandings will bring us closer as humans.

All I can do as a Christian is keep on trying.

If Jesus, the one who knew God greater than any of us, was able to love outside of the box, then maybe we should give it a try.  Because if we call ourselves Christians and do not love, what kind of witness are we to our faith?

Instead of hearing messages of judgment and hate, what if people saw Christians feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, advocating for the voiceless?  What if we told people who have been discriminated against, bullied, beaten, blamed and shamed that God loves you just as you are?  What if we started a campaign to bring the louder voice of loving Christianity to the world?  What if people realized that this is the true Good News of Christianity worth sharing?  The worst that can happen is that by January 1, 2014, people will see Christianity being the religion of Christ’s radical love more clearly.  If you have any ideas, post below.  Let’s go for it!

A new perspective for a new year

31 Monday Dec 2012

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Each year, I approach New Year’s Eve as a time to reflect upon the past year: my mistakes, what I haven’t accomplished, etc.  I gaze upon what still has not happened in my life.  Once again, for the umpteenth year in a row, I am single, childless, don’t own a home, etc.

So, as you can see, New Year’s Eve has typically become a holiday of dread.

But what if I took New Year’s Eve and used it as a tool of grace?  What if New Year’s Eve became the great eraser for the year?  Last year I experienced such and such.  This is a new year… maybe I won’t experience this again…  Maybe I’ll avoid the same mistakes and live in healthier ways…

Yet how can I do this in a way that releases any shame from the past and embraces a fresh start?  Is there some ritual that will help us release the past?

Maybe gratitude should become part of this ritual.  What if this became a holiday in which I thank God for what I’ve experienced and accomplished?  What if I thank God for the people who have touched my lives and the opportunities I’ve had to minister to others?

So this year, I’ll try something different.  I’ll place 2012 behind me.  I’ll ask to be reconciled to God, my neighbor and self for any bad decisions and mistakes I might have made.  And I will firmly place one foot in front of the other as I walk with hope into 2013.