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Michelle L. Torigian

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Tag Archives: Prayer

A Prayer in the Face of Misogyny

18 Saturday Nov 2017

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Pop

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abuse, discrimination, Eve, Mary Magdalene, misogyny, patriarchy, Prayer, prayers for women, rape, rape culture, shame, Tamar, Vashti, women

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God, you’ve seen the way the Bible has twisted the lives of Eve and Vashti and Tamar and Mary Magdalene…

And you see how the stories and images of women are twisted today.

We are tired, Mother God.

We are tired of the b-word and the frequent use of the words “whore” and “slut.” We are tired when people in power obviously work to intimidate us more than the men in our lives. We are tired when we are spoken over or told how we should feel. We are tired when we speak out and not believed. We are tired when our sheroes are attacked with greater fervor than the men who hold power. We are tired wheb being refused jobs because of gender (because, let’s face it, our reproductive organs have nothing to do with our qualifications). We are tired of the shame that comes with being born a daughter of Eve.

We are tired that Mother is not a good enough title for you, God.

We are tired of the little comments made to us or about us that make us feel less than human. We are tired of the larger ways our bodies and our accomplishments are tossed aside or belittled. Our energy is spent in ensuring that humanity sees us with the same dignity as cisgender men. Our sisters of color and our transgender siblings must spend even more of their spirits than we who are white women trying to achieve this dignity.

We are exhausted to hear how we should be grateful for the crumbs that have been scattered for us.

Crumbs are no longer enough. We are more than b*tches and whores and ditzes and witches. We will speak out when our voices are ignored, and we will no longer keep our stories silent.

We are worth every single piece of energy you used to mold us in your image. We are your children and deserve the inheritance of your kin-dom on earth as much as our male siblings.

You stand on the side of justice, and one day we will be equal in the eyes of our neighbors just like we are equal in your eyes.

Amen.

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A Prayer When the Computer Crashes

10 Friday Nov 2017

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

computer, computer crash, crash, fail, frustration, Life, Prayer, prayer for a crashed computer, technology

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God who spans the infinite universe, I have this feeling you are rolling your eyes at me while I face my computer woes.

Poverty and illness rage across our planet, and I’m here cursing my crashed computer.

First world problems- right?

And yet, my writing is what keeps my soul engaged in the world. My work is to advocate for a fair universe. Wouldn’t a working computer help such a call?

(I know you are still rolling your eyes at me, God…)

Until I get this computer up and running again, give me serenity in my soul as I want to shout at the evil blank screen. May I find that the world will still revolve, and I will find ways of working until this fallible machine is running again.

(Feel free to keep rolling your eyes at me, God. And, as you do, help me find humor in these glitches.)

Amen.

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Glimpses of Survival Through Grief

06 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

grief, grief prayers, mourning, Prayer, Prayers, wilderness

pexels-photo-164018.jpeg

Sturdy God through the flimsy times,
I discovered that I may endure this time in the wilderness.
I may escape the land of everlasting shadows.
I may find more than an oasis from grief.

Now, I’m not sure how I will feel in two hours or four days, but right now, God, I embrace this gift from your Spirit.

Sure, I know the moon’s dance will cross between me and the sun,
And my soul will feel every bit of the lack of light from the eclipse.
And there will be days when the clouds leave no gap to allow the blue sky to show its friendly face.

But I’ve seen those days before.
And I cried and screamed.
And once again, the sun showed her face.

Again and again, after the shadows have had their say, the light breaks through.

This is the human life.  This is the way I know that I will endure.
This is how I know I will make it from one breath to the next
And from one day to the next.

Even as I walk through the shadow filled valleys, you are with me God.
And you will journey with me to sunlight again.  Amen.

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All Saints’ Sunday Eve

04 Saturday Nov 2017

Posted by mictori in Church Life, grief, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

All Saints, All Saints Day, grief, grief prayers, mourning, Prayer, Prayers, Totenfest

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God of the brisk autumn evenings and chilly fall mornings,
Tomorrow is All Saints’ Sunday – the one time per year when we recall out loud the names of our deceased loved ones.
We speak of them aloud to give their lives dignity and grieve their passings.

But All Saints’ Sunday Eve is drastically different than All Saints’ Day Eve.
There is no hunting for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Milky Ways.
There are no costumes or parties or pumpkins.

Instead, it’s me and you, God.

I pray that I have the strength tomorrow to muddle through the service
To remember my father without publicly shedding copious amounts of tears.

It will sound strange to hear his name read in the list of saints.
And as my skin will crawl when he is named
May your peace be a salve to my irritated spirit.

Amen.

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An All Saints’ Day Prayer for Those Left Behind

01 Wednesday Nov 2017

Posted by mictori in Church Life, grief, Holidays, National Day Prayers, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

All Saints Day, All Saints' Day Prayer, grief, grief prayers, mourning, Prayer, Prayers, Totenfest

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God of the weeping souls, many of us sit in sorrow today.

Our favorite saint no longer abides with us. With the absence of their voice and facial expressions and stories,  we walk around today in a mid-autumn daze.

Today asks us to remember the saints when we want to forget the pain. Today begs for us to remember voices and expressions and stories as we hold onto memories for as long as possible.

So with the void that we carry around like a 20-pound weight, we face the day one less person in our world.

We logically understand that tomorrows will become more tolerable in this mediocre journey. But today we cry with the absolute loss we’ve been given.

God, you are celebrating with them on that side of heaven, but on this side, you lament with us.  Be in both places at once in this existence that we are all trying to understand.

Amen.

 

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A Prayer As I Embrace Grief’s Journey

18 Wednesday Oct 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

destination, grief, grief prayers, grieving, Journey, mourning, Prayer, Prayers, spiritual journey, trauma

IMG_4914God, it appears that I’m making it. I rise each day, take care of what is needed, find healthy ways to express myself.

So I pass grief with flying colors, right?

Not exactly.

I’ll be fine until I see a photo or have a memory or listen to a song from 1975. I’ll be relaxed until something – like a drive or a conversation – takes me back to that chilly September morning. I’ll be traveling home and the warming sunset reminds me of his love of photographing dusks.

Then my heart shudders with the notion that I won’t see him again on this side of heaven. My brain slides back into a dense fog as it tries to protect my soul from intense feelings of loss. My body aches from the heaviness that comes with this extra emotional weight.

And I am reminded again that grief is always a lifelong journey. Completion of this process doesn’t happen here. It’s not a destination. Overcoming it will never happen. There is nothing to win, and I will not get a medal when surviving.

And yet, I’m making it. Fifteen minutes at a time, God, we are making it. For that unremarkable significant victory, I am grateful.

Amen.

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A Prayer for Unresponsiveness

14 Saturday Oct 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

brain injury, cardiac arrest, grief, grief prayers, grieving, icu, life support, neurological damage, Prayer, Prayers, unresponsive, unresponsiveness

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God who wound nerves throughout our bodies and gave us a “central computer” to connect our mind, body, and spirits, there are patient souls sitting bedside in hospital room chairs wondering and waiting to see if their loved ones will wake up.

These family and friends were just fine a day or two ago… and now they are a shadow of themselves. An accident or illness marred their brain health and function.  No matter what words or commands are given, they rest nearly lifeless.

And then there’s waiting… and testing… and waiting more.

For the waiting, we pray for patience. For decisions that may need to be made, we pray for clarity. For losses that may result, we pray for peace.

God, you run with us at our most active. You recline with us at our most unresponsive. No matter the state of our body, our soul is always alongside of you.

Amen.

*****

On September 18, my dad died unexpectedly. In his final days he was unresponsive due to a lack of oxygen to the brain after a cardiac arrest. This prayer was written remembering our needs and knowing other families are facing similar experiences.

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A Prayer as I Remember That Moment

12 Thursday Oct 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

caregiving, grief, grief prayers, grieving, loss of loved one, loss of parent, mourning, Prayer, Prayers, Shock

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God who abides fully in the present,
I keep recalling that moment in my mind.

You know the one – the phone call.
The five thirty am buzzing which jolted me awake,
Wondering why and who and why again as I stirred from sleep.

Deciding I needed to pick it up because five-one-three numbers at five-thirty aren’t wrong numbers.
Thinking that it was him just calling because he was awake in his room,
And for one split second not wanting to deal with an early morning conversation.

For that moment, God, I am deeply sorry.

Oh how now I wish it was dad wanting a five-thirty am phone conversation.
How I would sacrifice an entire night of sleep for that discussion.

How I would rather have heard his voice saying “I just wanted to call” rather than the nurse informing me “his condition has changed.”

How I would have rather heard his voice asking me if I was awake rather than a stranger ask me if I wanted him intubated.

How that moment the last remaining garments of childhood which I still wore my soul stopped fitting.  How the tables turned and I was the one who made the decisions about his well being.

How the summertime of my life ended and the gray days of autumn begun.  How the warmth of daylight turned into the cold shadows of night.

Yes, God, that moment turned into all of this for me.  Innocence lost.  Childhood firmly found in the rearview mirror.  Daughterhood shifted.

God, there is little you can do for me to change my memory of that moment.  But, if you can, fill my soul with a little additional peace each time I remember it.

In time, this moment will lose some of its intense chill.  And maybe I’ll find a new level of innocence.

Amen.

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A Blunt Prayer in Grief’s Spiritual Block

09 Monday Oct 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

death, God's presence, grief, grief prayers, grieving, loss of loved one, loss of parent, Prayer, Prayers, sadness, where are you God, where is God

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Hi God…

Where in the hell are you???

Seriously.

(I’m truly sorry to be so curt. I know you are here. In my mind, I know you are. I keep telling myself this over and over.)

But I must ask: is it grief that has taken a seat between us? Had grief become a wall, a partition that divides me from seeing you?

Then why are you not removing this barrier?

Again I say it: I know you are here. I know you are blanketing me with peace and filling my soul with strength. But from my throne of melancholy, my view is limited.

Shove me off of this throne of despair and may I find a new seat that will reflect your presence. Open my soul as a third eye- one that will see you surrounding me when the wilderness of grief becomes to arid or the swamps of mourning drown my sorrow-filled soul.

Amen.

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A Prayer While Enduring Grief’s Physical Expression

08 Sunday Oct 2017

Posted by mictori in grief, Life, Pop

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

anxiety, depression, grief, loss of parent, pain, physical pain, Prayer, Prayers

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God, you created my skin, nerves, muscles  and linked them with my mind and soul. And for this I’m forever grateful.

But-

Today I’m struggling with this great body-mind-spirit connection. As my heart breaks like the waves crashing against rocks, my body says “no more.”

My neck seizes with the knowledge that he won’t be returning. My tears have been replaced by heart palpitations. My stomach churns at the dread of days ahead.

My mind can’t shake this anguish, and my body absorbs each droplet of grief’s mist.

Great Designer of my heart and brain and energy, wrap me in blankets of peace. May I stop feeling suffocated by squalls of despair, and may my body experience healing in this season of sadness.

Amen.

 

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