Tag Archives: God

God doesn’t pick sides

04 Monday Feb 2013

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It’s interesting that Romans 8:31 is trending on Twitter.  Apparently, Ray Lewis of the Ravens quotes this text:

If God is for us, who is against us?

When this trends on Superbowl Sunday, then people are seeing a very specific theological viewpoint.  Quoting this text today would lead people to believe that God picks sides.  Which would make me wonder if the Ravens had more points with God over the past season.  Or maybe the 49ers had created more trouble in God’s eyes.

Both teams had their issues.  Chris Culliver of the 49ers made homophobic comments.  The Ravens’ barred this cheerleader from cheering at the Superbowl because she was “too fat.”  Both teams haven’t had their finest moments with these comments in the recent past.

But God wasn’t rewarding them or punishing them for their comments or actions outside of the field.  I don’t believe that’s the way it works.

I believe that God is like Jack and Jackie Harbaugh.  They want both of their sons to succeed.  They know that one of their sons will walk away the coach of the winning team.  The other will go home disappointed.  And the Harbaugh parents are planning on spending their time first with the son who loses.  Couldn’t that be like God – – a parent who comforts the one who loses before congratulating the one who wins?

God is the parent that wants all of us to win.  So God doesn’t take sides but is the mom or dad who cheers for us all.

Sermon on the Side: Knowing Only in Part

25 Friday Jan 2013

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When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:11-12

When I was a child, or rather a young adult, I thought I knew everything there was about love.  I thought I knew everything there was to the person I loved.

Now I reason so much differently.

Nightswimming by REM represents the shift in understanding of what love truly means.  While the song was more popular and a significant memory in my early adult years, I’ve attained a deeper understanding of what the song means now that I’m twenty years older.

In fact, the song means so much more to me now than ever.  The version posted above is one performed by Michael Stipe years after the initial recording.  A sense of maturity and understanding echoes in his voice.  It is a maturity with which I identify as I reflect back on my younger years.

I thought I knew the one I loved.  But can we ever know the person with whom we fall in love?  Can we ever truly know our family members and our friends.

And so this line in Nightswimming says it all:

You I thought I knew you.  You I can not judge.  You I thought you knew me.

We truly think the people who love us know us.  We hold this misconception that we fully know the ones we love and interact with on a daily basis.

Each relationship that fails is based on two people thinking they know all there is to know about each other.  There’s sadness when relationships fail.

But what we forget is that we only see in a mirror.  We make judgments on unclear reflections.  Only God sees us for who we are.  If we could see the people we love with God’s eyes, our interactions would be so very different.

I believe there’s grace in knowing that everyone fails at understanding each other.  Everyone fails at knowing their deepest selves – – even with years of therapy and reflection.  All we can do in our lives is try our best to know one another and grasp the notion that we will never know everything about the people we love.

I thought I knew you.  But I see you in a dimly lit mirror.  I don’t know really know who you are.  I can not judge you.  Please do not judge me because you can only see parts of who I am.  Someday, we will see each other fully as God fully knows each of us.  Until that time, may grace and forgiveness may be abundant in our lives.

Surgery beyond television dramas

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

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I’ve watched every episode of Grey’s Anatomy multiple times.  And many episodes of ER.  And a few episodes of St. Elsewhere.  I love medicine, and visiting hospitals absolutely does not gross me out.

That being said, facing surgery tomorrow is freaking me out.

I have endometriosis, a condition of migrating tissue.  Through laparoscopic surgery, I am able to get some relief from the pain and discomforts of my condition.

I had this surgery in December 2003.  With the exception of a little reaction to the anesthesia, I recovered fairly well and the results of the surgery delayed further growth.  I am fortunate that I’ve gone nine years without another surgery.

However, during the past six months, I’ve experienced horrific pain and other abdominal health issues.  My fatigue has been worse.  My life has been limited by my condition, and I want to live fully again.

So often, I visit people in hospitals immediately before their surgeries and in the days following.  As I’ve had to go under the knife, I remember the fear that people face when they, too, must have surgery.

Now it’ s my turn.

I don’t believe God is making me endure this surgery – – either because I’ve done something bad or because I need to learn a lesson somehow.  Instead, God goes with me into the surgery.  God sits with me as I freak out on my couch tonight.  God stands next to the operating table, stands with the doctors and nurses, gives wisdom to the anesthesiologist and gives peace to my parents in the waiting room.  God is in all of these places bringing strength and peace.

So I value your prayers, my friends.  If you are not a praying person, I value any thoughts, energy and love you send my way.  To me, all of these things sends a peaceful and healing energy into my life.  I am blessed to know that the people in my church, my clergy friends from around the country and my endosisters (women with endometriosis) all over the world are thinking about me.  Because of this energy and God’s constant presence, I know that I’m not alone.

Loving God,
Thank you for your gift of medicine,
Your doctors and nurses,
For family and friends who care.
Guide the hands of medical professionals,
Bring wisdom to their minds.

I pray for all others having surgery tomorrow and this month.
I pray for all caregivers,
And I pray for those who struggle with the same medical condition I have.
In the healing name of Jesus the Christ I pray, Amen.

The Great Cleanse

12 Saturday Jan 2013

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As some of you know, I’m having surgery this coming Tuesday.  And whenever I face surgery, I get a little (or very) introspective.

I think with the new year, cleaning out a great deal of my house, facing surgery and turning 40 this year, I’m looking at every part of my life in great detail.  So this may be my most personal blog post to-date.

And right now, I’m reflecting on why I’ve never found “the right man.”

Sure, there’s more than one right person for each of us.  And I’ve come close once or twice.  But I’ve been asking myself what has held me back all of these years?

First of all, I’ve often believed I was not “good enough”: not smart enough, definitely not pretty enough, too awkward.  From the time I was in middle school until now, I have rarely experienced feeling loved “just as I am.”

I’ve dated, crushed and had the prospect of dating a number of wonderful guys.  Sure, some are remembered more fondly than others.  But when it comes to dating, I always perceived that I was the one being overlooked (except for about 2 days in 1992).

Then, I was always the girl who dated the guy right before the guy found “the one.”  Seriously.  Almost always.  There’s something to be said about guys constantly finding the right one immediately after dating, contemplating a relationship, etc.  In fact, after a five year relationship, the guy got engaged to a girl eight months later.  The message of non-marriage material became cemented in my mind.

So for most of 25 years I’ve carried around this overbearing inferiority complex.  And it’s time for it to change…to leave my heart, mind and soul…

The second major reason I am single is that I’m scared of what it would mean for me to be in a relationship.  Whenever I’ve been in relationships, I find myself changing who I am.  I lose part of myself.  I have to move or give up plans for a guy.  I don’t like having to be the one who has to give up a career/change a name/lose friends/leave a town/give up dreams just to make a guy happy.  From most of my experience and most of the relationships I’ve seen, it’s always the woman giving up something for a man.  For me, I’ve learned to love being single rather than losing part of myself.  But then, in recent years, I’ve seen how friends find relationships where both of their dreams and identities are honored.  So relationships like this have to exists.

Now all of you know why I’m nearly 40 and single.

So as I’ve cleaned my house and having surgery to be “cleaned out” (so to speak), I’m cleaning out my heart as well.  I am no longer going to think that I am not “good enough.”  I’m at least average pretty.  I’m not “too fat.”  I’m fairly smart and have strong talents in certain areas.  While I’m not trying to air my dirty laundry for the world to see, I’m needing to be transparent with this, to be held accountable, to not to slide back and think I’m “less than.”

To repeat myself: the guys I’ve dated have been great guys.  I can no longer internalize why these things didn’t work.  Maybe it’s just that I wasn’t the right one for that particular guy – not that I wasn’t altogether pretty/smart.  Looking back, none of these guys were the right one for me either, but it doesn’t mean that they weren’t the right one for someone.  Likewise, I’m reframing the way I look at this: it’s not because I wasn’t pretty/talented/smart.  It was because either the two of us didn’t click at the level where two people should (who want to date/marry), or it was because God is calling us both in a different direction.

I am not a conventional woman.  Breaking the mold is who I am.  I’m quirky.  And I’m in a unique career: a female clergy. I’ve spent the past 25 years preparing myself for this call.  I’ve taken the past 25 years to get to know who I am.  For some people, dating and finding the right one is easy.  It’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m broken beyond repair.  God is the God of second chances and grace.  So now is my time to grasp that grace and shine.  It’s time for me to know that I am no more or less flawed than anyone else.  It’s time for me to believe that I can find someone someday… I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and someone will cherish me as I will cherish him.

There is a season for everything… a time to keep and a time to throw away… Well, this is my time to throw away thoughts that have held me back…

And there is a time to love… and that will come soon…

Thanks for reading.  This was a deeply personal post.  I hope that someone reading this will see that all of us are made in God’s beautiful image and that each of us deserve love and second chances.

An appeal to Christians in 2013

01 Tuesday Jan 2013

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Dear Fellow Christians,

After giving it much thought, I think the message of the Good News is being threatened.

Many people are leaving churches and turning their backs on Christianity.  Why?  Because people who speak on behalf of Jesus the Christ are dismissing the most important part of Christ’s message: Love.

About twenty years ago, I was rejecting Christianity myself.  When I was in college, I had experiences that led me to believe that Christianity was the religion of hypocrisy.  In the name of Christ, some were misusing their power to control and manipulate others.  When visiting churches, people were more concerned about their dress or hobnobbing with friends than greeting others with Christ’s love.

I could not see the presence of God in church or surrounding many Christians.

Fortunately, by my mid-twenties, I began to find the light in the Body of Christ.  I found my way back to church and began to see the presence of God in new and exciting ways.  There were times I still found doubt in the goodness of Christianity, especially when my beliefs weren’t “good enough” for people.  But I knew that spreading the message of Christ’s radical love was more important for me to focus on than negative remarks heading my way.

But not everyone is there.

Many people think that Christianity is the religion of rules and perfect morality.  People think we care more about getting into heaven instead of making heaven here on earth.  The message of Christ’s radical, enduring love has fallen short because Christians misuse the name of Jesus the Christ to correct and control other people.

And why not?  Mahatma Gandhi once stated “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”  This is a perfect example of the reputation Christianity now has in the world.

Thinking back to 2012, I remember stories like the exclusion of my friend’s church from a softball league because he identified as bisexual.  Rev. James Darnell Semmelroth was the pastor of the church but did not participate in the games.  Even though the pastor wasn’t playing, some churches didn’t want to associate with the church in any capacity.

While I am a straight ally, I understand that not everyone is at the place where they agree with gay marriage, ordination, etc.  But for the love of LOVE, can’t we put aside our theological differences and eat together, laugh together, even play softball together?  Love means crossing boundaries to embrace a person as a child of God, whether or not you agree with them.  Jesus ate and associated with all people.  He set “rules” aside as he healed people on the Sabbath.  To Jesus, love and relationships trump dogmas and fears.  By associating with people unlike ourselves, we hear personal narratives and learn to understand each other deeply.

We hear how Westboro Baptist Church wants to protest all sorts of funerals because we’re such a sin-ridden country.  In 2012, we heard various clergy blaming LGBT persons/allies for Hurricane Sandy and atheists for the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.  Do they realize how their hateful words ripples into our world?  Do they realize their loud voices are drowning so many voices of love and compassion?  Do they really think this is the message of the all-inclusive Christ?

Yes, maybe I’m being judgmental.  But I’ll be honest… stories like these may be why many people are turning their back on Christianity.  Many of the messages linked to Christianity are not ones of love.  The Good News can not be heard.  Because of this, many people find no use for Christianity anymore.  And I can understand why they’ve reached that conclusion.

So for 2013, I challenge all of us Christians to break the boundaries of love.  Let us love radically.  If there is someone who you feel like judging, try to talk with them and understand their story.  If there is someone who you fear, pray and understand why you may fear them.  You do not have to agree with them.  But in your love and escaping your comfort zone, you are being a witness to the greatest love of all time: the unconditional love of God that we Christians see in Christ.  Let our voices be louder than those of judgment and hate.

I realize that no matter how hard I try, this doesn’t mean I’m not going to mess up or misrepresent Christ now and again.  I wouldn’t try to misrepresent Christ’s love on purpose, but I think as humans we all tend to make errors now and again.  Sometimes these errors come out of misunderstanding or fear.  As a person of the Christian faith, my goal is to continuously find ways to focus on the radical love of Christ.  Allowing this steadfast love to trample any fears and to clear misunderstandings will bring us closer as humans.

All I can do as a Christian is keep on trying.

If Jesus, the one who knew God greater than any of us, was able to love outside of the box, then maybe we should give it a try.  Because if we call ourselves Christians and do not love, what kind of witness are we to our faith?

Instead of hearing messages of judgment and hate, what if people saw Christians feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, advocating for the voiceless?  What if we told people who have been discriminated against, bullied, beaten, blamed and shamed that God loves you just as you are?  What if we started a campaign to bring the louder voice of loving Christianity to the world?  What if people realized that this is the true Good News of Christianity worth sharing?  The worst that can happen is that by January 1, 2014, people will see Christianity being the religion of Christ’s radical love more clearly.  If you have any ideas, post below.  Let’s go for it!

The fine line between “pretend” and “real life” violence

14 Friday Dec 2012

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Last night I was watching one of my favorite new shows: Scandal.  Part of the reason I enjoy this show is because it’s fascinating to watch the story line unfold.

There were moments in last night’s episode that left me a little nauseated.  When Huck entered the house of the family that he admired, he discovered that the entire family had been fatally shot.  This scene was one of the most graphic and intense moments of the series so far.

Even with the intelligent story lines and fantastic acting, the show has a substantial amount of violence.  Two weeks ago on Scandal, the President was shot.  Others have been killed or tortured in the name of politics.

Sometimes, I wonder why I watch any intense and violent dramas.

Shows about homicide investigations and wars do not usually appeal to me.  I like Grey’s Anatomy, a drama where people are healed and sent to live a happier life.  Sure, there was violence on the show (at the end of season six), but overall, a message of healing and hope fills the story line.  I tend to avoid intensely graphic movies, like Quentin Tarantino films, no matter how technically well they are created.

Yet, even a series about healing can’t avoid scenes of destruction and violence.  In fact, violence is in every part of our culture.

Yes, there are times when inferring violence is crucial in telling a story.  But sometimes the director creates a very real scene, and death appears to have happened on the screen in front of us.

It’s even hard to avoid violence in church.  The Hebrew Bible is filled with violent stories; the writers attributed these acts of violence to God.  They also believed they were warriors for God.

Then, we have a cross in front of us.  Sometimes the cross has the crucified Jesus, sometimes it doesn’t.  The story of the crucifixion is read each year during Holy Week.  In many theologies, salvation comes because Jesus was brutally killed since humans are sinners.  Additionally, songs like “Onward Christian Soldiers” give a very war-like image of our faith.

Many of our communion tables reflect violence.  Each time we eat the body and blood of Christ, are we creating a violent image in the minds of those in the pews?

So books, the Bible, movies, music, theology, news, internet and video games all include violence.  It’s a reality that’s all around us.  When we allow scene after scene of violence, how can violence not seep into our culture?

In conversations that I have recently had with a friend of mine, we often wonder if people are becoming immune to violence.  After the last shooting in Oregon, very little was said.  Were we becoming tolerant of the stories heard multiple times this year?  What has happened to those who survived the massacre at the Wisconsin Sikh temple in August or the people in the hair salon who experienced trauma in October?

I wonder why all of a sudden that today’s particular shooting in Newtown, CT creates more conversation, even though this type of violence has happened repeatedly in 2012.  Has it become part of everyone’s status updates because children were killed?  Why aren’t we talking about violence that happen in some neighborhoods each and every day?  Do certain stories get attention because we value certain people over others?  Weren’t the Sikhs, the workers in Minnesota or the young adults in the movie theater just as valuable and made in God’s image?

We are becoming immune to the stories.  The fine line between “pretend” and “real life” violence is fading.  As we become more unaffected by violent visions, the ripple effect of violence continues to grow.

There will be people with a variety of views on gun control reading this post.  How can we, a diverse culture with a variety of perspectives on guns, come together to reduce gun violence?  How can we see that a variety of issues (mental health issues, access to weapons, the economy, being exposed to violent scenes, etc.) have the potential to play into these acts of destruction?  How can we work together to avoid casualties like the ones in Newtown?

These are the questions swimming in my head this evening.  I am so blessed that I told my niece and nephew that I loved them this afternoon, and I wish I was there to give them a hug.

Gentle God, Great Comforter,
We open our lives to you and each other.
Yet in times like these it’s so very difficult to remain hopeful and trusting.
It’s hard to hear of more and more violent situations.
Our minds and hearts are with those in Newtown, Connecticut today.
Please be with those who have lost a loved one in this shooting.
Heal those who have been injured.
Give comfort to those who experience trauma,
and bring peace to our communities, country and world.
Give strength to those who bring a comforting presence to those hurt.
We are grateful for our families and friends
and ask for your love to surround all of us as we process this news.
May we see the hope, love and peace that is to come during this season of Advent.
Amen.

What bubbles up…

12 Monday Nov 2012

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Grey’s Anatomy – Episode “Beautiful Doom”

“What bubbles up?”  That’s what our pastoral care teacher would ask us when diving into a case study.  It was expected that we would experience some rogue feeling from our past while ministering in the present.

So when watching Meredith Grey on last week’s Grey’s Anatomy, all I kept wanting to say to her was “Something’s bubbling up Meredith… Ok, Meredith, step away from the patient… Meredith, your sister’s death is clouding your mind… Meredith, should you really be in the OR?”

In the season finale last May, Meredith’s sister, Lexie, succumbed to her fatal injuries from a plane crash.  Since the episode, it seemed as though Meredith continued to delay her grief.  Feelings had been pushed further and further down into her soul.  Her residual anger that seeped out of her mouth was aimed at the new interns.

This week, Meredith’s feelings finally bubbled to the surface when she tended to a young girl pinned under a car.  Her mind raced back to her sister.  She denied her feelings to Dr. Weber and continued treating the young woman.  Yet, Meredith’s judgment was teetering on the brink of dangerous.  Fortunately for Meredith, she was able to stay away from the cliff of murky judgment and save the life of the young woman.

Ah.  Fiction.  If only we could keep our past feelings under lock and key when it is convenient.

You see, for the rest of us, we aren’t always as lucky.  Any time we listen to someone speak of a similar traumatic experience, feelings of our terrifying past has the potential to “bubble up” and cloud our thoughts.  Decisions we make and advice we give can be based out of our fears and anxieties rather than lucid thought.  Our friends, families, strangers, etc. may take our advice based on our flawed judgments.

It’s in my firm belief that God understands that feelings bubble up during our new experiences.  As God is in our previous pain with us, God is calling us to new ways of healing.  This could be counseling/therapy to understand why feelings continuously “bubble up.”  God is opening our eyes to the triggers that cause us to revert to yesterday’s feelings.  And God is call us to differentiate between our past pains and our present experiences.

We shouldn’t be afraid to ask ourselves “what bubbles up for me?”  By doing so, others may avoid our faulty advice, and we may understand ourselves and transform in ways we never believed we could.

There may not be crying in baseball… but there is God…

19 Friday Oct 2012

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October.  Postseason bliss.

I’m a St. Louis girl living in the Cincinnati area.  So, this year, I’m ecstatic that two of my teams were in the postseason blitz.  Yet World Series success can happen to only one of my teams now that Cincinnati’s dreams are gone.  While I am pretty sure that God doesn’t choose one team over another in sports, sometimes God calls us to see lessons in the last few innings of baseball.

  • It’s all mental.

The Reds were doing a phenomenal job defeating the Giants on their turf.  Yet when the Reds returned back to Cincinnati, the Giants returned the favor… the first night… the second night… the third night.  World Series dreams ended for the Reds as the Giants moved forward.

Could the Reds have come back?  Or after each defeat, were they expecting another loss?

Do we play our lives like the Reds did in this postseason?  Do we assume we will lose the next game, and the one following?  When we catch momentum, do we find it easier to sail to the next step?  Does our mind win or lose our game for us?

  • Is the game over yet?  Not for the Cards.

Two years in a row, the Cardinals have been outs away from being defeated.  Yet they come back.  And it was a comeback of record proportions.

How close are we to our final out but then find our second wind?  What does it mean to us that even when facing defeat there’s still a chance for us to win?

The Cardinals have taught me to hope in the face of loss.  Even when the fans are in locked rooms like the apostles after the death of Jesus, hope appears to them.  That’s what it means to be a Cardinals fan in the 2010’s.

  • Resources don’t necessarily matter.  There’s still a chance to win!

The Yankees have the highest payroll, yet the Tigers, the team with the fifth highest payroll, defeated them in the ALCS.  The Cardinals lost Pujols, yet they are back in the NLCS this year.  While having greater resources tends to give advantage, it doesn’t always guarantee a win.

In our society, those with the most resources win more often.  But more money and more power doesn’t mean that person will always win.  Sure, the Yankees are the empire of Major League Baseball.  Do they win every year?  No.  Sometimes the underdog wins.  Sometimes the least likely person wins.  Sometimes, it’s our turn to win.

With God and a dash of hope, there’s always a chance of winning.

The seemingly bland call of George Bailey

12 Sunday Dec 2010

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Call isn’t necessarily something spectacular, like Superman or Batman.  Sometimes call is as quiet as the wind breezing past the summer leaves.  Sometimes it is the seemingly ordinary when others have grandiose calls.

Take, for instance, George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life.  George continues to find himself cemented to his hometown while his brother and others are called in other directions.  His brother goes to college, works outside of Bedford Falls, goes to war and becomes a war hero.  His friend Sam begins a plastics business.  Everyone lives the dreams that George himself could never had.  Because of the perspective that George has on his life, he takes for granted the little moments that create the universe.

George’s call is seen in life’s little moments.  George saves his brother.  George makes loans available to those who couldn’t otherwise afford a house.  George gives people ideas.  George loves the town and those in the town, willing to maintain an honest business for the good of the people.  George’s call is as important as everyone else around him except that the perception of his call is what the world sees as small.

What if George hadn’t answered those calls?  We see the outcome in the “what if George wasn’t born” portion of the movie.  His brother would have died.  The death of his brother rippled into the world.  Others would have died because hadn’t served in WWII.  His friends would live on the streets.  The town would have been bought by Mr. Potter and turned into the slums.  George’s mother and wife face the world with angst.

George Bailey was called to be alive and called to serve in Bedford Falls.

Just like George, everyone is called in both unique and ordinary ways.  The world would be a very different place if we made different decisions or if we had never been born.  Yes, we get frustrated with our lives.  We forget that the little steps impact the greater universe.  And we get upset with the track our lives are on.

So when we don’t feel that our lives make a difference or that we have a purpose here, know that we are all George Baileys – willing to take the little steps in front of us and building a better kingdom of God.