Category Archives: grief

A Lament for Constant Anxiety

29 Monday Apr 2024

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Divine Deliverer of All Beings,

As the vibrations under my skin reach unheard of levels,
And my heart shivers at the state of the outside world,
I curse my mind and all of its thoughts as it drags me down a shadow-filled road.

Oh mind, you think of everything,
Yes all the good, and all the ideas,
Blessings of creativity and newness of plans!
For this, Steadfast God, I am forever grateful!

Yet, as my brain connects A and B, left and right, red and green,
It births horrors and creates day-mares.
What will go wrong? Who is it that isn’t happy?
What could fail or fall tomorrow… or later today?
What streaks of messiness will it create next?

God, I know you have given me my brain.
It’s beautiful and gifted and gives me what I need.
But there are spinoffs and offshoots from the synapses-
Paving me sparkly roads of people pleasing,
Creating curvy roads of perfectionism.

And yet I still thank you for my brain,
The constant working – even the overfunctioning of its synapses.
For with the disastrous thoughts there are many good.
For with the messiness, there is love.
For with the anxiety, there is care.
This blessed brain is needed here.

Amen.

(c) 2024 Rev. Michelle L. Torigian. Permission to use with attribution.

Photo by KeilaSmile24 on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/ai-generated-think-mind-man-alone-8584099/

A Prayer When Missing Our Loved Ones

17 Wednesday Jan 2024

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Holy Vessel of Memories-

Our minds church with the memories of loved ones-
Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, Friends, and more.
In our holey hearts,
There is an emptiness remaining after their deaths.
Their last words frozen in our minds.
Their last embrace a memory in our muscles.

Maybe it’s been a week, or a year,
Or a few decades ago.
But their loss reverberates throughout our lives.
We feel a presence missed at big events.
And in the small moments, we feel a tear rolling down our cheeks.
With a song on the radio or hymn in the sanctuary,
We recall the sound of their voices belting out the melody.

Loving God, Holy Salve of Loneliness,
Heal the aches in our souls from grief,
Give us the grace to move past the regrets,
Help us to keep the memories of love
And release the pains which echoed from our times together.
Give us the discernment needed to part with their items no longer needed,
And may we honor them through the light we continue to shine.

Amen.

(c) 2023 Rev. Michelle L. Torigian. Permission to use with attribution.

Prayer of Grief for the Losses on our Card List

21 Thursday Dec 2023

Posted by in Advent prayers, grief, Holidays, Life, Pop, Prayers

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Divine Deliverer of All Greetings-

As we scan the names of loved ones on our holiday card list, we ache with the absences reminded by this list. We’ve lost the aunts, uncles, cousins, old loves, and friends. As they abide with you on that side of heaven, our hearts hunger for their presence. Our breath is taken away by the sight of their names. The lights of this season is dimmed just a little more with each loss.

God of All Connections, our ties with some love ones on the list have stretched and broken. They remain here on this earth, but our contact is minimal to none. Due to our falling-out, there is pain that radiates throughout our spirits.

And some on our list have just drifted away as we’ve grown apart. While there are little hurt feelings, melancholy rises as nostalgia draws us away from the present moment to a time that will never be again.

Holy Comfort- Heal our hearts with each pinprick of sadness or wave of grief. May we remember the joyful times often. Ease the hard memories that linger.

For your children who are still alive, please bless their paths that divert from ours. May their health be sustained, and may their new year find bountiful blessings.

For the loved ones of saints who will no longer be on the list: deliver strength to them during this holiday season. May your comfort coat their hearts and peace fill their souls.

And for the saints we marked off the list this year or years before: May they live into the eternal lights of Epiphany and absorb the fullness of your presence and love.

Amen.

(c) 2023 Rev. Michelle L. Torigian. Permission to use with attribution.

A Prayer for Insomnia

29 Wednesday Nov 2023

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Holy Creator of the Night,

You yearn for us to be awake, to be alert to the workings of the world around us.
You desire for our attentiveness in a world drowsy to injustices
And to be attentive to the needs of our neighbors…

Yet being awake at 4am isn’t your dream for my night.

My snores were stolen by the latte I drank at 4pm.
This wicked wired state is simply impossible to ease.

I imagine the birds will begin to chirp soon-
That’s when the night begins to transform to day
And my hopes for a beautiful night of sweet dreams are tossed into the abyss of sleeplessness.

Whatever fairy dust or calming angels you can send to surround me,
To bring me sleep in my sad stirring night,
Will bring me joy in the daytime tomorrow-
Or at least the hope that I won’t need another latte at 4pm.

Amen.

(c) 2023 by Rev. Michelle L. Torigian. Free to use with attribution.

A Prayer for Bereaved Children

16 Thursday Nov 2023

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God of Our Falling Tears,

As seasons end, and the winds begin to hurl in a different direction,
Losses fill our once-innocent hearts.

For some of our young neighbors, there is a new hole in their lives-
A new source of wailing,
A new cloud blocking the light of life.

Death has grasped a hold of their future plans,
And the loss of someone close has dampened the laughter-filled air.

How will they learn to live without this person?
Where have they gone?
Why does nothing make sense?
So many questions swirl around their growing minds.

Anxiety grows, and trauma becomes an unwanted companion.
And all of us hope that they can find their mirthful youth once again-
Or something like it.

God of the lonely, the orphans, the mourners, the children of angels-
Grant a comfort that goes beyond words,
A peace that fills their aching hearts,
A strength that pulls them forward when they want to retreat.

May they know they are never alone,
That we walk with them,
And that you are their companion each rainy evening,
Starry night and cloudy day.

And may the joy of life reunite with them a little ways down the road.

Amen.

The third Thursday of November is Children’s Grief Awareness Day. In 2023, this falls on Thursday, November 16. This year, not only do we pray for the young people nearby whose hearts are aching after loss, but the children in Palestine and Israel who have lost family members.

A Prayer of Lament After (Accidentally) Killing My Plants

21 Thursday Sep 2023

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Beloved Creator of the Universe,

In the hustle of life,
After walking past the plants in my kitchen
And telling myself “I’ll come back to water them later,”
I didn’t follow through on my promise.

God, for some reason you gave us plants that can withstand the homes of procrastinators.
And these plants look just as alive as the day in which we received them.
(Thank you, God, for aloe plants and succulents!)

And then there are the others.

The small rose plant that no longer resembles a living being.
The drooping spider plant that seemed to bid adieu to its thriving green hue.

For the times I never followed through on my promise to care for the creation in my home
I send my apologies to you, God.

Forgive me for ignoring the plants that resulted in their demise.

Help me to find the grace I need-
To stop dwelling on crunchy leaves and wilted flowers
Due to my inattention.

Revive any plant that can be resurrected.
I’ll do my best to bring love to the budding miracle.

May I become the water-bearing, light-carrying, nurturing human that you called to care for these plants
And all of creation.

Amen.

(c) 2023 Rev. Michelle L. Torigian
Permission to use/reprint with attribution

A Lament for the Annuals Outside

05 Friday Nov 2021

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Holy Sense of Peace-

As mid-autumn rushes into our region, its companion, frost, settles upon the grass and flowers. The beauty of frost as the morning light reflects upon it brings us momentary joy.

And then we see our plants who have journeyed with us since spring shriveled, hunched over. Their leaves waving a final goodbye.

We remember their tiny days as we would gently bury their roots into the ground and waited for their leaves to grow and flowers to burst forth. Through the summer, their beings would expand in every direction. They greeted us every morning and evening, welcoming us home when the days were rough, and sending us out into the world with a sense of hope.

Today we bid them farewell and give gratitude for the months they brightened our yards and lives. To you, God, we give thanks for the beauty of annuals, even when their lives are short. We reflect upon our own lives. Like the flowers, how will we illuminate the world with our gifts?

May your peace strengthen us in these short days, cold nights, and when our yards lack the bright colors of summer.

Amen.

A Prayer on National Stress Awareness Day

03 Wednesday Nov 2021

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Divine Source of Relaxation-

The tension rises into my forehead. Is that where this headache is coming from? The aches in my stomach are new and gnawing. And, God, what is this pain going up my neck? Is it because my shoulders are up by my ears?

Stress has been my unwanted companion for so long. But why is it I wont take the time to deep breathe, to meditate, to walk around the block?

So my mind keeps churning and turning and worrying.

God of each inhale and exhale, be my source of chilling out. Encourage me to find time to release the stress this day and each day hereafter.

Amen.

The first Wednesday in November is Stress Awareness Day.

A Prayer When Missing the Saints

01 Monday Nov 2021

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Divine Winds of Comfort,

As the dawn of a new chapter begins, we yearn for the scenes of yesterday. Our hearts miss the saints who no longer abide with us here on earth. Our souls ache to hear their voices once again, to feel our hands in theirs, to hug them again.

On this All Saints Day, give us the strength to move forward in a world without them. Comfort our grieving hearts. May your peace calm the spasms of our spirit when the grief overtakes us. May beautiful memories accompany us each day of the rest of our lives. Amen.

Anniversaries and Grief

18 Friday Sep 2020

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Today’s the third anniversary of my dad’s death. While I’m doing ok living in a world absent of his voice, I obviously miss him greatly.

The thing I noticed about my grief is that it takes on different forms. Maybe I feel a bit of malaise. Maybe my mind is more distracted. Maybe my blood pressure becomes elevated. (The last one has been an issue whenever someone close to me dies.)

What I must remember is that I am required to be kind to myself this week each year. The day I got the call about dad’s cardiac arrest was extremely traumatic. The week sitting by his bedside and sleeping in hospital and hospice rooms was exhausting. The memories of this week cause a number of feelings to bubble up and many that are just below the surface.

I’m off today. I can tell. My grief is not the outpouring of tears all of the time. But it’s present. I will keep going, and I’m grateful for God’s grace to cover my mistakes and distracted mind and God’s peace to accompany the traumatic memories.

Just like the last three years, I’ll get through this.