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Michelle L. Torigian

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Michelle L. Torigian

Tag Archives: Failure

Falling

09 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by mictori in Life, Pop, Pop Culture, Religion, Sports

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Tags

broken, broken bones, broken spirit, failing driver's test, failing exam, Failure, falling, ice, Olympics, skating, skiing, spiritual, spiritual winter, winter 2014, Winter Olympics

smeary fallYesterday, I fell.

Like 99.9999% of the population, I didn’t plan on falling.  I try my hardest to stroll cautiously on the ice.  I though that I was doing pretty well by not falling so far during this treacherous winter season.  But it was only a matter of time until the soles of my boots met a patch of ice in the most inopportune way.

Boom.

Fortunately, having lots of “padding” on my body helped to cushion my fall, although I managed to find a couple of bruises on me this morning.  I didn’t hit my head (thank God), but my face was staring directly into the patch of ice that inhibited my walking.  But after grumbling at the ice for about 45 seconds, I got back up – even though I was a little sore, a little embarrassed and a greatly discouraged.

Like many of you, during the past few days I have been watching some of the Winter Olympics.  It truly amazes me how these women and men on the slopes and rinks can fall down and quickly find themselves back on their feet again.  Even after some traumatic injuries, they return to the ice and snow.  They’ve felt the pain of falling, and yet they aren’t afraid to try once again.

I’m greatly fearful of participating in most of these winter sports.  I would probably fall, and in that fall I would probably gain a concussion or find one of my bones cracked.  I’ve managed to injure myself in one of the three times I’ve been ice skating and still have the scar 22 years later to prove it.  Why would I want to fall, and why would I put myself in any situation where I would?  So I refuse to risk.

But what about the failures that don’t include broken bones?  Our souls are on the slopes even though our bodies are far from them.  I see these spiritual slopes as starting a new business, engaging in a relationship or taking on a new call?  We may not find ourselves with physical bruises, but if we fall or fail, our egos will be bruised.  Our reputations will be scarred.  In many cases, we don’t go back to the slopes of life because the emotional and spiritual pain was way to great the last time we fell.

I remembered when I failed my driver’s test, and when I didn’t get into seminary the first time I applied and when I didn’t fully pass my orals on the first time.  In each of those cases, I thought about quitting.  I thought about laying on the spiritual ground after I had fallen.  But, instead, I got back up.

Whether it was a metaphorical or physical fall, it felt good to get back up.  I was grateful that I was able to rise after all of my falls and fails.

The Bible is full of fails.  Samson failed, and then he got back up before he died.  David failed in his choices with Bathsheba, but then he got back up.  Even Jesus failed in his approach with they Syrophoenician woman.  She corrected him, and he continued with his ministry.  He fell as he was prosecuted by Rome and crucified, but as he rose on the third day, his story spread throughout the land and has lasted 2000 years later.

And our rising back up is sweeter when others give us a hand and we can help others in their healing process.  Rising from failures – physical or emotional – aren’t done in a vacuum.  They are most successful when we can help one another rise from the pits and patches of ice.

So I might not ski down large slopes or attempt the Double Lutz while on ice.  But I’ll continue skiing down many emotional and metaphorical slopes throughout the rest of my life.  Most likely, I’ll fall again, and maybe I’ll experience another powerful resurrection.

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What Does Failure Mean?

06 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by mictori in Current Events, Life, Pop

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

despair, failing driver's test, failing exam, Failure, God, God's call, grief, success

thumbsdownThroughout my life, I’ve wondered if failing at something meant that I shouldn’t be doing it.

I failed my first time at my driver’s test.  The second time I passed without any issues.

I received a third place on my piano solo during my senior year of high school.  Each year until that point, I had received a first place.  This particular year, I was performing Clair de Lune.  Every day, I would practice at least an hour or so on the piece.  Months of dedicated rehearsal felt wasted.

I failed the first time I applied to seminary.  I doubted God’s call in my life.  It took me years to find the courage to reapply once again.  When I reapplied, I found the seminary to which God had called me.

I did not pass my second-year seminary oral examination during the first try.  I completely froze during the exam.  Oh how devastated I was!  I used the experience to become stronger in my oral delivery skills and think quicker on my feet.  The failure forced me into a time of reflection, challenging me on how dedicated I was to the call from God.  From that failure, I was called by God to walk with others who had experienced similar failures.

During each of those failures, I wondered if I should stop trying.  Maybe God was calling me in a different direction, and I was the one who was wrong in my perceptions.  There was great praying and reflecting after each incident.  Should I continue in the process?  We often think that failure is a mandate that we cease our efforts.

In my failures, there was also great lamenting and grieving.  My emotions swung high and low.  I found moments of hope and promise then moments of dead ends and finished desires.  When our dream fails, even temporarily, we forget that a piece of us dies with that failure.  Our journey through life includes the grieving process – a slice of life we hope to avoid.  At some point, we must acknowledge the sidestepping grief just delays pain as all of us will have our days of heartaches.

I don’t think God causes us to fail.  And I don’t think our self-worth is always the cause of the failure, either.  Many factors often determine whether failure happens – from the judge’s perspective, to where God may be calling us, to our shortcomings.

Each day we succeed at a variety of tasks, and each day we fall short of our expectations.  In our careers, we perform some tasks easily and achieving great results, and other tasks do not produce the tasks we expect.

I still find little failures in my life.  Should I continue to write when something is rejected or my last product was mediocre?  Should I try a project at church when it didn’t work spectacularly the first time?

And then I remind myself success is not how others adore my talents but my faithfulness to God’s call.  I’m working for God’s kingdom not my glory.  If I am called to write, and I write, then I am successful because I have completed what I’ve been asked to do.   If I live in a mindset of fear and despair that causes me to cease my efforts, then my talents have been buried, and there’s no chance they will multiply.

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